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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Archives › Pregnancy and Birth Archives › Due Date Clubs 2004 - 2008  › July 2004 › anyone else here small... and getting flak about it? (little rant)
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anyone else here small... and getting flak about it? (little rant)

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
:


i'm not a large pregnant woman. for the most part, i've kept my pre-pregnancy shape, with the exception of larger breasts and a belly that looks like a prankster shoved a basketball into it. from the back, you can't even tell i'm pregnant.

lately, i've been getting some comments about it. one person said to me today, "how DARE you be THAT far along and still so small?" like i can help it?

also i feel like people expect me to *feel* this small... like they think that because i don't look huge then i can do more ~ go quickly, carry more, etc. in the grocery store recently i had my three large cloth bags, which the bagger filled with all of my groceries and left on the counter... while i was paying, i didn't realize that she took my shopping cart, which i was relying on to carry my bags for me, kwim? so after i paid i thanked the cashier, grabbed the bags and swung them around to set them in the cart ~ to realize that the cart was gone. i had to drop them on the floor because i couldn't keep on holding them all at once. the checker asked if i needed some help and i said, "i WOULDN'T except that she TOOK MY CART." (i was pretty mad.) she apologized and found someone else to bring me a cart and take my groceries out for me... but come ON.

i am getting less sympathy than the giant pregnant women i see. some people don't even notice i'm pregnant. one person who works at the local general store keeps bugging me about when i'm going back to college. he was asking me today (again!) if i'll be going back to college during the summer session ~ i had to finally rub my belly and say, "actually i'll be pretty busy taking care of the new baby," and he glanced down and was like, "oh, oh yeah, so, when are you due?" and so i told him and he *finally* dropped it.

i hate that people don't realize that even though i look small, i am still carrying around 20 or so extra pounds of weight all in my belly and breasts, and that's not comfortable! it's not easy work! i'm nine months pregnant and sure i may *look* "good" most days but just because my face isn't puffy and my feet aren't swollen (heck i don't know, what's a pregnant woman "supposed" to look like??) doesn't mean i don't still get tired easily, feel fatigued most of the time, and just generally feel every single inch of bigness that has been added to my form. my abdominal muscles still get sore all the time. i'm short of breath just going up my stairs. i can't sleep. when i sleep it's in short bursts. i've had to start napping every afternoon because i can't sleep at night at all. as soon as i go to the bathroom i have to go again.

i mean, i love being pregnant but that doesn't make it a walk in the park 24/7, no matter *what* size you are. why don't people get that?
post #2 of 17
klothos,
I think people just like having something to say about pg women. If you were big then you would get comments about when you were going to pop. I feel pretty big myself, but when I look at other pg women, I realize I'm not that big. You can't really tell from the back that I am pg either. I've gained about the same as you, less than 30 but more than 20 pounds. It's just that my body is different to me that makes me feel big. That and all of the other things you mentioned about being tired and out of breath and not getting much sleep (rolling over stinks big time).

It's such a shame (and very insensitive) that people don't help you out a little bit more. Maybe they are just jealous that you look so great! They'll probably continue to be jealous when you look great after the baby is born too. Just try to enjoy their shock and disbelief that you are so tiny (relatively speaking), no sense in letting something bother you that you don't want to change. I mean, would you really want to be as huge as you might feel? I don't! Hang in there and be happy, your baby will be here so soon!

Rachel
post #3 of 17
This is my pet peeve too. And people are soooo adamant about their opinion of what you should look like. Shut up already, can't you tell you're being insenstive?! There is no other itme when someone would so freely put down my size. OTOH, I get both the "oh you are soooo small, you must barely be in 2nd trimester" comments and the "so you've got about two weeks to go there, huh". (I'm 32 weeks.) What really gets me is that half of these comments come from women who have recently had babies! Why can't they just say, "Oh what a beautiful belly!" and leave it at that!
post #4 of 17
I am like you klothos, I only look pregnant from the front. My DH says that I carry pregnancy from the breast to the public bone and that's it.

I had a very embarressing interchange on Monday. I took Goo to an indoor play space and we got into the elevator with someone who looked like I do. She asked me when i was due. When I said "3-4 weeks" her jaw dropped and she turned red. Then she stammered "you look so good!". I wanted to crawl into a hole. Obviously, she is due much later than I am, and somehow her asking made ME feel terrible. I was kind enough not to ask her when she was due.

Sigh....
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
s to all of you.

Quote:
Why can't they just say, "Oh what a beautiful belly!" and leave it at that!
ITA!
post #6 of 17
People don't know that I am pregnant if I am just sitting in front of them and they can't see my belly. I've weighed myself occationally, and it appears now that I've gained about 25? pounds. That is all baby, placenta, and fluid. I look damn good if I say so myself. If anyone comments on my size, I don't take it too personally. Everyone is just so fascinated by pregnant women. I am too. I know that my baby will be bigger than some of those women who gain like 50 lbs. I feel like I'm made to have babies. Just tryin to make ya feel better. Hope no one else is offended. :
post #7 of 17
I'm on the other end..I swell up with my pregnancies..60 lbs with chloe...and 36lbs so far with this one. I was at work last sunday and one lady said "I hope you have that baby by next week" I was like : why would you want my baby to be in the NICU?

I have been getting the "anyday now" comments since I was 25 wks along and everyone seems to be watching me when I eat and have something to say about that too..if its a veggie tray, they're like oh thats so good for you, a cookie and in comes the pregnancy diet police...

whatever, I guess when you have curly hair you want strait and vice versa, but I would love to be a cute lil preggy mama
post #8 of 17
I'm glad you're a "smaller" pregnant person. Your body knows exactly what it needs to do during pregnancy. It's very wise. You don't have to be huge during pregnancy. You can look great during pregnancy. I give you permission!!

In response to your question:
Yes, this created some havoc in mind the past month. People kept saying, "You're so small. You're so tiny. You look like so & so who's only 4 mos. pregnant. You don't look very pregnant. How much weight have you gained? This is going to be a small baby. Wow. I wouldn't have noticed you were pregnant if you hadn't said anything... etc."

So, for whatever reason, I really let this affect me... thinking, "I need to try to eat more. I need to snack more. I need to drink calories. I want the baby to be big (at least 7 pounds) and healthy..."

Then I MamaJaza posted that she's gaining similarly & is about the same height, etc., and I felt better. Thank goodness!!! I have myself back in line... things back into perspective... But, without the support of these forums, it would be a whole different world. I'm so grateful for the support here.

I really love being pregnant, and I'm a 25-lb type of gainer. I'm 5' 9" so I carry it well I guess. There's a plenty of room for the baby.

People don't notice I'm pregnant. You definitely can't tell it from behind at all. I have a little bit more weight all over, but it's mostly bigger breasts & a nice round basketball.

I love it. It's no problem for me, but it's really a problem for others. They say all kinds of crude things.

Sometimes people just want to make conversation. They haven't learned the value of silence. They just have to say something. And, sometimes I don't know what to say. Sometimes I don't reply. Sometimes I explain that I've gained about the same as I did with my first pregnancy & this is just what I do.

Tonight a lady said, "I wish I would have looked that good during my 2nd pregnancy... or even my first pregnancy." I couldn't think of a reply. I said, "I have about 5 more weeks to go."

When I was pregnant with dd in '99, I gained approx. 25 lbs. and my dad's mom said the baby would weigh only 3 pounds!! She weighed 8 lbs. 8 oz. I wanted to wear a sign afterwards that said, "My baby weighed 8 1/2 pounds!"

I think the thing that I have to keep reminding myself is a quote (can't think of the exact words) from a favorite author, Swami Rama:
"Today I will not let anything any one says to me disturb me. I will remind myself daily to not allow anything to disturb me."

Peace and love and happiness to you!! Take lots of good pics. of your beautiful body!!
post #9 of 17

the dalai mama, like your belly pic

the_dalai_mama,

I like your belly pic!

I printed it to put with my july moms collection!
post #10 of 17
The ball under the dress is exactly how I looked with my first dd. ALL in the belly and straight to the front! I even had a child walk up to me, laugh and ask me why I had a ball under my dress as he hit with full force my big baby belly UGH!
Dali that is a great photo!
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
I even had a child walk up to me, laugh and ask me why I had a ball under my dress as he hit with full force my big baby belly UGH!
i hope this was a very young child... where were the parents?! how astounding.
post #12 of 17
He was 5 years old and I am a was a teacher at the time and entered a classroom that wasn't use to seeing me pregnant.
post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 
it's sad that in our society, 5-year-olds aren't used to the idea of pregnant women...
post #14 of 17

Thanks for noticing the pic! I am so glad to have it, the ones I have from ds are mostly snapshots, and he came the day before a friend was coming to take nice b&w shots.
FWIW, I taught K to a group of Spanish speakings students during both pregnancies, and both classes were interested, but pretty much assumed pregnancy to be a normal state for a mom. 'Course I got a lot of "you're so small" comments from the parents. :LOL
post #15 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
I taught K to a group of Spanish speakings students during both pregnancies, and both classes were interested, but pretty much assumed pregnancy to be a normal state for a mom.
:LOL

** coming from a Spanish home, i can totally understand this.
post #16 of 17
I get the opposite comments because I always blow up like a wood tick when I'm pregnant. People will say "Oh you must be having twins" or "You are going to pop any moment now" or just a real nice "Wow, you are HUGE". Yeah, thanks. Like I don't already feel disgusting!!! :

I will never understand why people seem to assume it's perfectly acceptable to insult a woman about her weight just because she is pregnant.

BTW I didn't get many people eager to treat me nicer or help me out when pregnant either so it's not just you thinner ones that feel neglected in that department I believe it's a sign of the times, which is sad. 14 years ago when I was pregnant with my first son I had lots of people that would hold open doors for me, etc. and I loved it! It was one of the nicest things about being pregnant. But with my last son a couple of years ago I noticed that nobody really did that anymore.

Kitty
post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 
s Kitty.

it just seemed like the larger pregnant women would get more help, since they would look like they need it, you know? i don't think it's right to comment on a person's size at all, big *or* little.

i hate when people stereotype period, but the fact that in our culture it's thought of as somehow "ok" to comment on a pregnant woman's size based on these stereotypes just blows me away.

for the most part, at least from what i've seen, we've made progress on not commenting about people's skin color... clothing... etc... at least to their face, you know? but then here comes a pregnant woman and everyone suddenly has the right to say anything they want to her.



... sorry. i was doing this again.
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