or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › Letter to a Regretful Mother --
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Letter to a Regretful Mother --

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
Hiya, folks. After reading all the heartbreaking stories in the "If you regret circumsizing your son(s), please post here" thread, I thought I'd post something I wrote a while back.

Years ago, in another forum, a mother just like yourselves was putting herself through hell because of her guilt over this. Her feelings of regret and despair were starting to poison her relationship with her child, and she asked for assistance. I wrote the response below in the hopes that it would help her, and to our shared relief and happiness, it did.

Since then I've reposted it several times elsewhere, and it's always helped other mothers then as well.

I hope you find it helpful too, even if just a little bit.

Oh, and just for the record -- though I expect this might not mean much, because I'm not your sons, I think that you deserve to hear it anyways -- I FORGIVE YOU.




Letter To A Regretful Mother --

Please don't beat yourself up over this. . .there's a lot more that goes into making a child happy and successful than just this one decision. . . .

Am I angry that my foreskin was amputated in my infancy? You betcha! Do I blame my parents? No way! "Hate the sin, love the sinner."

I reserve my anger for the AAP, who misinform the public, and for those who are educated on the topic and still support and perform the unnecessary genital amputation of children.

I'm sure there are many, many wonderful things you've done for your son, too. . .always remember that you have to fill both sides of the balance with their appropriate measures before making your judgement. I wouldn't be caring for my father now if he hadn't done a good job raising me; I would NEVER trade his love and the good example he set for me in exchange for having my foreskin back.

Also remember that it's your son's body. . .so it's his right to decide how he feels about it. If you believe genital amputation violates that right, then isn't his opinion the expression of that right? If he says he's okay, it's okay.

You're not alone in regretting it. There are parents here who feel just like you do. . .and (correct me if I'm wrong, anybody) they say it doesn't overshadow everything else in their relationship with their children. Besides, if you didn't love him so much, would it upset you so much? I'd choose all that love along with a little speck of regret over less love and no regret at all any day. . .and in fact, I do so every day.

Love your son and be joyful about it!




Ack!
Non Illegitimi Carborundum, and KOT!
post #2 of 37
Thread Starter 
Bumping for the new folks. . .
post #3 of 37
I liked that. My guilt is not to the point of hurting my relationship with my ds's, but coming here and reading still hurts alot knowing what I did to them. I love my babies more than life and hope they will forgive me. ANd I do plan on giving them info about circ along with info on restoration when they are old enough. I would like to give my dh info but I fear he will tak it the wrong way and ugliness in the house would ensue.
post #4 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Acksiom
Bumping for the new folks. . .

Thanks, Ack! I needed that!


By the way, you are loved and wanted more than you know. I think you should put that in your sig....

Andrew ,caretaker to stroke victim DF 75, loved and wanted more than I know.

post #5 of 37
Yeah Andrew, I wanted to ask you what that was about in your sig? I hope you don't really feel unloved and unwanted!
post #6 of 37
Thank you for posting that. I do regret my uninformed decision. I will say this a million times over. I really wish they sold mothering at babies rus and gave it away instead of formula samples at the drs office. I was truly uneducated at the whole issue. It's just what people in my family did. It however is not something I think about everyday, or dwell on, what's done is done and I can't do anything about that!
post #7 of 37
Thread Starter 
and -bump for the new posters in the "If you regret circumsizing your son(s), please post here" sticky.
post #8 of 37
Thread Starter 
And another and -bump for the new posters in the "If you regret circumsizing your son(s), please post here" sticky.
post #9 of 37
The most important thing is to say "Son, I didn't know better then and now I wish I had." The bond between mother and son is strong and as long as the mother is candid and honest, that bond will be preserved. OTOH, if she denies him and his feelings and her motives, that bond can be irrepairably damaged.



Frank
post #10 of 37
glad to see this.
post #11 of 37
Thanks for the post.
post #12 of 37
Thread Starter 
and -bump for michelemiller, and others. . . .
post #13 of 37
Thread Starter 
And a and -bump for mobeans. . . .
post #14 of 37
Thread Starter 
And a -bump for Itlbokay and foreverinbluejeans. . . .
post #15 of 37
Bump
post #16 of 37

hypospadias

to frankly speaking; i posted about my son's condition, his opening is a little above half way down his penis and his foreskin is not fully formed around, and slightly bent, he has an ultrasound and has no internal problems.
post #17 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by kailove
to frankly speaking; i posted about my son's condition, his opening is a little above half way down his penis and his foreskin is not fully formed around, and slightly bent, he has an ultrasound and has no internal problems.

Kailove: We started a thread especially for you. If you'll click on this link, it will take you straight to it:

http://69.20.14.30/discussions/showthread.php?t=271441



Frank
post #18 of 37
bump
post #19 of 37
bumping.......

and where is Acksiom these days?
post #20 of 37
We should make this a sticky.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Understanding Circumcision
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › Letter to a Regretful Mother --