Parenting Kids with Special Challenges - Page 3  

i think it's awesome that we have whatever we do have for discussing special needs here on the mothering boards. i think there is hesistation or lack of response because (from my experience) there isn't much visible support in the ap community for special needs. i didn't know my daughter had down syndrome until she was born. before that i was a regular writer to 'i'm pregnant!' but when i came home i didn't feel that there was a place for me on these boards anymore. there wasn't any talk about what could happen and at worst there was some negative talk about fears of a 'defective baby'.

that's why i was SO elated to see a special needs forum here. but i had to stumble upon it. for that reason i totally agree with el who said if 'special needs' was next to 'real life with a toddler' it'd be beneficial. i mean 'queer parenting' is a category that i'd never have been exposed to if it wasn't along side everyone else.

also, i think it's fantastic that there is a special needs section in fiding your tribe. great idea and again i'm so thankful for the recognition.

~sb

Yes. This has been my experience with my 15 year old foster/adoptive son. I do a lot of things with him that I wouldn't do if he didn't have the needs he has, and I would have to characterize a lot of our approach with him as "tough love" rather than AP as it is usually defined. It seems our relationship with him was much worse when we didn't recognize that all the skills we had for building a solid relationship (AP) were of diminished value if we didn't address that the form of expression for those skills would be very different given our son's needs. We are still following his lead and meeting him where he is, rather than some notion of where he "should" be. We have not abandoned any of the basics of attached, loving parenting. It's just that totally different form. Am I making any sense?

Possibly people find it difficult because the special needs are all so different?

I would love a place to discuss challenges. My son has CF, and I'm just adjusting bc it's a new diagnosis. I need support and love to give it too!

Advanced kids

This hasn't been addressed yet, to the best of my knowledge, but I am the parent of a special needs kid -- she's 2.5, but it's pretty obvious that she's different.

I was just browsing the message board for her birthday month and year, and all the other moms are bragging joyfully and wonderfully about their kids' achievements -- learning colors, counting to 10, beginning to potty train -- and I feel as if I can't contribute anymore because I'm sure they would think I was bragging or trying to put their own kids' achievements down. They're nice people, so of course I don't want to do that.

Moreover, the reactions I have received from friends and relatives to our dd's achievements have been rather hostile and suspicious.

Rather than being supportive, they've referred to her as a "monster" we are somehow "creating" (the implication being that we must surely duct-tape her to a potty chair until she spits out what the chief export of Albania is, or whatever) , and we've also heard the BS about how "all kids even out by third grade" and "why won't you let her be a child?" (although we have explained it's not a matter of "letting" her "be" anything other than who or what SHE wants to be).

In short, I've begun to feel kind've excluded from friends and family other than giving the usual generic updates on the phone about how she's fine, she's growing, she loves riding a trike, et cetera. Moreover, I've begun to wonder whether or not I'd have a lot in common with moms of other special kids -- probably many of whom have to deal with some of the same irritating cr*p. So yeah, I'd like a special board. Thanks for letting me vent.

Just realized that this thread has been revived. I'm not clear on what is being asked here....if anyone has any requests could you PM me? Thanks.

Mariah (Piglet68) directed me to this thread which was started last year and has been posted to again recently and therefore risen to the top of the forum. I'm going to close it as there's no need for the poll or discussion anymore. We now have a separate forum for Special Needs as a subforum in the Parenting Issues board. When you click on Parenting Issues from the main page you will then see the Special Needs Parenting forum at the top. Just click again on it and you will enter the Special Needs Parenting forum.

Another explanation for something that may still be of concern to some of you. Why is it a sub-forum rather than a main forum? It's a space issue. We get many requests for specialized topics such as Special Needs Parenting. Rather than increase the length of the main page, which would entail a long scroll, we prefer keeping main categories with their main topic boards on the main page and placing special topics into the main topic boards that they fit into. In this case Special Needs Parenting fits into Parenting Issues quite nicely.

But yes, I know that it makes it sort of hidden from view. And I did say that I was working on a setup that would show the subforums as titled hyperlinks on the main page (in a way that wouldn't expand the length of the homepage). But I have delayed doing this because it involves a hack of the system code, and to hack it now (which is a bit of work to do) entails having to do it all over again when we upgrade to the new version of vBulletin which is rumored to be soon released. So I'm trying to hold off on any hacks until after the upgrade. I hope everyone can be understanding and bear with me until then.