Just hand me the bad mean mommy of the year award right now

[Satori]

Its been a long trying day with dd and I've been seriously feeling weak physically (soon to be remedied, spent half the day in the hospital today because of it (heart problems)) and I just did not have the energy to do anything that would involve a fight from her which is pretty much everything. For 3 hours straight tonight she did not listen to a word I said, did the exact opposite of what I told her to do, caused physical injury to me on multiple occasions and thought it was funny and finally I lost it. There are only 3 things that matter to dd when you boil it down, TV, nursing and co sleeping. So first hour I took away the TV, she wasn't happy and the behavior continued. I warned her next time it will be nursing tonight and she still ignored me so I took away that. (I'm ready to wean her flat out its become such an aggravation) and she had a cow for a few minutes then started the behaviors again. Hour 3 I reminded her she already lost the TV and nursing and next I would make her sleep in her own bed tonight. Well, needless to say she's sleeping in her own bed. What's shocking is we had about a 10 second all out temper tantrum of trying to get into my bed. Then she laid down in her bed (right next to mine on the floor) and screamed bloody murder (and I didn't feel one bit bad about it at the time) for a min or two (maybe less, wasn't very long) when I tried holding her hand she knocked it away. Then suddenly she decided she was done screaming, grabbed my hand rolled over and went to sleep in less then 2 minutes! It takes a bare minimum of 30 minutes to get her to sleep normally, usually 1-2 HOURS. Now dd is just a few weeks away from 4 so I don't feel to bad but there has gotta be another way! I felt like she may interpret this as taking away my love for her or something but she needs to learn this behavior is not acceptable in any way and some of what she's doing is down right dangerous (running into the street when we go out to the car, sneaking into the kitchen and playing with the stove ect) and we gotta stop the breaking of things, when I explain to her she broke it she tells me to just buy her another one! I tell her I cant cause were broke she tell me go to the bank and get money. I cant afford to keep replacing the stuff she destroys. (I dont replace her toys, just stuff we need like the brand new bottle of shampoo she dumped down the drain when she was supposed to be peeing!) I've got the 1-2-3 Magic book and video checked out from work right now but I cant even read for 1 minute with out her knocking the book out of my hand and forget watching a video with her behaviors lately! I think i'm going to end up leaving her at day care an extra hour or something so I can at least watch the video, I have no problem with time outs if they can get them to work but right now time out involves lots of screaming from her and my practically sitting on her to keep her there and that just doesn't work for either of us but neither does talking about what she did wrong.

[PumpkinSeeds]

oh honey, I feel for you. I am in the same exact boat as you are with my about to be 3 yo ds.




somebody please respond with some words of wisdom!

[pamelamama]

Oh mama,

Let's brainstorm...

So... stepping back to see the big picture.. it seems she is acting out for some reason. You mentioned you were in the hospital. Is she responding to some kind of fear/stress associated with that? I think we can begin to address the behavior if we figure out where it is coming from. (let's hope so, anyway)

[Satori]

She didn't know I was at the hospital, just thought she was having fun with grandma, this has been going on a long time and last night was kinda the last straw kinda thing.

[sunnmama]

If you do find time to read, I highly recommend "Kids, Parents, Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. To me, it sounds like you and dd are mired in power struggles, and the punishments, timeouts, etc are not having a positive effect.

The book I mentioned was really helpful for us when we were mired in power struggles, because it helped me to see dd's pov, give her the power and words to communicate her pov, and enforce my standards at the same time. It helped me to diffuse her powerful emotions--and that was half the battle toward cooperation and a peaceful home. It also helped me to understand her specific "triggers", so that I could adapt our environment/schedule in ways that promoted her success.

I happened to read your post about your er visit on another board, and it sounds like things are really stressful for you and your family right now. Everyone's emotions are probably intensified, including yours and dd's. I am sorry you are struggling so right now.....it always seems that just when we moms need a break the most--that is exactly when our children demand the most from us (((hugs))))

[Piglet68]

First of all, a hug.

I know how it feels to be so tired and just at your limit. I had a "bad mommy" moment myself this evening, so I want you to know that none of what I am saying is in any way meant to be a judgement, but just some ideas to mull over...

I think using consequences that aren't directly related to the behaviour is hard on kids. It seems unfair (well, because it is) and also the things you chose to dismiss (nursing and cosleeping) are expressions of love and closeness. It was very much like you were withdrawing your love from her as punishment. I'm sure she fell asleep so fast b/c she cried herself into exhaustion.

I agree that it sounds like she was acting out, and that always means there is an issue beneath the surface (maybe your health issues?). I so understand that you didn't have the energy to deal with it then, but try to keep that in mind. What you did has not addressed the feelings behind her behaviour. And while she IS technically old enough to understand "if you keep doing X, you won't get Y" she may be dealing with feelings that go way beyond that.

Anyways, as I said, I had an incident tonight that I didn't handle at all well, not the way I would have wanted to, and it was exactly the same reasons as you: I was exhausted. I've been overly fatigued lately (going to see a heart doc tomorrow, coincidentally) and really pushed myself today. There is no point in beating ourselves up over it, I just try to learn from this. It makes me more resolved to try harder next time, and it helps me to go over the situation and think of all the alternatives I could have used.