How many friends do your children have?

[Breathless Wonder]

I'm wondering how many friends your children have?
Do they include close friends, or mainly acquaintances (And how do you distinguish between the two)?
Where do your children meet and make friends?
How long have your children been friends with their friends?
Are the relationships on again, off again, or have they remained steady over a long period of time?
Have you ever moved far away from your children's friends, and how long did it take your children to make friends again?
Do you find that getting your kids together with other kids, outside of organized activities is difficult? (I'm thinking due to busy schedules, feeling uncomfortable allowing your children over their "friends'" home for whatever reason, etc.)

I know this is an odd set of questions, but I'm trying to process something that was said to me, and I'm wondering if my life experience is skewed, or if the people I'm talking to just don't have a grip on reality.

[beloved1]

DS is funny about friends, he gets close to one or two at a timeand doesn't pursue other friendships.....i don't do very much to encourage the playdates (feel guilty at times)


I also try (or wish i did in hindsight) to co-arrange a friend or activity for younger DD so she won't bug them to death.

I don't like to overbook things even if it means not as many friends over, i firmly believe in the power of boredom. we greatly limit tv to only the one show that they pre-select so that is not an issue.

I don't worry about DS being unsocialized bc i believe it happens naturally. Of course if we end up homeschooling DD (not DS...another thread) i suppose that we will have to make more of an effort.

[beloved1]

Oh one more thing, We are moving to a different school from his best friend so i am curious about how that will go and very nervous about his making new friends at the new school....i'll keep ya posted

He has made all of his friends at school, he is not very outgoing , there are alot of self-esteemish kind of issues there, he has a hard time merging with other groups...he appears very ~cool~ bc he is so standoffish at school until he is sure of things and his place.

[Stevie]

DD is only 4 so one friend she's had since birth is rarely seen anymore because her mother and I are not so close anymore, while another is seen often because his mom and I are friends. She also has another friend who is part of a playgroup; his mother and I hang out quite a bit, even without the kids, but this is really the first time I've made an extra effort with the mom Because DD wanted to play with her DS. There are other kids in the same playgroup, but DD doesn't ask to see them outside of the regular group dates.

She has had an overnighter with the one and I've left her to play with the other, but wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving her with the first, which is why we aren't close. When DD was a baby with new teeth, she would grind them all the time; I caught that mom "snapping" her mouth; it was obviously a knee-jerk response to the noise, but if her first reaction is to hurt the baby there is no question that I wouldn't trust her to be the adult. I also rarely left DD with anyone till she could speak clearly...

[IgnoreTheHousework]

Regarding friends vs. acquaintances, I think of friends as the kids my daughters ask to play with. Acquaintances are the kids my daughters enjoy playing with when they happen to run into each other in the neighborhood, or stop and gab with if they run into each other in the grocery store.

DD1 is 7, and she has three main friends she asks to play with -- one that's within walking distance, and two that require a drive. She is friendly with quite a few (six or seven) kids from the neighborhood, and sometimes has fun with them, but she doesn't seek them out.

DD2 is 5, and has three main friends -- all within walking distance. She also is friendly with some other kids but rarely asks to see them. If she happens to run into them in the neighborhood, she wants to play with them. DD2 also has a good friend from when they were in preschool together almost three years ago. That friend now lives two hours away and we see her once or twice a year.

DD3 is 3, and has one good friend, but is thrilled to play with just about anyone. Her good friend lives across the street. She also loves to play with a neighbor's granddaughter when she visits (like today) and with younger siblings of DD1 and DD2's friends.

My daughters make friends in the neighborhood, and in school/preschool. Their friendships don't really wax and wane, but my girls tend to get in ruts whereby they want to play with one person for days on end. Then one day, that person is unavailable for some reason, and my daughter will move on to another friend for days on end.

When my kids have birthday parties, we don't invite 30 kids. We invite maybe six kids. Most people around here have HUGE parties and invite everyone they've ever met through preschool, playgroup, Mom's Club, the neighborhood, Gymboree, etc. It's been suggested to me that having small parties is doing my kids a disservice, but I've rather have the birthday girl invite a handful of good friends rather than a boatload of acquaintances.

[teachma]

My ds (almost 4 yo) attends a nursery school with 17 children in his class. He considers all of them his friends and would be happy to have any of them over to play. We have played with 5 or 6 of them, at either their houses or ours, after school. Of his classmates, he considers 2 girls and 1 boy to be his "best friends." I don't know where he got this idea! Eight of the seventeen, including my son, have been together in a separate day camp this summer, and we've done playdates after camp as well.

We also have a neighborhood full of kids. He considers our next door neighbor, a 7 year old girl, among his favorite people. They regularly play together in the backyards or in one of our houses. The othe neighbors are more like pleasant acquaintances with whom he is happy to play from time to time. We moved recently, so all of these are "new" friends for him, none from birth or early toddler-hood.

[siddie]

I found this to be helpful when I had similar questions.
http://cep.jmu.edu/education/CSR/Mar.../christine.htm

My ds is 4 and a half. We have one friend from age 6 months that he asks to see that lives far from us. We also have another friend from a preschool class we go to the pool/beach with he asks to see that doesn't live nearby. We belong to a club and he plays with two or three of the kids that are his age when we go on outings with them. He would like to play with them more often but I don't put a lot of energy into playdates outside of the club. Lastly, we go to our neighborhood park and he plays with 6 kids almost every night. WE also arrange playdates with these kids to do other things. We invited around 15-17 kids to his birthday party and they all came. He also has a friend he likes to sit with and play with at swimming lesson but we only see him at swimming class. He looks forward to tennis lesson and plays with one boy from tennis after class at the pool. My ds is a very social creature and if he had a phone he would call these kids up all the time for playdates

[Alkenny]

DD has a few different "class" of friends. The neighbor friends that she only plays with around here, her school and socializing friends that she hangs out with, slumber parties, etc. Her common interest friends (band, etc.) And the friends she only hangs around at functions (older siblings at the little brother's ballgames etc.)

DS has friends, friends, friends galore. He plays with (and argues) with the neighbor kids, but then socializes both in and out of school with a wide range of boys.

[mammabear]

My DD has quite a few friends. Her best friend was in her clas last year- they call each other best friends and the girl gave DD a best friends necklace which they both wear. It's very cute. We take turns so that the girls can play a few times a month now that school is out.
DD has other good friends, mostly the children of friends of mine or DH's.
She also has aquaintances. One girl lives down the block. DD plays with her when she sees her outside.

So she meets friends at school- and when she was in Montessori and through other friends. She is a very likable and generous girl- so making friends comes easy for her.

Some friends she is aloud to go over to their homes (and a few overnight), but only if I have met both parents and have been invited over as well. I like to be sure that she will be in a clean and safe environment.

It can be tricky where I live because some of the friends she made at school have parents who do not speak any english- so that makes it hard to get DD together with their children- no way to communicate. She has been disappointed a few times because of that, but at least they can play together at school.

[Colorful~Mama]

I'm wondering how many friends your children have?
dd #1 is 14.5
she has a best friend since they were in 3rd grade, so i think they were 9 then
she has two friends from church that she hangs out with
and the neighbor girl across the street
dd#2 is 4
she has her best friend ashley who is 2.5 and i babysit for her so they're more like sisters. i also watch a little 2.5 yo boy and she considers him her friend too
her playgroup friends - all her age - about 6 kids we see once a week but not outside group. they're like acquaintences
and her other best friend david whos turning 5. met at playgroup but we play outside of the group
and then theres the neighorhood kids who come by some times to play. also acquaintences.

roman is a year old so his friends are zoeys friends. he does have a buddy at church we see in the parent/infant room a few times a month and they play together.
and my friends 9mo old baby girl and he share chew toys on occasion.

Do they include close friends, or mainly acquaintances (And how do you distinguish between the two)?
mainly acquaintances. I'd say that my kids best friends are the kids of my closest friends

Where do your children meet and make friends?
Chelsey as a teen has obvioulsy met her friends mostly thru public school.
Zoey at age 4, her friends are primarily from playgroup we've attended since she was 5mos old. and her best friend is the little girl we've babysat for the last few years.
Romy met one friend at church as i said earlier, but mostly he plays with zoeys friends

How long have your children been friends with their friends?
chels has had her best friend since 3rd grade. otherwise she's made new friends recently in our new church - so about a year or so .
zoeys been friends with the playgroup kids for 3 1/2 years


Are the relationships on again, off again, or have they remained steady over a long period of time? steady over the years.
we used to have another group of friends in another playgroup for zoey and roman, but we're not friends with that group anymore.

Have you ever moved far away from your children's friends, and how long did it take your children to make friends again? again, not moved away - but we broke from a group and it was really hard for zoey. thank goodness for the other playgroup or she'd have been really lost.
we've not moved in 5 years so zoeys not had to leave friends. chelsey was in the 2nd grade when we moved so she did leave a few friends, but no one that was really important in her life.


Do you find that getting your kids together with other kids, outside of organized activities is difficult? (I'm thinking due to busy schedules, feeling uncomfortable allowing your children over their "friends'" home for whatever reason, etc.)
again, with a teen its easier cuz she makes her own arrangments and we just give rides. she has sleepovers at her friends houses, they sleepover here, we drop at the mall, she's very involved with the church teen ministry and has made great friends there.
zoeys group is every week and we just go. in the winter its usually at a park, in the summer we rotate homes and swim. we also hook up with another friend outside of group every week for a movie (summer pass, 10 movies for $7 every thursday at 9:45am) and afterwards we have lunch together and our kids play
we have no 'schedule' adn most of our friends don't either so we just hang out when we can.

summers tougher here cuz its just so hot, but in the winter i'd say we do playgroup once a week, get together with other kids to play once a week, hit the park a second time and meet new friends. we're hoping to start a new playgroup with our new church friends too - but we'll see if we can pull that off. lol

[Fieryfly]

Originally Posted by Breathless Wonder

I'm wondering how many friends your children have?
Do they include close friends, or mainly acquaintances (And how do you distinguish between the two)?

I would consider close friends to be people that one would seek out(call on the phone, invite to do things together, etc) and spend lots of time with. Acquaintances are more of people that one would know and would socialize with when the opportunity arises, but not seek out additional contact.

Where do your children meet and make friends?
How long have your children been friends with their friends?
Are the relationships on again, off again, or have they remained steady over
a long period of time?

Most of my DS'(8) friends are from 4 families that we know through scouting. We spend so much time together in scouting activities(including behind the scenes stuff) and family functions that the kids have had a lot of time to get to know each other. There are 2 that we know would love to join us at a baseball game, another 2 that love to fish with us, 2 that are as wild about Pokemon and Yugioh as my DS is, etc.

During the school year our homeschool group is more active, so DS will reignite his friendships with his friends that he met through there. It is tougher for me to help him get together with those kids outside of our group activities because they usually live within a 15-25min drive from our house. Most of these kids he has been friends with since we joined when he was 5.

DS also has lots of acquaintances that he has met through baseball, soccer, etc that he will play with if we see at the park, riding bikes, or at the city pool. Our neighbors(all girls w/a toddler brother) have never been constant on how often they can play outside or with other kids(they go to school and daycare) so they aren't considered close friends most of the time.

DD(4) has become close friends with almost all the little sisters of DS' friends. However we haven't reached the point where the girls will get together w/o having their mothers and brothers along.

[beloved1]

T
Stevie (or anyone) what is "snapping the mouth"? just wondering, it sounds horrible

[mojomom]

My kids have a good number of friends and they are all close, i am not sure at my kids age they distinquish between someone being a friend or an acquaintence. My kids do share the same friends.
My dd(7)- has 5 friends she does call her best friends, one is a boy who is 5 and my ds also views him as his best friends also. My dd even does sleepovers at his house. The other 4 are girls in ages from 4-8. Actually she gets together with them about 3 days a week. They all play well and hard together.She also is forming some new relationships with kids we have met over the summer.
Ds(3) - has 2 best friends the above mentioned boy and a girl 4 who is also my dd's best friend when my ds and these 2 get together the thought 3 amigos always comes to mind. He also has a 5 year old girl he likes to play with and the brother of my dd's best friend. His cousin is 2 now and my ds is starting to really play with him.
My kids met most of their frieds thru a playgroup I started, we have all become very tight and close and jokingly call ourselves a tribe. All our kids play well together and there has never been a situation where someone felt excluded. i know I and my kids are belssed with this situation. My kids friendships are very close I think because I and dh are close with their families.
My dd has 2 very special friends who live one the east and west coasts. One is her first friend and she has strong sentimental attachment to her. The other she absolutely loves, beyond just a best friend she would live with her family just to be able to see her everyday. I feel the same way about her mother.
The time range of friendships vary from 1 year to 6 years. They are always steady even the long distance ones they always pick up right where they left off when the families come t visist.
Getting together was difficult at first, that is why I did the playgroup but now we have gone from the once a week playgruop to 3 days a week, Friday night family dinners and all 5 famamlies went on vacation together last week.
Also i would let my kids sleepover and have playdates without me at any of their friends homes. My dd has spent the night at pretty much everyone of her friends home. Again though I have too We do mother-daughter sleepovers, I am hosting the next one and one of dd's best friends who is a boy will come and he will probally play with my ds, because they are also best friends.

[mama_kass]

The issue of friends is purly individual. Some people make friends easier than others. All you can do is give your dc the exposure to other children and see what happens.

I go to many homeschool activities like playgroups, clubs, and sports days. we also go to Church. Both of my children have made good friends in this way.
HTH