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Yep, we're still here~Nov/Dec '02 mommas&babies~ - Page 11

post #201 of 647
:LOL speaking of hair, i cut off 10 inches the other day for locks of love. WOW

post #202 of 647
That's awesome! My sister cut off 14 inches for Locks of Love a couple months ago. Her hair is now shoulder length and looks great. My hair is above my ears and will probally stay that way.
post #203 of 647
really rynna, you shaved your head? for me it is so durned practical i can't live with it otherwise for now. i never have to look in the mirror except to put in contacts and inspect my teeth. the main comment i get from women is that they worry they would be masculinized, or that their husbands would hate it. i don't have to worry about feeling my feminimity (sp?) in public when i'm surrounded by children and nursing all the time.

it seems like a haircut year for everyone i know. except my kids. they want all of their hair. i do too until i can't see their eyes.

generally men do not need the adjustments since their chest is the same shape all the way down and there's no chance of nursing in the sling. and hate the tail. it's an interesting market since i actually see more men carrying the babies than the women. one day i'll sell some man slings.....
post #204 of 647
yeah, i've shaved all my hair off before but this is the first time that i've seriously prevented it from growing back. i just love having it super short with the kids; eli can't pull it anymore, and i'm no longer finding my kids wrapped up in my hair (it was fairly long before i shaved it off).

i worried briefly that Mike wouldn't like it, but it got to a point where i just didn't care; i was too hot, and too irritated, and my hair was too much of a pain in the neck (literally). one evening i got out of the shower, couldn't find a comb and i said "honey, i'm shaving my hair off right now." i cut two long braids off for my kids and then just started cutting, long strands of curls flying. mike helped a bit, and beanbean stood by, clapping and saying "yay!" for some reason, he thought it was really cool. :LOLonce it was about 2 inches long, we got the clippers and buzzed me. it's been quite liberating, really. i've been running the clippers over my head twice a week ever since, and i don't think i'll let it grow back until my kids are older.

oh, mike really enjoys it, btw. he loves the way it feels and the way i feel about it. it's a good thing. i highly recommend it. i never thought it would make me feel masculine... i guess beacause i've done it before and i knew it'd be cute. i actually feel more feminine than ever, because i feel cleaner with no hair.
post #205 of 647
tribes ---> this thread, the running mamas thread, I also visit getting started breastfeeding (cause i think they need the support), crafts, and working mamas. I rarely visit the toddler section because ya'll always answer those questions for me.

"i jumpin" is the phrase for the day. Lots of giggles from mom and baby.
post #206 of 647

I totally understand what you are going thru right now with the hitting. I am out of my mind. I blame myself everyday. Maybe it's because I nightweaned her, maybe it is because I work 3 days a week...... I have been beating myself up about this for 2 months now.

I have been reading Easy to Love Difficult to Disipline and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen .... and really trying to use those techniques. I also found a yahoo group for AP Discipline where I have so far only been lurking. I am trying to be very consistant with her and to watch closely to notice when she is getting tired etc.

I hope this passes soon.

post #207 of 647
some kids just tend to hit. some bite. some of us get more frustrated easily. some of us are not as flexible. when we get tired and hungry we get cranky. it also wore me out to try to make sure my kids are in tip top form for socialization and just tried to make more understanding situations. it is normal, especially with a toddler that is just starting to use the skill of speaking. it is a shame that a baby hitting is so taboo that we get riled up which can sometimes feed the actions into something else. i've also had to deal with different reactions to a boy hitting as opposed to a girl. people tend to be extra alarmed when it is the boys, like that means they will be wife beaters. i believe there is a correlation between the acting out and their energy being lower since they can't handle the situation more appropriately. i have to believe they are doing their best since i am. then there is the quandary of it happenning because i am an open loving parent. of course if i made my children submissive and fearful of me they would not do it. but i think it is important that they feel free to show their emotions with me, and it takes much work and time to show how this can be done civilly. children naturally want to please us. but they have to have the skills as well.
observing and preventing gives me courage. i tackle the situations outside of the home first. i want my kids to observe and act as expected in different situations (notice i'm not saying that i have that yet.....) they are more comfortable at home and it is more confusing for them how much is other people;s desires and my own. these not yet two year olds do not have the impulse control to stop and decide to say i want it instead of hitting for a toy. i do think that consistent 5 second timeout of picking them from the situation right as it happens can show some kids that you are interrupting something you find inappropriate, and perhaps curb it from becoming a habit.
generally in a group situation the kids do work it out. the kids learn who to avoid and such. it is really just harder for us adults. we are not all committed to beating the sin out of them anymore. but we still tend to want the same type of rigid behaviour since that is all we have ever seen.

knowing my child and myself has been the most helpful in the end. having confidence in myself has only benefited my family.
sometimes i had to use bandaids just to get myself out of it the funk. dress my kid silly. put stickers on his forehead. being around older children has helped me too. i remember feeling much better in general after seeing a six year old cry tears because he stepped on some little thorns and his mom standing up holding him like a baby. spending energy worrying about what i've done wrong as a mother is energy i wasted that i could have used in showing my love.

meanwhile, i gotta get off and nuh-nurse!
post #208 of 647
Well ladies, I am 1 1/2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. I am starting to make some progress.
post #209 of 647
Thread Starter 
Thank-you Casina for more wise words of experience. I should spend a lot less time worrying about what has happened, and more time loving... which seems like all I do, as my house is a M_E_S_S.

Today Haeven threw the cordless phone at my little 5 week old baby, and it got her in the head. My mom was holding her, so she doesn't have a quick reactions that I have. There is now a bump on her little head, and it broke the skin too. So, I put haeven in the bathroom for a time out. I hope she is learning.

And when she hits elwynn, I put her in time-out as well. It seems to work so far. because when she comes out, she doesn't fight with him for a while.

We went to a LLL meeting last night, and it went well. Babies played nicely. moms got to chat.
post #210 of 647
well ladies, i keep thinking im going to have teh time and energy to update you all on the latest here, but it just ain't happening. My energy is so low, and dd so demanding what's a mama to do. all i want to do is sit and :cry but i dont even have time for that. this has been the worst summer of my life, save for meeting Rose in Cali. That was like a beautiful dream, where for once I wasn't explaining myself, or my child, or my choices. I can't wait for her to get back so she can post some of the pics. It was an instant connection on everyone's part, and for me at least, it was like cool water on a hot day. much needed and oh so refreshing.

I feel so tired and lost these days and this summer has been difficult for us in so many ways. Now we are home and its just us three, I thought that it would be better. Instead I just feel empty and used up. I have to find my spirit again. I was feeling so invincible this spring, but alas I was more fragile than I knew.... All it took was six constant weeks of naggin and me explaining myself and defending myself to erode away all the confidence I had as a mother. It all came to a head yesterday, when I actually spanked my daughter. Boy that really woke me up.... I handled it really well, and of course loved on her and told her that i was wrong and mamas are never suppose to hit their babies. It really showed me how out of it I am though, it seems my anger and frustration is ruling my brain right now, I have to find my way back to peace and serenity, but im not sure how. Im trying to find someone to watch dd for just a few hours (she's nursing so much right now) so i can have a few hours just to concentrate on me and my long neglected needs but dh is working like crazy and my mom turned me down. really there is no one else.

i feel so low and like all i have worked for is wasted.

i would give just about anything to meet any one of you ladies for a nice cup of hot tea. I know you could ground me once again.

See the trip to Cali really sucked. The people we stayed with (dh family) unbeknownst to us didnt want a toddler in their house. We felt unwelcome from the get go. They were so disrespectful of her needs and when we tried to assert them they basically told us we dont know what we are doing because we are young and she is our first. Every night we had an argument because we refused to put her in the crib they borrowed (even though we told them before we went out there not to borrow it, she sleeps with us) We got the CIO speech countless times, they were so uncomfortable with my bf and even made comments about how "third world" it is that I squat down to play with dd etc. !!!! (a habit i picked up from the bradley books i read when pregnant) it was awful. And i feel so guilty because i didnt fight more for her. They refused to bend their schedule to meet her needs and i feel awful that i didnt stand up to them more.

Needless to say we won't be doing that again. We only went this time because mil wanted us to, and paid our way.

Anyhow, that's all from me.

P.S. yeah Heather, you are moving right along. You will be in my thoughts

P.P.S well i've been sitting here thinkign about how i just rained on all y'alls parades adn thought I should say something nice now at the airport when we were coming home, dh had laid dd down to change her diaper, and she said her first sentence : "I want Mama!" talk about heart melting! So yup, I got to do the honors! :LOL
post #211 of 647
heather, i'll be thinking about you, and birthing......aah, so many families growing, so commonplace yet so fascinating the very details of such a change.....

punk, i am so very sorry you had to go through all this. it sounds so much like me in taiwan and such dealings with my parents where i've been directly accused of doing a bad job, and we had to live with them twice in the past five years. my dad won't even speak of my homeschooling and is just pretending that it is not happenning. when you say we in your post, i infer that your dh is in some kind of agreement with you about how you are mothering.....

it is very normal to run low on energy and take it out on our kids. they are our most familiar companions. i did it tonight when i stupidly took the kids to the library because they begged and it was really too late for them. this is a library that we go to all the time so the employees know us very well for better or worse. well clay was yelling and climbing on a bench dropping a dvd. too much. i pulled him off more roughly than usual and he yelled "you're hurting me!". actually now that i think about it i wasn't technically rough but i was mad and he sensed it so in the end it is the same? well this was right where everyone could see and hear and suddenly i was onstage. fortunately i was too tired to be embarrassed and know enough that when a child is truly hurt all the time, he doesn't bother to yell about it like that so whatever everyone thinks, that is theirs to own but not mine. but i still felt bad that i made a bad decision to go there and was so reactionary.

the way i see it, it is all about energy. you need it for yourself, so that you can use it positively for others. i'm sure i've said this before: i'm working on using my energy positively. it starts with sleep and food intake and love. the physical parameters i could go on and on.

and then there's the me part. for me this means limiting the running commentary in my head. forgiving the things that happenned. often this means i have to forgive icky people and their icky behaviours, because i believe they are animals just like me in the world that are doing their best like i am. even if i was hurt i have to find a way to laugh or love parts of these people. the forgiveness is a release for me to go on and quit feeling mad and violated. it does not change the situation or how others behaved, but it always makes me feel better and able to continue free. when i'm upset or judgmental about others i am just as easily upset and judgmental about myself and this is a draining cycle. i have to find the way to jump on another track and forgiveness is usually a big piece.

this also means forgiving yourself for however you have behaved that you are not feeling right about. know that your child's memory is limited and that they are amazingly forgiving. what they remember is them feeling loved, not whether you argued in their favor. they just feel that as distress.
it is okay to not know everything about being a mamma! how unendingly boring would that be!

when my little brain and everything in the world gets overwhelming, i have to make myself do a simple minded thinking exercise and this vastly conserves my energy. i describe in my head what is happenning with no judgment and think of nothing else, and just act accordingly. it takes practice quelling the unneeded thoughts but they can be stopped. it is also important to have no value in the statements like feelings and right and wrong. i'm always amazed that my body will just do the appropriate responses without me consciously talking to myself about it. it would go something like this:

there's oatmeal on the counter.
reed is half naked.
clay wants more ice.
i hear my phone.
ruby dumped water.
i'm playing cards.
i'm nursing.
reed is yelling.
i'm drinking chocolate soymilk.

in the course of this my body may have done something or ignored the situation and then moved on. i tend not to talk but rather nod and smile or shake my head and make a noise. i say okay, or sure, just to acknowledge without either positive or negative. i stare out the window. i observe the smoothness of their skin and the tones in their voices. sometimes i make myself do this and it lasts for maybe thirty minutes and it will refresh me for the day. i can do it when no other adults are around and the computer and phone ignored. i am learning the skill of being less conscious, and it has really benefited me. it keeps me in the moment.

much love,
post #212 of 647
Punk! I wish you were closer--I'd give you a real hug!
post #213 of 647
punkmomma and all mommas: know that you ARE a good momma..sometimes we aren't at our best and do things that we wish we hadn't done, but life is for learning and the only way to learn is to experience situations and grow from them..i think that it is so important as a mother not to push yourself too far..not to expect 180% all the time. sometimes WE need to curl up and remember what it was like to be a little child having all of our needs tended to-instead of us tending to the needs of our whole world!

sometimes all i need is to turn some good music on and pick up elwynn and sing and dance with him..the little playful things-being silly, laughing till you cry..releasing all of the stuff you have to put away to be the good strong mother you have to be in this big scary world..its so important for us mommas not to get so caught up in mothering that we forget to mother ourselves.

casina thank you for your words!

elwynn has used the potty 2 days in a row to pee.. but no poops yet.

they grow so fast!
post #214 of 647
for the third day in a row, BeanBean has awakened with clean, dry pants! what a big boy!! just a little more effort getting poop into the potty and we'll have an officially potty learned boy. now the underpants problem is much more pressing... *sigh* I guess i should think of the positives, though; BeanBean will be able to wear 12 month sized shorts for the rest of the summer, i won't have to think about buying large fuzzi bunz unless BooBah needs them in the future, etc.

it's just so cool to watch him. he woke up this morning a bit early (probably because he had to pee!) took off his own diaper, sat down on the potty, peed, stood up, emptied the potty into the toilet and flushed it, all by himself. then he clapped and said "Yay!" what a cutie! i'm totally impressed with him.
post #215 of 647
Originally Posted by eilonwy
it's just so cool to watch him. he woke up this morning a bit early (probably because he had to pee!) took off his own diaper, sat down on the potty, peed, stood up, emptied the potty into the toilet and flushed it, all by himself. then he clapped and said "Yay!" what a cutie! i'm totally impressed with him.
omg how cool! dd has become a little less interested in the potty since it has become more of a "thing" to use it. i don't put any pressure on her, but since i've been verbally saying "the potty is for pee pee and poopies" i guess it is less fun to use. but she does pee in it at least once a day. unfortunately she likes to then empty it onto the floor, or on her head. :LOL

post #216 of 647
im with you on the underpants thing eilonwy! elwynn has no hips.. unless he is wearing a cloth diaper none of his clothes fit him! they all just slide down his skinny waist till they hit the floor.. he prefers being naked anyways, but still! he is happy peeoing in the potty, but he still wont poop! oh well i wont force it. i just cant wait till i dont have to wash poopy diapers anymore!
post #217 of 647

He did it!!!

BeanBean just pooped on the potty, all by himself!!!! I'm just so unbelieveably excited! He just walked over, sat down and went, no prompting and no help. Hooray! If he keeps this up, he'll probably be completely out of diapers by the end of next week. OMG, I never thought I'd be this excited about poop! :LOL
post #218 of 647
Yay Eli!

Owen has been using the potty all day today. Actually, the toilet--he wants nothing to do w/the potty chair because we don't use it. That's ok. He's doing very well. I don't think I was necessarily ready to potty train already, I'll go with it!
post #219 of 647
Caeley is starting to use a lot of words..she basically mimics almost everything you say back!! And still bf!!
post #220 of 647
Thread Starter 
My girl has peed in the potty a few times the past few days. She is going to the door of the bathroom, and we open the door and put her on the toilet, and she goes! She isn't going to waste any time on the little potty. She wants to go straight to the big one. YAY!

congrats eliyahu! You're becoming a big boy!
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