Originally Posted by ShannonCC
If I were the OP, I would have my dh go alone, *but* from what has been said, it sounds as if SIL does not think that's an option either. I think if this were a reasonable woman then the dh might not have a problem going. It sounds to me he is drawing a line in the sand after putting up with his sister for years. I think this is more than "do kids belong at weddings" yk?
"have said that I will sit out during the ceremony in case he makes any noise, but thats not good enough. DS really doesnt even make much noise beyond what a typical baby does. She just plain doesnt want him there. My husband basically says if DS isnt invited, we're not coming."
"Well regardless I dont want any babies at my wedding" so my husband told her that if he isnt invited then she should forget our invitations as well. I then explained to her all the reasons why DS wont be in the way and how much we want to come but we want to bring him because he is so important to us. She wasnt hearing any of it and said that we are being selfish by insisting on bringing him. And that we "have" to come and find a sitter because we cant miss her wedding.
"I asked DH about this and he says that he wouldnt feel much like celebrating if he cant do it with the people he loves most. Asking him to leave any of us out is an unreasonable request, in his opinion."
It doesn't sound like dh has offered to go just him to the wedding. It is *fine* if he doesn't want to go to his sister's wedding if his child (and thus his wife) can't go, but you can't say that the sil is being unreasonable by being unhappy that her brother would come without his wife since that option hasn't been offered.
I do think the dh is being as stubborn as his sister. Just as SIL doesn't have to not invite the dc, DH doesn't have to insist that he only attends if dw and dc attend. If dh goes alone than both he and his sister would be a little unhappy (she doesn't have you at the wedding; he doesn't have you and his child at the wedding); two parties both being a little unhappy is the sign of a good comprimise.
Now, it does sounds like there is a history of bad treatment here, which makes all this more complicated than it needs to be. That is families though . . .