I just got the call........

[A&A]

My bro just called to tell me that my SIL is in labor. Here was the conversation:

Him: N. is in labor.
Me: Yea! Congratulations! Are you leaving him intact?
Him: No, we're chopping it off.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Him: Well, you should just be happy that he is being born.
Me: I am. Tell N. good luck.


Then I hung up the phone, sat on the floor, and cried.

I am going to mail them a card, but I can't go visit them. Tell me this is ok. (Please only respond if you are a regular (or want-to-be-regular) on this board. Thank you.

PS. I sent them a ton of information, and two heartfelt letters. I feel so powerless to stop this atrocity.

[Elphaba]

Wow. "We're chopping it off." That is a hateful thing to say about a baby.

I'm really sorry. You did your best for this new baby. I certainly understand not wanting to visit right away. It's so hard to see a newborn baby boy and not wince for what was done to him.

[PurpleBasil]

With that sort of violent attitude even before the baby is here, I worry what will be in the future for their parenting. No disrespect to your brother but I do not see that as a good beginning.

I would sit down and cry, too. I'm so sorry this has gone the way of circumcision for your nephew. I wish I knew what else to say.

I think it's okay not to visit for now.

I'm sitting here still stunned by your brother's choice of words. So wish I could rescue your nephew. I really wonder if certain people should be parents when they approach caring for their child this way. But it isn't up to me to decide.

[Sarah]

..about a baby who has not even been born alive yet... in the face of a miracle- to have such arrogance. I would cry too...

Sorry about this- I will surely mess a lot of things up forever. I can't imagine trying to pick up after than and feign normalcy and respect for such people.

[JillyKay]

I understand your sadness and your not wanting to visit right away. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill right now.
I hope he makes it through ok.
And hugs to you for trying! We are up against a HUGE evil!

[A&A]

My brother is....shall we say......tactless. That's how he always talks. (Not violent all the time, but just rude.) I hugged my intact son and at least I've been able to stop crying. I'm afraid if I go visit I'll start crying again, though.

[A&A]

And here's the irony: he has two daughters (whom he parents well, I think.) He is always telling me that he wants to raise them better than we were raised by our parents--he's always very conscious about not making the same mistakes that our parents made.

Well, now his first decision for his son is repeating one of our parents' biggest mistakes.

[Mommiska]

Oh, A&A - I'm so so sorry. I think you handled it so very well.

And I, too, would have sat down and cried. Just reading your post makes me want to cry.

I think it's fine to wait to see them. Your feelings are valid, and you are entitled to take the time you need to deal with them before you face your bro and sil. to you and your poor little nephew.

[Marsupialmom]

I would be an booger. And send the child a get well card.

[A&A]

Thank you all for your support.

And this situation makes me realize......again.....what was done to my dh as a baby, which makes me want to cry all over again!

[A&A]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I would be an A**. And send the child a get well card.

That actually made me laugh. Would you really?

[alegna]

I think you showed remarkable tact and control. Far more than a comment like that deserved.

I have great difficulty being appropriately polite in that type of situation. Good luck.

-Angela

[menudo]

That is a common comment by people who think circumcision is no big deal. I don't think it necessarily means he is a bad Dad but a man who doesn't "get it".

That said...HUGS. I mentioned the first person I formally presented circumcsion facts at their baby shower not only circumcised, but I arived at the Hospital while it was happening! I felt so ill but she has a controlling husband who said it had to be done. Being circ'd is all she knew, she didn't argue either. Some of her family was their when I gasped and asked why it would bother me and she said 'She doesn't 'believe' in circumcsion". It was hard for them to comprehend the idea of intactness...til I said my happy baby with me was intact. End of discussion...

[TigerTail]

i like the idea of the card. what, worry about offending? i am more likely to rub someone's nose in the fact that they WILLFULLY INJURED THEIR BABY. i think it's an awesome idea to remind parents they they have inflicted a *wound*. it IS a big deal. i think we all ought to send them to babies who have had this done. i really, really like it, marsupial mom (so, are you going to design the cards? i can see noharmm selling them onsite.)

suse

[polka123]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I would be an A**. And send the child a get well card.

I would do this also -

[StephandOwen]

I understand your sadness. And I think you have a valid reason for not wanting to circ. But, as someone who DID circ her son, I would be heartbroken if my sister (who did NOT circ her son who was born 7 weeks after mine) didn't come see my newborn. (that's actually a hypotheical since she lived in Massacusets and I was in MI so she couldn't come anyway). I think it's great you're voicing your opinion and standing up for what you believe in. But is *punishing* the parents really going to do anything? This could be something that's held over your head for a long time ("everyone else visited you in the hospital when you were born except aunt x"). KWIM? I hope I'm not upsetting anyone, just trying to give a different perspective.

"And send the child a get well card."

Now that's kinda funny.

[PuppyFluffer]

I think it is totally appropriate to give yourself the time to grieve the mutilation of a newborn baby by not appearing in the days shortly after his birth. I wouldn't want to be a part of any family that would be going on and on about who visited in the hospital and who didn't.

I think people are obligated to be polite across the board regardless of the situation. I see no need to put yourself in a situation where you could feel so upset you would cry or so upset that you would say angry things.

That A & A's brother and SIL are choosing to do this to their child is not something she has to witness or be around in my opinion! I think people should experience repercussions for their choices. That she would be distant from the parents is totally appropriate to me. That she would be distant to the child is not. The child has choice and should not be punished for the actions of his ignorant parents. (And even if they have been informed of the process and damage of RIC, they are still ignorant on an emotional level in my opinion to request it be done)

[PuppyFluffer]

let me add that this newborn baby most likely will not remember that she did not come visit him in the hospital.

[TigerTail]

(not to mention, may have a soft spot in his heart for someone who loved him enough to risk alienating his parents, to try & keep him from harm.)

suse

[A&A]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I understand your sadness. And I think you have a valid reason for not wanting to circ. But, as someone who DID circ her son, I would be heartbroken if my sister (who did NOT circ her son who was born 7 weeks after mine) didn't come see my newborn. (that's actually a hypotheical since she lived in Massacusets and I was in MI so she couldn't come anyway). I think it's great you're voicing your opinion and standing up for what you believe in. But is *punishing* the parents really going to do anything? This could be something that's held over your head for a long time ("everyone else visited you in the hospital when you were born except aunt x"). KWIM? I hope I'm not upsetting anyone, just trying to give a different perspective.

I can't honestly wish them congratulations and happiness knowing that they willfully chose to mutilate their son. I would be a dark cloud on their happy day. I'm doing less damage by being away.