In my worst moments I just want to give her back!

[mamabutterfly]

[Disclaimer for perspective: I love my dd and am so grateful to God for her; she is an amazing little person. This is about my feeling inadequate and tired.]

*Sigh* I need some mothering-soul rejuvenation, mamas! Ugh, I have had the worst week of parenting in dd's short 2.5 year old life, and other things around us are so stress-filled right now. And I've just read a couple of threads recently that are just kicking up all my anxieties about how much difficult stuff lies ahead (like the 6 y.o. touching his sister's yoni, kids drowning in pools, nutrition issues, dental problems, sibling discord, teenage years...).
We're getting ready to move, I know that will be traumatic for her and not help our current discipline struggles.

I'm just having a day of feeling like 'Stop the train, I wanna get off, Waaah!"

I'm just so afraid that I am not up to it, that I don't have the patience, creativity, wisdom, that I thought. I've been reading MDC faithfully since she was like 2 months old, and I've read so many accounts of mamas getting to the end of their ropes. I never judged that - I thought maybe I'd gotten lucky with my temperament or hers, and a work-at-home dh, and great in-laws nearby. But here I am: totally sick of spending every day with her, saying "Oh, *this* is what all those threads about 2.5 year old were talking about!!", and not being comforted by the knowledge that this is just a phase...

Because I KNOW this phase will pass but it will be followed by ANOTHER one of some kind, and I'm worn out before I barely started! I am making so many compromises that make me sad for her. (I know that's normal but it still makes me sad.)

I have lots of support and take lots of breaks. I took her somewhere to play for the morning, and this afternoon I'm planning to go to a new yoga class (so maybe I'll wonder where this post ever came from by then). :LOL I'm not looking so much for advice so much as to hear that others of you sometimes feel this way.

[WonderWild]

Originally Posted by mamabutterfly

I'm not looking so much for advice so much as to hear that others of you sometimes feel this way.

Yeah! In fact every single night after I get home from work. He's such a bear. The sitter tells me he's such an angel all day, never does anything wrong. Then I get home and get 2 hrs of Mr. Fussy Butt. I just want our precious time together to be nice. But he screams and cries if I try to do anything. (like eat!)

I've started reading some books suggested here at MDC to try to help me figure out what to do. I told my Dh that I feel like I'm failing him. It was so much easier when he was a baby. I knew exactly what he wanted and could easily fix it. Now it's so hard. He gets so cranky, then I get frustrated not knowing how to fix it and it's a hopeless cycle. However our weekends are usually great. I live for our weekends together!

Big Hugs.

[sli124]

Yes I felt that way! Katie is now 6 and 2.5-3.0 was the longest 6months of my life! They are learning about so much at that age and about being their own little person.
I get to go through it again soon, I'm trying to really enjoy my 9 month old now, they are so sweet at this age

[mamabutterfly]

Thanks for your replies, Robin & Susan!

My dd had been in pt daycare until last week. We had to take her out b/c I'm home now & we couldn't afford to keep it up, but she LOVED it there and did so well. I think the transition out has been hard for her. But I also found she kind of released her energy/emotions when she got home from that, so I can relate about your ds, Robin.

As for books, I was thinking of running to the library to look for Emotional Life of the Toddler and How to Listen...
Have you found anything especially good? I should also pick back up my copy of Mindful Parenting.

And Susan, I'm glad to hear you found it a challenging time and it got easier. Thanks for the encouragement.

Okay, off to breathe at yoga...

mb

[NB Mom]

your not the only one!

i am bf'ing right now...

my 2.5 yo ds has been terrible to deal with latey. Yesterday we spent most of the day arguing and yelling at each other : but just before i went to work i got down on the floor and told him i was sorry tht i ws yelling at him and that i was wrong to do that. his reply, that ok mom, but yell outside please, not inside
today is a little bit better because i keep reminding myself that i do not want him yelling inside, so i should not either.
it's kinds funny, i knew about the "terrible twos", but i just thought that if i continued with ap and gd that MY ds would not go through it... boy was i wrong

[Autumnschild]

I've heard that the "terrible twos" are equal to the teenage years!

My little angel just turned 2 two months ago. We are dealing with adjusting to her new baby sister who is 3 weeks old today. My 2 yr old has started having tantrums at naptime and bedtime...I mean screaming for a half hour or more at the top of her lungs. Then the baby starts screaming, and I am going crazy. I am torn between frustration and guilt. Guilty because I can't give her the attention she needs and is used to, and frustrated because her behavior is so awful and she won't listen to me AT ALL. Nobody said parenting was going to be easy, and it just got twice as hard. I haven't been able to take her to the library, pool, zoo or park. The only time we made it anywhere this week was to playgroup this morning. I feel awful about it. She's got cabin fever as bad as I do, but I can't seem to coordinate both girls and myself to get anywhere lately! I am jealous...at least you have yoga. If I don't get out and find some time for myself, I just may go crazy! Anyway, I know where you are coming from. Two is a difficult age, but I hear it gets better!

Sheri

[teachma]

nak

Yes, yes, yes! We had a very trying period of time last year from June (when we moved cross country and into my parents' house) until about February. Discipline issues, anger, sadness, physical aggression, you name it. I promise it will end, and I promise you will get back to having days on end filled with love for, and enjoyment of, your child. Ds was 2 yrs 10 months when our rough time began; he is almost 4, and we are loving our time together. I never thought we would be able to make it thru a day withut several MAJOR agressive tantrums, but now we do. Hang in there!

[Avima]

Sigh.. me too. We are getting ready to move also and there is a lot of tension in our household right now. My patience has been wearing thin and I've been snapping a lot lately at my girl. I'm right there with you mamas.

[nuggetsmom]

I have so been there. And I have daycare still because I was working tillthe new babe came along. Now I feel a tinge of guilt when she goes off to daycare (which she loves and asks to go to as often as she says she does not want to go) but I just can't deal with her these days. And the irony is that it is totally ME. She is just being 3ish, but I am being a baby.

This week has been better because I have been rereading our favorite book and also "becoming the parent you want to be" so I have revised my perspective and my discipline style.

Anyway, I really try not to think ahead at all. I mean I just have to deal with this time right now and later will be later. I have been able to handle so much already that I will assume that I will have the resources to deal with the future things then.

As for daycare... I may get back to work, and she may go to preschool. I don't make enough to put them both in daycare so who knows what will happen. I can't imagine being home all the time with either of them but I don't have family nearby and my DH works long hours so I would be really by myself mostly.

[WithHannahsHeart]

I feel ya, sweetie, and my dd JUST turned two. I have been trying to focus on pulling her closer to me instead of pushing her away like i want to when she's making me crazy, and opening up myself to feel compassion for her, because i know it's just as much a struggle for her too. It WILL pass, and there will be seasons of calm in between seasons of change so that we can rest and rejuvenate.

[magemom]

"I've heard that the "terrible twos" are equal to the teenage years!"

Yes, I would have to agree. Having a 2 year old has helped me deal so much with my teens and my aging grandmother. I have to say I was at my wits end with dd when she was closer to 4 though. We moved twice during the 2-3 age and that was so hard. This time things are easier, but it isn't the child, it is me. And I can't say I am that much better, I just know I lived through it 3 times already, I can live through this.

Want to borrow a teen to play with your DD? :LOL

[mamabutterfly]

Originally Posted by teachma

I promise it will end, and I promise you will get back to having days on end filled with love for, and enjoyment of, your child. Hang in there!

Thanks for that, teachma! I did need to hear that!

[mamabutterfly]

Originally Posted by nuggetsmom

And the irony is that it is totally ME. She is just being 3ish, but I am being a baby.

Lo, Jacq! :LOL That's exactly how I feel, too... She's normal for her developmental stage, I feel like I'm just not up for it.

And then my responses aren't helping -I mean, trying to get a little space from her makes her feel more insecure, want to nurse more, etc. I use TV more ( ) then it affects her behavior.

speaking of which, gotta run!

mb