How to appropriately handle FEELINGS???

[goatlady]

I'm an extremely emotional person, extremely!! My mom and MIL have gone as far as to describe as "hyper-sensitive" but I don't like that label because it sounds so negative, and they definately mea it as an insult! : Although I'm very emotional, I have no idea how to deal with my emotions!!!
I don't know how to identify what i'm feeling and then what to do with that feeling. Like veganmamma's post, my feelings what ever they used to be (loneliness, sadness, etc.) turn into anger. And then I stuff.. not my bra but I stuff my feelings and try to numb with eating or wasting time online or whatever as though facing the feelings would kill me.. but I don't KNOW how to face them. A few times I've said, okay, I'm not gonna run, I'm gonna sit here and feel this emotion and then release it but that still does't work like I thought it would! I want to learn these things to be healthier but also to teach my kids!

[QueeTheBean]

Oh--me too--sensitive in every way. I wait other replies.

OT: Are you a goat lover?? I love goats, myself!! (Well, in theory, anyway--I've never actually owned one.)

[goatlady]

Yeah, I'm dreaming of my own homestead with goats and chickens!!! I can't wait (DH can though).

[yeah yeah yeah]

Originally Posted by goatlady

I'm an extremely emotional person, extremely!! My mom and MIL have gone as far as to describe as "hyper-sensitive" but I don't like that label because it sounds so negative, and they definately mea it as an insult! : Although I'm very emotional, I have no idea how to deal with my emotions!!!
I don't know how to identify what i'm feeling and then what to do with that feeling. Like veganmamma's post, my feelings what ever they used to be (loneliness, sadness, etc.) turn into anger. And then I stuff.. not my bra but I stuff my feelings and try to numb with eating or wasting time online or whatever as though facing the feelings would kill me.. but I don't KNOW how to face them. A few times I've said, okay, I'm not gonna run, I'm gonna sit here and feel this emotion and then release it but that still does't work like I thought it would! I want to learn these things to be healthier but also to teach my kids!

With my mother, "you're hyper-sensitive" really means--"you don't have a right to feel that way."

I had to really decided that I have a right to feel whatever way I want to feel. I'm not "defective." My reactions to the world are valid.

It sounds like you've been repeatedly told that what you feel isn't real or correct.

"You're just Hyper-sensitive." (subtext: I didn't do anything to warrant questioning or negative reaction)

"You don't really feel that way." (subtext: You don't even know how to emote properly)

I mean... if you were really "hyper-sensitive" in the way that they mean it, you wouldn't shut down in the face of emotion, would you? 'Cause that's what it sound like your doing...

[Monkey]

are u a cancer? I am and im very sensitive omg am i sensitive... i just walk around thinking everyone eles has the problem and its snot me.... I also try to please alot and that gets me too... I want everyone to be happy and I am always worried about dumb stuff... I blame my sign. cancer june 24th..


I deal with me feelings by just that dealing with them.. and i internlize them and try not to talk about them to quickly, with others.. i notice that when i run off my mouth i regret it and feel better once ive gotten a handle on the scoop... i also have learned myself that everything works out and when in a pinch i tell myself come on u can do it.. it will be ok, everything works out it alwasy does...

feeling comfortable in my home and with myself has helped alot. but i wasnt born that way.

hope u find what you need... many hugs to u... i like goats eyes.. they are creepy.. :LOL

[Lil' Whitney]

As someone who is working thru this same issue, I feel it's very important to deal with our emotions properly and not just be burying them deep down, pretending they don't exist. It's actually been proven scientifically that emotions effect the molecules in our body, positively and/or negatively. Too many negative emotions can build up in our body, causing illness and disease. I think I had to realize what was causing me to be so emotional. The need to have everyone like me? Or trying to please everyone? Feelings of overwhelming pressure? Then I had to deal with those issues in order to get control of my emotions. It feels MUCH MUCH better not take everything personally and not take on other's problems/issues. I've found the following helpful:

"Feelings Buried ALive Never Die" by Karol Truman
"You can Heal Your LIfe" by Louise Hays
"Molecules of Emotion" by Candace Pert
EFT--check out emofree.com

HTH

[TurboClaudia]

I write. Usually poetry, but just whatever strikes my fancy at the time. It's especially helpful for me to write when I don't know exactly what I'm feeling. I remember a quote someone told me once: "I don't know what I'm thinking until I see what I'm saying." For me, this is very true.

Random aside: I like goats, too. And I'm also a cancer-moonchild: July 8th.

hugs to you...

warmly,
claudia

[A&A]

My parents always told me I was too sensitive. And I always replied that they were too insensitive. I don't think the label helps at all. It's fine to feel whatever you are feeling--what I try to do is make sure that the behavior accompanying the feeling is appropriate, though. You have a lot more control over your behavior than your feelings.

[journeymom]

Yup, you always have a right to your feelings. That's a wonderful thing to discover. But what A&A said is important, too. Feeeeel whatever you want, just make sure your actions are rational.

It takes finding some balance. I'm not sure I've found it yet. Sometimes I think dh is kind of insensitive. He thinks I'm too sensitive and that I'm making the kids too sensitive. But there are some situations where I just want him to understand another point of view, that maybe what he said was hurtful from a small person's perspective. He has a flippant sense of humor that attracted me to him, but it's not always appropriate with the 9 y.o. dd or the 5 y.o. ds.

On the other hand, I waisted a year marinading in emotions after dd was born and I went through a crisis of growing up. Everyone says you should "journal" so I decided to keep a "journal" that was little more than a depository of bile and gripes about my in-laws and dh and how awful the world was treating me. I finally got to the point where it was clear that "getting in touch with my emotions" was doing more harm than good, as that was all I was doing. I wasn't doing anything else constructive.

My dad was a goat herder when he was a teen. Baked spagetti with kid is..mmm yummy!

[A&A]

It may also be helpful to "set aside" some time to really FEEL your feelings--say, 20 minutes a day, where you can be alone, cry, scream, hit a pillow, eat some chocolate, whatever, until the 20 minutes is up (perhaps set a timer.) Then you won't have to experience the feelings all day, because you know that "your feeling time" is coming up.