Arguments against tv/video's

[mascha]

Hi,
The daughter of a friend of mine watches Pokemon, Disney etc. since she was 3 years old. Now she's almost 5. She's friends with my daughter, so my daughter is at risk to watch this stuff too, when she's playing with her (we live in the same street). I really don't like this, because this stuff gives me stomache and I think it's harmful, not only because of the violent and commercial aspects, but also because of the view of life and bad taste. I think it's killing for the mental and physical development of children.
I hardly watched tv when I was a kid and I' m still not interested. My daughter has a lot of fantasy and loves a range of activities, so I don't see the value of tv.
My friend doesn't see the problem, so her daughter watches for some hours in the evening/night, 'till she falls asleep. I find it hard to talk about it, mostly we agree about parenting issues, but 'tv' is a tickley question in our friendship.
Did anybody read 'Unplug the plug-in drug' or other books about this? I want to order a good book, but want to be sure wich one (because of shipping costs etc.). Maybe if my friend and I both read a book we can solve the problem ( of course I hope she'll find it a problem too, after reading about it).
Mascha

[srain]

Clarification request: are you trying to keep your daughter from being exposed to the TV, or trying to get your friend from showing it to her daughter?

[Rainbow]

I was wondering the same thing- is she respecting your ideals and not pugging in while your DD is over? Or is she allowing your DD to watch to?

If she is respecting your ideals WRT to your DD than I personally feel you should back down a little (and we're a TV free home) but if not than the problem has to do more with not respecting your boundries than with TV itself.

[LunaMom]

Yep, unless your friend is exposing your daughter to objectionable television, you really need to drop it. I think we all see friends of ours making choices for their children that make us cringe, but they are not asking for our advice, right?

I'd simply let your friend know that since you have different rules in your families about TV (notice the non-judgmental language there! ), you would prefer if the television were not turned on when they play together regardless of whose home they are in.

[mascha]

It's both. I want to shake up my friend, but you're right: she doesn't ask for advice. It's concerning me to see her daughter being a tv-junky, but since a year we live close nearby and it's also my problem, because my daughter can go there by herself. I already asked her to put the tv off if my daughter is there, but she doesn't do it. I have a problem to forbid it, don't want to make a too big issue of it because than it maybe goes the wrong way. You see, it's even not clear to myself what to do with this :.

[HollyBearsMom]

I hear you about wanting to "shake up" your friend but it sounds like you all ready know the answer to that one. If you can't have the conversation I doubt she's going to take the time and read the book.

I would try talking to her again about not having the TV on when your daughter is there but if that doesn't work (and you want to keep this friendship) you will need to either minimize the time she spends there or just accept that a few times a week your daughter will be exposed to TV.

To minimize the time she spends at your friends house why not try getting her daughter to come to your house instead? If your daughter can go there by her self why not suggest she call her instead and invite her over? Plan a puppet show, dress up game or some great art project and then let them be. Once they start playing I doubt either will even miss the TV. We are a limited TV household (1/2 hour or so before bed) so I try to always have fun activities planned (painting on huge sheets of paper, making cookies, baking clay, etc) when we have other kids over. Even the biggest TV junkies don't ever complain or whine for TV when they are busy.

Or maybe you could offer up a compromise? “I really prefer that my dd not watch commercial TV. I rented this great DVD about xyz so if they get bored after playing maybe they could watch this instead?”

Hope you find a solution!

[mascha]

The problem is, that since we live in the same community, the visits of the kids aren't that organised. They can visit eachother freely (we have a big common garden). I often do activities with them, but not all the time of course (kids already come over to our house al lot, because we do such nice things :-).
The idea of giving my friend a DVD sounds good. Thanks voor your suggestions.
Mascha

[sohj]

I've read the Plug-In Drug and, yes, you should read it.

http://www.mariewinn.com/ (the home page of the author)

http://www.mariewinn.com/events.htm (the page with some information about the book)

And some threads in Mothering that you might find interesting:
"Any other totally TV-free families?" http://www.mothering.com/discussions...highlight=winn
"How do you go TV free?" http://www.mothering.com/discussions...highlight=winn
"UPDATED--Killing My Television-Support Needed" http://www.mothering.com/discussions...highlight=winn

And there are others.


Signed, The TV Vigilante (I have a big wire cutters to do interventions if needed. )

[NatureMama3]

In my experience, the best thing you can do to "shake your friend up" is get rid of your OWN TV completely and leave it that way. They get quite unnerved and eventually start experimenting with less or no TV themselves. Until someone around them is able to "live" fully and happily without one, it's hard for most people (western world at least) to conceptualize their lives withOUT a TV.

[jennyof4]

It would be hard for me to conceptualize my life without books, but it would be possible. I could live a perfectly happy life without ever reading, as there are so many different resources and things to do in the world. However, I see no reason I should attempt to go "book-free". Reading is just one more thing that makes my life more full, rich, and joyful.

If you feel strongly about your daughter not watching TV, her friend's mother should respect that when dd is visiting in her home. If she does not, I think a talk with her is in order, for you to discuss your concerns. As for her own daughter watching TV, I don't think it is your place to "shake things up". I don't put limits on what my kids eat, but if ds's friend were over and his mother had specifically told me "no sweets", it would certainly not be my place to give him candy. Nor would it be fair to give ds candy in front of the friend while he was over.

Jenny

[mascha]

I've found "The Plug-in Drug" in our local library (I didn't expect it, 'cause we don't have that much non-fiction in English) and I'm reading
it now, like it very much. Thank you for your replies!
Mascha
dd Kaja
Netherlands