"WHAT?!?!" Those Things Nobody Warns You About.... - Page 7

[LizaBear]

I thought of another thing.

I was dumbfounded when my son was born, he wasn't crying and I was terrified that there was something wrong with him, like he wasn't breathing or something.

In fact, he was fine - very alert, looking all around. Looked like he was smiling (my midwife even told me to not let anyone ever tell me that that was "just gas" !).

[pumpkinhead]

Oh! I have another! The SCARIEST thing that happened to me after ds was born, was him vomitting up mucous.(TMI) I didn't know it could happen and it scared the living sh*t outta me and dh! He started heaving and almost fighting for breath. A nurse had just come in and she grabbed him and turned him over onto her arm and started massaging his throat and this HUGE glob of the stuff came out. He was kind of choking on it. I was so scared about him not getting enough milk and it looked like a huge quantity of solidfied milk had come up. He was born very quickley and the nurse explained that the mucous he either aspirated or that was lining his stomach (?) had to come up and out in order for him to be able to properly digest the milk and I shouldn't be alarmed (oh SURE! Tell a Mama NOT to worry! ). He was FINE afterward! No crying or anything, just started nursing again.

Oh, and brick dust urine! I didn't know about that one either!

When I got into the shower just after giving birth , I can remember reaching down to wash between my legs and gasping as it felt like there were things outside that should have been inside . It was just the sweeling, but the nurse must 've heard me cuz she cheerfully called out "yes, that *is* yours and it *WILL* go back, so don't worry". I couldn't help but smile .

[pumpkinhead]

OH, and FWIW, I didn't have any hemmorhoids. Granulation tissue I had, but I was spared the hemmorhoids . Go figure?~

[Greaseball]

I was also born alert but not crying. My brother was born asleep.

No one told me my labia were going to swell up and become the size of testicles! Fortunately it only lasted 3 days. I didn't even look at it in the mirror, I was so scared.

[Mamid]

How about having a shower later in the day after you give birth and finding that you had shat and no one had bothered to clean your bits up for you so you had been sitting in feces for hours at that point! :

No wonder I had a post partum infection. Nevermind the GBS! Fecal germs are just as if not more notorious for causing infections.

[Mamid]

No one told me my labia were going to swell up and become the size of testicles! Fortunately it only lasted 3 days. I didn't even look at it in the mirror, I was so scared.

Icepacks are your friend. :

My son was also very "mucousy" and he not only mewled like a kitten, he snored! Bad enough DP snored, but DS?

DD was a strange baby - whenever I picked her up I was terrified I was breaking every bone in her body because all I heard was "snap crackle pop." I was told this was "just her joints." Sure, but "just her joints" doesn't register when you're trying to be as gingerly as possible and you swear the sounds coming from your child are sounds of a baby's body being mutilated by your hands. DS only did that twice.

One thing I haven't mentioned before was how family members of your other half would react when you would tell them that the child wasn't going to get "daddy's name." We're not married so I don't see a need for either of my children to have gotten their father's last name. They, however, had fits.

[mealymama]

I shook when I was in transition, in addition to puking and having a terrible case of the runs. The shaking got so bad that my teeth were chattering and finally they gave me benedryl, and it stopped.

In general, I wish I had understood how messy and un-pretty labor is. I mean, when you have explosive runs, and you're in the shower, and you're doubled over vomiting down the drain, and the heaving is forcing things out of both ends, and the proud dad to be is hanging outside the bathroom door wanting to know why you won't let him in and all you can do is moan that you'll be out in a bit... it isn't exactly like it is in the movies. I mean, how does ones lipstick stay on through that?

[pumpkinhead]

Originally Posted by mealymama

I mean, how does ones lipstick stay on through that?

:

You just have to keep re-applying it, I guess.......:

[LizaBear]

Originally Posted by mealymama

I mean, how does ones lipstick stay on through that?

*L* Personal make-up artist wasn't on your list of "what to pack" ?

[Bethla]

That you can barely walk after you've given birth! I thought there was something wrong with me. I was in so much pain for at least a month after giving birth. Also, I couldn't urinate for quite sometime after I had each of my sons. It helped to hang out in a warm shower!

[BoobyJuice]

Boobyjuice! You Are Hilarious! Thanks For The Lol!

I can only asume you are refereing to my happy, healthy, hippy style pregnant books comment (since the rest of my post was more whiny than funny). But you all know the books I mean - I was reading about women sleeping between contractions and practically orgasming during deliver. Man was I in for a huge shock during labor : .

[mealymama]

Originally Posted by Bethla

That you can barely walk after you've given birth! I thought there was something wrong with me.

Me, too!
But I don't think that's true for most women.

Boobyjuice, I have one word:
"Rushes"
I mean, is that another way of saying 'being dismembered with a bone-saw'?

[msrog]

My husband has a tiny third nipple, sort of at the bottom of his rib cage on one side. He insists it's a mole, but I had heard of men having them, and it looks EXACTLY like his other two, just smaller... (same type skin, shape, height, etc.) His moles look very different. Oh, and I had read years ago that the third nipples tend to be somewhere along an invisible line you could picture being from your nipples angled down to your privates. (So supposedly you wouldn't find one in your armpit or on your neck...)

Haha, I'd forgotten about that icky smell you have from the locchia... And I loved my little peri squirt bottle, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Oh, I couldn't believe other women wanted to have sex so soon after giving birth... I still was so tender down there that not only was dh not even allowed to come near, but I jumped really high and nearly fell off the table when my OB tried to do my 6 week exam... We agreed I wasn't ready, and rescheduled for a couple weeks later, haha!

[Charles Baudelaire]

Things I wish I had known...

1. That my nose would swell up and look like a mushroom on my face in the last months of pregnancy (but at least it shrunk).

2. That my boobs would NEVER be the same again (bigger, saggier)

During pregnancy:

1. That the baby sometimes would feel like it was digging her little toe into my cervix. It felt like getting a Pap smear from the inside-out. NOT very much fun when walking.

2. That my hips and pelvis would feel "wiggly" and structurally unstable during my last month of pregnancy. It's the hormone relaxin, and boy, I could sure feel it kicking in.

3. That during transition, I would feel more claustrophobic fear than I've ever felt in my life, before or since.

4. That after the c-section, I felt like I'd been ripped open, like a blown-up tulip.

5. That they give you fishnet underwear in the hospital. Man, I have never felt so NOT like fishnet underwear as then!

6. That I'd feel like I was burning-up hot: I turned my room temp down to something like 60 before it felt even mildly okay.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by CJ 5

Last thing ( I mean the real last thing) all that crap at babies R us is a waste of money. Ask AP moms for the essentials and beg your friends to give you gift certificates or exchange exchange exchange after your shower.

***Oh, this is SOOOO TRUE!!! This is so true! Maybe we should start a thread about the most useless thing we got at Babies R Us. Well, on a sub-thread, here are some things I didn't know would be completely useless:

Stuff I Wish I'd Known, 'Cause If I Had, I Woulda Saved the $$$:

1. Cribs, bedding, anything crib-related was totally useless
2. Baby monitor: We coslept, so *I WAS* the baby monitor!
3. Baby bathtub. She bathed with Mom.
4. Wipe warmer. Whatta waste!
5. Diaper Genie. I used disposables...and TOOK OUT THE TRASH more than once a year!
6. Nursing pillow

There are more, but that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.

[Charles Baudelaire]

[QUOTE=Mamid]
That hospital staff make value judgements on how you parent immediately after birth and refuse to take into account the fact that you have just given birth or are having problems post partum.

/QUOTE]

Oh, oh, I thought of another one! That the nurses will PUSH FORMULA ON YOU like it was heroin and they were street dealers. Seriously! Even though we had made it clear that we wanted to bf, they said, "Oh, well here is the formula *just in case.*" Then they were up my with a microscope (well, not literally) trying to find out how much my dd had eaten. Like I have those little graduated ounce markings on my boob!

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by azyre

as pregnancy progresses you are more likely to wet yourself when vommiting. i rationalised this was to get me used to someone ELSE puking and weeing on me LOL

: : : : : : : : : : : :

[Mamid]

Like I have those little graduated ounce markings on my boob!

: My hospital wasn't like that... but the milk I pumped when I finally got ahold of the pump they had I was told to toss it if DS didn't eat it all because they don't store it. So I watched my milk get tossed in the garbage.

However, they were "breast is best. if you need more, attach baby." But did they give DS a non-latex nipple when I asked for one? NOPE. that's why he wouldn't have the ebm! :

Oh.. and they did give him a non-latex soother but a non-latex nipple? Now that was out of the question!

[mimim]

This thread has me laughing so hard I'm crying.

How about...

You can forget that it's a BABY that you are pushing out. I remember being surprised for a second after my boys were born. I'd been so wrapped up in pushing that I lost track of the purpose.

That you might not care to look at the strategically placed mirror between you legs or to reach down and feel the crowning head. I know this is supposed to encourage you to carry on, but I was way too busy to expend any extra energy feeling the head. I could care less what was coming out of me - I just wanted it OUT!

You might not even notice the sex at first. To me, the gender of my baby was totally not important in those first moments. I didn't even register their tiny penises for several minutes.

Do NOT eat bacon and eggs for breakfast if you think you may be going into early labor. I puked up nasty crumbly bacon bits contantly through my second labor - every ten minutes my head was in a bucket.

This has been mentioned I think, but you might still poop even if you've had an enema or diarrhea. I was sh**ting almost as often as I was puking with my second, but I still gave my Dr. a very nice present just before my DS crowned.

That you may not want your mother there and it's ok to kick her (or anyone else who annoys you) out of the room.

You do NOT need a crib or bassinet!

This one has been mentioned several times, but I think it's the most important. Breastfeeding does hurt at first. Having excruciatingly sore nipples for a week or two is perfectly normal and does not necessarily signal any problems. NONE of the books tell you this. They all say that pain signals latch problems. I was so worried that I was doing something wrong. I always tell first time moms about this and let them know that while you may feel like screaming while the baby is latching on at first, it's normal and it will go away soon!


And one that I wish I DIDN'T know: That afterbirth pains get worse with each child. Yikes, I'm already nervous about dealing with them and I'm only 5 weeks into my 3rd pregnancy.

[Pinoikoi]

Angelo was preemie, and I wish someone had told me that preemies scream when you change thier diaper. I thought I was somehow hurting him.