'starting GD'...a couple situations i am stumped on

[neveryoumindthere]

nak

dd is 12 months old now and i really have no idea what to do/say in certain situations that happen veeery often

situation #1- dd eating things shee's not supposed to this drives me insane! she finds things i cant even see and eats all and any kind of paper, her boardbooks (she eats the cardboard-lots of it), our mail, nasty stuff off the ground etc etc i try to keep it as clean as possible but its very hard cuz she DOES NOT NAP AT ALL so what do i say/do? i used to say 'not in ur mouth' and gently take it away from her but it never works, i try asking her to give it to me and she extends her hand out to me but i cant tell if shes copying my actions or actually wanting to give it to me cuz she clenches it tightly

#2- her screaming/screechin/yelling,,,honestly i'm burnt out i dont feel like thinking of creative ways to gently say what i really want to say (which in my head is SHUTUP! : can u tell i'm burnt out) how can i teach her to use her quiet voice? dh and i are at our wit's end, really her screaming is that loud and no i dont mean her crying scream its her i-just-feel-like-screaming scream

#3-when we are at a friends house what do i say to her when my friend'd ds grabs his toys from her? he even takes her toys sometimes..what do i say to him and to her? (he's almost 3) or when we are at ppl's homes and they dont want her touching things

thanks

[Piglet68]

First of all, your child is still sooo young. There still isn't a whole lot you can do right now except start trying to instill some concepts that are going to take time to sink in. Consider this a plus, lol...because it gets harder when it becomes time to move things ahead to the next level.

With the eating things, we always used to say "not in the mouth" while we gently removed it. You just have to be there constantly, and each and every time they put something "wrong" in their mouth, you say "not in the mouth". Trust me, it will take a while, but they will get it. Now when DD tries to put something in her mouth, I just have to say "not in the mouth" and she pauses. Sometimes I still have to follow through, but many times she will just not put it in the mouth b/c she understands what that means, without there ever being a power struggle involved, so to her it isn't a power struggle, kwim?

My DD went through a screeching phase. It's so normal for them to play with their newly discovered vocal cords! Two things we did: first thing I always looked to my own self. I have found that DD gets that way when she is being ignored. If she is saying "mama, mama, mama" and I'm not responding to her right away, I really can't blame her for escalating the volume. Heck, I do that to DH! And if it becomes a habit for her that she isn't responded to when she first asks in a normal voice, well then I have only myself to blame when she decides it's easier to start off in a yell. I've made such a habit of responding immediately "yes, DD" that she rarely has to raise her tone to get my attention.

The other thing I do is something I read in the Sears books: respond in a whisper. There is something about meeting a yell with a whisper that really seemed to work with DD. I would whisper to use her quiet voice, or saying "this is not a time for a loud voice", etc. And again, for a 1 year old it's going to take some time for this to sink in. DD is 2 and still needs reminding when she gets excited about things.

3. well, it's just completely unrealistic to expect a one year old to understand the concept of sharing, or asking before you take. it's just par for the course. At that age, experienced parents take precautions. first, always make sure there are a few interesting objects around, not just one. if your child goes to grab, stop and redirect. you just can't expect to sit back and watch them play together without this happening. they totally lack the impulse control to stop themselves from going for something that looks interesting, even if they COULD understand why it's not polite to grab someone else's toy (which they can't and don't).

The touching things at peoples' homes things was brought up on another thread somewhere here...basically, you must be with your kid at all times and just redirect them. make sure you remove anything valuable or dangerous out of reach. frankly we avoided such situations like the plague: it's not fair to anybody. if they want to see us, they can come to our child-friendly house so we can actually talk while DD plays...(oh yes, the thread was in Parenting Issues here. It starts sort of off topic but gets to my point eventually, lol).

[neveryoumindthere]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

3. well, it's just completely unrealistic to expect a one year old to understand the concept of sharing, or asking before you take. it's just par for the course. At that age, experienced parents take precautions. first, always make sure there are a few interesting objects around, not just one. if your child goes to grab, stop and redirect. you just can't expect to sit back and watch them play together without this happening. they totally lack the impulse control to stop themselves from going for something that looks interesting, even if they COULD understand why it's not polite to grab someone else's toy (which they can't and don't).

oh ya i toootally understand and and dont expect her to understand sharing. i just wondered what reassuring words i could use when someone takes away things she's playing with...i feel so bad for her but i understand he's just protecting 'his stuff'...is there a way i can say smthg to him about being gentler when taking it away

also i just remembered this, but when i was at a conference last summerthere were lots of moms there not even watching their kids and whenever they saw the toys i brought for dd to keep her occupied so i could listen to the lectures the kids would come and take them away...now i'm sorry these are my dd's toys, i dont want someone else to ruin them or take them cuz their mom is not watching or not bringing anything interesting for them...these conferences are hours away from home so i dont want to have things get lost or ruined cuz i cant just go home and get her some other stuff..how do i deal with that this time around?

tia

[Piglet68]

Oh yes, it is very hard when a kid takes away your DD's toy like that. I usually either took it right back, or I tried to distract DD with another toy. Sometimes all I could do was just comfort her and validate her feelings.

Also, I know what you mean about the toys you bring. DD has an Elmo doll that goes *everywhere* with her and kids always try to take it. I have learned just to stay very close, and keep Elmo within reach. I have no problem taking a toy back from a kid who just took it from us, though of course I do it gently and try to explain "no no, this is DD's toy, she will be so sad if you take it".

It's all preventative measures at this point!

[neveryoumindthere]

great. so i'm doin 'ok' so far...

re: taking things away that are not ok to eat, do i just tell her one time 'not in ur mouth' and take it away so that she can find another way to play with whatever it is (ie. the books) or do i take it away the first time i say it to be 'consistent'. lol. seems so weird to be talking 'GD' when she's just a tiny squirt but man she's a handful

edited to add: i have no problem goin to the mom's who are not watching their kids but what do i say " can u please watch ur dd/ds, we drove a long way to attend this conference and it's distracting" ?

[lilyka]

In the case of the seminar - I would have gently said "I am sorry these are my baby's toys. I bet your mommy brouhgt some for you . . now where is your mommy" and taken it away as gently as I could. At that age they are still pretty oral and I don't nessecarily it is safe to share toys with strangers. And it is rude for the parent not to mind thier baby. (as a general rune never bring anything that can't be lost, broken or has sentimental value unless it can be tied to your sling or stroller. and only take out one toy at a time. - just for future reference )

[neveryoumindthere]

ya i do take only one thing out at a time till she gets bored and they are not overly valuable but i do bring these things to distract *her* not all the other kids too...the last time one little girl was screaming and crying cuz she wanted dd's things and was tryin to go thru the diaper bag : i mean, i know she's young so it's not her fault but um hello can u please make an effort to bring things for ur child or at least watch what they are doing...i almost felt like i had to give in and let her go thru my things so she wouldnt disturb all the other listeners :

[luv my 2 sweeties]

A quick idea for the screaming.

Piglet68 had some great suggestions. Here's another that I used with my "screamer" when she was about your dd's age. I would cover my ears and calmly say, "Oh my, that screaming hurts my ears! I'm going to have to leave the room while you are screaming." Then I'd go just around a corner and come back the *instant* she made any other type of sound. I was also careful to respond quickly to "acceptable" bids for attention to reinforce the message that screaming was just not a good way to get a reaction from me. On the contrary, it made Mommy disappear! I allowed screaming outdoors and would comment on how much fun it is to be loud outside when she did it. It was pretty effective. DD never cried when I left the room. She seemed more surprised than anything -- figuring out the cause and effect of it all. Of course I had to do it many times at first, as she was trying it over and over to see how it worked! But soon she stopped screaming so much. Good luck!

[allgirls]

My daughter will be 1 on July 2...she is getting much better at not putting inappropriate things in her mouth...I taught her yummy and yucky...I kept animal crackers around and when she had something yucky...I took it, said that is yucky and gave her a small piece of the animal cracker...then I said this is yummy...after a couple days she started bringing me bits of paper and things and I would say yucky and she would give them to me and I would say thank you...

I started watching her for when she picked things up and I would just say yucky...after a couple days the animal crackers weren't necessary...I would say yucky, she would put it down or give it to me and I would redirect her with a toy...

She doesn't do the screaming but I like the luv my 2 sweeties idea...

[Piglet68]

Originally Posted by neveryoumindthere

re: taking things away that are not ok to eat, do i just tell her one time 'not in ur mouth' and take it away so that she can find another way to play with whatever it is (ie. the books) or do i take it away the first time i say it to be 'consistent'.

If it is something that is okay for her to have, but just not to mouth (like a book) then I will let her have it, just stop her from putting it in her mouth, encourage her to read it or play with it in an appropriate manner. If that isn't working, I'll distract her with something else.

I've never been in the toy situation where the parent hasn't ultimately come and retrieved their youngster. If they didn't, I'd be sure to make eye contact or tell them nicely to come and save their child, lol.