I offended friends in remembering their baby son - Page 2

[L.J.]

I think what you've done is beautiful. I think that most people would be touched by what you've done.

The words he used about them moving past the pain and about you remembering the negative, shouts to me of the very deep pain they are experiencing and it seems like they are trying to push it away. Everyone grieves differently and in their own way. If you contact them, I would make a point of indicating that you were trying to acknowledge their child in a positive way. It must be so very difficult for them.

Every life, no matter how short or long is a miracle and deserves to be celebrated. Every child, whether we ever "meet them" or not provides us with some magic and some beautiful gifts and opportunities for growth. (I realize that your friends are not even close to being in that space). If you choose, you could continue to write the letters....for yourself or do something special in honour of their child. Maybe years down the road you could share it with your friend if they have moved through the pain.

[brandywine]

I think sending a note on the child's birthday is a beautiful idea. I'm so sorry your friends don't feel the same way. Please don't feel badly about yourself. You sent the notes out of lovingkindess. I agree that it would be best to send a letter of apology explaining that you meant no harm. I now many mama's who need a friend like you!

[TexasSuz]

Did the couple go on to have other children? I keep wondering that. I have friends that lost their only child and they can not have more. It makes it very painful for them even though they do remember their son's birthday every year.

I guess people do grieve differently. I think the husband could have been kinder in his response though. You were only trying to show you cared.

[jeca]

I hate to sound harsh but I think if it bothered them so they should have said something years ago. They were rude to you when you were just trying to be thoughtful. I know grief does things and now you know that's importent but I don't think you need to do anything to make it right since they simply want to "forget".

[applejuice]

Playdoh -

YOu did the right thing...they do not seem to be able to process their grief well.

My sister died when I was six years old. I remember it like it was yesterday.

My parents did not process her death well at all, and it affected me and my sisters closest to me in age.

My parents began to drink when this happened; my Father stopped after a few months. My mom never stopped. They never really acknowledged her death...it has been 44 years, and still there is no marker on her crypt in the mauseleum. My mom threw away the memory book from her funeral...(I saved it!) and my mom tried to believe that she would be born again in the family if she had more children...which you know did not happen...

My sister and I investigated putting a plaque on her crypt, but we have to wait for our mom to die.

This is a sad situation.

Do not worry. I guess, next time ask. Sorry, but everybody is different, and process their grief in different ways.