please help I'm feeling burned out and need others help!

[Sativarain1]

I'm not sure where to start other than I'm a 24 yr old single mama, I'm at home with my kids right now and its been wonderful up until a few months ago. I have two boys Noah is five and Zach is almost 3.

here's my problem my five year old is a huge handful, he acts out, he requires more than I can give most of the time. When I take him shopping he tries to grab everything and jump on the shelving. He doesn't listen to me half of the time he giggles when I correct him or gives me terrible ugly faces. I'm not exgeratting their mean. I've asked him to look in the mirror their not nice.
Recently he's been harder to get a long with and it is hard so he stayed with my stepmom and sister for 3 days. Everything was wonderful at home I got a break, and me and my younger son get a long really well. Zach is calm and listens and plays sooo good. it was really nice. Well yesterday Noah came home I wake up to find ice cream on the counter smeared, (and still sitting out now melting), licorice out, a mess! He knows to come and wake me up when he gets up before me. Plus it was only 8am. the whole morning was me correcting him for picking on his younger brother, him jumping on the couch and chairs, bed,... I try talking with him, I take him fun places 3-4 days a week we visit the park and playground. We go to putt putt, movies, visit friends and family. but NOTHING WORKS!
Fast forward to naptime today and I asked him to lay in his bed and read and be quiet while I got Zach asleep. well when I went in there he had every single toy out and pushed in front of the door, the hamper, Toddler bed, books, puzzles...EVERYTHING except the dresser and his twin bed in front of the door. I WAS PISSED to say the least. I don't know what to do or how to handle him. I called my mom and all she said was its my fault I cannot control him and its my problem I should contact the doctor.
I really try to get along with him, have fun, be nice but it doesn't matter the way he responds upsets me and I get irritated it ruins the energy between the 3 of us a lot and basically I'm tired of it.
I've tried time outs, standing in the corner, taking toys away, losing privledges, talking with him about how it makes me feel...
What do I do???
Valerie

[Piglet68]

I don't have any specific advice, because I think your problem is that you are lacking an overall approach that you can be consistent with.

I would suggest you read the sticky thread here that lists book recommendations for Gentle Discipline. I think two really good ones to start with are "Kids are Worth It", and "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles". Actually the latter might be a good start, since it seems you and your older son are battling the wills right now, and he's trying to find his "power" at your expense.

[Caring Touch]

Have you looked into any 'big brother' programs? I have known single mom's with difficult son's and the program worked out great for them. It gave the boys a strong male figure that could take them out about town and teach them how to act while being their friend. Sounds like he could use some good male exposure to help release his pent up energy and help give him some guidance. Maybe if you google a search you can find a program in your area.

Good luck,
Caring Touch

[Sativarain1]

I appreciate the advice I'm going to read the gentle guidance book list, I haven't looked into the big brother program yet, but have heard good things about it. I think he misses his father he only knew him for 2 years but still recalls memories and see's pictures and talks openly about him. I love my son, I do just want to get along better so we have peaceful days. I talked with a friend of mine and she suggested pointing out more positive things even if their little and they come slowly. I try to do that already but I could try a little harder.