Hi,
Just wondering if any of you have advice or at least can listen. DS is 12, turning 13 at end of summer. She spends most of her time at bio-mom's and about 1/3 of the time with me and her dad.
She is very developed and could easily pass for 17 - in fact, we live in a college neighborhood and on a regular basis she gets looks for the college guys.
Anyway - over the last year, she has started to dress in what I consider a provactive style, but what could also be considered the "latest fashion styles" - the spaghetti strap tanks, the mini skirts and hip hugger jeans and capris, etc. Keep in mind, I'm only 29 and not exactly a prude.
Anyway, bio-mom handles most of the clothes buying, b/c DS will not wear the clothes that her dad and I will let her buy. So she has figured out that she can get what she wants if she just goes shopping with bio-mom.
So, how do you a handle a young girl who is dressing too old? Especially when you don't have control over what she purchases. I certainly understand that as a teen she needs to be allowed to make her own choices, but when those choices show way too much skin...what do you do. I have had to ask her a number of times to change tops, which she will usually do, but then she's in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Since there isn't much bio-dad and I can actually do about it, I guess I'm just wondering how other people control/handle their feelings about these issues. I think my main concerns are that in dressing the way she does, she is going to get herself into unhealthy situations and also b/c I'm uncomfortable being around her when she is dressed that way.
Finally, I'm trying to figure out how much of it is my own left-over junion high school issues. I have bad memories of the "trendy" girls treating me like dirt and I've seen my DS do some of the same things to the girls that aren't allowed to dress like that and it really bothers me. But to call her on this kind of thing usually results in a weekend long battle and it's gotten to the point where it's not worth it.
Sorry to be so long. I guess to sum up, if you have any coping issues or any insight, please pass it along. Maybe grinning and bearing it is the best course of action and this too shall pass, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to enjoy the time that she is with us.
I think it has come to head in the last week or so as the weather has warmed up and the summer clothes have come out.
I'll quit blabbering now, thanks for listening to a new poster if you've gotten this far.
Kristi
Just wondering if any of you have advice or at least can listen. DS is 12, turning 13 at end of summer. She spends most of her time at bio-mom's and about 1/3 of the time with me and her dad.
She is very developed and could easily pass for 17 - in fact, we live in a college neighborhood and on a regular basis she gets looks for the college guys.
Anyway - over the last year, she has started to dress in what I consider a provactive style, but what could also be considered the "latest fashion styles" - the spaghetti strap tanks, the mini skirts and hip hugger jeans and capris, etc. Keep in mind, I'm only 29 and not exactly a prude.
Anyway, bio-mom handles most of the clothes buying, b/c DS will not wear the clothes that her dad and I will let her buy. So she has figured out that she can get what she wants if she just goes shopping with bio-mom.
So, how do you a handle a young girl who is dressing too old? Especially when you don't have control over what she purchases. I certainly understand that as a teen she needs to be allowed to make her own choices, but when those choices show way too much skin...what do you do. I have had to ask her a number of times to change tops, which she will usually do, but then she's in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Since there isn't much bio-dad and I can actually do about it, I guess I'm just wondering how other people control/handle their feelings about these issues. I think my main concerns are that in dressing the way she does, she is going to get herself into unhealthy situations and also b/c I'm uncomfortable being around her when she is dressed that way.
Finally, I'm trying to figure out how much of it is my own left-over junion high school issues. I have bad memories of the "trendy" girls treating me like dirt and I've seen my DS do some of the same things to the girls that aren't allowed to dress like that and it really bothers me. But to call her on this kind of thing usually results in a weekend long battle and it's gotten to the point where it's not worth it.
Sorry to be so long. I guess to sum up, if you have any coping issues or any insight, please pass it along. Maybe grinning and bearing it is the best course of action and this too shall pass, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to enjoy the time that she is with us.
I think it has come to head in the last week or so as the weather has warmed up and the summer clothes have come out.
I'll quit blabbering now, thanks for listening to a new poster if you've gotten this far.
Kristi
