Dealing with my best friends dead&her childrens grief

[LeeE]

Eight days ago my best friend Mariane& her hubby Ryan died in a car crash.
Mariane and me were best friend over almost nine years.
We were like ..soul mates.
Ryan is not the father of Marianes kids, Eliza&Raine, but he was like a father for the two, who are now 7 years old.
Mariane went through hard times being a single mum, being all alone with her twins.
I was always there for her and she knew that.
Thats why I'm going to adopt the two.

Marianes mum is simply to old to take care of the two all year.

I'm so lost in my own feelings.
But I have no time to sort my own feelings out.
There are my babys, there are Eliza&Raine.
There is so much in my way.

I'm sure I'm going to make it though.
But right now I don't know how.

In a few days Raine&Eliza will be with her grandmother and their going to stay there all summer.

Any suggestions what to do until then?
I'm not used to having 7 yrs old around me 24/7 and I'm not used to losing my best friend. I'm not used to anything that happened in the last days.

I wish I could stay in bed all day and cry my eyes out because thats all I want to do. But I don't want to let the kids see me cry.
Is that wrong?

[GoodWillHunter]

You are amazing. Simply amazing.

[weetzie]

Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter

You are amazing. Simply amazing.

I agree

[Raven]

Nursing Mother has some wonderful suggestions. I also think that you are an amazing person for taking care of these two children. It will be hard, but in time you will find that things will settle and fall into place.

Use the Summer to grieve the loss of your friend. It sounds as though you had an amazing bond! I honestly believe that your friend would want you to be happy and I also think that she would want you to believe in yourself the way she believed in you.

You need to surround yourself with people who can support you and help you get to get things going. Do you have family or friends who could lend a hand?

I also think that a support group may be very helpful. There are a lot of amazing mama's here too that will lend support and encouragement when you need it.

[mountain mom]

Wow you are really amazing! s and to you.

Much love in the days to come to you and your family.

[pugmadmama]

I'm so sorry that your friend and her husband have died.

I see that you have little ones, but could you possibly get out of the house to see a Grief Counselor over the summer? I think that might be a big help for you and also will help you get ready to take full-time care of your friend's children. Also, look into programs that help children deal with the death of their parents. Call your local hospice or hospital, they might be albe to refer you. Or better yet, have another friend make these calls for you.

[LeeE]

Thank you all so much.

I'm not doing so good but dh did so much for me today.
He already made a few calls, at least that what was he said.
I trust him in anyway.

So tomorrow I'm going to get all of Eliza and Raine's stuff out of the apartment and into our house.
This will be hard but I'm not going to do it on my own, a couple of friends offered to go with me and help me get the kids stuff together.

In times like this you see who are your real friends.

Then I have to pack the stuff for Eliza&Raines summer vacation and... yeah, then in three days they are going to fly to their grandma and then I can care for myself.

I'm so glad I'm not alone.
It would be scary to be all a lone.
If I wouldn't have married Dan then the babys wouldn't be there right now and then I would be all alone with two kids right now with my family being far away.

God, I love my family.

[Raven]

[LeeE]

update for you guys:
dh just took both, Eliza and Raine, out for lunch at McDonalds.
Not healthy but at least they are going to eat something.

I was at Marianes apartment early this morning with two friends.
Tori, one of my friends, said that Mariane would be so proud of us.
I know thats just a phrase, people say that to make others feel better but at that moment in the empty apartment it meant the world to me.

I don't believe in heaven or hell but I believe that Mariane is with me right now, she's there because her children are there.
Through their kids parents are immortal.

[Ms. Mom]

Wow, you're an amazing woman You've touched me deeply.

I agree with the others. Take the summer to greive and prepair for your new life.

My only advice to you would be to let yourself feel in front of them. If you need to cry - then do it. They'll see how important their mother was to you and her memory will live through you.

You're about to embarek on a long journey. I suspect there will be many paths to travel.

[applejuice]

You are amazing.

I hope G-d gives you the strength to keep it up for the twins sake.

[DaryLLL]

LeeE. I'm thinking of you every day. You have a special holy journey to make. Warm hugs to you!

I wish you strength, peace and healing. So glad your dh and friends are being supporitve.

Darn it, life can be so incredibly hard sometimes...

[Raven]

I have no doubt that Mariane is indeed proud of you - I am glad that you believe it. Im also glad that you are able to feel her around you.

[Tracy]

Lee,

oh, hugs to you during this time. I feel for you. if I lost one of my friends it would be unbelievable painful.
regarding Marianne's children:

My own thought and bear with me (if it feels too woo-woo) is that on the bigger, bigger, bigger picture.... Marianne's children on some level needed what you and your dh are going to bring to them. There is a something there for them that they would not get from marianne and in spirit's (imo) most curious and painful at times way... they are coming to you for this leg of their journey. I have thought about this a lot especially when my dh and I chose his cousin to be our son's guardian in the event of the unthinkable...but I gotta tell you, after 9/11 when our son was two months old.. I realized we had to think about the unthinkable.
anyway, I believe that if my son went to live with dh's cousin they would bring something we could never bring and that would be in his best interest. I hope that it doesn't happen because I want to be here a long time for ds but I did let myself think about it from that really big place.

This is an amazing journey you are on, I'm here cheering you on and at the same time I am supporting you in crying, emoting, letting it out, screaming in the shower about this effed up unfair world, the pain of not being able to call Marianne, let it all out, grieve, grieve, grieve.... you deserve to emote.

and on the other side will be this new journey.

hugs and blessings...
tracy

[LeeE]

Just wanted to thank each of you for the nice words and everything.

The twins are now with their grandmother.
Yesterday I talked to her on the phone and ... I think this was the best I did since it all happened.
It felt great to talk to someone who was grieving on the same level. well, not really the same, daughter-friend, big differnence, but we knew her both so well and we are both thinking about the kids so...
I talked to her before, of course, but we never talked that long and so open.
She is a great woman, just like her daughter.

My husband is an angel on earth.
Yesterday he brought me flowers, gave me a big hug and told me that he loves me.
He tells me he loves me all the time.

It feels like.. like hes lifting me up forever.

Tomorrow my MIL and FIL are going to babysitt and we, dh and me, are going to go out for dinner.

I miss Mariane all the time.

Its so sad that humans seem to realise how much they love a person when its to late. I wish I could talk to her for at least one more minute.
There are so many things I forgot to tell her.
There are so many things we wanted to do together.
I wish I could at least tell her that I love her and that she doesen't have to worry about her children, that they will be fine.

One thing that makes me fell better is that I know that Mariane lives, that she isn't forgotten, as long as I remember her. People are dead when no one thinks of them anymore. I think of her all the time.
She lives on in my heart, in her mothers heart and in her childrens hearts.
Shes still here.

I wish I could see her smile again, I wish I could hear her voice again, I wish I could touch her hand again, I wish I could give her one more hug.
But I can't.
There is no way I can ever do that.

But I can keep her memory, I can think of her and smile and be glad that I knew her.
And I can tell her children how much I loved their mother.

I'm glad I had her in my life.
Yes, I think it's truth, angels fall first.

[abbylotus]

You are an angel