People laughing inappropriately at your child

[Laurel]

We had a grocery store incident today that both broke my heart and made me want to spit nails. We were getting in the checkout line. It's one of those older stores where you go one way and your cart goes the other way. Usually this is not a problem. I leave ds (almost 2) in the cart, but I continually call to him, "I'm right here, ds!" and let him know where he can see me.

When we got to the checkout there was no one in line in front of us, so I was in a hurry to get the groceries onto the conveyor. Usually ds likes to help me put things up there, so I was also trying to give him the chance to help while getting us through as quickly as possible. The bagger came over to help me unload, and the minute he started taking items from my cart, ds freaked out and started to cry because he thought the bagger was taking our food. So I'm trying to comfort ds and before I realize it, the bagger has pulled the cart through and away from me. Ds is now practically screaming because he was already upset and now he's been taken away from mommy. The bagger felt bad and decided to give him a sticker to help him calm down. That would have been a wonderful idea, except instead of just handing ds the sticker, he tries to put it on his hand. Ds is just about hysterical at this point because this stranger touched him.

In the meantime, I am trying to comfort ds verbally but he can't hear me because he is crying so hard. I am trying to hurry and pay for our food so I can go get ds and get out of there. By this time, several baggers and checkers are staring at the scene and laughing at my ds. It wasn't an amused laughing, it was full-out guffawing! The original bagger I think started laughing because he was embarrassed that he kept making this little boy cry. But it just broke my heart. All these people were laughing at my little boy's fright and his intense reaction. To these people, what ds had been going through was nothing important, just a silly toddler overreacting. But to a 2-year-old, all of these situations were truly frightening and confusing. It just made me so mad and hurt that they all had such little respect for a young child's feelings! Of course ds was so upset that he had no idea he was being laughed at--but I did. I just wanted to cry right along with him.

In retrospect I should have just picked him up out of the cart and held him while I payed for the groceries, but things were happening so fast and my mind wasn't working. I wish I had been more direct, warning the bagger not to put the sticker on his hand, and standing up and saying something when they laughed.

[hunnybumm]

Originally Posted by Laurel

The bagger came over to help me unload, and the minute he started taking items from my cart, ds freaked out and started to cry because he thought the bagger was taking our food.

: That is the cutest thing I have heard in a long time. That is something you will have to tell him when he is older and has a girlfriend over for dinner.

On a serious note, adults just aren't sensitive to a childs feelings. So many people just don't care, children are inferior. I really hope your son is ok now, that had to be very tramatic. First somene is taking your food, then you are wisked away from your mommy, then some stranger is grabbing at you. Poor little guy.

[Hope'smom]

Re:

Is it possible that the other employees were laughing at the kid bagging your groceries and not your ds?
They may have been laughing at the kid bagging for you because he was clueless in his interactions with your child.
I've seen that exact same thing happen with my child--a cashier smiled at her (she has special needs) and this made her cry--another cashier looking on started laughing. I thought the same at first--they were laughing at my child. Especially a child with special needs--that always makes moms more on edge, I think. But as I was leaving the store, I heard the one cashier say to the other: you so ugly you made that baby cry!
It's just a thought.

[Piglet68]

Well, no matter what the situation, my heart ached right along with you when reading your story. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?

I would take a calm moment to discuss with your son what happened. I know he's only 2, but you can say something like "you got scared at the store when that man tried to take our groceries out", etc...You'd be surprised how much he will understand. He may even want to talk to you about it alot. Last week I accidentally popped my DD's balloon. I said I was sorry. She is STILL going on about it "mama broke balloon, sorry!" - it obviously touched her in some way.

[merpk]

Piglet's suggestion feels right to me, too. Discuss it, as simply as possible.

And BTW, my feeling in reading the OP was the same as the PP ... the baggers were laughing at the bagger ... but that possibility doesn't help your child or you in the moment, either, does it ...

[Nemmer]

Awww, my heart swelled reading that story, feeling for your little DS! I probably would have reacted just like you did, and spent the next little while analyzing what I should have done differently. I like Piglet's suggestion to talk to him about it. Sometimes I forget just how much DS can understand of what we say to him.

FWIW, my DS always gets upset when we put the groceries on the conveyor belt too. I tell him each time "we have to pay for them first, and then they are ours to keep" but I think he still thinks if we put them up there, we won't get to take them home! And this is even if there is nothing special for him... just some bread and cheese will set him off! It is cute, in a way, to understand how confusing it must be for them, and get a glimpse of their thought process.

Anyway, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I sincerely hope the baggers were laughing at the other bagger, not at your DS. But even if they were, I think you handled it just fine, and your DS knows you are there for him.

[Rainbow]

talk about ti for sure, explain what the employee was doing. When something big happens my DD wants me to repeat it over and over and over and over and over (get the point?) to help process it in her mind. Last saturday a man looked at her at the farmers market and scared her and we're still talking about it daily. Just going over the events. It is very healing to her.

And liek you said, hindsight is 20/20- I was thinking "pick him up" while I read it- I go to the same kind of grocery store and my youngest is in the sling and my 3 yr old in the cart and I usually ask her, do you want to stay in the cart or come with me to pay? and her answer varies. Today she came with me. I just ask that she hold my clothes while I pay (her holding onto my pocket/skirt gives me a physical idea that she is close and gives her a physical range to stay in.)

[Rainbow]

Having my daughter pay and "trade" for the groceries helped her understand the concept of checkout. She was familiar with the concept of trade since we used it with her. So I'd write the check and ask physically show her that I was trading, and show her how they are putting the food back in the cart. In addition for saying you need to pay you can say "They are going to help us put them in bags so it will be easier to carry" Look, see how they are putting our food in bags? Isn't that helpful?" This kind of dialogue seems helpful to my DD's.

[Laurel]

Thanks for the responses. The reason I felt like they were laughing at him were the comments and vibes along the lines of "ooohh, he's feisty!" and things like that. I am sure the bagger felt really bad though--he couldn't do anything right and I think he was embarrassed.

Ds usually enjoys handing things to the cashier. Occasionally he doesn't want to give something up, but most of the time he thinks it's really fun. I normally leave him in the cart because if I hold him I have to try to write a check or use the debit card machine with quite a bit of "help".

[China white]

That's tough, mama My heart ached as I read your story, too.
I'm sorry for the insensitivity with which the baggers handled the situation. Once they realized how upset your son was getting, they should have stopped. (they shouldn't have laughed in the place.......)

Your story reminded me of when my daughter was was 2 1/2. We were putting our groceries on the conveyor belt with one of those dividing thingies between me and the nest customer, and we bought a canteloupe. Well the lady in front of us also bought one, and as she was putting it in her bag, my daughter, thinking it was ours, starts screaming at the top of her lungs "THAT LADY'S STEALING OUR MELON!!" over and over............one of those times you wish the floor would open up and swallow you .............. :

[Leonor]

It's part of western culture to laugh at other people's disasters. What is most of our comedy based on? America also started Candid Camera and shows like that. In real life people are confronted with someone that doesn't understand a situation that is obvious for them and that makes them laugh. It's a feeling of power, a mild bullying situation.

I also was caught in situatitions were not only my child but I'm laughed at.

I don't think standing up for your child would have helped. You did right and left as quick as you could from the scenario.

[eilonwy]

I probably would have yelled at them, truth be told. I can't stand it when people laugh at children, and if I'd thought for a second that someone was laughing at my son, I'd have let them have a piece of my mind. I yelled at FIL for that, and I'd have no problems letting a stranger have it.

[CairaJade]

I can't help it, I'm laughing as I sit here reading and envisioning your poor confused son crying his eyes out. It's not that I think his suffering is humorous - it's a sympathetic sort of laugh - and it's hard not to find little toddlerisms like the bagger taking his groceries away cute and funny. I know it wasn't a pleasant situation, but maybe the laughing really was meant in an entirely different way than you perceived. But maybe I'm too quick to give the benefit of the doubt. Don't let it get you down.

[famousmockngbrd]

My guess is now you will have to take him out of the cart for some time to come, unfortunately. I agree with the people who suggested talking to him about it - my DS will go over the same scenario many times with me until he has thoroughly processed it, good and bad. Just tonight he brought up the fireworks display we saw on the 4th and how we met our friends, etc.

FTR, I can TOTALLY see my DS doing the exact same thing. He has issues with people taking our stuff too, or even me putting things away after lunch or whatever. He says "No take away!" in this really pitiful voice. People must think I am starving the kid.