So.... why do you think so many women choose not to??

[Icequeen_in_ak]

Breastfeed that is?

The other posts got me thinking about this. Why do you think there are so many women who formula feed and think nothing about it?

Why do so many not even attempt to breastfeed?

I literally had one woman tell me that she refused to breastfeed because she'll be damned if her kid is going to ruin her boobs (I can't tell you how depressing it was to me to know that she gave birth to children in the first place)

[UrbanPlanter]

I have no idea. I'll take a guess:
*they are going back to work, don't want to or know about pumping
*they want to share the responsibilities of feeding with other caretakers (and don't wnat to or know about pumping...)
*their mom ff
*peer pressure
*they don't want to ruin their breasts (newsflash: pregnancy ruins your breasts!)
*they don't want to be tied down to breastfeeding
*they want their child to be independent of them
?????

My reply is about women who just decide to ff - not about women who couldn't breastfeed but would have wanted to.

Of course, what do I know? I am bfing and never wanted to ff, so I really can't get that way of thinking into my head. I'm not intending to be judgemental here, just trying to imagine why someone would want to ff.

[sadean]

Just let her know that, if her boobs are going to be "ruined" by nursing, the damage has already been done by getting pregnant. Nursing doesn't ruin your boobs, pregnancy hormones do...

BUT, to you real question (I am the queen of the T ), that misconception is one reason. Also the belief that ff is "just as good", fear of not being able to provide enough, a desire to be "free" (able to go out and do as one pleases comforted in the knowledge that someone else will be able to meet the basic food needs of their child), misinformation of all sorts. I think it is a multilayered issue and that there isn't any "one" reason women refuse to provide thier babies with breastmilk.

[Leilalu]

Wow
Someone should tell her that chances are pregnancy will have taken a toll on her breast- not nessecarily the BF.
I think it is just easier for people to not accept responsibility for their actions in life. To neglect the fact that their actions do indeed have consequence- every single one. That mothering actually costs something. I mean- God Forbid- you might have to actually*GASPS*..... SACRIFICE!
It's also easier to be uneducated than to educate yourself on matters that pertain to you or your future children.
I think every child has a right to be breastfed. And I think it is entirely selfish to make the descision not to BF based solely on it being inconvienient or troubling somehow for the mother. There is just too much at stake. Why bring a child into the world only to deprive them of a proper start? Anyways- I could go on and on.....

I guess I would say "Ignorance is Bliss"

Leila

[JillyKay]

Mostly, I think it is social pressure. Same with circ'ing, but that's another rant all together, lol!
I think that many women are afraid of going against what is most widely accepted. "....what would mom think?.....would my friends be shocked?"

I also think that it is a lack of information and a butt-load of misinformation. They may not know that BF has SOOOOO many health benefits for both child and mom.

I think a lot of them just simply don't want to be "tied down" to a baby. It's really difficukt to go out and drink and party when you have to nurse a baby. It's so much easier to have someone ELSE feed thier baby. And pumping??? Jeeze, talk about an innconvenience! :

You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.
And career moms are more likely to FF bc they know ahead of time that the baby will be in daycare from 6 weeks on. So, what is the point in even starting?


This was all said in a very sarcastic tone, and for that I appologize. I'm just very passionate about this.

[wende]

I had one person say "eww, that's disgusting" when she found out that I bf. She said she didn't nurse her kids because she couldn't imagine some kid 'sucking on her boobs'. I know someone else who didn't bf because he dh refused to have sex with her if she did because he thought it was disgusting. I know someone else who refused because she didn't want to have to give up partying for some kid who was stuck to her all the time. I know a lot of women who didn't do it because they were never given enough information in the first place to make an educated decision and so they went with "what was easiest".

[Elana]

I think it's mostly misinformation. Most parents want the best for their children. They're led to believe that formula is just as good as bm.

I live in Israel and a few months ago there was a formula scare, because one of the companies didn't have an essential vitamin b in it and quite a few babes were hospitalized in intensive care and a few died

As soon as they found out the reason the lll hotline was bombarded with moms wanting to relactate...

So, the more moms realize that it's not the best for their children, I think more will nurse. If you add to that the poor support of bf in the hospitals and the bad advice of aunts and moms and mils, we have a lot of misinfo going around.

That's why whenever I'm aproached by a surprised mom I try my best not to judge her, assume that she's doing the best for her babe - as well as she knows and answer her questions with pure correct knowledge. You never know - maybe she'll be inspired to nurse her next one longer, or convince a friend, or even her own kids?!

[loving-my-babies]

I think there are many reasons. One is ignorance. I remember when I was pg with dd, my OB (huge on c-sections and ff'ing) told me formula was EVEN BETTER than breastmilk, and that his wife never b'fed and had incredible bonds with her children. Of course, I did not believe a word he said, but how about the other 10000 women at his practice? what about women who don't want to breastfeed in the first place, and are just waiting for someone to tell them it's not a bad thing to ff just to stop feeling guilty and think they are doing the right thing.
Some women don't breastfeed because it has to become part of your life. Like I have said in several other posts, I have noticed that -especially- in the United States, (and maybe why the bf'ing rates are so low) I've met TONS of moms that idealize motherhood in a way, that they are absolutely in love with baby bedding, having baby showers, picking out the perfect crib, taking the baby's picture at 1, 3, and 6 months (don't get me wrong I love taking pics, although I don't understand why it has to be at "certain months" so I just take pics when we feel like it, I don't do the pics because everybody else does) and then when it comes to breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and emotional well-being, these moms "want their life back".
It's not like this. It's not fair to the baby, to have him or her, then come home and go "baby, time to learn to sleep on your own and forget about sucking on these two, here you go, there's a bottle for ya"
This makes me upset, because children are not pets. They are not for decoration or to have the "perfect life". Children need to be cared for and loved and given 110% of you. I truly believe whoever is not willing to devote as much time as they can and have the best intentions to breastfeed and overcome all problems, and not force a little tiny baby to CIO just because you need to get your life back, they shouldn't have kids.

And this is why, IMO, some mothers choose not to BF. I got a little carried away... deep breath in, and out... lol

[katja]

Most of the people I know BF, but a few who wanted to stopped because of bad info they were given by doctors. (Your milk is too thin, you can't nurse if you have ppd, you're baby isn't gaining fast enough, try supplementing, etc...)

However, the one person I know who wanted to FF is my SIL. She said "I'm just not comfortable with the idea of BFing." She is very obedient to my brother, who thinks bfing is disgusting. (Interesting, because he was BFed) I think if he had wanted her to BF, she would have, comfortable or not. But I think they also really liked buying all the perfect American baby products. Now that I have a baby and I bf, they act really uncomfortable around us.

[GeorgiaGalHeidi]

From what I have learned...the #1 reason is lack of education coupled with no support and/or bad advice. There are also those moms that just don't want to invest that kind of time into it, and these are the same moms that have their kids living in their swing or pawned off on Grandma every other week for vacations or mommy time. Some do think it is "yucky" or will ruin their body, but I like to atleast hope there are not too many woman choosing not to do so for those reasons!

[Laurel]

My sil bf's only because she can't afford formula. She hates nursing. Her reason is that she just doesn't like to be touched. She's not a cuddly, huggy person, and having to nurse just about puts her over the edge in this regard. Even the health benefits are not motivating enough for her; bf'ing is purely a financial necessity in her eyes.

[BetsyPage]

I also think some women try, & just cannot get past the rough part, the learning curve, especially if they are not "into" breastfeeding... For exanple, my SIL always starts bf, but very quickly begins supplementing... one of her issues is she is a red-head, & seems to find bf very painful, even when the baby has a good latch. I think she just doesn't stick with it long enough to get better... And she IS very informed, knows the benefits, has friends who nurse. It's just "not her thing".

Also, if you're nursing you can't leave your 3-month old with your dh & go away for the weekend to run in a race... : at least, not easily w/out pumping a lot...

[JayGee]

I have a good friend who FFed and I asked her, "Why didn't you try to BF?" (We're good friends, I can be blunt like that with her ) Anyway, she said that no one in her family ever breastfed, her husband found it odd, and she wasn't comfortable with it at all. She is very large breasted and overweight and I think her general issues with her body added to her decision not to BF. I did get her to try BFing her second child, but she only managed 10 days. With her third child, she went right to the formula again .

So, in addition to the reasons listed above, I think some women FF because they have very little exposure to BFing in their lives. Babies eat from bottles, in their minds, and it's hard to change that misconception, especially in our "breast=sex" culture.

[soccerchic21]

IT is really beyond me why anyone would "choose" an inferior form of nutrition for their baby. And I am just talking about women who never even try to breastfeed. Also it sounds very painful. I know 2 women who never brought thier babies to their breasts and when they talk about having to bind their breasts and how it felt no thanks.

However, I never did ask them why they did not breastfeed. I thought I would be prying too much. One thinks that Riley shouldn't be breastfed because she can ask for it now and the other wanted a c-section. They are very mainstream and still my friends and I didn't want to get into a breastfeeding debate with them anyway.

[sohj]

Originally Posted by JillyKay

...You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.
And career moms are more likely to FF bc they know ahead of time that the baby will be in daycare from 6 weeks on. So, what is the point in even starting?...

Welcome, JillyKay. (I'm assuming you're pretty new due to your low post count. )

Just want to point out that in my totally anecdotal experience in the capital of high-powered career mothers -- New York City -- there are more pumping mothers of the professional classes than of the administrative slave classes. And most of the administrative slave classes that I know feel like they work because they have to so ends meet rather than out of any ambition to rise to the top of the heap in their profession.

All daycares I know of (maybe there are some that don't fit into this description) here are happy to give expressed breast milk to the babies.

When I was still pumping, I did my part to be a poster-girl for (extended) breast feeding....I quite publically pumped in the ladies room at my engineering firm for a year after my pixie was born. There was a perfect division of the women at the firm as far as the "ick" factor: All the secretaries and file clerks were shocked and embarrassed and many were also rather offended. All the engineers were thrilled and hung around in the "milking parlor" to chat, keep me company, and ask for lots of breastfeeding details.

Personally, I think why people choose not to is the "ick" factor. Too many Americans are just totally squeemish about such very basic things.

I know women who would never have considered using a diaphram because they didn't want to put their own hands "down there". All these same women also thought breastfeeding was gross.

Makes me wonder how they get through life.

edited to add: JayGee, the marketing gets them, too. You're right. I have a FIT everytime I try to find a babyshower card because nearly all have BOTTLES on them. And there are BOTTLES all over the gift wrapping and gift bags, too! : I have raised so many stinks in Hallmark and Carleton Card shops all over town that I think all the managers run and hide when they see me coming.

(BOTTLES! Like it is NORMAL or something!)

[loving-my-babies]

Originally Posted by JillyKay

Mostly, I think it is social pressure. Same with circ'ing, but that's another rant all together, lol!
I think that many women are afraid of going against what is most widely accepted. "....what would mom think?.....would my friends be shocked?"


You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.

I agree with the circ'ing part (I don't circ) but being a young mother myself, and having tons of young mom friends, I must disagree wholeheartedly with you. In fact, I think this may be the case in the united states, probably, if it is at all. Where I am from (chile) EVERYONE starts breastfeeding. Well, the stats are great there too, and well, there is not such thing as choosing not to bf. Sure, many give up, but not without trying. Even young moms. everyone tries, at least a couple months. ofcourse there are always problems and some moms decide they don't like it. But I really, honestly, never though women would actually make a choice like ff BEFORE having the baby. they don't even bf in the hospital? this is non-existant in other countries.

I understand your perspective, but I don't agree that you are "at risk" for not bf'ing your baby by being young. at least not in the places & cultures I have known.

[Jane]

Some moms honestly think formula and breastmilk are the same. That there is no difference between them and it's like choosing between Nike or Addidas.

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by Apricot

Some moms honestly think formula and breastmilk are the same. That there is no difference between them and it's like choosing between Nike or Addidas.

I don't really think that comparing choosing Nikes to Adidas is a very good example because the obvious choice is Adidas!

[Peppamint]

I had to giggle at the Nike/Adidas analogy. Of course, I don't want either slave made shoe, I'll take Birkenstocks.

All my playgroup friends bf. Some wean sooner than others, a couple practiced CLW. That's it. The rest of the people I know FF. My ds is the only baby/toddler not drinking formula/juice/koolaid out of a bottle at church. I do have a friend who pumped for 6 months for her first (with a manual pump!) and 13 months for her second baby. She is not even TTC yet, but we've already arranged things- I'll be at her birth and staying with her until that baby is latched on and eating straight from the breast.

One girl I know was told by her (I think) middle aged coworkers that her breasts would sag if she bf. She quit at 6 weeks (and promptly gained 15lb). Another girl was encouraged to bf but wouldn't even go there. I think partially ick factor and partially because she drops her kids off at the IL's house for the whole weekend quite often so she can party.

And BTW, my breasts had stretch marks from pregnancy and got more when my milk came in. Milk comes in even if you don't bf at all from what I understand, so isn't the 'damage' done? And my boobs were back to their perky small size a few months after dd weaned even though I was several months pregnant.

[Gidget]

Originally Posted by Icequeen_in_ak

Breastfeed that is?

I literally had one woman tell me that she refused to breastfeed because she'll be damned if her kid is going to ruin her boobs (I can't tell you how depressing it was to me to know that she gave birth to children in the first place)

: That is so sad. Yep, them pg hormones are the culprit. Not only that, but why did she bother if she is more worried about her body. It most likely will also permanently widen her hips, enlarge her feet and she MAY never have a completely flat belly again, no matter how hard she tries. Boobs are not the only things that go when you have a baby.