Need lots of advice for natural birth!

[Alvenchrst]

My ds is only 8 months old, and we are only planing to have babies 2 years apart, but I have baby fever already, what can I say!!!!!

With DS I had a full on hospital delivery, was induced, had stadol, and an epidural, all sorts of monitors (internal) and labored and birthed on my back the whole time. I don't need to explain why I don't want to have this expereince again. And my MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, and MOM were there. TOO MUCH!! I had no tools to cope and DH was trying to keep our families undercontrol.

So here's my question for next time around. I WILL HAVE A NATURAL BIRTH! I want a birth like so many of the beautiful homebirth stories I've read here on mdc. But I don't feel very comfortable with having a homebirth and DH is all for the natural part, but very against the homebirth part. So I would love to labour mostly at home, and get to the hospital at the very end of it all. I would also like a doula to help focus me and inforce a birth plan ( birth in many positions, no intervention, maybe a shower and some food) So is it possible to have a beautiful, peacful, natural birth like the way I described? I know things don't always go as planned, but I'm determined and I think that makes a big difference.

Anyone have any advice for someone trying a natural hospital birth that's peaceful and where I'm in control? Any helpful sotries, tips, etc.?

Thanks MAMA's!

Wish I had thought of all this BEFORE DS. I was just too scared. I guess that's what our modern get what you want when you want it with minimal work mentality brings.

[Lisashepp]

Have you considered using a birth center?

[Aura_Kitten]

my advice is to wait at home until you're starting to feel the urge to push... then rush to the hospital. that will leave them no other option than to simply run in and catch your baby ~ no time to pressure you with drugs or hospital rules + regulations.

check out birth centers, all of your local hospitals, and get to know the nurses and midwives in your area. it might also help to talk to other mothers who have delivered babies around where you live, see what their experiences were like and where they delivered... etc.

[oceanbaby]

I had a natural birth in the hospital, and would feel confident about doing it again (although I am planning a homebirth this time for different reasons). I think for me there were 3 main components to making it happen:

1. I prepared myself a lot. I took a great Bradley class with dh, read a bunch of books and birth stories, and felt very confident and educated about the whole process, all the possible interventions, reasons for when they were appropriate and not, and what I felt comfortable with. I didn't really feel caught off guard about anything, as my Bradley teacher had really prepared for what we would be faced with at the hospital.

2. I switched doctors during my pregnancy to one that had a sole practice, and was known for being supportive of natural birth. Actually, it wasn't natural birth per se that he was supportive of, but he was supportive of the mother making whatever choices she wanted to. He had no set agenda. He did not have an overbooked practice that he was pressured to get back to. I believe that I may have ended up with a c-section if I had had a different doctor. He didn't provide any labor support or anything, but he had no problem with me declining IV's, laboring in different positions, using the squatting bar, etc. I pushed for over 3 hours without a word of discouragement from him.

3. I went in with the attitude that I knew what I was doing. I wasn't going to have to argue about it. I just declined it, thank you very much, and let's move on to the next thing. I didn't feel the need to defend my decisions or argue about why I did or didn't want something.

I didn't end up with my perfectly scripted birth - ds had an extremely tight cord, wasn't breathing right away, and I was so damn sore from pushing for so long that I was totally out of it. So while it is definitely important to have a real good idea about what you want, it's also good to have the attitude that you can't control everything, no matter where you are birthing. But overall, it was a great experience, and I am very happy that I was able to have the natural, relaxed birth experience that I had hoped for.

[stayinghome]

I'd say taking a natural childbirth class like Bradley is really important. Watch videos of natural birth and read natural birth-minded books to really get a feel for what it's like. Switching to caregivers that embrace natural birth, perhaps a midwife that delivers at hospitals, is really important- if your md isn't natural-minded you'll be up against roadblocks through the whole thing. Birth centers can be a good compromise between homebirth and hospital birth too. A doula's also a great idea. Stay at home for most of the labor, and don't let family get in the way. And TRUST your body! It was meant to do this!

[Kerrie]

I'm feeling much the same way and so with this baby I'm going to check out a birthcenter. I can't afford a homebirth so it's my next option. Good luck!

[mama2annabelle]

I had a natural birth in a hospital with my first child. It is totally possible as long as you have a midwife who will support you and stick to your wishes. I never had to "fight" for what I wanted. I made my birth wishes known to my midwife early on in the pregnancy and we talked about them often throughout. I was able to be hooked up the the external montior for only 15 minutes per hour (rather than continuously), I was able to use any position that felt most comfortable to me, I was encouraged to move around, I was never offered any drugs or other interventions (except I did let her break my water--something that I will NOT do this time around). I was very pleased with my birth experience in the hospital and felt all my wishes were respected.
The one thing I didn't like at all though, and my main reason for planning a homebirth this time around, is all the handeling of my daughter after she was born. I held her immediately after the birth for a little while, but then the nurse asked to take her to weigh and measure, etc. Well it ended up being a good hour before I got her back to nurse her b/c after she weighed and measured everyone in the room wanted a chance to hold her and then DH went with nurse to bathe her. At the time I wasn't particularly bothered by it all because I was busy birthing the placenta and getting stitched, but now when I watch the birth video I cringe at all that handeling and passing around my poor little newborn baby had to endure in her first hour of life. She should have been skin on skin at my breast that whole time. I don't know how long the hospital would have waited to take her to do all the newborn screenings/procedures if I had asked, but that wasn't something that crossed my mind before DD was born. I was so focused on getting the natural childbirth I wanted I forgot to plan for the first hours after the birth.

[Alvenchrst]

So many wonderful, helpful things, thank you all!

So let me clarify a little, I have kaiser now after ds was born and I plan to used the cnm program there. I am almost garunteed a midwife will deliver the baby and see me for pre/post natal, but it may not be the same person delivering. I feel comfortable with this b/c I've from many who have kiaser that the midwives are more open minded, involved, and let you control your own birth.

A Birth Center would be a dream, and I would much rather do that, but i am not sure if Kiaser would cover it (doubtfully, but worth looking into.) How much about does it cost, does any one know? Unfortunatly $ may be the deciding factor between the 2. DH is a pastor, and I a SAHM, so that requires a lot of financal sacrifices for us, but it's worth it!

Any how, a few more questions. So if I wait at home and just go to the hospital to push, what are my chances of making in there on time? (15min away)? I really don't want to deliver in the car! How easy will it be for me to gauge when to leave? Having so many drugs last time, I was never in tune with my bodies natural process so I have no idea! At what point would the Doula join us?

I was induced last time, and don't want to be again, how do you know when you've waited too long and the baby is in danger, how often does that actually happen? the Dr. told me a horror story of someone waiting to 41 weeks, and when they finally induced the placenta was dying and baby had swollowed miconium. Talk about scare tactics, eck! I still am scared of waitng too long in fact!

i really appreciated all your advice especially about knowing exactly what all the interventions are, and when they are, and are not really necessary. I think this knowledge carries so much power during a hospital birth. Last time I knew generally, but was not extremely educated that I just had to go with what they said, b/c they knew more. I'm so scared to think it could have easily turned ino a c-section!!!!

[Kerlowyn]

If you wish it, the doula will come to your home when you want her to be there. She can be your guide in helping you to determine when to go to the hospital, so you can labor there as short a time as possible. The doula will help you labor at home, help you get in good positions, help you deal with the contractions and be there so you will feel safe laboring at home for as long as you chose to.

good luck with this next baby!

[ebethmom]

Hi Ashley! My dh is a pastor, too. When I got pregnant with this baby, I wanted a homebirth and he didn't. Our compromise was a CNM at the closest hospital. I thought that would satisfy us both, but the more we got into the pregnancy the less I liked the care. I had to wait a LONG time for most every appointment, and most visits were very rushed. The nurses assistants in the office were also rude and intrusive. And since my CNM was the only midwife in the practice, there was no guarantee that she would even be with me during labor/delivery.

Once all of this became apparent, I did my research on cost and found that a homebirth here costs the same or less than our 85/15 insurance plan. The deductible, plus the midwife's office fees, added to 15% of the $4000-6000 hospital cost of a natural delivery came to at least $1500. Which is what our homebirth (CPM) midwife charges.

I hate that cost is even an issue, given how strongly I feel about having a homebirth. Our ds's hospital birth cost us over $3000 (we had really sorry insurance then). And we had to fight the insurance company to keep it from being even higher.

Time is on your side, so start your reading and research early. There are so many informative books! Here are a few of my natural childbirth favorites:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - Ina May Gaskin
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth - Henci Goer
Having a Baby, Naturally - Peggy O'Mara
Natural Childbirth, the Bradley Way - Susan McCutcheon
Babycatcher - Peggy Vincent

[Alvenchrst]

Thanks again for all the help. I still think for my family that a Birthing Center would be the best option. I just need to look into it. Any good links to ABC (alternative Birthing CEnter) databases?

Great book references, thank you!

[QueeTheBean]

Yeah!!!!! to you for wanting a different kind of birth this time around. My first birth sounded a lot like yours--hooked up to all kinds of things! My second was WON-DER-FUL!!! I've posted my story before & won't go into it again, but it was just great. I labored at home & then went to the birth center, where he was born about 40 minutes later! I went home after a few hours. It was great. Sigh . . . .

Truthfully, I didn't think I could do it. I am wimpy, I hate to admit, and I thought those women who had these great natural birth were somehow better than me--special in some way that I could never be. I don't think that anymore. I believe that our bodies are meant to give birth--that's what they are designed to do. I really believe this (except, of course, in true emergency situations!). It is the fear of generations of women drummed into us that makes us think we need hospitals, doctors, monitors, and medicine. Don't listen to people who think you are crazy--don't watch those horrible birth programs on TV--believe in yourself, educate yourself, surround yourself with women who have had positive experiences. I used to stop women mid-birth-story and ask them "is this a good story?" If they said "no", I asked them not to tell me anymore. Why do women want to scare other women??

Originally Posted by Alvenchrst

,the Dr. told me a horror story of someone waiting to 41 weeks, and when they finally induced the placenta was dying and baby had swollowed miconium. Talk about scare tactics, eck! I still am scared of waitng too long in fact!

This happened with my first born. He was over 41 weeks & had the meconium thing, but he was perfectly fine. Find a midwife you trust & really educate yourself. Read "The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth" & have DH read it, too! It will help you a lot if he's on your side 100%

Originally Posted by Alvenchrst

Last time I knew generally, but was not extremely educated that I just had to go with what they said, b/c they knew more. I'm so scared to think it could have easily turned ino a c-section!!!!

Oh, this could have been me the first time, too! I thought I was educated, but I wasn't. I was induced, too & it was not fun, as you well know. I took the anger/disappointment, etc. and tried to use it positively for my next birth.

Good luck to you, hon! I know you can do it!!!

[mama2annabelle]

My midwife works out of a birth center and charges the same for her birth center clients and her homebirth clients--$3650. That amount includes all prenatals, routine tests, and the birth. Ultrasounds and any extra tests other than the routine ones are extra. I hope your insurance covers a birth center for you!

[mamasiobhan]

Just so ya know, midwives bring all of the same equipment wherever they go... a birth center or your home. Midwives are birthing EXPERTS... I feel much safer in their hands than any OB, especially because most OBs don't have as much experience as most midwives, and they especially do not have much experience with natural childbirth. And hospital nurses are very often trained to read machines from their station, and don't know what to do with a non-drugged mother.

I know you're with Kaiser, but an OB in SoCal (I see that's where you live, but it's a big place of course!) who is extremely naturally-minded and very supportive of midwives (he's my backup doctor for my homebirth) is Dr. Stuart Fischbein. He's in Century City, in West LA, and his hospital is Cedars. He has 2 partners, and they are all naturally-minded, and encourage mothers to educate themselves about their bodies and birth.

As far as meconium goes... 1 in 4 babies are born with meconium. It's usually not a problem--read up on what the different "types" are. It varies in colour and texture, and that usually determines if the baby is OK or not.

If you do decide to birth in a hospital, yes, a doula is a brilliant idea. You can have your doula come to your house with your 1st contraction, and be there for the whole thing.

And the most important thing to remember is... this is YOUR birth, it's YOUR body. Do not let any doctor or nurse tell you otherwise.

Take care, mama! You can do it! Having a child naturally is one of the most wonderful, powerful things you can do in your entire life.

Love
Siobhan

[Alvenchrst]

Thanks for all the giudance every one! I looked into Birth center's in my area, and I found 3 within less than 2 hrs. I would try and transfer my care from a kiaser cnm at 36 weeks to the birth center. They would all probably be in the ball park of $2000. cheap when you think my hospital birth alone cost $7000! This is seeming more like a wonderful option. I could have a water birth in a place the both my husband and I would feel comfortable delivering and have all the tools necessary to manage the pain in our natural childbirth. And the best part to me, is that we can stay for a little while, then go home after a few hour! i could not wait to get out of the hospital with ds. I had a roommate in the recovery room who was 16!! I can't wait to have another one!

In all this searching, I found out that I was born in a Birth Center and although it wasn't a H2O bith, I was put in a warm bath right after to help the shock of coming into the world (forgot what they were called.) My parents had me @8am and got to go home at 8 that night. I thought that was so sweet to have come into the world that way!

[mamasiobhan]

Good news! Which birth center?

That's great news, Alvenchrst! I'm sure you'll be very happy in such a caring, warm, family-centered environment.

Where in SoCal do you live? Which birth center did you choose? Who are your midwives?

Congratulations!

Siobhan

[Alvenchrst]

Thanks Siohban! Well, since we're not even ttc get, it is a little premature. I live in Corona and I found one in Redlands, one in Irvine, and one in San Diego. The one in San Diego would probably be might 1st choice based on my first impressions, but that's 2 hrs away! I wouldn't mind going there for the delivery, but for the weekly visits at the end it would be hard with 1 ds already and all the gas $. Once we are pregnant, we plan to visit all three, I think that will really help me to decide. Any ideas on any others?

Thanks,
Ashley

[mamasiobhan]

I don't know of any birth centers down there.. I"m in the South Bay (near LAX). Good luck, and it's wonderful that you're thinking about all of this before you're even preggers! It's good to prepare!

Take care,
Siobhan