June 20-26 - Page 2

[Doodlebugsmom]

Robin, I am glad that everyone is home, safe and sound now! That must feel great.

Julie, I was also getting tired of the "not really labor, but not BH" contractions too. When my real labor began, I was so sure it was just more practice contractions. I was sure I'd get to the hospital and be 1cm dilated and they'd send me home. Thank goodness that didn't happen! I was also swollen those last few days and it sure was uncomfortable. Fortunately, as soon as Julian was born the swelling was gone!

Rynna, my clothes didn't fit the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. I felt like I looked like a slob all the time. I had two pairs of gym-type shorts that I wore every day. It isn't much better now since my maternity clothes are way too big and my regular clothes are way two small. I'm still mostly in the gym shorts!

Things are still going well here. Ds is just doing wonderfully. Nursing and sleeping lots. He has a decent amount of alert time too, usually in the evening. We've been getting plenty of sleep at night. Dd has adjusted well so far. She's very affectionate with her little brother. Today is dh's first day back to work since ds was born. I've been feeling a little weepy.

Labor vibes to all of those who want or need them, warm cuddles for all the new babies, and belly rubs for those who wish to "cook" a little longer!

[Smithie]

Great news, Robin!

"but are any of you more/less satisfied with your birth experience a few weeks after the fact? "

I am thrilled with the birth center, the mw, my DH, my baby and my body - but I am not thrilled with ME. I was so out of it when James was born. I was like a zombie for days, even though I'd had a fast and drug-free labor. I am really disappointed in myself, although I feel that I'll do much better next time and connect with the baby right away, etc.

James has gained 2 lbs 9 ozs from his birthweight, so he is doing really well. My family has gone home and MIL is here giving my entire house a Martha Stewart-style cleaning.

[dharmama]

Rynna, my clothes didn't fit the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. I felt like I looked like a slob all the time. I had two pairs of gym-type shorts that I wore every day.

Two days before Lily was born I met up with my friend to go swimming. As I was walking out the door to go to her house I saw myself in the mirror and I just had to laugh. I was wearing bike shorts (I too had two pairs that I just traded off...that was ALL that fit) and a tank top and I just looked silly. When I got to her house I was like...ummmm....yeah...I should have warned you...I am SO past the point of caring what I look like....hope you don't mind being seen with me! :LOL

I am really disappointed in myself, although I feel that I'll do much better next time and connect with the baby right away, etc.

Oh Smithie...please don't feel disappointed with yourself. You did an awesome job mama. It's such an intense experience - physically, emotionally, spiritually - there's no way to know exactly how you'll react until you are in the moment and then you just have to surrender and realize that forces much larger than yourself are in control.

I've had a couple of feelings of regret...like I'm a prenatal yoga teacher and a doula...I'm all about active labor and birth...get out of the bed...squat...use gravity....and how did I deliver....semi-reclined in the bed like every woman I've ever seen on Baby Story. But ya know what, it's what was meant to be. My daughter was on the fast track and wanted OUT and the position I used just worked.

Anyway...can I ask a question for you experienced mamas? How do you help your DH to feel involved? And what (if anything) do you do when he is struggling...putting diapers on inside out and soakers on the outside of her clothing (that one really cracked me up :LOL)...unable to console her etc.?

I am so attached to Lily and I feel so in tune with what she needs...it is physically hard for me to watch DH and she struggle (not to mention it causes my milk to leak all over the place when she is crying). But at the same time I don't want to be correcting him all the time and jumping in to show him the right way to do it, ya know?

Belly rubs to the pregnant mamas and big to all the new mamas!!

Julie ~ Sending lots of Saturday birthday vibes to your little one!!!

~Erin

[seedling]

Smithie, I second what Erin said. Don't feel disappointed in yourself. Labor/delivery/becoming a mom is SO intense and you really just don't know how you'll feel. The thing you said earlier about being jealous of your precious baby...I felt that way with my first. I remember distinctly feeling like I'd had my DH's baby and now my usefulness to him was spent. I was nothing more than a host body. I was so pissed about everything the first six months of DD's life...I loved her tremendously and was incredibly attached BUT I was just pissed. Pissed at DH. Pissed at all my childless friends. Pissed at relatives who only had demands or were only interested in the baby. It's a hard, hard transition.

Okay, my time is already up. Real quickly, I'm still thrilled with my birth experience.

Julie, hope that little baby comes on Saturday. And just by the way, I'm already loving some of the diapering stuff I got from you!

Hopefully I'll find a few minutes to post more later.

[wildthing]

Robin, I am so glad Kieran is home safe and sound.

Rynna, I also outgrew my clothes the last month, and I too felt like a slob. I couldn't keep my stomach covered to save my life!

Jlie and Queenie, thanks for reading my story. My midwife/friend wrote her version of it as well, and it is awesome for me to read it.

My single regret for my birth is that it was not completely unassisted...meaning the midwife/friend was in the house. I really, really wanted it to just be dh and me, but we did do the entire delivery ourselves.

Erin, as far as having dh feel involved, the only thing I can think of is to let him find his own way. Really, if he is bumbling around, that is okay. Let him find what works for him and Lily. My dh sort of snapped at me when our 3rd baby was a few weeks old because I was telling him how to put the diaper on. I learned my lesson then. Now, he does lots of things very different from me, but our kids survived.

Ack...gotta go nurse again...I'll check in tomorrow....

[majazama]

Hey, I'm don't belong in here, but thought I would lurk, as I'm due july 3rd, and my due date club gets boring sometimes. Maybe everyone is out having their babies right now? I can't wait to have mine.

Anyways, I thought I would say, that it's sooo funny when your partner puts the diaper on inside out. My partner does that too.:

Good luck for all you mammas having your babes right now, and to those who have already had your babies, s

[dharmama]

I wrote a nice long response and then who knows what I hit but the whole window disappeared. I HATE that!!

Lame re-cap:

Donna...I finally got to read you birth story. It is absolutely beautiful. I could relate to many of the emotions/fears that you described so well.

Mamajaza ~ Welcome!

Ugh...I am so annoyed that I lost that response...there was so much more.

Anyway...Ifinally posted some pics of Lily here.

Belly rubs and baby snuggles...

~Erin

[mattjule]

oh Erin, she is just adorable!

I am going to ask dh about things we could have done differently with Tain so that he felt more connected. He isn't home right now or I would have an answer for you. Honestly, I think it depends on the temperment of the baby. Tain was very soothed and attached to me and not to dh for most of his first year. Dh did well when Tain was in a good mood, but not at fussy times, etc. IMO, while I hated to watch dh feel helpless and like a failure, I thought that that baby being really bonded to me was more important. It was more important to teach Tain that his needs would be met immediately than for dh to feel like superdad. It was a bit of a strain on our marriage, but I told dh that he gets to be #1 parent the rest of his life, I only get the first 2 years! (And so far, it looks that way ). The one thing we could both do equally is change diapers, but also, Tain was high need and he would only go to sleep by walking in the sling for really long periods of time. Dh and I traded off that "chore" (I hate to call it that, but you know what I mean). It was wonderful to have a break from the crying (we walked him outside since our apt was too tiny to get a good stride) and to know that dh was just as good as me for that. The bonding will come with time, I think. It isn't instinctive like it is with women, it is something they learn-both baby and daddy. In the beginning, most dads will tell you that they don't FEEL a whole lot (of course they won't admit it at the time, but in hindsight that tends to be the trend), but that they learn to love and know their baby with time. Have you tried to tell your dh how Lily's crying makes you feel? It is such an intense emotion that it makes us do and say some crazy things.

This time around, I think it will be similar, especially if Rowan has a similar temperment. But this time, Tain needs dh so I think that will help smooth the road. I think having the reassurance of Tain as he is now is going to help smooth over the lack of bonding at the beginning of Rowan's life, if that makes any sense. It is really hard for dads, our culture tells them they should feel just like we do when their child is born and the truth is that they aren't really wired for that. So on top of bumbling around more, they also carry this guilt.

On a side note, in a New Beginnings a few years ago there was an article (I think it was called "the Baby Wipe Bath"). Basically it talked about the mom being sick and asking the dad to give the baby a bath. When she went into the room, she discovered dad giving baby a bath with baby wipes on the changing table. As she stood in the doorway about to correct her dh, she realized that both baby and dad were having a good time, baby was getting clean, and it really wasn't hurting anyone. She discovered that her dh will always do things differently than her, but that different didn't automatically mean wrong. I had that article on our bulletin board for a long time, a reminder that dh would not always (okay, rarely) do things the way I would do them, but that it didn't mean my way was right and his was wrong. I try to look at whether or not it is detrimental to our lives and if it isn't, I just let it go. Obviously Tain is not the worse for wear yet!

Well, dh is off picking up my mom at the airport right now, Kirsten will be here tonight. I am so excited that it has worked out well so far!

Anyone know if they still make those play sewing machines? I remember them as a child but don't recall ever seeing them as an adult. My mil bought be a bedazzler for kicks from a yard sale and Tain likes to pretend it is a sewing machine. I would love to get him a play one but don't know where to look. I tried google but all it came up with was antique toy sewing machines-not exactly what I am looking for.

Seedling-I was just thinking that I couldn't remember who in our group I had sold dipes to! Glad that you are getting use out of them, makes me feel proud in a vicarious sort of way.

Well, I should struggle with combing Tain's hair-so glad my mom is here as I want her to give him his first haircut. It is so matted in the back and he positively throws a fit if I try to brush it. Arg.

[Greaseball]

Well, I just tried a bite of raw placenta. It's really not that good! It tastes like a glob of blood. I'm going to cook a bite, but I don't have high hopes for it.

[wildthing]

Erin,
Thanks for sharing the pictures! Lily is gorgeous! I loved looking at all your pregnant pictures too. I really like the ones with your dh, and the one with the dog on your belly had me cracking up! : :

Julie,
You said exactly what I was trying to say about dh and the babies.

Greaseball, did you just now try some of your placenta? I have heard that it is better when fresh, but I haven't tried it myself. Are you wanting to try it for any particular reason now? I am thinking of drying, grinding and encapsulating mine for use during my period, when it comes back.

I went to the endocrinologist yesterday, about the growth on my thyroid. He is recommending surgery to remove it. If it is cancerous, then radiation would be used to destroy any bad cells and to get rid of my thyroid completely. (I may have some of that wrong...but that is the general gist of what he said yesterday) I am not too worried about cancer...more about the logistics of surgery. I spoke to my friend/midwife about it, and she is willing to come and be my "doula" for it. How nice! She said they (meaning dh and her) could put the baby to my breast while I am in recovery, even if I amnot awake.

Mamajaza, nice to see you here!!!!

[Greaseball]

Yep, I just now tried some. It probably would have been better to do it soon after the birth. It was kind of a gloppy mess. I cooked a bite and it was somewhat better - tasted like rare steak - but it had that blood aftertaste.

I was just trying it out of curiosity. Now I know.

[crunchywannabe]

Donna--good luck on your growth!

I just all the pictures...keep them coming!

We are doing well...dealing with jaundice right now. I've had to take Isabella in yesterday and today for bilirubin level checks. they are going to decide this afternoon what we are going to do depending on what the numbers are....going higher or lower. It goes from her head all the way down to her knees.

She is down to 7lb10oz now...nursing is going well...but I don't think she is eating often enough. Most of the time it is every 3-4 hours...I've tried waking her up sooner to eat and she just goes right back to sleep. Compared with my last experiences with BF, this is way better though and she only has had to have less than 3 oz of supplementation!! No blisters or bleeding either so we are pretty happy.

[mattjule]

yay, my mom is here! She was so thrilled to see us and she said she would be honored to cut ds's hair for me

Donna-can you request anesthesia that won't be detrimental to Landen? Just wondering how much would be in your milk if you were still out of it when he needed to nurse. Is your doctor receptive to your mothering needs? Glad you aren't concerned about cancer, that word is so scary! What would happen if you didn't have a thyroid anymore? I thought your thyroid was pretty important. Sorry if this is too intrusive, I don't mean it to be. I'm sending you lots of healthy, support vibes!!!

I'm glad I am not the only one to feel that way about dhs and babies. I almost didn't post it b/c I felt like I sounded like a harpy! Speaking of...dh is home so I'll go talk to him about it. Interesting. He said that he didn't think there was a whole lot we could have done differently to facilitate bonding. He said that the best advice he could give is to NOT "let him find his own way" i.e. leave baby with daddy when baby is crying and let daddy try to find a way to soothe it (unless daddy really wants to). He said it feels like you are being abandoned with no skills or tools to soothe the baby and you know your wife is irritated that you can't soothe the baby and that it makes you not want to be with the baby alone. It is a lot of stress and fear. It reminded me of our first pp checkup with the mw at the office. I went to pee in a cup and dh was with ds in the room with the mw while she checked him out. Ds was VERY unhappy with that and I returned to a screaming baby and a dh that was pouring sweat and looked about ready to have a coronary. Not exactly a warm fuzzy. So if you see your dh really struggling, let him know it is okay to not have all the answers and that he doesn't have to be superdad right away (that will come later ).

[3girlsmommy]

Donna- I had half of my thyroid removed in October of 2002 when my middle baby was 9 months old. Luckily my nodule came back benign and I now take a fairly high dose of syntroid. The surgery was pretty easy and recovery was pretty quick too. I had my surgery on a thursday so that dh could take 2 days off from work and then we would have the weekend too. By Monday I was feeling pretty good. The only real downside to the whole thing is that I have to have my levels checked every couple of months to make sure my synthroid is at the correct level, I hate having my blood drawn and my arm looks like a cushion. I'm sure you know this but tyroid cancer has a VERY high cure rate. Good luck and let us know when you go in for your surgery.

[wildthing]

Originally Posted by mattjule

Donna-can you request anesthesia that won't be detrimental to Landen? Just wondering how much would be in your milk if you were still out of it when he needed to nurse. Is your doctor receptive to your mothering needs? Glad you aren't concerned about cancer, that word is so scary! What would happen if you didn't have a thyroid anymore? I thought your thyroid was pretty important. Sorry if this is too intrusive, I don't mean it to be. I'm sending you lots of healthy, support vibes!!!

Not intrusive at all Julie

I am not really worried about the anesthesia, actually. I mean, my sil had a general with her c-sections, and she was able to nurse her babies when she woke up. I am more concerned about the after surgery meds and the actual time I will be in the OR. I nursed my 2nd dd as soon as I woke up from having my wisdom teeth pulled. But, yes, I would definitely ask for anesthesia that is most compatible with breastfeeding. And yes, my doc is very receptive to my choices....we spoke about it for a long time, and the only instance he said a true interruption and possible weaning would be recommended is if it is cancer and I need chemo and/or radiation.

Your thyroid is very important. Among other things, it regulates your metabolism. They are planning on removing half of mine. The other half could produce enough thyroid hormone for me, but he said what would probably happen is that it would over-produce, which is one of the ways these growths occur. So I would be on thyroid meds for life instead, so my thyroid doesn't overstimulate (Or something like that.....I am not very god at explaining it). I have more research to do!

Thanks for the good vibes.

[wildthing]

Originally Posted by 2girlsmommy

Donna- I had half of my thyroid removed in October of 2002 when my middle baby was 9 months old. Luckily my nodule came back benign and I now take a fairly high dose of syntroid. The surgery was pretty easy and recovery was pretty quick too. I had my surgery on a thursday so that dh could take 2 days off from work and then we would have the weekend too. By Monday I was feeling pretty good. The only real downside to the whole thing is that I have to have my levels checked every couple of months to make sure my synthroid is at the correct level, I hate having my blood drawn and my arm looks like a cushion. I'm sure you know this but tyroid cancer has a VERY high cure rate. Good luck and let us know when you go in for your surgery.

OH SANDI!!!!! Thank you so much for posting that! I really appreciate knowing someone who has gone through this.

And yes, I have been told that thyroid is one of the best types of cancer as far as cure rates. However, dh used to work with a wonderful woman who died from thyroid cancer, so of course that is what we both keep thinking about.

Thank you again for sharing that with me.

[mattjule]

Thanks for answering all my questions

Just a big for you this morning!

Sooooo, Kirsten was flying Sacramento to Las Vegas, then Las Vegas to Denver. Well, as ppl were lining up to check in at Vegas, they told them the flight had been cancelled! She isn't much of a flyer so she was pretty freaked. The airport ended up putting her on another airline, but instead of leaving LV at 5:15, she had to leave at 10:00. Then that one was delayed. Bottom line is that I finally saw her face at the Denver airport around 1:45 am this morning. Luckily I had not napped with Tain so dh watched him while I slept from 8:30 pm to around 11:30. So I am not super tired today. For some reason driving in the car last night sent excruciating pain through my lower back-similar to what I imagine back labor is like, only this was muscular. As soon as I would get out it would go away. It was really weird since general sitting doesn't do that. I was having pretty strong ctx by the time we got home but per usual, they fizzled out. It was starting to feel like labor but I am glad it wasn't-Kirsten had 2 hrs of sleep the night before and my mom has my 1 yo niece for the next day or so so it would have been really bad timing. Rowan definitely feels lower, though, and either sex had interesting results the next day or I lost some of my mucus plug. I think I am going to ask the mw to check me today b/c I tried to check myself last night and things have shifted in there. Mostly her checking me is purely educational for my benefit. It's nice to have a better understanding of what I feel when I check. She is super supportive of that, too. She says every woman should know what her cervix is like.

Anyway, I need to jump in the shower and make a plan for Tain. He plays so well with others but for some reason he is so mean to his cousin! She can't touch anything, and I mean ANYTHING without him throwing a huge fit and pushing or hitting. She is an easy baby-happy, not grabby, doesn't retaliate. It is frustrating b/c I really don't understand what his problem is. Anyone have any insight? Anyway, I don't want to be mediating at the appt today, but I really want to take my mom to meet the mw so I am going to beg dh to keep Tain here with him while I go. We'll see how many favors I can ask before he falls apart

[3girlsmommy]

Julie- I bet Tain is sensing that your birthing time is close at hand. I noticed the type of behavior that you mentioned in both of my girls intensify this last time a day or two before Lily was born. Hopefully it just means you will be meeting your little one soon!! Sending Saturday birthing vibes to you!

[mattjule]

you all are so awesome! I hope that is it. Now that everyone is here, I am so ready to meet this little guy!

[seedling]

Hello all! Donna, been thinking about you. Hope the thyroid thing turns out to be nothing. I hope you've been able to focus on that new baby instead of thinking too much about the "What if's". Anyway, it sounds really hard. On another note, I loved your birth story and all the photos. Thanks for sharing.

Julie, I hope your little one arrives soon! So glad all your support people made it. Ryanna, where are you? Hope you're still hanging in there.

Things here are a little better. I had one day this week that was just awful with me crying most of the day...just feeling so overwhelmed. DH goes back to work on Monday. But I've got a friend coming over with her kids to keep DD entertained and my Mom is coming that night. It's either going to be a big help or total overkill (the my Mom part). My DD has REALLY been getting on my nerves. So whiney and really quite obnoxious. Okay, got to go. She's torturing the dog.