Converting an Ezzo mom - sad about the violent language, though - Page 2

[Messy Nessie]

I can see where some have objections to this line of advocacy. However, I can tell you that this is how I got my DH onboard with AP. He was very much on the fence about it until I told him how convenient it would make life for us- we could watch TV and movies together while the baby slept, go to the mall, etc. And he wouldn't be bothered by crying at night b/c we'd be cosleeping, etc.

As we journey thru our baby's first year, I have seen him come from a reluctant participant in AP, to actively living AP with our daughter who is now in his primary care during the week while I work. He is amazed at how she went from a colicy little baby who would not be put down and tested our limits to a well-adjusted happy big baby who wants to crawl and cruise all the time! He now actively advocates AP as a way for the family to truly become one and for a baby to thrive in the way they were meant to from conception. Often he will recognize a cue before even I will and is my biggest supporter when it comes to EBF (He was against nursing past a year before).

So I definately think someone can start out thinking AP in terms of their needs and evolve from there in their parenting philosophy. I prefer to think of parenting as a journey, anyway, this is my first time and I have only learned by living it. If I started something for one reason, but ended up doing it for another and it is the right thing- I see nothing wrong with it.

For example, I wanted to breastfeed more than anything in the world. I could not wait to have my DD all to myself and cuddle her and hold her for hours. I knew eventually I would probably have to leave her to go back to work, so I wanted to make sure I was as close to her as I could be while I was at home so she wouldn't "forget" me (yes, I know she won't but that was my pregnancy thinking). Anyway, I was BFing for totally selfish reasons! I didn't know about all the benefits for baby until after she was born and we were having problems and I nearly quit several times. So then my resolve turned to wanting to BF b/c of all the health benefits for my DD. I did not want her to have an ounce of ABM.

So my initial motivations for BF were almost completely selfish, but as I became educated my reasons shifted. But the result is still the same!

[suebearsmom]

As Ive posted before,anyone considering any of Ezzos books or methods would do well to read the info at www.ezzoinfo.com.Hugs,Catherine

[tvanlien]

I'm a Christian with conservative theology and I wanted to comment that Ezzo is quite controversial even within the evangelical community, and is not considered a legitimate authority on parenting by respected and well knowns such as Dobson, MacArthur, Christian Research Institute , etc.

I have some friends who just moved here from Australia - they gave me the Babywise book when I was in my last month of pregnancy. They told me Babywise was the secular version and offered to go through "Prep for Parenting" and "Growing Kids God's Way" study with me when I was done with the book.

I went through that book in one day, and I have to tell you, red flags popped up everywhere (and I saw that as a warning from the Holy Spirit), and what struck me was how mean-spirited the author was and how denigrating he was toward demand feeding, slinging, and other AP methods and I couldn't figure out how he came to those conclusions - he set up staw men and shot them down (with hypothetical well-behaved ezzo infant and spoiled tantrum-throwing AP infant...) I wondered what the "Christian" version of Babywise was, if his secular version was so bad, and so I went on to the internet to find out that, they've got big big problems (if interested, see http://www.equip.org/free/DG233.htm), that they use proof texts to prove their arguments, they've been ousted from their church, that their ministry has cultlike tendencies and have divided churches, etc, etc. DH and I spoke to our friends about this, and they went on the typical Ezzo defensive (millions can't be wrong, what I read were just personal attacks, etc...)

Insidiously, GFI has changed their church program name from Growing God's Way to Along the Virtuous Path, I wasn't able to id it at first and this couple offered it as a class in our church. As far as I know though, there wasn't a lot of interest, so the class didn't happen PTL!

[AmandasMom]

Backstory: I just spent a year in Australia, where I witnessed some of the most horrific parenting I ever seen. In Australia, they have something called "Baby Boot Camp", paid for by the government, where you can drop your newborn-up-to-two-years old (Not kidding!) at the hospital and they will sleep train the baby for you - you pick them up at the end of the week.

I lived for 2 years in Australia, never seen nor heard of any of what you just described here. In fact, it was in there where I saw my first mom breastfeeding. I take offense that you said "Australians are mean". I never met one "mean" Australian.

[nikirj]

I think that sometimes the language is necessary. I co-sleep for a multitude of reasons, but I'll often tell a 'doubter' that "I've never had less than a full night's sleep, even when my babies were newborns" and it is almost always this, rather than anything else I could say, that is most accepted by them.

[Meiri]

"Millions can't be wrong" eh? They need to study their European history, I suggest the late 30's as a good place to start....

[JuniperJoy]

For people interested in Australia ...

I lived in Melbourne, in a suburb called Caulfield. My husband was working at Monash university in a fantastic job he really loved. After six months, he started looking for a new job - he loved his job, but could not get over how extremely rude and just plain cold his co-workers were.

The neighbourhoods themselves are just desolate. People have eight foot high steel fences around their ENTIRE properties and do not, in general, speak to their neighbours. I did not know the rule about not speaking to neighbours when I first arrived, so I went ahead and talked to everyone. I actually introduced two families who had children the exact same ages who lived one door down from each other. They had lived on the same street, one house apart, for EIGHT YEARS and had never spoken, until I introduced them, of course. The whole street was like that. The whole damn town of Melbourne.

Children do not play in the streets, and with good reason, too. It was only last year, 2004, that the great city of Melbourne instituted 40 km/hr zones in front of schools - those rules have been in place since the 1920's in America. Unbelievably, some people complained about having to slow down. Why should I be late for work because you can't watch your own kids - so wrote some guy to the local paper. You wouldn't let your kids out, either. Which makes the streets total ghost towns.

Yes, there were some good parents, and they all left before we did! Seriously, we met one lovely couple who moved to India because their children are bi-racial and they refused to raise them in such an ugly hostile country. Another couple moved to the UK, because they hated the unfriendliness of Australia. Neighbours from Indonesia left after 4 months because the wife suffered depression witnessing the extreme cruelty towards infants - CIO is a religion practiced from birth - I saw it every single day and it nearly broke my heart each and every time. Another couple from Indonesia left after the health nurse told the mother she needed to put chili sauce on her nipples and wean her 10 month old son. She also told them immigration would force them to take their son to Boot Camp because they were abusing him by nursing and co-sleeping. That's the nurse at the Murrumbeena Clinic, if you're interested.

You can buy Ferber, Ezzo and Dobson at Borders in Chadstone. You can also buy a complete psycho called Christopher Green. But you can't find those books at the Carnegie or Caulfield libraries, anymore, because I threw them all in the recycling bins beside the photocopier. The only parenting books left in those two libraries are by Sears, Debra Jackson and Elizabeth Pantley. My little gift to parents in Australia.

I wasn't alone in how I experienced Australia. Now that we're back in North America , everyone tells me about someone they know who moved their and HATED it. It's like an ugly little international secret.

I will never go back, and for anyone contemplating moving there, do your homework. Ask others who have been there. It's a nice place to visit, but think carefully about living there. That's all I can say. Think very carefully.

[AmandasMom]

I lived in a working class 'burb called Revesby. Not rich, not poor, definately working class. I knew all my neighbors, all my neighbors knew all their neighbors, we had the normal fences in the back yard that we have here in the U.S. None of what you described did I ever experience, but that's not to say that it didn't exist, because obviously you experienced it. However, every city and town in every country in the world will have neighborhoods that suck. I guess you just happened to find one in Australia, but to say the entire country is like that is just rediculous.

[Baby Hopes]

I really believe that a lot of moms stumble accross the AP style of parenting while trying to resolve their inner desires with contemporary view points. If it wasn't for two of my AP friends meeting me 'where I was at' I would have struggled through those early days of being a brand new Mama.

It is so important when you speak to Mom's (new, preggo, or otherwise) to understand the language they speak. It is also important to be supportive. I was staunchly against co-sleeping prior to Sarrah's birth. My fears were unfounded, but very real to me none-the-less. My AP friends provided me with literature in non-threating ways, and helped me understand that they were there to support me.

The night after Sarrah's birth I looked at her there lying alone in her bassinet and just knew in my heart she needed to be near me. I scooped her up, & brought her to bed. It just felt right.

If I hadn't had the support of my AP friends it might have taken me a lot longer to come to terms with my natural mothering instincts vs. those 'rules' of parenting I had been indoctorinated with. So... I guess I said all that to say congratulations on finding an effective way to reach a searching mom.

I also want to add my two cents about the whole Australia thing. It's startling to read that account about Australian Parenting. Specifically the baby slapping. I can't help but think I am missing a bigger picture. Slapping a baby? What? Having lived North of Australia (PNG) for over 17 years of my life and having close friends who are Australian I find it hard to believe that that type of parenting is condoned anywhere in Australia. Least of all that it is an accepted standard of parenting.