My dh died by suicide on 1/5/00, by hanging. I found him w/my ds right behind me~my ds never saw him though thankfully. I have always been honest w/my ds about his dad's death, but only have said what was age appropriate for him.
On Wed. night, my ds was having physical growing pains (he gets these alot). On Sat., my ds will turn 6 yo. It seems though, with the physical growing pains, he is also growing emotionally. So last night in bed my ds wanted to know "HOW" his dad did it. He know that he died by suicide by hanging w/a rope. What he wanted to know was "how" someone hangs themselves. O.K.~i have always been honest but HOW in the heck do you describe this to a 5 yo?????
I told him that he tied a rope around his neck, he choked himself and stopped breathing. I didn't want to actually describe the act. Maybe I'm afraid of Dane trying it out (not to commit suicide, but just to "play" it) Then my ds said "Now we are getting somewhere". I asked if he understood it more now and was it making more sense, he said "no." Then I asked if it scared him the way Daddy Rob died and again he said "no".
I'm at a loss. I want to be prepared for the next time he asks more stuff and am going to call and leave a message for his therapist. I HATE this ~ I get so tired sometimes of talking about it. I don't let my ds know this, but just when I think things are going well~WHAMO. Then I had nightmares last night. I want him to be able to talk w/me, but sometimes I just don't want to talk about it, even though I know I have to.
Any suggestions? I'm tired from the nightmares and weapy. Thanks for listening.
Warmly~
Lisa
On Wed. night, my ds was having physical growing pains (he gets these alot). On Sat., my ds will turn 6 yo. It seems though, with the physical growing pains, he is also growing emotionally. So last night in bed my ds wanted to know "HOW" his dad did it. He know that he died by suicide by hanging w/a rope. What he wanted to know was "how" someone hangs themselves. O.K.~i have always been honest but HOW in the heck do you describe this to a 5 yo?????
I told him that he tied a rope around his neck, he choked himself and stopped breathing. I didn't want to actually describe the act. Maybe I'm afraid of Dane trying it out (not to commit suicide, but just to "play" it) Then my ds said "Now we are getting somewhere". I asked if he understood it more now and was it making more sense, he said "no." Then I asked if it scared him the way Daddy Rob died and again he said "no".I'm at a loss. I want to be prepared for the next time he asks more stuff and am going to call and leave a message for his therapist. I HATE this ~ I get so tired sometimes of talking about it. I don't let my ds know this, but just when I think things are going well~WHAMO. Then I had nightmares last night. I want him to be able to talk w/me, but sometimes I just don't want to talk about it, even though I know I have to.
Any suggestions? I'm tired from the nightmares and weapy
. Thanks for listening.Warmly~
Lisa
...
) ... What did you tell Dane? How did you handle this? I'm curious, of course, because my children and I also seem to have more, uh, ummm, detailed/graphic (?) discussions on death than other families, except maybe yours 
Thanks for sharing! 
. Thanks for asking.
:. She said "look at the question, behind the question". HUH??? She also said that he was obviously in a growth spurt and was going through another physical and mental growth period. I know what you mean about having detailed/graphic conversations about death. Has your kids wondered what he looked like when he died (or were they there?). Dane has asked this before. In movies/cartoons they picture it so unreal in a sense and that was the picture that Dane had in his mind. So talking about it put his mind to ease. I think he is also very angry at Rob right now for choosing to die. That finally clicked for him and he is angry. Not that he is acting out, but the way he talks about it.
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Don't feel the need to answer these, just food for thought. Although, if you come up with something incredibly clever, let me know! 
