Boys and violence???

[mamaofthree]

I am not sure where this should go but I thought maybe here would be a good place... if not feel free to move it.

I have been noticing lately that boys around my dd's age who also play voilent computer games ( you know the one's were they shoot at people.. war type games I guess) and watch a lot of voilent type TV, tend to be very moody and withdrawn. Now it could be an age thing (10 yrs old) but I have noticed that the boys who don't do this tend to be less moody and are more out going. Maybe it is just me... has anyone else noticed this?
I think it goes for adults to to be honest. My bro plays alot of those kinds of computer games and he is one moody cuss. And I have a cousin who grew up watching "Alien" (saw it at 2 years old!) and plays those on-line war game things and he too is SUPER moody. (Both of these guys are adults at least age wise! LOL late 20's)
Do you think that constant visual of violence sort of changes men/boy's attitudes?

H

[Dragonfly]

I think the violence definitely has an impact - but there's also the isolation. Playing computer games necessarily means withdrawing from personal contact. It's not surprising that if they're spending a lot of time at the computer that they're not relating well to people in the outside world.

Sad.

[luv2BaMom]

I think you are right. My personal opinion is that it's not healthy for boys or girls to see violent TV shows or play violent computer games, and those things that they play on TV-I can't remember the name. It's a game that is hooked up to the TV and they play it with hand controls.
My son is a busy imaginative boy that doesn't see these things. The other night he came down after he'd gone to bed and my dh was watching a show about training for Navy Seals. My son started crying because he saw someone push another guy's head underwater and he had blood in his nose. He was also upset because they didn't let the guy wear goggles to go underwater. That part was kind of funny, but I'm so glad he was sensitive to this.
Now, my son does have wooden guns to play with. My dh hunts and mostly what we eat is venison. My son doesn't play war games or shooting people games. He plays hunting and getting a deer or turkey to feed his family. Then he pretends to cook it.
We've come across boys that play too many of those violent games and they seem odd to me-like they have a different affect or something. I can't really put my finger on it. The ones I have come in contact with also seem to be bored very easily and would rather play with those little hand thingys than play games with other kids.
This is just my experience, and I'm sure they're not all that way!

[WonderWild]

Dh has mentioned that he can't wait until Ds is old enough to play video games with him. The strange thing is that we don't even play video games now. It's like he thinks that that's what kids are supposed to do. Our tv has been broken for 2 weeks now and I am loving it. I told Dh that Ds will not be allowed to play anything that is "blood & guts" only like driving/racing games. Dh says I'm trying to make him a sissy if I don't let him see the blood & guts. This is something that we will be discussing further.

[BunnysMomma]

Originally Posted by garrettsmommy

Dh says I'm trying to make him a sissy if I don't let him see the blood & guts.

Yikes! Ask him if that's what he bases his OWN manhood on--seeing blood and guts.

Wilma

[sunshinegal]

boys and toys

I completely understand what you mean about the 10ish and over boys that just seem to be pulled away and moody. I think it has something to do with the fact that boys aren't very experienced at expressing or understanding emotions. It isn't usually encouraged for boys to even admit that they have any feelings. If they do they are being "a baby" and are usually ridiculed.

I have spoken with a few other mothers that have sons and daughters and they tend to agree that while girls have the tendancy to whine at times, they also seem to be able to understand what they are feeling and have a better time of dealing with it. While younger boys, my son included, tend to have "down times" when they are really upset when certain things happen. I have tried to give him the space he needs to be that way and talk him through what is bothering him. I do this because I want him to feel like it is okay to have emotions and to express them and that I am here to talk about it. I am also fortunate to have a hubby that encourages this behavior as well. I don't know many dads that talk about their emotions or things that bother them openly. I know a lot of guys that try to hide it and me manly.

Maybe these deadly computer games are a way for these boys to kill the feelings or thoughts they are having or even killing the situation that is causing them to feel this way.

Then again, my ds loves to run around and shoot bow and arrows or even play the with pretend weapons. I don't want him to grow up fearing the weapons, I want him to completely understand what weapons are. I think that pretending is a way for him to explore those realities. That and having parents that are around and that he can always feel comfortable to talk with.

[mamaofthree]

I understand the not fearing weapons, but when a child pretends with their own mind, I feel that that is different than the video games and TV movies etc. I mean when kids make up stuff they don't actually have to witness at 5 or 6 or 10 blood/gut/horror/ whatever. I mean some of the stuff my brother plays is down right sick. And I know people who let their young boys (cuz for some reason girls aren't allowed to see/play these games...) play this tuff regularly. And then they wonder "Why is he aggressive/withdrawn/moody" I think it is because he is bombarded with this horror and his brain isn't mature enough to deal with it.

H

[Marsupialmom]

I have notice differences because my son does not play or watch these types of things but I don't think it is all violent media.

I have noticed and often wonder how much of it is early misuderstood puberty. Girls get so much more room to be emotional. Boys don't have this abilty becuase they are seen as babyish, girly, et. So they withdraw. They have a hard time letting go of these emotions they are often time told they should not have or gotten over.

I think it takes boys more time to process their emotions. So some emotions seem to hang around a lot longer than it would for girls, seeming to just stay angry. In reality they just need more time to process those emotions. My son will stay madder longer than my girls. It takes him longer to come to a point to feel remorse and appologize.

I found that my son needs more of a physical outlet to help him for out his emotions (which you don't get many electronic media). These physical things can be running around the house, playing guitar, swinging, karate, swimming, music/dancing, riding bike, et. For what ever reason it helps him process what he is feeling. He might still be mad but calm and more engage to conversation and verbal help from mom/dad in dealing with them.

I have also learned that if I have to engage my husband or son into an emotional conversation to do it while they are doing a physcial activity. (Example: My son was very mean to his sister. If I would of tried to have a conversation with him while sitting on his bed he would of been just angry but taking him out to our swings and discussing the situation made him receptive. He still got angry/upset but calm and not withdraw. He stayed out and swang until he felt better. To an outsider they might have seen him being withdraw but he was dealing with his situation.) I don't think boys get this (even without violent games). Parents/Adults think he doesn't want to talk or deal with it so they back off completely. When in reality they need to back of then comeback on the boys terms without attacking. No words like I cannot still believe you are still mad about this.

I think some of this is just how nature built the female/male mind differently. No doubt some of it is culture.