How/Where do I start??

[its_our_family]

I've been reading some threads and all i can say is... I must be a really lazy parent! Things were way different in our house before Bryce was born. So, part of it is getting used to having 2 in the house and the other part is that since he is still an infant he requires so much attention.

T has been lashing out and I've come to the conclusion that it is because he feels left out or lonely or something like that. It makes me sad to know he is hurting and beeing mean is the best way for him to deal with it.

Where do I start with the whole gd lifestyle? I'm thinking that its MY parenting causing the problems.

[Piglet68]

Megan, it may not be your parenting at all. It's hard for an older child to adjust to a new one, and I just read your other thread in PI about how Bryce is now wanting to interact more. It's a new experience for T, and I'm sure he's having a tough time with it.

All I can say is that GD is based on a solid philosophy. Once you have that philosophy down, then the list of things to do and not do become more obvious. And of course, we all do things a bit differently, but we all base our actions and methods on the same set of fundamental perspectives and philosophies...

I know your DH is a preacher, so maybe this analogy would help: if someone who had no exposure to being a Christian came to you and said "how do I be a Christian", you wouldn't start with a list of do's and don'ts...you would explain the fundamental philosophy or beliefs about who Christ was, what his purpose was, what he taught....etc...and then those form the foundation from which smaller decisions are made, such as will my family use birth control, or how will we celebrate Christmas, etc. So it is with GD - you need to be on board with the basic philosophy of GD and what the overall goals are, before you start dealing with specific techniques for specific situations.

I highly recommend you peruse the GD book list sticky here. One of the books I really liked for helping "get in touch" with a young child who may have anger issues, etc. was "Playful Parenting" by L. Cohen. I'm guessing T has lots of tough emotions he's trying to deal with, but completely lacks the skills to even identify them, let alone process them. And he can't just tell you either. So that's why I would recommend this book, because it speaks to toddlers on their own level, in a way that helps them communicate to you.

HTH!

[Attached Mamma]

I don't have any advice on this one, but I'm actually wanting to hear what others say. We have a 2 year old, who actually behaves very well, we have never had to really "discipline" him at all (although I may start another thread today, as he has been "bugging" the dog to no end lately). Although when I have my sisters child (who is the same age) over, and also when my friend and her baby (8 months) come over, he turns into a different little boy sometimes, he yanks toys away, and has even hit occassionally. This behavior never happens otherwise, and the only thing I can think that it may be is jealously, because I am a SAHM, and we are together all the time, that when someone else comes over and I pay attention to the other child/baby, he doesn't like it. I too am concerned, because we plan on having another baby soon, and would like to know how to handle this. I feel your frustration, and do agree that it's most likely not the way you parent, and you obviously aren't a "lazy" parent either, or you wouldn't be asking for help on this forum. I hope we both find some solutions to this problem. Sorry to hijack your thread.

[Mama J Rock]

The book "What Babies Say Before They Can Talk" by Paul Hollinger is a great read and has wonderful suggestions for how to begin with handling your toddlers emotions and how to react to them in a way that will be supportive and respectful. It's very inspiring to read too.

[its_our_family]

Thanks... I have some reading to do

In the thread you (Piglet) started about if there was room for punishment in gd really has helped. I copied ladyluks list of what discipline is and what punishment is. So, just from that I think we are on the right track philosophy wise. Now I just need to refine it and then finds some new methods