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When you feel that everyone else thinks your childs special needs are 'your fault' - Page 3

post #41 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2boys
THen I asked her how she got her five kids to be so well behaved and her response was "god loves me and gave me good children".


now see, if this woman had said this to my I would have had to slap her and then they'd have blackballed me from the church.

So not only do you have the kid you can handle and who needs you, you get the jerks you can handle too. :LOL

Seriously; what that woman said was appalling and unforgivable rude- not to mention SMUG. I'm sorry she hurt you- I can only hope it was ignorance and not intentional. Your son is lucky to have a mom like you.
post #42 of 45
i'm glad to have found this thread. i've read everything, and want to read it over and over again carefully. it's a wealth of experience and knowledge. plus, a lot of the time, i just find knowing other people are in a similar place, and have had to fend off the same sorts of comments from well-meaning friends who want to try and help, without realizing there is no way they can understand without first walking a mile in your shoes and really, really knowing what it's like to spend 24/7 dealing constantly with the special issues in your life, to say nothing of the ongoing worry of medical, long term care, and support issues.

but i have good news too my godson, who will be 13 in a month has asperger's. he is my best friend's child. ironically, my second son, who is a year younger, has something called the digeorge anomally. it's a genetic problem with lots of different components. one of teddy's problems is called non-verbal learning disorder and it is a severe problem, but not a common one, or even one that experienced educators and medical professionals are aware with. i say ironic, because non-verbal learning disorder (nvld) has some similarities to asperger's, although nvld kids do not share the genius qualities of asperger's kids, and are sometimes borderline retarded.

my godson is doing so well! although he has his quirks, in many ways, he is just a normal, gawky, teenage boy. after doing summer football workouts, he told me yesterday he'd decided against football b/c he didn't feel any "passion" for it. i've spent so many years watching and worrying and it is such an enormous blessing to watch him unfold into a beautiful, sensitive if slightly reclusive, young man.

my son is also a beautiful, wonderful child, but the issues with him are more pressing and constant. just getting her registered for another school year (something i just finished this morning) is an ordeal. explaining to teachers, doing enough shtick to get them on your side and willing to help with special needs, and on and on. it can be overwhelming and it was until he was in fourth grade. although his medical stuff had to be dealt with, my dh and mil stayed in denial on the mental/emotional stuff, until i finally researched and shopped aroound and found some specialists in this area. the diagnosis was obvious and they made it--he scored on all of the indicators for nvld.

having a diagnosis makes it easier in the sense that dh and i can remind ourselves some of the problems are neither his nor our fault, and that we just have to stay on the same team and all work through them. but the well-intentioned comments, or in all honesty, sometimes mean, spiteful jabs from people who are uncomfortable with kids who are "different" can be so difficult to deal with. i sometimes wish we could just be isolated in our own space, but then i remember teddy is going to have to function is this world full of people who can be cruel (he has some pretty incredibly little scars on his tiny body from repeat surgery, including a "zipper that goes virtually all away around his body at the chest line, and is bissected by two vertical scars from other heart surgery) or just indifferent. so we try to help equip him with the skills to deal with that--i guess a good, healthy sense of humor being among them.

i'm sorry to ramble i really just wanted to say hi, and let y'all know how much i feel like i learned from reading all the posts here.
post #43 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum
Tara : "I don't believe it is God's will that my children have these challenges, but I do believe He entrusted them to me for very good reasons."
i have some bad days, but most days i feel like this .

i also have a set of twins and feel that way about them.
post #44 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by rorysgirl1
having a diagnosis makes it easier in the sense that dh and i can remind ourselves some of the problems are neither his nor our fault, and that we just have to stay on the same team and all work through them.
Getting an "autism" diagnosis (or, in our case, educational evaluation) for our son was honestly the best thing that could have happened to my husband. He went from being an impatient sort-of-there father who was frustrated with our inability to take our son anywhere to being a completely devoted dad who was ready, willing, and able to do the best for his son -- including spending more time with him because he was able to get over his frustration once he understood the behaviors. Thank God (and I mean that as a devout Catholic). We have two other children with special needs as well, and I don't know how I could have endured without a teammate as well as a spouse. I know so many single moms (I forget the outrageous statistic for divorce when a child has special needs) and I am just amazed that they are able to function. Hats off to them -- and all of us, for that matter.

Tara
post #45 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by thoesly
Getting an "autism" diagnosis (or, in our case, educational evaluation) for our son was honestly the best thing that could have happened to my husband. He went from being an impatient sort-of-there father who was frustrated with our inability to take our son anywhere to being a completely devoted dad who was ready, willing, and able to do the best for his son -- including spending more time with him because he was able to get over his frustration once he understood the behaviors.
That is so true for us too Tara, getting the diagnosis for Autism was a good thing. It made me realize that I wasn't some awful parent that just couldn't "control" her children. There was an actual reason for his misbehavior and it made me want to get involved and be a better parent.
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