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When are you telling everyone?/have you told your other kids?

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Here's my dilemma...
My younger sister is getting married the first week in September. I'm SO not good at keeping secrets and would like to tell my immediate family but I am not sure it's a good idea.
I want to wait until after the wedding but am wondering if that's a good idea either lol!
I'm thinking, tell them now and get it overwith. Might take away some of her momentum. Tell them later and it will maybe stop their momentum?
I might be giving myself too much credit as someone who will get attention lol!
I think my concern is that if I tell my mom now she'll have one more thing to worry about wedding wise; will the dress fit me, will I be o.k., etc. She's a worrier.
I think at the time of the wedding I'll be somewhere around 10 weeks? I doubt I'll be showing at all then. Maybe big boobs but that's it.
What would you all do? And what is your situation right now as far as telling people?
I think I figured it out for myself though. We're talking about it with my little one and I'm sort of hoping he'll blab about it.
Yesterday while we were over at my parent's, he said "Momma, I don't want the baby to come. But is he coming anyway??"
No one was in the room lol!
I don't know if it's coincidence but he's been toting around his babydoll lately. Every so often he does, but over the last few days he has. And of course the baby has to have boobies on my "attention boobie". That's the boobie Tristan no longer nurses on lol!
Alright, sorry for the random thoughts; I'm already in pregnancy brain mode!
post #2 of 14
It all depends on the family dynamics. My parents really don't get anxious or nervous at all when my sister and I have babies - maybe the first time around they did, but now it is all very natural and relaxed with them
Like you, we are also going to have a wedding in our family. It is around Thanksgiving, but since it is in Brazil and I would have to come alone with three kids (DH can't take off from work) and a VERY pregnant, I needed to let them know there is a chance I might not be able to attend...
As to everyone else besides my immediate family, I am not telling until I am 3 months along.

Edited to add: We have not told our other kids yet (we will wait until the first trimester is over because of the previous losses we had)
post #3 of 14
I beilieve that having a child is a blessing. I understand you not wanting to take the spot light off of your sister and not wanting to further worry your mother. After all you, your Mother is a mother and I'm sure after all of these years she has learned to adapt to several situations, be it good our bad. In this case you have good news to share. I would suggest either making a list of the pros and cons and deciding from there. OR. Talk to your sister first, let her know how you are feeling about not wanting to take the spot light from her. If she prefers you to wait, then try to take her thoughts and feelings into consideration and wait, you can tell everyone the day after the wedding!! Now, I'm rambling, do what is in your heart. Congratulations!!!
post #4 of 14
I forgot to say, we have already shared with all of our family and friends. I'm six weeks. Everyone says to wait until after the first Trimester, but we just couldn't hold it. We also wanted everyone to be praying for us during this special time.
post #5 of 14
ITA with what mommy2b suggested, Karen. Tell your sis and get her opinion on whether she prefers you wait or not. That way she gets to feel even more special because she's the first to know and she knows how thoughtful you are bieng about her big day.

I've told my boys about the new babe already. I want them to have as much time as possible to get used to the idea. My 2yo thinks it's a wonderful idea and goes around pretending he's prego. He tells me about how he will share "boo boo time" with the baby. My 10yo is not thrilled at all. He is especially grossed out by the idea of a homebirth. He has told me, "you better not squirt any goo on any of my stuff." I hope he'll warm up to the idea.

I plan to wait until Sept. to tell my family. My birthday is the 9th and I figure around then would be a good time to tell my parents and sibs and DH's. I'd begin telling other family members a few weeks later.

Except, my Dad ALREADY figured it out and I'm only 4 weeks! We were at his house for dinner this weekend and he was serving mexican food. He makes KILLER maragaritas, which he knows I love. As soon as I declined one, he went, "uh huh, any particular reason why?" It was a dead give away.
post #6 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for your advice!
One thing I keep forgetting is that it IS good news to share. I think one thing holding me back is getting backlash from my older sister and brother in law since we're not in a house yet, much less one that's big enough for two children. However I'd rather not divulge all the specifics to them as to why, as if it's any of their business. So in the meantime they speculate.
Can you tell I don't really care for them too much!?!?! But that's a whole other story )
The more I think about it the more I realize that if it's just my immediate family it's not a big deal. One person here said something very smart a long time ago and it was something like only tell the people who you wouldn't mind knowing should you miscarry. Meaning, do you want your whole office to know, etc. It seemed like good guidelines to go by regardless.
When I was pregnant with my little guy, everyone knew right away because I had called my husband at my mom's house to tell him. My sister answered the phone and knew what was going on, they knew I was ttc.... etc etc. My dad was skeptical because it was so early (one week post ovulation)... I knew I didn't want to tell them immediately because last month we thought we were pregnant (got positives, then they got lighter, then af came) and then weren't.
Last night we were at dinner with my parents and my son kept telling them he had a baby in his tummy and that it was going to be peach, not brown. They wouldn't catch on lol!!!
So I think I'll tell my sister; I'm sure she's not going to care if I tell my parents. Last time we didn't tell family until we had a heartbeat at least, so around 10 weeks we sent out a .wav with the heartbeat.
Today we bought a little stuffed camel at the dollar store for the baby. My son didn't spend too much time picking it out and didn't say anything about it afterwards so we'll see how that goes. I want to start taking belly pics with that and him and when the baby is born, take pics with the baby and animal. Was that a run on sentence?!
Sorry for the ramble!
post #7 of 14

Since you are not sure if you want to tell people, I wouldn't suggest telling people that are going to have a negative reaction. We do not need any negative vibes!!

I'm not sure how to do the quote thing yet, so I'm going to do it like this

" I think one thing holding me back is getting backlash from my older sister and brother in law since we're not in a house yet, much less one that's big enough for two children."

My response to that is, what is important is that you, your husband and children are comfortable in your environment. If your sister and brother-in-law, want to buy you a house, put the down payment on it and pay the mortgage, tell them you would be more than happy to live in a house!! You and your husband and only you and your husband know what's best for you and your family.

I am sending you many and that news of your blessing will be well recieved.
post #8 of 14
Well, we've told just about everyone. We live on a tiny little military base, classic small town type place only with major explosions that regularly rock the walls... lol Tell one person and 10 minutes later the entire base knows. LOL We just told my folks who are visiting from out of state. The in-laws don't know yet... We really hadn't talked about when we'd tell the kids, I hadn't really thought about it. Gretchen's 3 and Koen just turned 2. But last night... my sweet, smart little 3 yr old Gretchen came into my office long past her bedtime and asked "Mama, are you gonna have a baby?" I about fell over! Of COURSE she's heard us talking about the baby and such so OF COURSE she's put it together and has questions. It was a pretty big "Well DUH" moment for me. So I said, "WHy, yes I am." Hugging her and she asks "What kind of baby?" I'm like well it's a really tiny baby right now showing her with my fingers how little it is right now "But it'll grow and grow and my belly will get THIS BIG" wrapping my arms out to show her. Her eyes got really big like WOW! Then she asks again, "But what KIND of baby is it?" I said, "Well, it could be a boy like Koen or it could be a girl like you. Isn't that exciting! It's a surprise!" She grinned big at that. THen I said, "And you are such a WONDERFUL big sister, I know this baby will love being your little brother or sister!" She puffed up all proud with that and was so excited saying "Yeah! And I'm a big helper too!" Then she got all serious and said, "But Mama! What about her shirt and pants and shoes?! She doesn't have any!!" I explained that she was nice and warm and cozy in my belly but that when she came out she would need clothes to help her keep warm. She said, "And I can dress her all by myself cause I'm a big sister helper! I'll get her little bitty socks too!" And that was that, we exchanged big hugs and kisses, got her a drink of water and off she went to bed! lol That was such a precious moment for me! She is just so smart and sensitive and loving! I can hardly wait to see her with this new baby! She was too young to really understand what was going on when I was pg with Koen but now she gets it so much more! And today she asked me 3-4 times "Are you full enough yet?" Has the baby grown enough yet?" "Is your belly big enough yet?" LOL It's gonna be a loooong 7-8 months if she asks that every day! But what a joy!

Koen on the other hand is very much in the moment, I think we'll continue to talk openly about the baby and make baby plans around him and slowly start introducing the concept to him. I have said a couple times that he'll get to share Nee-Nees again like he did with Gretchen only with a little baby. He looked at me like I was nuts! lol I know he'll be thrilled though once the baby is born, he's baby obsessed! With any luck the tandem nursing will help ease any jealousy as it did with Gretchen and Koen.
post #9 of 14
I'm sort of surprised to find I don't really want to tell people yet. I've had 2 m/c's and have a feeling my dad would respond with something like, well you lost the last one, so we'll see, or well you haven't got jobs so that's not good timing...and my mum would probably do the same or be worried.
I just feel very private about this one, somehow, and don't feel like it's anyone's business. That said, I did tell my very best friend immediately. Then I also told another very close friend, but that one I regret. She's having a tough time in her marriage right now and I think it upset her, and then I got an email about how she would like another baby. It felt like my news got turned into her issue.
We will tell my in laws in August because we'll be with them for 2 weeks and usually my m/s makes it pretty obvious by then. I'd rather wait a few weeks, but ah well. Then when we get back I'll be 3 months and i'll tell everyone else.

I don't know why, but I told DS the day i got the BFP. He is quite fascinated by it, kisses my tummy, asks when the baby is coming, etc. I take it as a good sign that I felt ok telling him. But, yes, toddlers are blabber mouths! Yesterday at playgroup, he told another mum, "Mummy has a baby in her tummy"! Luckily it was a mum I really like and didn't mind her knowing (she's a doula).
post #10 of 14
Well, I've told a ton of people already - my local mothers' group, a group of friends online...

I haven't told my parents yet, but I probably will in the next week or so. The in-laws... well, we're going to wait longer to tell them. Having to 'un-tell' them would just be a nightmare. Well, telling them could be one too. So we're waiting to tell dd for several reasons - one, she doesn't have a great sense of time. We'd have to tell her "after your birthday, and Mommy's, and Daddy's, and after Christmas, and after Lynn's birthday" and whenever we've said something like that in the past her eyes just glaze over, lol. Two, I don't know what she would say to anyone else. Her birthday's coming up soon and I just don't want her blabbing it to everyone in the middle of things.
post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
I love what the kids are saying
This morning my son asked where his baby was. I thought he meant his babydolls; he has two. A "brown" one and a "peach" one. I asked which one, his brown one was here, the peach one was in the car. He goes, "No, MY baby! The one in your uterus!!!!" I thought that was so cool! It was the first thing he said when he woke up.

As far as my sister/bro-in-law. They're impossible. I do like the comment though I'm afraid if I try it I'll get "Well what have you been doing with all the money your husband has made at his new and better job!?!?!" Which, if I let it escalate (I won't, I'll stop it there), will turn into "Get a day job", I'm almost certain.
I'm at ease about that though. I know what's important for me as far as family goes!! There's no arguement they can win in that respect.
post #12 of 14
Well, I've broken down and told everyone close to me. I was going to wait to tell people at work, but I'm leaving my job on the 23rd, and I'm really close to the people in my unit, so I told them. Everyone else in that place will have to wait! (though I'm not really good at keeping my own secrets; other people's I'm really good at, just not my own )

As far as my dd goes, I think I will tell her this weekend. We are visiting some friends whose dd is 3 months old, and I talked to Anna a lot about their baby, that it was in Jo-Jo's belly and then came out and all that, so I think she may get it more if she sees Lilli right in front of her and can tie the two together.

Funny side note: we bought dd an aquariam and some guppies for her birthday. We have two left of the original four, and I am starting to get suspicious that one is male and one is female, so we may have a hands-on demonstation soon! Apparently, guppies are live-bearers!

post #13 of 14
Well I was only going to tell a few friends. Then it became more friends. And our new tenants. And their friends. And the guy at the fish counter at the supermarket and...

Haven't announced it to the mailing lists I run yet (except for one tiny one that's very close). And haven't told my family or my partner's family (except for my brother the other day). But I realized that since so many people know already it's quite possible it will get back to my family and I want them to hear it from me! I'm only hesitating at all because of the high risk of MC.

Another hesitation is we just did a round of calls to tell everyone we were engaged. Turns out I concieved within 2 days of becoming engaged (given my age I wasn't going to wait for a wedding to ttc). So another round? Hmmm...not that either of our families care about the timing, but still.

I know many people wait until the second trimester but I just can't keep a secret like that. I'm too happy! People know something is up. Though I understand not wanting to tell people who might give you a negative reaction or to wait to tell small children.

But one thing that occurred to me while reading some of these posts...if your children know and they're too young to understand how to keep a surprise, those people who you don't want to know yet are going to find out, and it won't be you who is telling them.
post #14 of 14
Well, DH knows and I've told you all. :LOL That's it so far. We plan to tell the ILs after my DD's birthday (late August) or after DH finishes his probable medical discharge from the Army (Sept/Oct-ish). I am dreading telling my parents and brother. Luckily, they live far away, so I am hoping not to tell them till like, December. I know my mom will have a negative reaction even though she won't say anything (though she'll be thinking we can't afford it and I'll never go back to school, blah, blah, blah) and I'd rather not deal with that stress for as long as I can.

I'll probably tell my GFs within the next month. I was actually on the phone with my best friend right before I got the news. I wanted to tell her sooo bad, but figured I should tell DH first. :LOL
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