What do you LIKE about your church?

[reverendmother]

Okay Chrisitian Mama's ---

Grab a cup of and join me in a good gab telling me what you like about your church -- I don't care if it's trivial (like cushions on the pews) or heady (the Christology that appears over and over again in the sermons).

And here is the second question -- maybe a follow up question....
What would cause you to leave your church?



Come on Mamas, let's jaw.

[onehipmomma]

OH OH OH!!! It's too hot for coffee here, but I am chilling with a nice tall iced tea (sweetend of course) I am ready to gab with you:

I love the fact that everyone knows who we are. Everyone knows ds and he can roam free during coffee hour after the service and I know he will be safe and well looked after.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE both of our Rectors ! They are awesome women! Our parish Rector just returned after a year off to deal with ovarian cancer. I am sooooo thankful that she is back I cry everytime I think of it (happy tears) She is such an awesome role model for me. What I love the best about her is that she is totally normal, she doesn't act "holier than thou" I have seen her cry after she felt like she botched a sermon (she didn't) I have heard her talk abput being at her witt's end with her kids, her husband is hilarious, I could go on and on!

Our Assistant is also awesome. She took the leadership role in our Parish when Rev'd S. was ill. What makes that so amazing is that it was only 2 weeks after she was ordained! What would cause us to leave, and is something that we are currently struggling with:

there are no other 20 something families in our parish. I love the wisdom I get from the older members, but it would be nice to hang with people our own age every once in a while at church functions and after the service. We often joke that we are the only ones other than the teens who don't have white hair. There are a lot of families that are in their late 30's, however, there is a big difference between us who are just starting out, and them who are well established in their careers, families community etc...


T

This is my 400th post

[Super Pickle]

I like so many things about my church.

I like that my church is small and everyone lives within walking distance of one another. We really are a community church. We see each other at the co-op, at the farmers market, in the park, on the street, etc.

Everyone pitches in and shares his/her gifts. We have to, as we only have about 30 members. I am not one of the more involved congregants but I have had to play guitar/lead singing a few times when the regular worship team is out; I have had the opportunity to teach Sunday school a few times (we take turns); and I've recently sort of taken on the church garden as my responsibility.

The people are not only giving of their time, but of their money as well. Beyond maintaining the building and the pastor's family, we typically raise for missions an amount that equals roughly 25% of total operating costs.

We get along. There are no dirty politics.

The pastor is intelligent and gentle and always emphasizes the importance of having a perosnal relationship with Jesus. We see church as the culmination of a week of private worship, not a once-a-week fix.

The pastor speaks from a place of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. His sermons are always powerful (although he does recycle his holiday sermons every year :LOL
and always Biblically based. I learn something worthwhile every Sunday.

We sing the old hymns of the faith as well as praise choruses.

We pray a lot; simple and sincere prayer, not scripted or wordy prayers. We have a time in the service where anyone can share his praises and prayer requests and then someone will lift each individual up.

It just feels authentic, real, and down-to-earth. No legalism or frills or facades, just commitment to God and to the Word.

[EFmom]

I like so much about my church.

1. Low on dogma (UMC) and doesn't require that you check your brain at the door. Very inclusive, and focuses on the things that bind us together in God rather than what divides us.

2. My pastor rocks. He has a personal relationship with every single member, which just floors me, having grown up in a large parish where you could attend for 30 years and the priests wouldn't have the slightest idea who you were. He's got a daughter who was adopted from Korea, and as an adoptive parent I just love it when he "normalizes" adoptive families. His sermons (mostly) are wonderful--thought provoking, insightful, challenging. Even when he makes me mad, he makes me think. His enthusiasm for God radiates out every pore, but it's not at all phony, and I've got overly sensitive BS antennae.

3. My bishop rocks. She is soooo cool. She has the courage of her convictions, even if it's personally and professionally dangerous for her. She was arrrested not too long ago in a gay rights demonstration! It is so good for my daughter to have such a great female role model.

4. The church is extremely youth oriented. One of the things that really attracted us to the church was the group of teens. They are polite, helpful, respectful, joyful, responsible, kind and generous. I figured any church that produces kids like that must be doing something right. The church offers them a very positive outlet and many opportunities to learn leadership skills. Yeah, a few dye their hair green occasionally, but that's probably a good thing.

5. There is a deep sense of community--we care about each other. That's reflected in the worship, in the service activities (Habitat for Humanity, food pantry, etc.) and in our relationship with each other and God.

What I don't like:

1. At heart I'm a Quaker, but where we live that's not a good option with kids. So, while I love the glorious music, etc., in our worship, a lot of the time I wish we'd all just be quiet and listen to God. I also don't find ritual at all fulfilling or important. Mostly it just seems silly.

2. The fundraising. The trustees in our church need reining in sometimes. They make money grubbing part of the service far too often. I know it takes money to run the church, but it goes too far.

3. The pastor needs to wear a watch but refuses. He often starts the service late and spends way too much time on announcements that are printed right in the bulletin.

[reverendmother]

Thanks for replying --- it interests me that both of you are in small churches (me too )....I use to minister in big and medium size churches (1000+ and 400) but I really like the small churches.

Onehipmomma,
Don't despair about being the only non-bluehairs. We were in a church of Senior Citizens and my children LOVED it! Infact they miss all the grandma's and grandpa's (I do too... )

oops - that third reply creeped in while I was typing this....

One question EFmom...why do you think ritual is silly? (Maybe we need to define terms here)

[EFmom]

Re the ritual, it just isn't important to me. It's my Quaker leanings, I guess. Let's take communion for example. For me, the "do this in memory of me," is not a commandment to sit in church and pass out ceremonial bread cubes and grape juice. It's a commandment to gather together wherever we are to share a meal, share each other, share God's presence. That happens in my house at dinner time all the time. The ritual in church seems artificial.

Folks marching up and down the aisles in robes, lighting candles seems, well, like mumbo-jumbo. It does nothing to bring God's presence closer, or doesn't seem especially worshipful or serious to me. It's a distraction almost. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well. I know tha tmany people get comfort from that kind of thing, but for me it just misses the point.

[kama'aina mama]

Two things first: I am not a member at this church, hubby and I are taking a real long test drive. The pastor wants to come to dinner after his vacation so...? Also, you did say no matter how trivial, so:

I like my pastors name. His real name is cool but his nickname is a lil silly and somehow the combo appeals to me.

I love that his wife has a different surname than he does (so I'm not the ONLY one) and that when he speaks to her or about her he always uses her name, rather than 'my wife'. She gets to have her own identity within the church, not just "pastors wife".

I really like that all the old folks (and there are a lot of them!) tell me after service time and again, that they love to hear my toddler and that no one minds if she wanders the sanctuary during services. (My husband continues to be very uptight about her behavior despite this.)

I like that a toddler nursing mom I know from LLL was one of the first people I noticed my first Sunday there. She assures me that the pastor gave her a big green light on nursing during service. Now there are three of us with nurslings and it is neat!

I like that on the occasions that I leave Bonnie in the nursery they bring her to us the minute she gets upset.

Even though I can't get it right I love that we sing "praise God from whom all blessings flow" in Hawai'ian half the time.

The choirmaster is adventurous.

[pina la nina]

Quickly - I'm on borrowed time here my dd should awaken at any moment...

I love reading these! Much of what I love has been covered - also an extremely small congregation of sincere struggling loving individuals. I love that the brothers (Anglican Franciscan Friars - Society of St Francis in case anybody knows it) are open about themselves - whether their journey through AA or their acceptance of their homosexuality and their vows of chastity and poverty, etc. As a community we welcome all sorts, and although most are elderly (and it has been so sad with so many funerals) we also have youngish gay couples and some occasional young uns like ourselves, as well as a frequent influx of retreaters and visiting brothers from around the world (its not all white faces.) Also total acceptance of a wiggly often noisy baby who likes to crawl around and grab purses, hymn books and feet.

I also love that nobody's pushy, in your face about joining in and bringing cakes to coffee hour or donating money or time ever. There is a huge acceptance for volunteered information and never any demand for involuntary sharing. Some people are so private I don't even know their names but just their faces. There is also zero guilt over missed services.

Dislikes: uhhhhhhhh - very few if any real dislikes. Some people get on my nerves or whatever, its a family, so if I'm not up for hanging with them I leave or go for a walk, its not a big deal. There are some brothers who give horrendous sermons or are just very odd, I think it adds to the experience, as long as it doesn't become just their show. I guess thats the good thing about the community - its never all up to one person, so everybody adds a bit (and some detract) and it balances out in the end.

I get what EF means about ritual, I've also been to Quaker meetings many times and my best friend is Quaker so we've had the communion talk. I appreciate that there is a lot of silence in our service, no organ (thank God!!) and no pomp and circumstance. We do have vestments, habits for the bros (when its not too hot), candles, incense, communion - in some ways its more high church than what I grew up with, but for me its the perfect mix. I guess my big sadness is that its already a little far and we don't intend staying forever - so maybe they could move with us when we go?

[EnviroBecca]

I love the sense of community. My church is filled with kind, lively, fascinating people of all ages, and everyone wants to get along--there aren't a lot of vendettas. People are very enthusiastic about pitching in on projects.

I love the shared meals. I totally agree with what EFmom said about communion--I do like the ceremony, but I think that the times when we all cluster around tables in the parish hall eating soup or pancakes, or mill around the lawn eating pizza or ice cream, or picnic in the park, are all forms of communion. (I mentioned this to a 12-year-old once when we were eagerly waiting for a pizza party to begin, and when the pizza arrived, he said, "May the pizza of the Lord be always with you!" ) Also, several times a year we do the communion ritual with each person serving to the next, instead of a few people serving everyone; I really like that.

I love the accepting nature. We're in a conservative Episcopal diocese, but this particular congregation has a lot of gay and lesbian members, and everyone was very supportive of a gay member who wanted to become a priest and had to commute to another diocese to do it because of our stubborn bishop....almost 30 of us carpooled to his ordination in (ironically) Bethlehem, PA. There are several members (myself included) who are partnered with someone of a different religion, and there's no pressure on us to convert them--just to bring them to church occasionally so people can get to know them! In general, this church welcomes everyone, whatever their oddities, and I really like that.

I love the holidays. We get really into special services like Palm Sunday, Easter Vigil, Maundy Thursday, Pentecost, etc. It's not just for show; it's a way of making each holiday really special in a way that's appropriate to its meaning.

The only thing that would make me leave is if the church refused to let MrBecca participate in any ceremony involving our child because we're not married. I know they wouldn't refuse because he's not an Episcopalian--other outside-the-fold fathers have been included in their kids' baptisms--but there are no unmarried couples with kids in the congregation, so I don't know what they will do when we get to that point. I just recently talked with someone whose (otherwise very liberal, Presbyterian) church refuses to let her partner participate in their son's baptism, even tho both parents are church members, because they're not married and the church "doesn't want to give the appearance of supporting that." I won't stand for that from my church, nor will I tolerate any suggestion that I am unwelcome once pregnant. Given the accepting environment, tho, I don't think it's likely.

[EFmom]

I just realized that part two of this thread (which I'm really enjoying) was what would make you leave your church.

Well, probably a lot of things could make me leave. If we ever got a minister who was too conservative, fundamentalist or sexist, I would be out of there fairly quickly, or if the congregation moved too far in that direction, we'd also leave. It is absolutely essential to me that my daughters are raised in a church family that values them equally, and that they have the same opportunity for participation in the church at all levels as do their male counterparts.

Ours is also a smallish church, maybe 130-250 people attend on any given Sunday. It does have fairly steady growth, but nothing astronomical at this point. I would hate it if it morphed into one of those giant modern, Amway churches.

[barbara]

I would hate it if it morphed into one of those giant modern, Amway churches.

I agree! I'm not sure I could handle that.

What I love about my church is the freedom in worship that we have, and that the children are mostly encouraged to worship in dance and movement, and with banners, as well as in song and quiet reflection.

What would make me leave? More pro-Esso and Pearls folks might. Any more gossip and political maneuvering might But I would leave in a heartbeat if I felt the Holy Spirit was being squashed.

&
~b

[Thalia]

I love that the Holy Spirit is thriving in our church and that it feels dynamic and alive!

I love that our Sunday celebrations are focused primarily on worship, with a lot of variety; praise songs, hymns, gospel, you name it. No organ, though, we meet in a high school. I love that freedom in worship is encouraged.

I love that our pastors always begin each service by telling everyone that we don't have a lot of rules at our church; you can sit, stand, sing, do whatever, as long as you are connecting with God.


I love the pre-marital counseling program in our church. It's provided by couples who have been married for 15-25 years and involves the PREPARE test plus six two hour meetings between the two couples. It's incredible.

I love that there is not a big focus on money or fundraising at the church.

I love that most of us meet in small groups during the week.

I love our pastors, who are wise, friendly, loving, interesting and compelling, but kind of geeky. Definitely not the every hair in place types.

I love that our church is more racially and ethnically diverse than the norm for our area and trying to learn how to serve a diverse community even better.

I love that people in this church are very REAL.

[gossamer]

I love how friendly everyone in our church is. Our membership is around 7600 but everybody seems to make it feel like a small congregation. I love our minister, Dr. James Moore, you might have heard of him, he has written several books. I love the plethora of sunday schools available, I love the fact that our church focuses on prayers, presence, gifts and service all equally. I am not always able to give a lot monitarily, but I truly believe the time I give is just as important to the church. I also love the many opportunities for fellowship each and every week.

What would make me leave? There have been some associate ministers who were a little too pagan for me. If our senior pastor felt that way, I am not sure I would be comfortable enough in worship to continue. I don't mean any disrespect to all of the pagan mommas out there, but pagan rituals is not why I go to a church.

The one thing I wish would change is that little children were more welcome in the sanctuary during "HIGH CHURCH".

Gossamer

[Qtopia]

Unfortunately we do not have a church we are happy with here , so instead I will tell you about my old church (which I loooooooooved)

-lovely, calm, beautiful, SIMPLE traditional hymns sung by an amazing choir

-awesome, down-to-earth, approachable, and deeply caring rector and assistant rector

-families w/young children, teenagers, young singles, couples of all ages, 'blue hairs'

-a SUPERB missions & outreach program. Virtually every kind of service opportunity was available, from delivering flowers to the housebound to counseling the homeless to trips to Uganda to preparing food for the church soup kitchen to providing free tax advice!

-a vibrant Youth Minister and youth group program

I loved this church! DH & I were both confirmed (as adults) into the Episcopal church there, attended services there while we were dating, got married there. The marriage ceremony was quite possible the most spiritual experience I have ever had, not only because I was committing myself to my DH, but because we were committing our marriage to Christ in this Church where our faith had so blossomed.

As for what would make me leave a church:

-like EFMom, I would leave a church in a heartbeat if it became conservative, fundamentalist, sexist, racist, or homophobic. If a church I was attending condemned women as rectors/bishops or homosexual marriage, I would leave.

-if most of the congregation was made up of people obssessed with money or keeping up with the Joneses

-if most of the congregation 'talked the talk' but did not 'walk the walk'. We are all humans and flawed, but I hate it when people use going to church as an excuse for being %^$#@ the rest of the week.

-if no traditional worship service was offered. Personally, I don't like modern (i.e. guitar, drums, "church rock") music on Sunday morning. I like the old stuff b/c I use Sunday morning for quiet contemplation. However, I do like praise songs, church rock, clapping etc services at other times of the day & week. I also LOVE the ritual of procession, the banners, using the prayer book, communion at the altar. This ritual is extremely comforting to me. Again, not that I don't like casual services. I attended a deeply moving service under a tree in the rain in Honduras where we broke a loaf of bread together, drank from a ceramic cup made by a local villager, and sang and danced to guitar music.

It has been wonderful reading these posts! I love that everyone has different ways of feeling close to God.

[phathui5]

My church is very people oriented. Being there, you can tell that they are really into Jesus and relationships with the people who go there. If anything, sometimes they are too open and accepting.