how do yo tell kids it is time to go home?

[jannan]

there is a little nieghborhood kid who comes by . he is 7 and lives two houses away. his parents moved in on july 4th. dd and ds and dn(dear niece) were outside doing fire works and i look out and there was litle kid with my dad and the kids' dad... then he follows everyone upstairs to eat cake. so i asked my dad "do his parents know he is here" and my dad said yes.so since then he is over everyday , several times a day, for hours at a time. i'm at work and ds is here. he is 14 and i'm not sure that a 7 year old needs to hang out with a 14 year old. i've gone to check out his house and meet the mom. she just looks like a normal, working class mom. Luis( the little boy ) has an older sister and a1.5 year old brother. he is really cute. when he is here him and ds watch tv or play on the X-box...with games i don't think are appropriate for luis. so this morning about 10 am and i told the kids not to open the door. does that sound mean? i mean, it is a saturday morning. i don't like a bunch or kids in my house. i can bearly handle my nieces. i don't think he should be here with ds unsupervized for safety reasons. yesterday when he had been here for hours i said "luis, it is time to go home" and i walked him home.


was that ok to do?

[mthomas]

okay - maybe I'm jaded, but I think it's a little strange for a 14 yr old to want to play w/a 7yr old all the time (that isnt related at least). But, I'm sure the kid is just bored and has an available playmate, even if he's 7 . That's tough - he's old enuf you don't want to hurt his feelings tho. Sorry, I'm no help.

[jannan]

ds really likes all kids he will play with my 3.5 dn. they don't really "play" they play x-box and play some base ball in the backyard.my question is is it ok not to open the door if he rings it at 10am on a sat morning? i mean what am i teaching my own dd and ds?


that is my main concern.

[Fieryfly]

I know how frustrating it can be to have kids wanting to come over all the time. I think it would be a little disrespectful to not answer the door when he comes over. It would be better in the long run to simply be upfront and create some boundaries. He is still young, and his parents may not have given him any boundaries yet(when to come home, call before visiting, etc) Let him know that the kids can't play right now and that he can come over the next afternoon(or whatever time is best for you). When he does come over, let him know how long the kids can play, and then remind him when that times comes that it is time to go home. If you don't feel comfortable with the little boy being over when you're not there, make that a rule.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

[A&A]

Yes, it's fine to not open the door or to tell him to go home. But perhaps you could open the door and just politely say that your kids can't play today?

[LisainCalifornia]

I think you should open the door, but feel okay about telling him that now is not a good time to play. I actually do this all of the time with two little boys that live next door to us. They are fine little boys, but it is not always a good time for us. I don't need to give a reason or lie or anything--I am just very polite and kind and tell them..."sorry guys, but now is not a good time--we are busy taking care of some things." They will often ask "how about later today?" and depending on how I feel, I either say "I don't think so, Sweetheart--maybe another day." or I say "if we have time later I will send the kids over later and you can come over to play then". Either way I feel confident I have been polite and caring--but also very direct with my feelings, you know? It is okay to be honest as long as you do it with kindness.

Take care,
Lisa

[guest^]

I would open the door and politely and gently tell the boy that you are having "family time".....

I am all for inter-age playmates, but a boy in puberty, and a very young boy(yours) signals a redflag for me.....(especially since you haven't gotten to know the fasmily yet....)

I -IMHO- would only allow the boys to play outside within your supervision.

Trust your gut!!!!!!!

NEVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE/OR ARE AFRAID OF HURTING SOMEONE'S FEELINGS.

Set boundaries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY-AND DON'T LET YOUR DS GUILT YOU TO CAVE!!!!!!

My most HO.......

mp