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So you use NFP and/or are quiverfull.....

Poll Results: So you use NFP(for religious reasons) and/or are quiverfull..

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 29% (8)
    I do not get sick at all when pg
  • 18% (5)
    I am slightly sick when pg
  • 51% (14)
    I am very, very sick for the first 14 wks (at least)
  • 0% (0)
    I am on bedrest for most of the pregnancy
27 Total Votes  
post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Just wondering if leaving it up to God is easier when you don't get violantly ill during pregnancy.
post #2 of 21
Thread Starter 
I personally get very, very sick for at least the first 14 wks. I'm struggling with NFP and God's will right now. I've had 5 kids and one on the way and I'm only 30.
post #3 of 21
I'd wanted to offer you lots of encouragement as it sounds like your hands are literally and figuratively full right now. Your willingness to open your heart and home to children is wonderful example of a sacrificial love.

I am sending you a more complete response directly.
post #4 of 21
Hi, I use NFP and got very sick during the first several months of my pregnancy. My baby is now 10 months old. I would like to get pregnant again before too long, but am dreading the pregnancy part.

It sounds like you use NFP for religious reasons. Are you Catholic? If so, I know that you can avoid during your fertile time for grave reasons. And, if you get extremely ill/are feeling overwhelmed with the number of kids you have at your age, these can be considered grave reasons to avoid another pregnancy. I hope I'm not offending. I'm just trying to help. I belong to a *great* NFP forum. I can give you the link if you would like. There are some very knowledgeable people there, many who have been in the position you are now.

post #5 of 21
Thread Starter 
I would love that link. We are Catholic. I feel very overwhelmed right now and it's all I can do to get out of bed. Thanks again.
post #6 of 21
I am part of a wonderful qf email list, and I tell ya', some of those moms are my heroes! Very few of them have had an easy pregnancy every time. Some of them do have to do bedrest every time, or have to deal with serious morning sickness, or end up having numerous C-sections.

Of course it's easier to trust God when the sailing is smooth.
But difficulty doesn't make Him less trustworthy.

For me personally (I only have one ds so far), the first three months were torture. I had trouble keeping anything down, even clear liquids. And I lost 35 pounds in a matter of 8 weeks. My hair fell out. I could hardly walk any distance without having to come home and lie down, and I was weepy and depressed. But ds is ever so worth it! And I'm willing to do it again, and again, and again, for the prize at the end.
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
I don't know. Maybe you're all way stronger than I am. I just don't feel like I can keep doing this. I'm so miserable right now. I know the baby is worth it and I love having a big family. I just feel so majorly down in the dumps right now. I'm almost angry at God. Isn't that awful? It is, I know it is. I just can't help it. My whole life has fallen apart in a matter of 6 wks.
post #8 of 21
Hi there mama!

I use NFP for religious reasons (I'm not Catholic), but I avoid fertile times to avoid pregnancy. (Well, obviously I didn't because now I'm pg, but we did that on purpose! )

I learned about NFP by reading the huge blue book...I forget what it's called specifically, but it has Natural Family Planning in the title, and it is very big and long. Here, I found the website: The Couple to Couple League If you look under "Moral" there is lots of info about the position of the Catholic Church on NFP. Here is a quote from there:

John Paul II, 17 July 1994:

Unfortunately, Catholic thought is often misunderstood on this point [about "responsible parenthood], as if the Church supported an ideology of fertility at all costs, urging married couples to procreate indiscriminately and without thought for the future. But one need only study the pronouncements of the Magisterium to know that this is not so (italics in original).

Truly, in begetting life the spouses fulfill one the highest dimensions of their calling: they are God’s co-workers. Precisely for this reason they must have an extremely responsible attitude. In deciding whether or not to have a child, they must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child.

Therefore when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be "violated" by artificial interference.
Hope this helps, mama! And just so you know, it's okay to feel angry--talk to God about it--pray about it! If you don't share it with Him, you'll shut Him out. I love big families and want one of my own, but they can be overwhelming! Sending hugs your way!!
post #9 of 21
I was sick, sick, sick for ATLEAST 14 wks my last 2 pregnancies. This last one was completely planned by God, and NOT ME. I was not ready to be PG again, we had just moved to a smaller house, DH wasn't working, I had SO much stress, the last thing I thought I needed was another baby. But there I was PG again, I was angry and depressed most of my pregnancy. And sick, puking every morning for easily 1/2 the pregnancy. I don't think I resolved being PG until the last month. I feel for you mama. It is so rough some days, life should not be this tricky, esp. when you see other families who seem to be so together. (key word being SEEM) I agree with prayer, and talking to your family and church, see if anyone can come and sit with the kids while you go for a cup of decaf. or tea with a RL friend. You have alot to deal with right now, but you are not in this all alone. God did not create us to figure it all out on our own.
post #10 of 21
Great quote, clynnr. Reminds me of what was emphasized in Engagement Encounter for DH and me.

I never really got why people think Catholics just say, 'oh let's just do whatever' when it comes to NFP. Why do they have that stereotype about Catholics, like it's all up to God and no responsibilty on our part??

Anyway, when we attended Engagement Encounter, lots and lots of talk about this subject and how vital it is to realize the 'P' in NFP! It's Planning , not 'oh, i want another baby so I'll see if God gives me one.'

There are very real circumstances where there just isn't enough of mom (and dad) to go around in a family. Children need so much, as we all know, and it is careless and neglectful to just throw that reality to the wind and get pregnant anyway. I don't believe that's what God has in mind for us. Nor is that Natural Family Planning.

I was taught in EE and elsewhere that it is being very reckless with God's creation, to just get pregnant and hope that it works out, thinking that it's God blessed. Kids can suffer because there wasn't conscious couple planning for conceiving. There is reason to abstain because of the projected hardship on the other chidren in the family, or the spiritual stumbling it would cause for the wife or husband. That's what I was always taught.

Anyway, I'm 100% for the 'extremely responsible attitude' the Pope talked about in that quote. It is irresponsible to conceive thinking that it is an automatic good thing for the family, simply because it's conception. That's not NFP. That's 'I want another baby and I'm going to make it sound like NFP whether I truly took responsibility or not'.
post #11 of 21
Thread Starter 
Well, my issue here, as a Catholic, is that artificial means of birth control are not allowed in the Catholic Church. Therefore, NFP is it for us. And there are several issues making my cycle very less than clear cut. So even with careful "planning" we are not able to avoid pregnancy unless we just abstain altogether. So that's where we are.
post #12 of 21

I feel your pain girlfriend...awwwe I just want to *really* hug you right now!

We use NFP too for religious reasons, I'm not Catholic though either but I know we are doing it for the same reasons.

It's so hard sometimes especially when your cycles are wacky and you can't seem to get at least regular in between babies etc... BFing can be a somewhat stressful times in reguard to making sure you're infertile. I council with lots of Mamas who are or have gone through the place you're at. I just attended a mom who had her 5th baby and is pretty desperate to understand NFP a little more, so this post hits close to home for me.

Is your dh willing to work with you as far as abstaining when you need to if you have to be alittle more aggressive until your regulated a bit? I know that for us we get "creative" for a while until I'm sure that we're out of the possibility zone iykwim.Sometimes I'm not real sure so we just take a little more time off from the real thing. It takes a lot of pressure off

I guess my point is that yo're not alone Mama and I wanted to comfort you that we're all in this together
post #13 of 21
I also forgot to add that I also get very ill when I'm pregnant too

Figured I'd mention that since it was in the poll
post #14 of 21
Originally Posted by ekblad7+
Well, my issue here, as a Catholic, is that artificial means of birth control are not allowed in the Catholic Church. Therefore, NFP is it for us. And there are several issues making my cycle very less than clear cut. So even with careful "planning" we are not able to avoid pregnancy unless we just abstain altogether. So that's where we are.
I have to admit that NFP has been very easy for us, but I know it's not that way for all people. I have a fairly regular cycle, regular sleeping/waking times, my temps spike well, my mucus corresponds, and I don't have any children yet, so I'm not dealing with post partum, breastfeeding or getting up with kids in the middle of the night. I have absolutely no experience being where you're at mama, but I can imagine it is very frustrating!! Especially when you're doing everything you can and it's still unclear.

I don't have any advice for you, but I can offer support and virtual ! I second the idea of talking to a friend IRL or getting away by yourself for a little while (if that's possible). If I were there I would come!

Is there an NFP teacher at your church? If not, and you would like someone to go over your chart with you in person, you can visit this page to find a teacher in your area. I know there are probably mamas here who would go over it with you too. I am no expert or I would offer to do it!

Hang in there mama! You are not alone!
post #15 of 21
Yes, of course, no artificial means of birth control. I thought that was a given, sorry.

When my DH and i went throught the CtoC counseling, the woman (in the teaching couple) had very irregular cycles her entire life. She said one of the most common misperceptions of NFP (using the CtoC method) is that the woman's cycle has to be regular for NFP to be 99% effective. It's not true! That's why I enjoyed CtoC so much. It teaches the couple how to recognize signs of fertility, no matter how long your cycle is or how infrequent. That way, you aren't dependent on a chart with a certain # of days and you just go along assuming ovulation somewhere in day 15-17, etc.

Among our friends when we went through CtoC, no one used artificial means of bc. Not condoms or anything. They didn't have to since they were taught the CtoC method. Oh, and it's not 'pull and pray' either. That isn't NFP as I was taught (and not effective anyway!)

From Pope IV:
In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised, either by the deliberate and generous decision to raise a numerous family, or by the decision, made for grave motives and with due respect for the moral law, to avoid for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period, a new birth.
It is so important for a couple to weigh all these factors before ever deciding to consciously conceive. It isn't necessary to just 'leave it up to God' and if one becomes pregnant, well, then must be meant to be. That isn't what the Church teaches at all. If anyone thinks that, then they don't understand the Catholic Church on this matter!

I really recommend it for all Catholics and non-Catholics. It is super effective and brings a couple closer, imo.
post #16 of 21
Great discussion!
I wanted to add that DH and I have abstained as needed to avoid getting PG, including a very long 8 month period when we both knew another baby would be not just "bad timing" but DISASTROUS for our family. We probably have sex much less frequently than many other couples due to our need to not have anymore kids (right now).
post #17 of 21
We are Catholic and we practice NFP. Our first child was a day 3 baby - my thermometer battery went dead and I thought I must not have ovulated so I cheated. Now that I'm nursing, I only notice the egg white mucous. Thankfully, my cycles are fairly regular so we just abstain until after I ovulate and then we have as much fun as we want until my next cycle starts. I seem to have the fertile mucuous for 5 days every month and am very horny during that time so it's not easy. But we were definitely taught about the Planning part of NFP, even though we were also admonished to accept children as gifts from God. I'm glad about the second part, because having a child a few months earlier than we had planned would have been far more difficult otherwise.
post #18 of 21
I'm in the minority here so I'm kind of afraid to post. : We have become a NFP/quiverfull family (not Catholic, but Christian all the same ) but I also have really easy pregnancies for the most part. The only "sickness" I get is heartburn/acid reflux that becomes almsot uncontrollable by the end of the pregnancy. But I have no problem keeping food down (gained 40 lbs with ds#2) and don't get queasy at all. And combined with easy births (well, ds#2 was super easy - labored at home for 12 hours, only 4 hard ones) and gave birth 50 minutes after arriving at the hospital), maybe NPF/quiverfull is an easier thing for me to accept. Interesting question ...

And big 's to you ekblad7+ - keep laying it at God's feet ... He's there to hold you through it all.
post #19 of 21
Well - we've had 5 kids in 4.5 years. I did use b/c in between #3 and the twins. I have horrible pregnancies - hyperemises - throw up the ENTIRE pregnancy. HAve had to have hospital IV rehydration once. My 3rd pregnancy was also a placenta previa pregnancy with modifed bedrest and ended in C-section. I was on some form of bedrest from 6 weeks with the twins. Dh intially wanted to have "as many children as God gave us". I'm 29 this year fwiw. Every pregnancy has got more and more physically challenging. As bad as my 1st pregnancy was - in retrospect it was easier. It's also much harder to be sick or do bedrest when you HAVE other small children needing you to care for them. This past time I had to sent my oldest 3000 miles away for 3.5 months to live with my mom and we had to live of CC's to pay $1000/month daycare for my other 2 because I was on complete bedrest. Dh is now saying he's going to get a vasectomy because we can't afford to do this anymore financially or physically. oh and we're not Catholic - nothing in our church that teaches no b/c. I'm just not o.k. with hormonal b/c.
post #20 of 21
I know I'm joining in late sorry! I selected "very sick for at least 14 weeks"...all 3 of my pgs have been hard on me--dehabilitating nausea from about 7 weeks until at least week 15, then still throwing up everyday just not ALL day With my last son I tried to be very diligent about protein intake b/c I thought that might help, but it didn't seem to do much except ease my mind about the baby's nutritional needs.

dh and I aren't exactly quiverfull...we practice NFP, but all 3 of our sons were surprise blessings. I am working on having the faith to trust God on this...that I won't be given more than I can handle. But right now, I get very anxious about the possiblity of pg and refuse to have sex for as long as it takes in my cycle for me to clearly see that ovulation is past. I know for me part of that is that I don't know if I could handle the physical aspect of being sick and caring for my kids..so yes, it might be easier for me to trust God if I wasn't so sick...as embarrased as I am to admit that.

ekblad... I hope you feel better soon
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