my husbands nephew died on fourth of July

[dlb]

He was only twenty five, and such a sweet person.

His parents are just devastated, and I wish I knew how to help them...I can't even imagine their pain.

How can I help, and not hurt?

thanks,

DeAnna

[dlb]

Thanks, Anna, I knew you would have some advice.

This was a wonderful person, and we will have alot of good things to talk about.

Jim grieves in a different way-- he goes into denial and bucks up, with periodic burst of sobbing. Just out the blue, it seems like. This is really hard, he loved his nephew Matt so much.

[dlb]

And prayers for you, as always, Anna.

[Raven]

Im so sorry for your loss! I totally agree with Nursing Mother, especially the part about them needing support in a few months. Things tend to settle and the world carries on and that makes it very hard for those still grieving to deal with.

[4under6]

So sorry about your loss!

My husband lost his (our) 18 year old nephew in a car accident 3 years ago, and I agree with the previous poster- the parents will need additional family support months and a year or two from now.

My husband started a weekly Thursday night get-together with his brother (the father of our nephew) a while ago, and he says it helps him alot, and they talk about Tommy (nephew) a lot.

[dlb]

3under3, that is a wonderful idea. When some of the dust settles, I may just suggest something like that.

DeAnna

[purplegirl]

:

[4under6]

DLB-
It's really nice for them to have that quality time together.
Mostly they just play cards or backgammon, and chat.

[Ms. Mom]

Sweet loving DeAnna, I'm so very sorry. You're an amazing person and I know you'll give with you're heart.

I agree, the lonliest of grief is later. This is when a card, a gentle phone call or an invite to coffee means the most. Yes, use his name often and don't be afraid to bring things up. You aren't causing tears - you're helping release them.

Please call me if you need to talk

[dlb]

Thanks guys--

The funeral service was yesterday, and his family has lived in a very small mountain town for over 30 years. The whole town pretty much showed up, his teacher and coach from highschool spoke, and I was so proud to be a part of this family.

I know he was Jim's nephew, but we have been together over 20 years, I was "auntie DeAnna" for a long time. This was the dirty faced little boy that showed me his turtles when Jim and I were dating. Before I had kids, I dressed my cat up in frilly Peticoats (oh, to be young again) and this little guy told me he thought that once my "human babies" got here I wouldn't need to dress the kitty.

He was a filmmaker, and a news producer. They buried his ashes inside of his camera case, and the formal bouquets were set up on tri-pods. It broke my heart to watch his parents yesterday. Nobody ever tells you that getting pregnant means risking having your heart break right in half.

Thanks for your responses. Jackie, thanks for giving me some help in this, from someone who has been through it. His mom and I did talk alot before the services, and I think it went ok. I mostly listened. When I asked if she needed anything, she said what she needed, she can't have. I think you and other moms who've greived can relate to that.

DeAnna

[Jane]

The service sounds really lovely.

[Ms. Mom]

The service sounds so personal - thank you for sharing.