Wedding/Child Care Dilemma

[jillywilson]

We have a family wedding in September. I was hoping the invite would say "Mr. & Mrs. & family", but of course it doesn't. I understand people don't want kids at their weddings and that is not my issue. The wedding is about 2 hours away and my SIL and BIL have offered to have SIL's sister (mature mother of 4) to come to their house to watch kids while we all go to the wedding together. Here's my problem. SIL's sister will be watching her own 6yo, a 5yo, my 4yo, a 2.5yo and my (by then) 2 yo. The house is huge with a pool and hot tub, a basement play room, toys in bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a rec room over the garage, a garage full of riding toys, a huge yard - and I'll mention again - a pool and hot tub. Lots for the kids to do, you think. I think, lots of space for little ones to wander off to in separate directions. Plus, SIL and BIL don't have any safety locks on cabinets or plug covers or alarms on their pool gate. I'm not fanatical about child safety locks and so on, but I do know that when your kids are in a different house, they get more curious. The first time we visited this new house, dd came out of the bathroom carrying Draino. And the last time we were there I noticed the door to the back doesn't latch unless you pull it really hard and they had left the gate to the pool open.

On top of the safety issues, dd#2 doesn't know SIL's sister at all. She's not used to being without me period, but when we have had a babysitter it has been my SIL or my MIL. It is going to be a very long day by the time we drive there, wedding, reception and drive back. Not to mention that she is still bf'ing. My SIL and BIL have always left their kids with sitters once or twice a week, so they just think I need to "let go" and "there's nothing to worry about".

So far I haven't really addressed my safety concerns with anything more than "Are you sure your sister wants to keep up with all of them?" and she answered back with how amazing she is and has 4 kids (ages 6 to 16) of her own and "Oh, she might take them back to her house so leave the car seats." Ugh! One more thing to think about!

I am obsessing about this and have been ever since we found out about the wedding. I'm wondering if I am overreacting. And as I write all of this, it is becoming clear to me that I just shouldn't go to the wedding. Even if it means I get a black mark against me from my ILs for being the crazy smothering mother who can't let go.

Thanks if you are still reading this.

[Piglet68]

Yup. Based on everything you just said, I would not go either. The safety issues are huge, but I would also never leave my 2 yo with someone she doesn't know. Like you, mine has barely been away from me, still BF's, etc...there's just no way I could do that. You will probably get flack from your IL's but that is easier to deal with than a tragic accident, or just knowing your 2 yo was hysterical and cried the whole time you were gone.

[mommasuz]

I wouldn't go. It's not worth it if the kids would be in any potential danger.

[mamabutterfly]

ITA w/what Piglet said, & understand why you might not want to go.

I normally believe in being open & direct, etc, but there are also times when i fudge the truth to not cause distress in others - I might come up w/a different reason why i couldn't go to the wedding.

The other thought I had was that you could bring along your own sitter just for your 2 kids, to be watched there w/the others (someone they know). i've also gone to a ceremony & skipped reception, so we weren't apart long.

[Evergreen]

i like the pp's idea

I wouldn't go either. This is going to come out snarky, but if they don't want my child there I won't be going.

The babysittersituation sounds too unsafe for a two year old.

[pageta]

I totally agree with your concerns. At the same time, family is important and I would hate for you to miss the wedding. I would bring my own sitter along. You can use the location your SIL has arranged but have that extra pair of hands familiar with and focusing on your children. Or you could find some other location for your sitter to watch your kids. But I certainly would not leave my children in that situation, regardless of what your SIL says about it.

[taz925]

I wouldn't go, but that is me. My children's safety is first and that situation sounds dangerous. The distance and my kids temperment would just raise all kinds of flags for me. My kids are curious and will get into everything and how can one person stay on top of that many kids...

Doreen