someone has to get this forum started!

[Missgrl]

hello there.....just want to get you thinking!

[stlcjb]

major change . . .

The biggest change was having dd#1. She made me put my life into perspective. I was an owner of a small gift store in Ohio. I had run it well for 4 years, but then I had dd. My life fell apart. Looking back, I had major post-partum depression. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to deal with my husband, who was growing more and more distant. I just didn't want to do anything at all, except sit and stare and nurse my dd.

We went on vacation and he laid into me about what I wanted to do. Did I want the store or a family? After many tears and hard thinking, I chose family. I really wanted to be a SAHM. I just couldn't do that and work too.

I an SO glad I chose being a mama. I now have two beautiful girls, a lovley home, a wonderful dh and lots of good friends now that we have moved. I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

[happyday8598]

I KNOW that my children are in my life for a reason. They have motivated me in SO many ways, and I'm so happy and thankful for them. And I make sure they know it every day.

I never realized how much you can depend on somebody until I had Owen and Caleb. THEY, I am proud to say, are the reason I strive to be who I am, and more...

And THEY, I am proud to say, reaffirm my self love daily. For if I weren't who I am, they wouldn't be who THEY are, and they are perfect... what reflection does that show on myself?

Lovingly,
Emily

[lavender]

I had to vote "other" because I have grown just as much from having known my dh as I have from having our children. He is an amazing guy and I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

You definitely got me thinking there!!

[Rainbow]

I put having children... I had 7 miscarriages before I was able to finally carry Malia to term. The whole experience made me grow alot as a person. Now that I have my beautiful little girl, life will NEVER be the same, but I'm glad about that

Aly

[daylily]

Although having children has certainly caused me to grow as a person, I feel that the death of my mother four years ago had just as big an impact. I'm still struggling with the grief and anxiety caused by her death, but I feel in the end I'll be a stronger person from having to deal with it.

[Missgrl]

daylily-So sorry about your mom! Yes, I should have put that on the poll!
Good luck and i believe too that death strengthens the living!--though it may take a long,long time! Chin up!

[zealsmom]

other

The death of my best friend.
college.
living overseas in a country wrought with civil unrest (i'm not talking about India) and struggling for its Independence.
love.
zeal.
dh.
driving though a city where children are begging on practically ever corner and my inner struggle of how to help.
meditation.
my meditation group.
losing a friend because of an argument.

(not in any particular order)

[Els' 3 Ones]

Other

Getting clean and sober thru the 12 steps and with the grace of God.

I was given a 2nd chance, truly. Every day I start with graditude for the gift.

My children are next. With each one I have grown. But I would have none if not for the grace.

[ekblad9]

other

While my trials seem minimal compared to some posted here (and plenty others not posted, I'm sure) there are so many things that have caused my personal growth. Getting pregnant at 17 and being a single mom for four years was a big thing. Living in an emotional and physically abusive relationship for more years than I care to admit. Putting myself through college with my son to care for. Meeting and marrying a terrific man who took to my son (and ironically resembles my son) but has health problems that are too painful to talk about. I now have three more children and I feel like the most blessed person in the world most days. It's so funny how time passes and it's not until you look back that you think "wow, I did that" or "I lived through that".

Good luck to all of you! And thanks for sharing your stories!

[Maribel]

Blessedx4, we have walked similar paths.

I lost my mother at 14. I met my DH 1 month later. The death of my mother turned me in to a bitter and mean person. Luckily for me DH is a sweet, strong and loving man that saw me through this....and actually stayed with me even though I treated him like sh@#. I've had such a rough time in my life jumping from family member to family member, but let me tell you, once my DD was born, I never thought of these awful times again. I'm going through the joys of a new baby right now with DS. I feel so blessed with what I have that I'd wal that hard and bump road again and again knowing that I'd end up with what I have now.

[Ms. Mom]

I can't vote because it's all of the above. When I lost my daughter Amanda at birth - changed me FOREVER! When my son was born breating and ALIVE - changed me FOREVER. When dh almost died 2 yrs ago from a post-operative Wound infection - Changed me FOREVER. When my dad commited suiside last year - made me totally re-evaluate myself and who I was.

So, I don't know how to vote, because 'Other' dosn't fit either...

[e.Rishavy]

I voted "other" b/c after summoning courage from dh and God I started talking to my father. It was the first time in 15yrs. My life would change in ways I never could have perceived.

Through our discussions and them mulling those over w/ Dh it was revealed that I had never been abused by my father. - - - - It still causes me to pause - - - for 15 yrs I have believed and propigated the horrible lies about my father. I know that my mother and pyschatrists were trying to do their best to keep me from the harm they perceived.

it's such a long story . . . . I will never stop loving my mother, I just can't pretend anymore that she isn't paranoid schitzophrenic (sp?). Her behaviors have always been so hostile and unstable I just wanted to believe that it was me and not her that was reacting ackwardly.

anyway, I have the ability now to say without shame - I love my mother AND my father. My child will know his grandfather and I will have a father.

In one month - it still gives me pause - so much has happened.

[hahamommy]

near tragedy...

I'm almost glad to have picked that one, maybe it's really not a tragedy after all....

I would have thought the impact would be my husband, then my children, although having each of them was anticipated most of my own life... Losing Mitch (12/00) and raising our kids by myself has to be the biggest source of personal growth (and frustration) only because it was one I was/am completly unprepared for! 16 months down this foreign path, I'm still struggling to find my way ~ but the woman I'll find a mile or so down this way is completely different from the girl anywhere on the original trail.
(Now if I can just make it from here to there with most of my marbles, I'll be okay )

[El Casey S]

My Freshman year in college, where my sister attended,where none of my friends were, my sister left having a nervous breakdown at the same time my hometown broke up with me - I felt totally alone - and forced to be independent - and I didn't even know I wasn't until then. Then later feeling called to serve God, but not wanting the responsiblity - BIG growth spurt there. Then, of course getting pregnant & growing and learning with my child - and will be for some time.

[rainsmom]

my growth

What life experiences have made me grow?



losing my husband at 21
moving away from family and raising my then 2 year old ds by myself
traveling thru europe at 28
my dd, at 42



Thank god for these "tragedies" for that is what we are here for, to learn and grow!

[levar]

Happy to say I dont think I have ever experienced Major Tragedy. And my Significant Other is still with me thank goodness.

My marriage and son [pregnancy anyway] happened within a few months of each other. Both events have changed my life as I'd never imagined.

Only other event in mylife with such impact was my Mother's scare with cancer just before my engagement. We all got a new view into priorities of life.

[boobear]

Definitely having a child, but the problem is I have little to no time to think anymore :\

[2boobs]

I lost my mum in aug 2000 to ovarian cancer. I feel this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I'm not sure if I have dealt with it or not. I am learning a new way of being me.

Having my two children has changed me hugely too. Susan and my mum knew each other for four months before my mum died and Arthur was conceived around about the funeral. So all those changes happening simultaneous have meant a new me really.

I am happy and fulfilled, but also sad and empty.

Would love to hear more from others who have lost their mothers. I think any loss tends to be swept under the carpet, like we're ruled by fear- fear of upsetting someone and fear of death itself. Mother loss however, is a particularly relevant one to this site.

[ladylee]

This is a good question--I'd say these were the major catalysts in my life:

Having a volatile father
Being an only child
Feeling different-ridiculed for being Polish
Moving around a lot--went to 12 different schools by the time I was 14!
My grandfather's death when I was 12
The suicides of 3 friends within 3 months of each other when I was 20, the death of a friend in a climbing accident when I was 21
Moving to NYC after college graduation
Marriage at 21
Being estranged from my family for 9 years
Ending my marriage at 27
Leaving my corporate job
Being alone in my 30's made me available for what's right for me--met my husband & other parts of my life worked themselves out.