How far "beyond" birth did you wait to resume having sex?

[anothermama]

I hope this is ok, as I *think* it applies to the "beyond" in "Birth and Beyond"......

Anyways.........I'm wondering what your experiences are in resuming sex after baby. I was single with my daughter so it was a LOOOOOOOOONG time for me before I did it again after her, so I don't know what to expect or what is normal.........

My midwives have said they recomend waiting until you haven't bled for three days straight. At the rate I'm going, thats going to come up soon.

I'm a week-ish post partum and I'm feeling actually back to normal "down there". I had a small tear that didn't even require a stitch and it's healed up now.

I expect to be techinically ready (bleeding done, etc etc) well before I'm 6 weeks post. And I'd been worried that I'd lost my sex drive forever but as soon as the baby came out, it seems like I'm back to my old self.

So........did anyone start back in BEFORE the 6 week check? Bad experience? Good experience? Feel like you should have waited or feel like you were just fine????

(Just to make sure I'm clear, I don't want anyone to worry.........my DH isn't pressuring me or anything.......part of me can't wait to get back in the saddle but I just want to really think it through before I do anything that could set me back.......)

[Leilalu]

With my daughter, I had a c-section due to her being a footling breech and I only waited until somewhere between 2-4 weeks(I can't quite remember). I know it was less than 4 weeks. I bled alot- but then it was off and on- so I didn't realy think it was a problem. The midwife told me as long as I felt ok with it and like I was healing well- to go for it. Even then- it wasn't quite the same for awhile, but I was also dealing with having had a c-section. I'm sure you'll be fine- listen to your body. 6 weeks is way long to wait if you feel healthy and strong.

[mom2threenurslings]

After ds#1 and an episiotomy, I waited 8 weeks, due to the very long time it took the episiotomy to heal, and the fact that the bleeding didn't end until I was over 4 weeks postpartum and my ob was keeping an eye on me because I bled for so long.

After ds#2 and a small tear (a few stitches) I waited 4 weeks. My OB almost had a heart attack. :LOL I was fine!

After dd#1 and a small tear (a few stitches), I waited 3 weeks. My midwife gave me the ok at my three week appointment...which was good since the kids had slept in that morning....

[momto l&a]

Six weeks with each of mine. I tore with both so I needed the time to heal.

[SaraC]

With DD #1 I waited about 5 weeks. I had 3 epsiotomies that tore but I healed very quickly and although it was tender I was more than ready to resume.

With DD #2 I bleed until I was 4 weeks PP so as soon as I stopped bleeding we resumed. I didn't tear at all with her so if I hadn't bleed that long I would have been ready at like 2 weeks PP.

[nikirj]

6 weeks with my first, 4 with my second. I don't regret either case. With my first the tear was bad and it was slightly uncomfortable but not painful at 6 weeks - I think it was a good time to start. With my second, I was feeling more or less normal within a week or so but put off having sex out of a bit of paranoia, especially since I had had a bit of a tear (it did require stitches, but didn't feel too bad). At 4 weeks it was enjoyable and I'm glad we waited longer than a week, it worked out well, but also glad that I wasn't feeling particularly inclined to listen to the whole "6 weeks" thing.

[loving-my-babies]

with my dd we waited 6 weeks, with ds, 4 weeks I think. Pretty fast... I know, but I couldn't keep dh waiting any longer, we didn't do anything for the last 3 months of the pregnancy so I had to give him something! :

[Colorful~Mama]

with my c's it was 6wks. with the vba2c it was 8wks = and then it felt like crap to me anyway. at 12wks it was better, but still it hurt (i had two small stitches for an internal tear. not peri). it was 16wks postpartum (yes, 4 months) till i had decent sex and it was six months postpartum till it was back to normal great sex

tmi? lol

[Kiki Runs]

I had a c/s, so no tearing or anything (although I pushed for three hours, so had *some* swelling). We did it once before 6 wks was up, but then waited awhile. For some reason, I was really into it that one time, and then after that was NOT interested (and it was not comfortable for me).

Next time, I probably will wait until I'm absolutely comfortable. I ended up feeling somewhat resentful of DH b/c he did kind of push for it after that first time, and I would rather not have that happen again.

[stacey31]

With my first, we made love with no intercourse (use imagination here) at 24 hours postpartum!!!! I was overcome with emotion~~temporary insanity!
I tried intercourse at 3 weeks but my insides were quite bruised & sore from 3 hours of pushing. Needless to say, I put the brakes on.

After #2, I did wait the 6 weeks & am glad I did! It felt pretty good & I was ready then.

With Henry, I tried to avoid sex for the first 2 years postpartum!! LOL! I didn't want to get pregnant but I did anyway......#4 arrives in January!

Now that DH is getting a vastectomy, I will be more carefree & happier about making love post partum.......can't wait!

[KKmama]

FWIW, one of the drs. at my practice (who saw me about 6 hrs after I gave birth) said we could do it any old time we felt we were ready, but that we should use condoms during the 1st 6 wks post partum (I think for both "infection" and "conception" reasons). I was surprised, because I always thought she was kind of medically conservative.

[cottonwood]

Each time it was about a week postpartum. It was okay, I think physically a little too soon, I had no tearing but the birth was difficult (because I pushed too soon, didn't know any better) and left me very, very sore for a long time. But I was really emotionally in need of that connection. 2nd and 3rd times I had no perineal or vaginal trauma, so it was fine, and again just really felt emotionally ready for it.

I asked my midwife about the infection issue and she said that she's never had anyone get a postpartum infection and lots of her clients were having sex before the six-week mark. Not that it can't happen, but maybe it is more uncommon than we've been led to believe?

[violet]

The midwife around here says "as soon as you are ready". She doesn't seem to think there are any pressing medical reasons to wait. I do remember reading that the medical establishment set up the 6 week thing instead of any sooner because that's the point at which your uterus should have returned to normal size and position, and if they had you come in first and said "have fun in the bedroom" then they'd never get you in at the 6 week mark to check your uterus. Sounds about like the medical establishment, but I can't remember where I read it.

We waited 4 weeks with DD. I had no tears and I remember feeling physically ready pretty quickly, but my tummy muscles were so not there that I didn't feel like myself - I just couldn't move around comfortably, and there was a psychological element as well. I think I was afraid that everything would be different. It was, for a bit, but then things were back to paradise

Have fun!!!
violet

[hunnybumm]

With my DS we waited 3 months.... And honestly, it hurt so bad that I haven't wanted to do it since (DS 6 mo). I had a second degree libia tear (tore side ways) which required about 45 minutes of stitching after my son was born. At my 6 week a stitch had healed wrong so my doc had to burn off some scar tissue (like that stuff they use to freeze off warts), that hurt so bad. I stil hurt down there at around 2 1/2 moths post partum, I had a hard time sitting for the first month. I feel like such a prude. :LOL

[curlygrrl]

My midwife said whenever the bleeding stopped it was okay. We did it at just short of 4 weeks, I was still spotting a bit but everything was fine!

Tamara

[Greaseball]

With #1 we waited 2.5 weeks. I had internal tearing from forceps and some of the stitches were still in, but I had an intact perineum, so it wasn't bad. I don't think I was bleeding, but I still had this yellow discharge.

There was no tearing with this one, so as soon as the swelling and soreness go down...

[Peppamint]

With dd we waited 7 weeks... I had an episiotomy and I think my ob sewed my perineum tighter than she needed to Sex was uncomfortable for months.

With ds, my no tear/no cut homebirth, I quit bleeding at 2w6d pp and we had sex a few days later. A little weird, but not painful!

I definitely reccomend going the no tear/no cut route when it comes to your perineum.

[anothermama]

thanks for the aswers so far ladies........

so I gather that some of you didn't wait until the lochia was COMPLETELY done??? or did some of you just have it stop early????

[nikirj]

I didn't bleed much compared to what is expected. With my first I bled for two weeks and spotted for two more, with my second I bled for one week and spotted one more. So in my case, the lochia was well gone by the time we had sex.

[sincitymama]

Wow, some of you hardly waited at all! I waited until the lochia was totally gone, about 6-7 weeks, and then a week or two longer. Even now 5 months later it's still questionable whether I'll be totally comfortable or not, regardless of how interested I am.
I think all I've ever heard is just wait until you feel ready both physically and emotionally. Some women have easy births and feel ready right away, some of us take a little longer.
Of course I'm very lucky too in that my dh didn't pressure me at all. He mentioned it and was frustrated of course, but was gentle with me, made sure I was calling all the shots, and totally understood that it wasn't my 'fault' it was taking a while.