At what age did you stop helping them fall asleep?

[Ynez]

Hi, I'm hoping that someone can tell me when and how they were able to get their child to go to sleep on his/her own. My DD is 2.5 and has had some type of help to fall asleep since she was born -- either nursing, carrying/slinging or now patting. The routine is that I have to pat her back for 30 to 45 minutes before she'll fall asleep and she shows no sign of needing this less. I'm not sure how to transition to her falling asleep on her own. If I stop patting or move away from her in any way before she's fully asleep, she notices and tells me to continue patting...will I be doing this forever?

[tessamami]

Can dad do some patting?

Occasionally I fall asleep before my DD and my DH puts her down. Or, I put her down after a brief nap.

Once in a while DD will fall asleep after watching a video, or in her stroller. Last night I nursed her for a while, and miracle of all miracles, she cuddled to sleep. DH and I talk before going to sleep, and now she joins in the conversation (we cosleep). Things are changing for us now that she's almost 4. . .I just can't believe that she is almost 4. . .I imagine that things will change for you, too. . . .

[Fiona2]

My daughter, now nearly 5, weaned herself at 16 months so nursing was no longer an option for getting her to sleep. We did the patting thing too but like you found it could take a long time before she fell asleep. I think she was a little over 2 when we encouraged her to go to sleep on her own, firstly by asking her to let us know when she was ready for us to go downstairs after story, chat, hugs etc, and secondly by explaining what we would be doing downstairs - making a meal or doing some kind of chore, and that we would come and check on her after a few minutes. This worked for us.

[sparklemom]

30 - 45 minutes sounds like a long time for her to take to fall asleep, leading me to believe in those cases she's just not tired enough for bed yet.
My dd1 is 5 yrs old and requires very little back scratch time to fall asleep. I still nurse my dd2 (3 1/2 yrs) to sleep. We cosleep.
It just depends from child to child. Even though in the moment those long parent-to-sleep nights can sometimes be difficult, I always find it comforting to know that I will never regret it. In fact, as an old lady I'll look back and cherish it.

[Ynez]

Originally Posted by sparklemom

30 - 45 minutes sounds like a long time for her to take to fall asleep, leading me to believe in those cases she's just not tired enough for bed yet.

DD is a definate nightowl -- she's usually in bed around 9:30 so isn't alseep until 10 or after (for example, last night it was 10:20). If she stays up any later, she'll be putting me to sleep!

[flight]

If it is the patting that bothers you (my arm would get SO SORE), maybe you could slowly transition to hand-holding or other physical contact? That's what we did with my son around that age. He had weaned, but held on to the habit of kneading my elbows, which he used to do while nursing. It got really annoying, so we tried different variations on holding my wrist or fingers, or me holding his hand...it took awhile to wean him off my elbows!

Now (he is 4 on Monday) he still holds hands to fall asleep, but we are gradually approaching him being able to fall asleep on his own. We will hold hands for awhile, then I turn on some "quiet music" (Vivaldi or New Age folk) and program the stereo to shut off after 30min, and leave the room. I also explain why I need to go or what I'll be doing, and that I'll be back in a little while. Some nights he needs to hold hands until he is fully asleep, some nights he doesn't need it at all and just asks for the music.

[Marsupialmom]

Could it be that she is too tired to calm down to go to sleep?

I agree transition her to a more sutiable touch.

[EMZ]

Takes me just a few minutes but then I nurse her to sleep. She's only 3 and I don't mind her still needing me to sleep. I doubt she'll need me to nurse her asleep forever, but some days it feels like forever. I try and tell myself that in the grand scheme of things, this is only a small amt of time and that I'll never regret it.

Of course, I don't have a 30-45 minute routine so the 10-20 minutes I spend really doesn't compare (and lately it has been only 2 minutes to nurse to sleep).

[TiredX2]

I'll let you know when I get there

DD is 5.5 and DS will be 3 in august. DS usually nurses to sleep and DD & I usually cuddle to sleep (though tonight she was tired enough that she fell asleep while I was nursing DS)

[Britishmum]

I"m interested in the answers here! I've just stopped dd (almsot two) nursing to sleep, mainly because I'm pregnant and it's just toooo uncomfortable. She doesnt really mind, but is taking an hour and a half to go to sleep, every night!!

It isn't that she's not tired enough, I've tried going to bed earlier, and later, when she's exhausted, but it's still an hour and a half. Singing, chatting, kicking, rolling around, giggling. AAaaagh.

Then the songs that go on and on and on. Eg "Happy Birthday to You" can take hours. When she's run out of people to sing to, she sings "Happy Birthday to the curtains", "Happy Birthday to the bed" "Happy Birthday to the blankets".........on and on and on.....

She's quite happy with this, but it's driving me nuts! In the end, I fall asleep before her (according to dh). I can't leave the room as she wuold be upset, but I cannot stand an hour and a half every night listening to endless singing and then when she gets bored, finally, with singing, being tickled, stroked, kicked, chatted to about inane stuff, and so on...

Of course, I'm really pleased that she's nightweaning so easily, but I wonder how long before she can go to sleep without this 'performance'. Anyone else been through this? Did it gradually improve? Will she still be singing herself to sleep in five years? What age did you leave them alone in bed to go off to sleep? (Right now, she wouldnt stay there, and I wouldnt do that to her)...

[Ynez]

We have thought that she's overly tired and too wound up and tried to put her to bed earlier but that has just meant she wiggles around, refuses to lie down etc. It turns into a battle and I don't want that either.

A few months ago I tried just lying my hand on her back and that worked for a while but then there were a bunch of things happening (e.g., a visit from her Omi) that made it more difficult to get her to sleep so I went back to patting in order to have her relax...so now we're back to patting and she's more insistant than ever. I'll try to get it back to just touching her back--but I'm not sure how to go from there.

One thing that has worked somewhat is to get her to focus on music--right now she's on a big Raffi kick (not the most calming but the only thing she wants to hear) so I tell her after a few minutes of talking (this is also after snuggling and talking in a chair for a while) that we have to be quiet and listen to Raffi and that if we talk (or make raspberry noises, her other favorite trick) that we can't hear the music. She's usually pretty good about that.