someone has to get this forum started! - Page 2

[Raven]

I voted for having children but there have been many othr life altering moments in my life. I think having a child has given me a new sense of appreciation though.

[Beth]

I voted other b/c I feel like I grew the most right after high school. I actually started a new path my senior year. I realized that I was/am my own person and what my parents said/did was not my concern. I became responsible for my own actions and it helped me become a better person. I learned to live how I knew was right instead of living how my parents didn't want me to. It was a great release for me. From that time I have been a much happier person.

[hydrangea]

It's hard to know. I gave birth to my first child and had complications from an unnecessary "emergency" c-section that brought me pretty close to death. Having a child was a huge change, but thinking I might die made me realize how much I truly love my life and everything in it. The experiences came so close together that it is hard to separate them.

[Mamma Riddle]

Time spent in Russia
My Children
The near end of my marriage - and seeing God put it back together!

Those three have made me grow in the most amazing ways

[sunmountain]

The moment I looked in the mirror after finding out I was pg with ds1 was the most telling moment in my life. I remember saying, "So what are you going to do now? All your choices are different, time to grow up, I guess." And a week later, hearing myself say to the father, "You have two choices as I see it. We can hang out, you can be there for me, or you can walk away and never have anything to do with it. I won't bring you into my decision to keep the baby. I only want you involved if you want to be, but it's all or nothing."
Eight years later, I got it all.
Thanks for the inspiration to remember that latter moment. I needed a perk up.

[candiland]

I voted "other".
I had a nutty, unstable childhood. My mom, who was abused by her parents her whole life, had my sister and brother. I was an "oops" baby after she had an affair with a married man. He walked out of her life, never to be seen again. She went to the abortion clinic and they started the procedure, but she freaked out and ran out of the office, saving my life. One of the reasons she wanted the abortion was because the docs told her she might die if she gave birth again; she was born with a heart problem, can't remember what, exactly.
She died when I was four, so my sibs and I lived with my grandparents, the ones that emotionally abused her so horribly. They emotionally abused my sister, as well, who is 12 years older than me, but adored my brother, who is 14 years older than me, maybe because he was a boy?: I was the "baby", spoiled rotten and given everything my heart desired...
my brother went off to college, and my crazy sister married into a rich family... her hubby was very abusive and a coke addict. She gave birth to a little boy in 1990, and one year later, her DH committed suicide.
Shortly before that suicide, my grandfather died of cancer. I watched him waste away before my very eyes; he had to be fed from a tube and went from 300 pounds to, around, 120. After he passed, and my BIL passed, my sister and her one year old moved in with my grandma and I.
The day of the suicide, my grandma had a near-fatal heart attack. She died several months later, leaving my sister custody of me. I was 13. She and I both drank a lot; she was an alcoholic and I was frequently left alone to care for my nephew. She was extremely verbally abusive.
I really got into drugs and sex; I seduced a lot of older men and got heavily into philosophy, Jack Kerouac, Carlos Casteneda, The Grateful Dead, shamanism, paganism, etc... one of the men I seduced commited suicide, which is another story altogether...
shortly after, I got together with a guy when I was 15; he was 24 or something. I dropped out of school to be with him all the time. We fell madly in love, but he was a drug addict and an alcoholic. It was an abusive, crazy, drug-addled relationship from the start, and I broke up with him a year later. He died of a heroin overdose shortly thereafter.
I met my now-DH at a music festival when I was 17. He was in his late 20's. We moved in together, as my sister was nuts and we despised one another. We drove cross-country a bunch (he works for a band as a sound tech), and when I was 19, I was prego with DD. We bought a house, I had a homebirth - which was a totally empowering experience, and changed me forever as a woman - and BFd for two years, stopping only when I found out I was prego with DS, who I homebirthed in May. We are now a quite content, very spiritual, and very loving AP family.
There's my life. Got carried away there. Maybe I'll write a real novel one day:

[DiaperDiva]

I voted other.

What helped me to grow up was finally getting away from my parents. I was always under their thumb and felt like such a child, unable to do or think for myself.

I keep growing and maturing though with each step I take in life, including getting married and having my daughter.

[ChicanaMama]

Many things have shown me a path to growth. Getting married and having children have definitley contributed to my growth but it is the little everyday things that have taught me the most. I, like so many others was the subject to traumas as a child. Those traumas shaped who I am today. If it were not for the abuse I suffered as a child I would not have searched for alternatives to mainstream childrearing. If it were not for my promiscuity as a teen I would not be earning a dgree inpublic heatlh to teach teenagers about birthcontrol. If it were not for the health problems I had while pregnant I would not be such an advocate for natural childbirth. All of these things shape who we are. there is a buddist saying about knowing the lesson while you are still experiencing it.

[MamaSoleil]

I voted for other, has a lot of events have made me grow, I can't just pinpoint one...
I was involved in an accident in 1996, I was sure I was going to die that night, but I walked away with a broken knee...ok, hobbled away......
That was a first major crossroad for me, sent me on a whole new rd, was forced to make a lot of decisions that at the time, did not make much sense and were not promising...If it wasn't for that night, I am fairly confident I would not have ended in my beloved town in the rocky mountains, where I met dh, adopted my k-9 baby, conceived dd....so many beautiful things happened to me there...dh and I are both from the same hometown 3000 miles from where we met....too bizarre...
I continue to grow everyday, thanks to my beautiful family!

Mamasoleil

[Pynki]

i chose havig children because that was the most positive thing that changed my life... My parents divorce changed me... My mother tried to change me... Being raped chnged me.. And finally getting pregnant when dr's said i probably never would changed me... IT was like someone took me by the head and literally turned it.. It was hard to go from unmarried living with a guy i loved, to being pregnant by the guy i loved when i wasn't supposed to get pregnant ever...

So having children is the most positive thing that has changed my life... Todate that is!!

[Katana]

I guess I would fit in under other.

Losing my twin sister seven years ago when she chose to be with an abusive man who said it was either him or me (and my family) changed my whole life. She chose him, and I believed for a very long time that it wasn't worth it to be in any relationship. Because if my identical twin, who was my best friend and a part of me could leave and never look back, what chance did I have making anything last with anyone else?

My growth was realizing that life does go on, and it's okay to be vulnerable with people, and to want to be loved. You have to take a chance with your heart.

And meeting dh and experiencing his unconditional love and friendship.

Also, having my kids. Everything about them is amazing and beautiful to me. The greatest honor of my life is being their mama.

[Mothernature]

There have been so many catalysts for growth, change, escape and reform in my life. I voted having children because nothing has been more compelling and profoundly positive as that experience.

Others include:

Parents divorce
Puberty
College
Lost Love
Rape
Abortion
Marriage
Psychedelic drugs
the OKC bombing
OJ Simpson
Jon Benet Ramsey (I was a journalist once)
Getting fired
poverty

But, childbirth is definately the best.

[JesseMomme]

Gosh - so many to think about...when I'd reach a point in my life where I felt like could go no further, suddenly everything bloomed, whether it was good or bad, and I grew some more, and my whole heart and mind expanded...

Parents divorce at age 4
Parents drug/alchohol use through out the years (forgiven)
Ex-Stepfather verbally abusive (overcome mostly)
Discovery of music and my musical ability (now a guitar player, wish I had time to play tho!)
Death of grandfather
Discovery of theater in high school
Death of a fellow student day before Junior Prom
Becoming friends with my best friend to this day
Subsequent parent's divorce (a good thing!)
Semester at college (sex drugs and rock and roll)
Meeting Dh (a really heavy and sad day it was actually)
Supporting mom's sobriety
My wedding day
Becoming a mother, and watching my son's life hang in the balance
My second pregnancy and birth
Post partum depression
September 11th
My third pregnancy and solo unassisted birth
Short but traumatic episode with CPS (still dealing with fierce, ugly anger over that one)

Those are the basic touchstones that come to mind, I'm sure there are more, but those stick out.

[captain optimism]

Three years ago, I was hit by a car while I was crossing the street, in the crosswalk. I was very badly hurt. My boyfriend had to drive across the state to see me. The first night they had me in intensive care because they thought I might have broken my neck. (I hadn't, thank God.) Lying strapped down in bed, I watched him come in the door, and said, "I'm so happy that I lived through this accident so I can be with you."

Up until then I had been considering breaking up with him because he couldn't decide whether or not to get married, and I was worried that I might not get to have children if I waited for him. But at that moment, I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him, even if we never got married. I just didn't think I'd ever love anyone else that much.

Then he stayed with me and took care of me for all the months while I recovered.

Then we did get married. It was the happiest day of my life.

Then we did have a baby. It turns out I can love someone else that much!