June 27-July 3! - Page 3

[wildthing]

OMG!!! It's THURSDAY already!!!!!!! :LOL

Julie, has it always hurt when Tain nursed? The reason I ask is because it was REALLY uncomfortable for me when Gunnar nursed during my pregnancy, and it was still very tender after Landen was born whenever either of them nursed, although it was worse if it was Gunnar. But by the time Landen was about 2.5-3 weeks old, it quit hurting completely. Now I can nurse them both with no discomfort at all.

Julie and Liz, I am so sorry your having trouble with your families. Sometimes, family can really suck!

Like many others, I have been having issues with Gunnar, my poor displaced baby. It happens each time, there is a period of adjustment for everyone, but it is still tough. I generally do not like to nurse them both together when I have day care kids here, because I am very exposed, so I have to tell him to wait. It makes me feel so bad to see his little face, because he doesn't really understand why he needs to wait.

Anyway, Landen is sleeping, so I must take a shower NOW!!!! I guess we should start moving over to life with a babe soon too, huh?

[LizD]

There's been some traffic on our life w/a babe thread but we must certainly stay here too until everyone is through! A friend of mine once went two + weeks postdates and was really annoyed everyone abandoned her!

my m-i-l and her sister and friends came by. They all brought very generous gift certificates, so I feel a tiny (tiny) bit bad we don't get along so well. But my niece was just as weird as usual and her grandma every bit a marionette. And my mil obviously doesn't want me talking to my niece if it might involve asking her to or not to do something so I wash my hands of all of them. I am mostly annoyed bc when I didn't want them teasing my toddler or otherwise undermining her they were really nasty to me about it over all these years and meanwhile my niece is the exact thing all my AP efforts were supposed to avoid- and did- with my talented, kind, confident big girl. Their loss-pthbhthpthht!! and a big pthbhthpthbtht to julie's family- a bigger one since she only *just* had her baby for pete's sake.

I do wonder how sensitive or not we are to this sort of thing as pp women. I actually feel less sensitive to it in a way. I've got two fabulous children now, I'm in a sort of pp glow, a bubble that seems to insulate me even as I seem to see these family inequities more clearly than usual.

I also sometimes remember all my friends are AP to some degree or other and my inlaws don't see the differences I do, or attribute them to parenting.

Julie I hope you are getting what you need despite all the baggage.

[wildthing]

Oh I agree Liz! I would definitely not abandon our buddies still waiting. I was more thinking out loud....

[mattjule]

My mom has been really great about it, really understanding and putting a lot of it on herself. It sucks b/c she deserves it as much as I do, but at least someone around me cares about how it affects me. Honestly, it wouldn't matter so much if it wasn't EVERY time something important happens in my life. Like my sis can't stand to see me get any attention. Anyway, I am so done with it. Mom took Tain and the girls to the park today and I got to nap with Rowan. It was so heavenly! I didn't realize how much sleeping with Tain in the bed affected my sleep. It isn't anything I am going to do anything about-Rowan will sleep harder, nurse better at night with time and I am so not willing to push Tain out of the bed but it was eye-opening.

As far as the nursing goes, Tain has always been a clamper. It wasn't so bad when he was younger-his jaw was less strong, he didn't have any teeth, and my nipples were pretty deadened as far as sensation goes. But when he started getting teeth, it was horrible. So our nursing relationship was really disfunctional going into this pregnancy. Then my milk disappeared and his nursing slowed to 2x a day, which I could tolerate. We also worked on opening really wide to latch on and unlatching by letting go, not pulling. I thought that would do the trick. But it is what happens as he nurses that I am discovering is the real problem. He clamps down, no matter how much areola is in his mouth-it just means that the teeth marks are deeper if there is more breast in there. Like his jaw only has one angle of opening or something. As he drifts off to sleep he gets sloppy, slurping and losing suction, then sucking hard to get the nipple back. This also happens after let-down, when there is only hindmilk left. I have read Adventures in Tandem Nursing so I do feel I have started to exhaust my options. I did appreciate how the book did not place blame and was supportive of weaning if you felt it was right for your situation. It is nice to not feel super guilty about it. I had hoped I could get through this phase to the deadened sensation phase again, but I cringe when Rowan latches on after Tain (like, within 3 hours) and that is unfair to myself and Rowan. Nursing him should be wonderful, especially since he is good with his latch, not agonizing. I am still thinking about it. I think my biggest mistake was letting Tain nurse as much as he wanted to as soon as Rowan was born. My nips are still too sensitive for that. So we'll see if I can tolerate just the nap and bedtime nursings and go from there. Thanks for all the suggestions, though.

So, anyone else's abs extremely sore? I thought that being too active like going up and down the stairs, carrying Tain, walking around the grocery store, etc. was giving me horrible afterpains. But I have figured out that it isn't my uterus, it is everything holding it up and in. Doing housework does the same thing so I have had to take it really easy. I was wondering if the ab recovery is longer/more intense if your abs have separated. Mine did this time, but not last time with Tain. Any thoughts?

Labor vibes to all those mamas still cooking, can't wait to see your sweet babies!!!

I started my birth story, but haven't finished it yet. I hate to wait, b/c the details disappear so fast, but just haven't had the time/inclination to make it a priority. ah well, it will happen eventually.

Liz-I feel that your wedding and the birth of your children are the only times in your life where you get to be unabashedly self-centered and everyone else gets to just deal with it. So raspberry them for me too!
Lots of love to everyone!!!

[mattjule]

Erin-just read your birth story. It is incredible. What an amazing woman you are (and you have a great husband too!)

[LizD]

my whole body ached for a few days after the birth. i think it just depends what you were using most. my arms were incredibly sore from just the short time i was in the "doorknob squat." but my abs hurt for about a week.

i read you should do no formal exercise beyond kegels for the first few weeks; that the abs shorten naturally. also when you do begin exercise, splint the abs with a towel, really hold them together. I haven't gone to formal exercise yet but my ab separation, which i also did not have the first time but was quite huge this time, is almost completely gone. I think being up and around to a normal degree works wonders in the first few weeks.

a friend of mine of seventeen years was so offended when i sent the ashley montagu petition to the UN against genital mutilation of children! he said jewish circ was no worse than body piercing so he couldn't sign it. i said "well we have to agree to disagree on that," and i think our friendship is at an end. i am kind of amazed but at the same time, if someone is going to become more closedminded with age rather than more openminded, i have little use for them. funny all this comes up when one has a newborn!

[Doodlebugsmom]

Hi everyone! I haven't had time to post for a while, but I've been keeping up with reading the posts. Things are still good here. Dd is just in love with her little brother. She's such a sweetie. Yesterday, he was awake most of the day and boy was it tiring. He wanted to nurse almost all day! I'm thinking he must be in a growth spurt. I had forgotten what a mess I make nursing a newborn. There's milk everywhere!


As far as visitors and company go, I'm worn out. We have had so many friends/family stopping by that I was starting to get really annoyed and emotionally wrecked. I felt like I was going to cry any time I opened my mouth to say anything. Mil was thinking about coming this weekend, but decided to wait until next weekend. Dh and I are both glad. We feel like we need to spend our three-day weekend together with no visitors. I feel a little guilty because I know that everyone just wants to see the baby, but I feel like I need some time to just chill out with dh and the kids.

Julie, I was really sore in my abs and thighs for about a week post-partum. I didn't have that with dd. I thought it was just because ds weighed two pounds more than she did and it took much more work to push him out.

Liz, I'm sorry about your friend. That really sucks!

Erin, what a great birth story!

[dharmama]

Originally Posted by mattjule

Erin-just read your birth story. It is incredible. What an amazing woman you are (and you have a great husband too!)

Originally Posted by Doodlebugsmom

Erin, what a great birth story!

Awwww...thanks you guys.

[Greaseball]

My abs are still a little sore. They have this downward pull on them, and it sort of hurts to do crunches.

[seedling]

You are doing crunches? Egads woman!

[dharmama]

You are doing crunches? Egads woman!

No kidding! I was thinking the same thing! Of course this is the woman that was riding her bike : at two weeks post-partum.

:LOL

[LizD]

well, we had a lesson in what's important today.

today was going to be the day i got a lot done. feeling good, babe getting more hindmilk so happier and less gassy, etc. even got up early, paid bills, etc. my daughter was emptying the dishwasher and i was getting the baby ready to go on some errands (finally get a baby bjorn and save my breaking back). my daughter ran in and shouted, "rich's shed's on fire!" this is the shed just on the other side of our driveway. i ran out, saw nothing but smoke everywhere. i shouted, get out of the house! get out! and reached for the phone. while calling i ran out to see how bad it was; it was like a movie. only the frame was visible; everything else was flames; our trees were on fire; the roofs of both houses were starting to catch. i ran back in to get the baby, and saw my wonderful big girl had not listened to me because she ran to get the baby. she had him wrapped in a blanket and was bringing him out.

we ran outside and across the street. the fire trucks seemed to take forever. the neighbor's daughters had all been asleep inside! they are all teenagers or grown and had slept late. someone got them out by banging on the door, and their windows began exploding. we were all screaming. i was screaming, "christ, not the houses! please, not the houses!" my daughter was screaming about the cats but i thought if the fire spread to our house i would break a window at the far end so they could get out. someone told me to move my car, but i had the baby. she said, i'll hold the baby, get me the keys. it seemed the fire was going to be blown to my car. it was all i could do to hand my baby to a stranger but i did, ran in and got my keys and my phone and my asthma inhaler, which i have curiously not needed all day!

finally the trucks came. everyone wanted me to get out of the smoke but i couldn't leave the scene. my daughter went with my neighbor who kept her company during the birth. i went in finally and shut off the power; our water system was destroyed and was spraying water everywhere. our trees are dead and our wndows on that side broken, and the blinds melted. the neighbor's shed is gone with their beautiful motorcycle, their mower, golf cart, christmas ornaments, etc. of course it's all just things but how awful! they are all still here; i am back in the house with the baby and the AC on. fortunately there's no smoke in here and no real damage. the water system is being replaced as i write. neighbors are all stopping to offer clothes, food, etc. one man builds houses in the neighborhood and offered my neighbors an empty house to stay in. my husband rushed home from work.

my mother-in-law, however, when i called, didn't seem to care in the least- i thought maybe she would get katherine, who was so freaked out she went with the neighbor right away, rather than be here. i didn't even get to ask. my mil just said maybe she would come say goodbye to us tonight but they wouldn't stay because "katherine doesn't seem to enjoy julia" and it's "too stressful." she repeated several times they don't get along and that she didn't want to hang out. how she could do this to my daughter, when we just had a fire, let alone a new baby, i have no idea. this actually is what upset my husband so much he had to come home. he said he will ask them never to call us again, he is so angry at how our daughter has been treated all week. of course my daughter can be a pain in the ass like anyone else but she really is a sweet, kind person who can't be mean to anyone (even when she should!), who is really artistically talented, very smart and very unique. everyone who spends time with her compliments us on how warm and good she is- they feel a lot sorrier for her than we do when she's in trouble for something! so all that makes me even angrier my inlaws so blatantly favor her cousin. i am speechless, as i was while on the phone. they have done many, many cruel things over the years but this might finally be the end.

so while we are all still shaky we have gotten, as i said, a lesson in what's important. thank the stars everyone is safe and unharmed, even the rabbit! it's all the more reason i no longer have patience for family squabbles or interpersonal nonsense.

may everyone else be as safe and sound as we are today, and remember to be grateful without the reminder i got! and don't waste time on malarkey!

there are now happier explosions from my boy's diaper, so must dash!

[dharmama]

Oh Liz OMG...I am SO relieved that you are all okay. I can't imagine how tramatic that must have been (of course it would be anytime...but ESPECIALLY post-partum). I'm so sorry your in-laws have not been supportive but glad your husband is going to talk to them.

BIG BIG to you and your family (and your neighbors too).

[eilonwy]

Hello everyone!

I've updated the list; as far as I can tell it's correct, but please let me know if I've forgotten someone, or if you've written your birth story so I can add the link.

Things are going fairly well in my corner of the world. I too have thrown some fits at my husband, the biggest and most horrid of which occured just last night and has had some very positive results. You know how I've been complaining that he hasn't helped me to do any cleaning the entire pregnancy? Well, last night was the last straw. We got an entertainment center from some friends and it was semi-assembled in the middle of the living room, and instead of moving it to the place it needed to go, he sat down to read a book!!! I started throwing things and screaming and moving furniture. Seriously. Rivkah woke up and I said "You feed her, you seem to think that I don't do as much work as you do and you need the break more than I do. So you nurse her." He didn't like that much.

At any rate, I ended up sitting down nursing both kids, and changing their pants and I told Mike to get out of my way. When I tried to move the entertainment center, he freaked out and handed me the baby again. That's when I told him that I couldn't stand the mess anymore, and that if it wasn't a priority to him to live in a clean house that was fine, but he should just admit that to himself and to me so that I could do what needed to be done. Long story short, he's at home cleaning right now, and the kids and I are at my mother's house where my brother has just installed the ethernet cards on the computers so that I can be online.

Our own computer should be coming home tomorrow evening. Hooray!! Thank goodness for small favors!

Life with two kids is, thus far, very good. Eli loves his sister, and I've got some adorable pictures of the two of them together. He loves to give her kisses and to nurse with her. He actually tries to give her the breast when she lets go! It's the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life! :LOL He likes to nurse with her in his lap, and he pats her back or rubs her leg while they're nursing. It's just super lovey!

Rivkah is nursing very well, but she's got a horrific case of thrush. Eli has a little bit, and I've got a little bit; Rivkah seems to be the source. I don't know how, since she's never had antibiotics and I didn't have a yeast problem during the pregnancy at all, and even if I had she was born by c-section.. At any rate, I've swabbed her tounge and buns with gentian violet, and Eli's too, as well as my nipples. Already her tounge is less than half as thrushy as it was yesterday. That purple stuff is magic!

Hm. I think I'll write my birth story now, and get back here later. I've got so much to catch up on! Life is so crazy without a computer. :LOL Sweet kisses to all the babes and belly rubs & labor vibes to everyone still waiting.

[mattjule]

oh liz, how frightening! So so glad you are all safe!

Well, I think I am getting to the root of our nursing dilemma. It wasn't until tonight that I realized that both Tain and I have forgotten how to tell when the breast is empty. He has been nursing on empty breasts for so long now that as long as a little milk still comes out, he sucks away-and I don't try to unlatch him b/c he is still swallowing. But I think that is why his suck is so vigorous. So I am off to the bfing forum to hopefully get some advice about how to change that.

Rowan got his first bath today. We had gone out and he was so hot when we got home that I stripped him down to nothing while nursing him. So he had an explosion, followed by hiccup induced reflux all over me and himself. So off to the bath we went. He didn't know what to think of it, but seemed to think it was okay if he was nursing and I was holding him close. He is in the middle of a full body skin peel so I used a wash cloth in the bath. He looks pretty flaky right now but the new skin underneath sure looks nice

There are so many nice things about doing this the second time around. I actually got him and I in AND out of the tub by myself with no crying-something I never could have done with Tain in the beginning. And I am sleeping well at night so I am not needing to nap a whole lot during the day. Now granted, it is still the first week and he isn't really awake yet, but nursing at night isn't a learning process anymore so latching him on, etc is a piece of cake. Slings are easier since I know how to use them already. The crying during diper changes and for short spells in the car (he actually doesn't hate the car like his brother so he only cries when he is hungry and that is usually when we are close to home) don't freak me out and make me a crazy person. Man, it is nice. My pp period is going so much more smoothly and joyously than last time. It also helps that I am not so alone this time.

Anyway, dh has Rowan and I still need to get over to the bfing forum so I'll sign off for tonight.

Rynna-good to hear from you! I hope you all get rid of that thrush asap!

[eilonwy]

Liz, that sounds horrid! I'm glad everyone is safe, though.

I am in the process of uploading pictures from Grandma's camera to Shutterfly; once we have our own computer back I'll get the ones from my own camera. Mike actually bought a disposeable camera to take pictures when Rivkah was born, and he told me that he'd shot them all before they even got to the nursery. :LOL He was just excited to see her, I guess.

Is anyone else totally in love with the smell of NewBaby? She's so yummy! Rivkah's babysmell is reminiscent of Eli's yet entirely unique. My niece was so funny, peeking over her crib during her ultrasound, she suddenly turned around and said "Rynna, why does your baby smell so good?!" :LOL I told her that it was because she only eats nursie-nursies. She also told everyone she could that Rivkah "feels just like silk!" in a very excited, wonderstruck way. She's still really disappointed that she didn't get to see the actual birth, but she loves her new cousin nonetheless. I think that if someone in the family doesn't have a birth she can witness soon she's going to freak. :LOL Maybe SIL will let her be there in December when the next Bean is due.

I was wondering.. I was thinking of adding some stats to our sticky list, but I'm not sure if I should so I thought I'd ask first. Things like, biggest baby, how many homebirths planned/actual... anything else you wanna do. I can think of reasons to do it and reasons not to, so let me know what you think.

[3girlsmommy]

Good Morning everyone!

Liz- Wow! That's scary! I hope your oldest dd recovers quickly from the shock of it all. Big hugs to her!

Juile- I agree about the whole second baby thing. W/ my second I was so much more relaxed and slept so much better. W/ the third it gets even easier!

Rynna- I love smelling Lily! She smells so sweet! She's probably sick of me sniffing her though! I also love just rubbing her check w/ my cheek. It's the softest thing in the world! I'm so in love, can ya tell??


My mom has really ticked me off. She has basiclly ignored Lily. She had the older two while I was in the hospital and allowed them to trash the house and not pick up so I came home from the hospital and had to clean my house. The day Lily was born she never brought the girls up to meet their new sister until almost 2:00 in the afternoon. Lily was almost 12 hours old! I had asked her to please bring them up in the morning because I really wanted them there. And then they didn't stay very long because she wanted to get home to her pool! She has only seen Lily since if I bring Lily to her. She doesn't call and she hasn't done anything for Lily. With both of the other girls she went out and bought them a whole bunch of clothes and this time NOTHING. I'm just left sitting here wondering what the heck I did wrong this time! I just want a mom who is there for me. The whole thing bums me out. I can't help but wonder if she's mad that Lily is not a boy. She told me all along that if the baby was a girl then she wasn't going to do aything for her but I didn't think she really ment it. sigh! It's jsut been bugging me lately.

HAve a great 4th of July weekend!!

[eilonwy]

Geez, that sucks, Sandi. My family has actually done lots for Rivkah, but they hardly did anything for Eli when he was born. I don't think it's because they prefer girls, but because there's a bit more money around the family right now than there was when he was born. By contrast, my IL's bought lots of stuff for Eli but hardly anything for Rivkah. I'm not really sure why... maybe it's because she's the second, or maybe there just hasn't been enough time. It might also have something to do with the fact that SIL is away taking classes right now, and she's a much bigger fan of shopping for baby toys than FIL. :LOL

I told Mike on the ride home that now that we have a boy and a girl, I won't need to know the gender of baby #3 (I know, I can't believe I'm thinking about it either! :LOL). He grinned and laughed and then said "I don't know, I think I may be spoiled that way!" :LOL We'll see!

I haven't visited the LWAB forum.. in fact, I haven't visited any of the forums since a bit before our computer died. Speaking of which, I just found out that we're getting it back on WEDNESDAY. AAAAAGHHHHH!! I suppose I can live with that, but still it's really irritating, you know?

[mattjule]

sandi-I think that is aweful, no matter what the reason. But especially aweful if it is b/c Lily is a girl. I don't see why ppl think gender is a big deal. Granted, I would have LOVED to have a daughter but it is hardly Rowan's fault he is a boy and I definitely consider that to be my issue, not his. Which, BTW, I was totally over the minute I saw him

I love baby breath smell. I am sure Rowan just loves me sticking my nose in his mouth every time he yawns...

[mattjule]

hey when is it that smiles aren't just reflexes anymore? b/c he totally just smiled at me.