So sad for my nephew....

[Nemmer]

Yup, I'm sure you can all guess. He was born today, and his mother is insistant on having him circ'd, despite all the info I sent and conversations we've had. Her hubby, my BIL, doesn't want it done at all () and has really taken to heart our conversations and the information. But she is adamant, and being a long distance fight, we've just lost it.

[PuppyFluffer]

I am so sorry. I just cannot understand how a person allows their baby to be harmed. It's not like she can claim ingnorance if you have informed them. So very sad!

[A&A]

I'm afraid I'll be reporting the bad news about my nephew later this month. I'm so sorry for your nephew, as well!

[Brina]

I am so sorry for that poor baby. I know how you feel after sharing that info to have them decide to mutilate their poor baby anyway. sigh.

[TigerTail]

i'm curious if there are any instances where a father opposes it & gets his way (legally, not necessarily court, but signing something like a circ refusal/'i will sue' document, like women have done) ? god knows there are enough instances of dh's we hear about insisting it be done against the mother's wishes, & bulldozing her into aquiescence seems to be the only 'legal' route. other than non-custodial fathers taking it to court, is there anything happening that legally, hospitals will have to consider the consent of the father? 'cause this is pretty bogus.

suse

[willowsmama]

I think men to stand up for their children as much as woman do.

Why couldn't the father say no, let's research more then if you still insist we can talk more about it. I don't see how any parent could still circ after falling in love with a tiny little baby. I couldn't look at my son and say ' I love you but if I just cut this part here off you'd be perfect'

[Nemmer]

I know, I agree. I'm sick to my stomach knowing this will be done today, most likely. And even more sick to my stomach that I was once one of those parents, who didn't want to listen to the other side, and I did this to my boy, and made my friends feel like I do right now. BIL will regret this forever.

SIL is the type of person to completely close up in an argument, instead of discussing things rationally. So the arguments have gone basically like this: BIL-- I really don't want to circumcize our son. SIL-- I DON'T want to talk about it. We're doing it. End of story. (door slams shut)

Don't get me wrong -- I care deeply about them both. But she is hard to argue with, because she refuses to even talk to you.

[Frankly Speaking]

In most, if not all states, it only requires one signature on the consent form. That can be either parent. Some hospitals have a policy that it must be the mother probably because the man there may not actually be the father. There is no doubt who the mother is.

An ethical doctor would never perform the procedure if the father had voiced his objection to it until he was sure that the parents had come to an agreement with each other. Of course, there are a lot of doctors out there with the eithics and morals of an alley cat and will accept the consent of a grandparent even after the parents had declined and voiced their objection. Some are keen to circumcise tothe point that I think they have a mental illness and should be recieving mental counselling and not practicing medicine until the issues had been resolved.





Frank

[Acksiom]

Originally Posted by suseyblue

i'm curious if there are any instances where a father opposes it & gets his way (legally, not necessarily court, but signing something like a circ refusal/'i will sue' document, like women have done) ?

There actually have been a couple of cases where fathers took the matter to court to prevent their child's routine genital amputation.

Unfortunately, I don't have the cites handy; I learned about these cases years ago, before I had taught myself to bookmark and make and file distinct copies for later reference as a reflex.

Originally Posted by suseyblue

other than non-custodial fathers taking it to court, is there anything happening that legally, hospitals will have to consider the consent of the father? 'cause this is pretty bogus.

It pretty much depends on the area -- the local ordinances, the character of the local prosecutor's office, etc. Jurisdictions vary widely in the degree of rigor that is applied.

[Acksiom]

Originally Posted by willowsmama

I think men to stand up for their children as much as woman do.

I think such comparisons are far more divisive and off-putting than they are helpful.

:



May I suggest instead, without offense, that it would be much more productive and positive to assert that boys and men need people in general to stand up for them more?

[fareal]

I (the father of our child) was the first to run across all the anti-circ info and introduce it to my wife. At first she was completely against not circing. But it didn't take very long for her to be educated and realize it wasn't necessary. I'd say that within a week of us discussing it we had both agreed on the decision to leave our son intact.

[alissakae]

Oh, I think it's terrible that one parent can have this done against the wishes of the other parent : . Awful, awful, awful.

I'm so sorry about your nephew

[A&A]

So, have you visited your nephew? If so, how did that go?

My (probably going to be circ'd) nephew is due next week. Rather than feeling joy for my bro and SIL, all I feel is apprehension and sadness. I don't know how I am going to visit them.

[Nemmer]

Oh, thanks for asking. They live out of state, so we haven't seen them yet. We've seen pictures, but of course I can't look at them without thinking of the trauma he went through. We're going down to visit in a couple weeks for the blessing (christening-type event). I'm trying hard to get to an emotional place where I can be happy for them, despite this decision of hers.