AP burn out?

[ekblad9]

I don't know if this is in the right forum or not but here goes.

I've been a mom for 12 1/2 years now. Since I was barely 18 years old. I feel that I've practiced AP all the way. We now have five children with one on the way. We homeschool our three oldest children (the younger two are too young for school). I am surrounded by wonderful women but feel SO burnt out. Is it from AP? I mean, I think in many ways AP is harder than mainstream parenting. All the hands on, homemade food, organic living, limited or no TV, video games, etc. I feel depleted of all my energy. My therapist says I have "super woman" syndrom but I don't feel super at all. I feel like I"m just making it and that I'm failing in many ways. I've even asked my 7, 6, and 3 year old to please sleep in their own beds (or at least in their own rooms with eachother). They agreed and I feel AWFUL about it. I've also become very synical about AP and natural family living ideas. I read Mothering or something similar and it makes me feel less of a mother b/c I can't be as patiant or as organic or whatever. What is my problem? HELP!

[spero]

Oh, hon....don'tchya think it's the pgy combined with all the other stuff going on? Stop being so hard on yourself...things are rough right now and you have every reason to be feeling burnt out. I certainly would.


Hugs and prayers to you, sweet mama.

[hippiemom2]

I hope someone in your circle of support gives you the gift of some well-deserved time off.

But, if you weren't doing all the organic foods, watching a ton of TV would you be any happier? Probably not. I hope you find some rest time so you can rejuvenate.

Peace,
Shelbi

[mamangazelle]

to you mama.

I can only imagine how hard it must be with 5 kids and one on the way. I agree with you that AP is more difficult than mainstream, but I think you have to be aware that AP is not about being the perfect mother and doing it all by the highest AP standards.

I truly believe that to teach my children to respect themselves, I have to respect myself first. If I put some limits (not wanting your whole family in your bed, needing some alone time, ...), I show them that I know myself and that I take care of myself. I think that to be a good mother, you have to find a way to meet your childrens needs as much as possible without burning yourself out, without denying that you too have needs.

[ekblad9]

I haven't been living the "natural" lifestyle that I normally like to for the last few weeks. I've been sick and tired and conventional seems so much easier right now. I guess that's why I feel so crappy? I never thought of it like that but I bet it is why.

[Piglet68]

That makes sense.

But I honestly doubt ANY mama with five kids, who is pregnant, who has been mothering for over 12 years, feels any better than you do at times! :LOL

I don't think it has anything to do with AP, and everything to do with the fact that parenting is hard work!

Besides, you're a mod so you're not allowed to be mainstream. :

[ekblad9]

:LOL Piglet! That's true.

I get so much pride from living this natural lifestyle. Does anyone KWIM? I feel so good feeding my kids healthy and just living as naturally as we can. Then I have to send my mom grocery shopping because I throw up if I go and she buys Lucky Charms and the kids go NUTS. They ate it for dinner : Can you imagine? That makes me feel awful.

[kaimama]

You sound like you are so hard on yourself, mama! I know when I feel like I'm not doing everything the "right" way with my kiddos I start to feel so guilty and awful. But really, none of us can be the perfect parent and we shouldn't put such super high standards on ourselves, especially when pregnant and feeling lousy!

Please go easy on yourself, you have so much on your plate, don't feel badly if things slide a little bit. We do the best we can, you know?

Jane

[lauraess]

I hope you can go easier on yourself to, mama. You are doing a wonderful job and when we expect too much we just set ourselves up. Are you getting any time for yourself??? next-time Lucky charms or another "cereal" shows up, leave the kids with someone and take a drive, sit alone quietly and eat that stuff yourself. Have a laugh, a hug to yourself, and remember YOU ARe Doing ALL YOU CAN. That IS ENOUGH
Laura

[Kinipela79]

I know exactly how you feel and I only have two kids to run around after!! And just when I want to throw in the towel on all this AP/nfl stuff and join the rest of the conventional world - something happens to show me that I am doing a wonderful thing for my kids and that I will be ok. And that usually holds me through till the next nervous breakdown! lol Seriously though - don't be so hard on yourself. Be glad that kids like to eat cereal for dinner and enjoy not having to scrub pots and pans! lol

[bunnybartlett]

Hugs to you mama....

I have those days(weeks even) and I have only one high needs 2 yo!!!!

Don't be so hard on yourself..a box or two of lucky charms aren't going to hurt anyone.They are enriched with vitamins and minerals and millions of children live on this stuff.We all know your family doesnt eat this on a daily basis.

I also feel that if you need your children to sleep in their own beds that is not some AP crime!!! You ARE entitled to some restful sleep.They are old enough and will do just fine.You are an amazing mother

Linda

[hopingtobe]

Ekblad, you are one of my absolute fav posters here on MDC. I have only participated for a couple of days, but I have been a reader for a long time.

I think you are a great mother - you did seem like a supermom to me - and you have been having a really tough time lately. If I was prg with no 6, broke down with morning sickness and other illnesses, having all my 5 kids with me 24/7, being organic, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, being socially active both online, in church, etc. ---- I would be DEAD tired, but, boy, I would be proud of myself

I am not really AP, didn't know the term until I found mothering, but many of the AP things I have always done instinctivly. But I think it is good for kids to have parents who are persons (not machines) and if you are a person, you have personal needs and personal limits.

Be (so) proud of yourself and take care of your own needs too. Is there no way that you could get that hoped-for holiday. I you had sitters for your children, couldnt you use them but just spend the time alone in your house instead? Just a suggestion.

How is it you usually say.... This too will pass?

love and respect

[ekblad9]

You ladies are way too kind to me! Today is a new day. I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Parenting a pre teen and a toddler (with a few in between) has proven to be harder on me than I thought it would be. At any rate, I did a lot of thinking last night and I am glad we've gone the route we have. I think most of my frustration comes from being deathly ill :Puke and everything falling apart right now. I know when I feel better I will get back on track and things will be back to "normal"

Hoping for that much needed vacation sometime in August. We'll see.

Thanks again everyone!

[lauraess]

ek: Im glad you seem to have a more realistic perspective. My goodness, mama, are you really DEATHLY ILL???????? POOOR YOU.
Is it the morning sickness??? I also get/got (no more kiddos here happenin') MSickness for three mo with all day nausea and tiredness. are you tellin us you havent figured out the trick to that after FIVE?! lol??
Im sorry- maybe thats not so funny.
anyway,

TO YOU MAMA EKBLAD7+
One of your greatest ADMIRERS~Laura

[ekblad9]

Yes, it's morning sickness. I get it horribly everytime. Knocks me out for a good three months. I love, love, love being a mom and having babies. I guess I just gloss over the morning sickness when I contemplate getting pg everytime. Then as soon as it hits I'm like "what the heck was I thinking?"

to everyone. You all made me feel so much better!

[Kinipela79]

Yes, it's morning sickness. I get it horribly everytime. Knocks me out for a good three months. I love, love, love being a mom and having babies. I guess I just gloss over the morning sickness when I contemplate getting pg everytime. Then as soon as it hits I'm like "what the heck was I thinking?"

I seem to be following in my mother's footsteps...when she was pregnant with me she was slightly ill for about a week (exactly how I was with Trevor) then with my sister she was dead out sick for a little over 3 months (exactly how I was with Owen) and THEN when she was pregnant with my brother she was DEAD OUT SICK FOR OVER 6 MONTHS!!! EEK!!!!! I really think we are going to want to have another baby but I keep thinking about feeling like that for 6 months. I know it isn't for sure that would happen but you can see why I would be concerned! lol

Be well, mama!

[ekblad9]

I am really looking forward to feeling healthy again. I don't like feeling weak and out of it. It makes me very sad. It makes my kids even more sad. Esp. during summer when we usually do TONS of stuff.

[mamalita]

Just wanted to send you a and say that you are an AMAZING mama! And ugh! the morning sickness - hope you are coming 'round the bend soon.

ITA with the other posters who say that you need some time for rest and self-care if possible . . .

xo

[Caring Touch]

Just another thought that I wanted to add...

Since you care about your kids SO much and reach deep to be the best mom you can...isn't this a perfect situation/time to reap the rewards of that great parenting? Being a family isn't a one way road. It's about taking care of one another. I guess my point is...don't sell your kids short. Trust in them to be extrodinare and hold a space for you now. I think letting kids see you as human and weak at times gives them time to shine and take care of you. Let them love and support you. I know whenever I got the chance to care for my parents it made me feel so accomplished and good inside.

So don't feel bad that you can't spin all the plates by yourself. This is actually a great time to learn to let your kids be their own independant person as they take care of you. Sit back and enjoy your work.

I think when we try to take the 'big' spot in the family all the time it robbs other family members of shining too.

Just something to think about.
Hope you feel better.

Caring Touch

[darlindeliasmom]

ekblad: I only got to experience that 3 month morning sickness one time, but I still remember it...(shivers). One thing that became my mantra as I faced every day (along with prayer!!) was "this means a healthy start for baby..lots of progesterone". Kept me sane--that and the many naps a first-time mom can take!!
I want to second Caring Touch: Those great kids of yours can have a different summer, but can learn the joy of service by taking care of you...

Also wanted to add, as someone who has had more than one bowlful of Lucky Charms fed to my child...try to accept the help in the spirit it's given. I know I break dh's heart anytime I roll my eyes at his les crunchy choices. It has helped me to rein in those feelings of "oh no! Not healthy!!" You know, funny enough, dd STILL loves carrots and dip for an afternoon snack!

Take care of yourself and lots of hugs...