Recommendation please...

[guestmama9907]

So I say there is nothing you can do at that age, got to take their attention away...I said you will spend 3 years trying to teach him and he will finally figure it out when he is 3 or 4, or you can redirect him for 3 years, while gradually and gently teaching him what he can and cannot do(at an age appropriate pace" he will still figure it out when he is 3 or 4...

So I took this quote from another thread because I want to know more about this... Could someone please recommend a book that discusses this? I have read several from the list, Dr. Sears, You are your childs first teacher, everyday blessings, continuum concept, etc but i need something more. something more specifically about gentle discipline philosophy and age appropriateness, development, etc...

thanks.

[allgirls]

Well that is my quote and it basically sums up what I have learned about parenting from reading a zillion books and also from raising my own kids...

also from observing what others do with their kids...

The books I prefer are the Dr. Sears books, anything on attachment parenting...but I have also read a lot of child psychology books...

This is a very general idea really...and of course children are all different...but I remember 2 friends of mine potty training their sons...my one friend started when he was 2 although he was showing no signs of being ready...he "had" to be trained...her mother said they were all trained by one...she worked at it and finally by age 3 he was fully trained..."it was a long time but worth it"

Another friend called me one day so excited...her son had shown signs of being pottie trained so she had started...within a week he was fully trained and out of diapers...he was 3.

Both kids were fully pottie trained at 3...results were the same, but totally different experiences for the parents.

The thing is that you can't force a child..you need to get to know the child, then when the child is ready you will see signs...

It's easy when it's something physical though, like pottie training or solid foods etc.

But harder when it comes to "what and how are they thinking at this age"

For instance a child at 15 mos understands sequence...he knows one thing will follow another...putting on your shoes, means you will go outside(yay!)

But he doesn't understand consequence...cause and effect..this is a mistake that some parents make...mistaking the sequencing for an understanding of consequences.

"He should know that if he touches X, then Y happens because he understands that when we do A, then B happens..." but it's 2 different things and that is why redirection is the best approach...because they just don't get consequences...

Sometimes sequencing understanding is helpful in discipline but really, children have little impulse control so even the understanding of consequence wouldn't be helpful in discipline at that age if they had it.

That is very long and not really answering your question about books...

I would read every book I can get my hands on and form my own judgement...

redirect and teach and replace the can't's with can's and as the child's understanding and impulse control develops the child will learn to self discipline...

A quote I love is "A parent's job is to teach a child to become their own parent" (paraphrasing here and can't credit the quote cause I don't remember who said it but it stuck with me)

(edited for spelling)

[Piglet68]

Sadly, I don't know of many books that specifically address cognitive development and what you can expect from a child of a certain age. As with allgirls, I learned partly from a collection of book reading, but also delved into some research studies, etc.

You really have to go to a library and start researching the subject yourself. Mostly child psychology and cognitive development would be the subjects.

I wish someone WOULD write such a book, in lay terms. Far too many parents out there have no idea the vast differences between what they THINK young children are capable of mentally, and what tons of research has shown they are not (manipulative behaviour in babies is just one example).

[guestmama9907]

Ok. Thanks ya'll. I am a huge reader so I am well on my way... but thank you for pointing out the sequencing thing to me. that made a lot of sense and some IRL friends and I have been discussing it a lot lately too.

Seems like there is so much to think about! I was talking on the phone to my mom today and i heard her tell my nephew to stop, I asked her what he was doing and she said he was rolling a car up his face, he is 3. why did she feel the need to tell him no? who cares if he does that? i dont i guess, she does. i am really starting to notice how people treat children and for the most part i dont like it. i know my daughter deserves and wants more and i am excited to be learning new ways to parent.