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What are you planning to do....  

post #1 of 21
6/3/04 at 4:35pm
Thread Starter 
to make this birth special or different from previous ones? First time moms please answer also!
post #2 of 21
6/3/04 at 5:47pm
Well, seeing as how this is #4.......I really don't know that I'm doing BIRTH itself different from #3 (who was different from #1 and #2 in that she was born drug-free by choice without too many interventions), but I AM doing the whole BABY thing with #4 completely different that I did with the others.
I am not circumcising him, which is the biggest thing, I think.
And we will be cloth diapering, which I have never done before, either.
I plan to be a little more AP-friendly than I was with the others.
post #3 of 21
6/3/04 at 6:06pm
I am hoping that as long as I don't get pre-eclampsia again, that I will be able to deliver this one naturally. No drugs!! I was so drugged out with Christopher. Also I will be cloth diapering from the beginning with this one.
post #4 of 21
6/3/04 at 6:15pm
This time I'm not going to the hospital unless someone's life is at risk! I try not to give myself a hard time about it, but I was devastated when I had to transfer to the hospital last time. It took me 2 hours of driving and 2 hours fighting with doctors before I was even able to start laboring normally again (my labor screeched to a halt when we started driving) and I know I could have just gotten through it at home and had him in sooner than 4 hours.

This time, as my midwife points out, I know what to expect and know how to gauge how much worse it will get. Not trying to frighten anyone by using the term "worse." Maybe I should say intense.

So, to make it special, I want to finally be able to use this darling Born at Home romper that I've had for two years.

You have to answer, too, Lynsey!
post #5 of 21
6/3/04 at 7:50pm
DD #1 was born at a birth center - midwife was terrible and constantly making me do things I didn't want to do. DD #2 was born at a hopital with a midwife - not as terrible but still not what I wanted. This time I really want to try UC, but dh is against it. I may do it anyway. We're still debating circ but I will win!!! I'm thinking about CD-ing but a figure I shouldn't add another 'battle' yet. The last two times I prided myself on continuing with life as soon as the baby was born - no real post-partum/recovery time. . . what was I thinking????? Not this time, I milking it for all its worth!!!
post #6 of 21
6/3/04 at 11:02pm
All of my births have been at home. My first was VERY over- and mis-managed, and there was a lot of conflict with the midwife. It was also long and I had no idea how to deal with a long labor -- basically I just sat around obsessing about how far apart the contractions were, feeling annoyed, until it got hard, at which point I was mad. It was a difficult and traumatic birth with a long recovery time and severe pospartum depression.

My second was very healing and empowering, I had found a midwife sympathetic to the way I wanted to do things, and I approached the labor with a much better attitude. No obsessing, no measuring, just acceptance and trust. Most of the first part of it I labored alone, and felt really good. Then my midwife showed up and it all kind of went to hell -- not because of anything she did, but just because she was sitting there watching me and I lost my concentration and got self-conscious. So then again the labor got really hard, although compared to the first birth it was nothing, and the baby was born relatively quick and easily.

So the next time I was determined not to let anything interfere with the natural process, and planned to give birth unassisted, though I wanted to remain flexible about my needs, so I had two midwife friends on-call. It was again a long labor, and unfortunately my husband wasn't there as much as I wanted him to be (work-related stuff,) he would have if I'd asked but I was playing the martyr. Like, "I'm tough and strong, I don't need anybody's help!" Which was stupid because I really wanted some attention and love, and when it wasn't there my attitude began to deteriorate. It dragged on and on and I got bored and started to obsess like I had with the first birth, against my better judgement. It just kept creeping back. Finally my husband was back, the kids were asleep, and everything was ticking along as it felt like it should be (I think I was close to transition, and doing VERY well,) and what should happen but my MIL SHOWS UP! My husband didn't know what to do, he was waiting for me to give instructions, but I couldn't do it. All I could do was smile and say "good" when my MIL asked how I was doing. So with the intrusion the labor (just like with my second) suddenly became very difficult and painful. My MIL finally got a clue and left the room, and not long after the baby was born. Then my MIL COMES BACK IN, laughing and crying. I was SO pissed. This was a time that was meant for us, for just me and the baby and my husband, and it was lost in having to acknowledge the presence of someone who wasn't supposed to be there.

Well, you can guess where this is going. This time there will be a sign on the door, and my husband will know not to let anyone in! I also plan to have people around (our friends who live across the street, and possibly a midwife friend to stay with them) to hang out with if I so desire, and family members to take care of our kids (if it's during the day) so I can have private time with my husband so he can, um, help me get the oxytocin flowing. I am really looking forward to it!
post #7 of 21
6/4/04 at 11:38am

Making It Special...

Here's some of the ideas I have about how to make birth special.... warning unexperienced, romanticised views about birth on the way....

I've been burning some cd's with my favorite music to have playing at home. I ask myself, do i love this music enough to have it be the first music my child hears???????

we recently set up an aquarium in the bedroom where I am intending to birth our child (I find the fish fascinating and relaxing to watch)

We are planning a blessing way and I hope to have some special objects to use twords focusing and staying positive. i enjoy ritual and hope to find meaningful mays to include ritualistic significance. Blessing beads, a blessing bag, incense,....

I plan on singing... My family is very musical and my mom and sister are two main canidates for attending the birth.. I want to sing with them during labor.

I hope to "catch" the baby myself. I am planning a water birth and I really want to be the one who lifts the child up out of the water... i think that will be such an amazing and special moment... it gives me shiversto think about it.

Candle light...

and i'm hoping for a rainstorm.......

Idealistically yours,
Anna Banana

(Just don't ask me about pain management... still working on that one!)
post #8 of 21
6/4/04 at 2:05pm
Anna, I think that sounds wonderful! Your mention of singing during labor made me think of this article, which originally appeared in the Winter 2003 issue of Midwifery Today: Birth As Sheer Pleasure
post #9 of 21
6/4/04 at 8:57pm
Wow Linda, that's an amazing article!!! Thanks!

For this birth, I plan to do differently these things:
- Have two babies at once
- With God's blessing, they would be girls! That's different...
- Release any fears and experience the sensations of birth like the woman in the article Linda just posted
- Not forcefully push to the held-breath count of 10 when the nurse/doc tells me to.
- Have my MDC September Mommies bead birth anklet/bracelet!!
- A different hospital than with first.
- Probably more strangers in the room than I will even realize: doctor, nurse, two baby nurses, two pediatricians, anesthesiologist "just in case" of emergency, who knows who else, in addition to my husband, sister, doula and hopefully my friend who videotaped my last birth.

I did not understand the way the three layers of muscle in the uterus work together in labor until reading Dr. Dick-Read's book. I can't wait to labor this time with that knowledge!
post #10 of 21
6/5/04 at 12:59am
Thread Starter 
What I am hoping for this time that is different from the others:

*1st homebirth
*I would like to be the 1st to touch the baby - as in NO vaginal exams at all (which I achieved last time), but also, no one else touching my baby as he/she is crowning
*I would like to catch the baby, but that may be too much for me
*I would like for Riley to be present and as involved as possible after the birth - telling the gender, cutting the cord...
*I am looking forward to tandem nursing after the birth
*keeping the placenta to dry, plant...
*I am planning on burning the candle I made after my miscarriage. It has the same dried petals melted into it from the flowers we picked the day we buried the baby.
*I hope that I am respected and given as much space as I need.

thats all I can think of right now.

Something special I want to do to remember the pregnancy is to have portraits taken in late August. Ive never done that before!
post #11 of 21
6/5/04 at 2:58am
A couple of things I want to do.

I want to get some portraits done before the birth. I really don't have as many pictures as I'd like from my pregnancy with Jack and almost none : from my pregnancy with Tori. I want some pictures of the three of us together. And of course some with David too.

I already have a special baby doll packed away for Tori. When Jack was born, I gave her a special baby doll when she came to visit us at the hospital. Hopefully this one will get an actual name. The other one's name is... Baby. We are working on giving things more detailed "names" than just Baby, Snake and Kitty. She carried (and still does) Baby around comforting her just like I would Jack. She's even nursed her a few times. I'm still trying to figure out a special gift for Jack, he'll be 18 months.

I plan on doing a lot more walking around during labor. It really did feel better to walk than sitting or laying down.

I also plan to ENJOY my post-partum time more and not try to be SuperMom. I want to spend more time just vegging out with Radish in bed. AND sleeping more. (:LOL oh I crack myself up!!)
post #12 of 21
6/5/04 at 11:15am
Thread Starter 
Samantha,

I bought a little baby doll for Paityn too - her present from my baby. I am still thinking of what to get for Riley, he will be 6.5. I will also try to find a "big sister" charm for Ps bracelet. So far theres only 2 charms on there.

Savannah are you getting something for Nicolas when the twins are born? Anything special?

Sarah,

I like those rompers that you linked to. Granola Threads has one that says Born At Home Surrounded By Love that Id like to get one of these days. I did order a newborn fitted diaper that says Born At Home from TootSweetBaby.com. It is sooo cute but small!
post #13 of 21
6/5/04 at 4:09pm
I hadn't thought a lot about a gift to Nicolas from the babies... But I know I need to do it! I would like it to be something like the dolls he could care for while I'm caring for babies, but I don't know if that's the right gift for a 5/6 yo boy. He likes to carry around and play imaginary games with a stuffed Pokemon, Clifford the big red dog, and pink Carebear... but I'm sure dolls might be a bit much.??? I'll have to ask other moms of boys what they got.
post #14 of 21
6/5/04 at 6:34pm

boys and dolls

Five/six is the perfect age to give a doll as a gift. Boys deserve dolls just as much as girls do - we want our sons to grow up to be loving, nurturing papas just as we want our girls to grow into loving, nurturing mamas. There is no reason why they can't practice with a doll! He will surely be watching your husband to see how to interact with and for with a little one. 5/6 is still an imitative age, although not as imitative as the 2-3-4 stretch of years.

You can frame it in the light that you wanted to give him his own special 'little one' to look after while your family grows, and to give him a little extra company because mom and dad are going to be very busy with two little siblings.

I (of course ) recommend a nice, soft, fully-limbed (as opposed to a puffy doll or a pillow doll) Waldorf doll, and for Nicolas, I would recommend getting a boy doll, as he'd be more apt to bond with it and that way, if you have girls, he wouldn't feel quite so "outnumbered". The soft doll recommendation is so that if he wants to sleep with it at night, it's actually comfy to sleep with, as opposed to a plastic doll. You can get really cute outfits for Waldorf dolls, too. They're not cheap because they're usually hand-made but they last a long time (the doll will stay in your family for a while for sure!).

I have known boys in my school in 4th grade who are still *very* attached to their dolls. The 2nd graders make dolls and the boys enjoy the finished products as much as the girls. Do not fear getting your boy a doll, it is completely developmentally appropriate!

OK, taking off my teacher hat now,

Jen
post #15 of 21
6/6/04 at 6:22pm
I'm not familiar with Waldorf dolls...

Oh, and I hope that this time around my perineum will not tear...
post #16 of 21
6/6/04 at 7:21pm
I am getting Jack a special doll to be his "baby". Plus I'm going to get him some Graco baby stuff from Toys R Us and his own sling. My friend's son has a stroller and car seat for his doll that work just like the real things, which Jack thinks are totally fascinating. He loves putting the dolls in and out of them. I'm also going to set him up a little baby care area next to my changing area. We have some wooden baby bunk beds (that were my mom's) that I'm going to set up for him. He is way into helping and copying me, so I thinks he'll enjoy that. Off to look for a "born at home" diaper!!!
post #17 of 21
6/7/04 at 7:39am
Savannah - you can check out Three Sisters Toys for examples of Waldorf dolls but I find that their dolls are *insanely* expensive. I know they're time-consuming to make and take a lot of care, but my heavens! There are some on eBay for much cheaper.

j
post #18 of 21
6/7/04 at 1:57pm
My favorite Waldorf doll site to drool over is Joy's Waldorf Dolls. I have a couple from her that are TOO DIE FOR!!! I had gotten a 16" Button Doll for Tori but decided to hold onto it for while until she's older because of the hair. I had it done with long cinnamon Bouclez curls (like my hair), and Tori is obsessed with "brushing hair" right now only she always finds a comb and I'm afraid she would totally destroy the hair that way. So I'm going to get another one for her with straight sandy hair (like hers). A small group of ladies and I are going to place an order (you can get a 25% discount when you spend $500) later this year for "Christmas" time. Joy's faces are amazing.

I don't know if I'll get a doll for Jack just because he's 15 months right now and hasn't shown any real interest in any of Tori's dolls. He loves his Grover stuffed animal (Grover was always my favorite sesame street character) and that's who he packs around. Sleeps with him every night. I'm still thinking on him. He is obsessed with putting things inside other things. Can't tell you the places I've found wooden blocks.
post #19 of 21
6/9/04 at 3:04pm
~I am trying (and so far succeeding, I think) to enjoy this pregnancy more than I did Noah's. I had a lot of bleeding with Noah, was working full-time, and had a lot of anxiety about becoming a parent so I pretty much just wished the whole pregnancy away. I remember telling people that I didn't think I could go through it again. This time I haven't had any bleeding, am staying at home with Noah and I know how absolutely fabulous and wonderful being a mother is. I am just really enjoying this pregnancy, rather than just hoping it goes by quickly.

~Having a homebirth with a midwife who I like and who shares the same values and beliefs about pregnancy, labor, childbirth, and child-raising. This is probably contributing to how much I am enjoying my pregnancy as well.

~I'm definitely going to henna my belly, have the kit, now just have to find the time to do it! If it doesn't turn out, I"ll have it professionally done.

~Accupuncture. I got pregnant with the help of accupuncture and have used it once during each trimester for "maintenance." I really wish I could have it during my labor too but most likely my accupuncturist will be on maternity leave, since she is due a month before I am!
post #20 of 21
6/9/04 at 5:29pm
I'm hoping to listen to my body more wrt pushing. I've torn with both births so far, and I really want to avoid it. I'm aiming not to push at all.

Music sounds good this time. I think I'll compile some favourites. You know, I always hear about women getting their favourite relaxing, soft, gentle music, but when I think about what I would put on a CD, it's the loud, powerful instrumental music -- Mars, Finale from the New World Symphony, just big loud sounds.

I want to be more prepared to EC with this one. I gave it a bit of a try with #2, but I didn't really prepare myself and was overwhelmed pretty quickly. I'm thinking starting slower will be better, and having a better idea of what kind of a system to have so the baby won't be in a diaper, but also won't be pooing and peeing on *everything*.
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