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Babies at a wedding.. Yay or Nay? - Page 8

post #141 of 171

ITA with CInnamom

Have you really read the entire thread kickchick?? It isn't really about no babies at a wedding per se. Bride doesn't want kids at wedding that is fine it is her choice and her day ( sorry folks that is MPO I had kids at both of mine my bil from first marriage was 3 at the time) but Bride does NOT get to tell her Brother that HE WILL DO A B C and that he and his family have NO CHOICE. He is an adult with his own family to take care and can make his own choices on what he will and won't do...
And to later tell her brother that the SIL and nephew are not and will never be a part of the family ...well... UGH says I
post #142 of 171
Originally Posted by AahRee
You have a good guy in your DH. I'm sorry his mom and sister are so horrible, though, and I agree with those who have said that it is probably time to seriously consider cutting them out of your lives permanently. I definitely wouldn't be going to the wedding.

In light of her feelings about you, though, I would definitely not send DH, and I would consider attending to be agreeing with SIL and MIL that you weren't an important part of the family. While extended family is important, and I love mine dearly, my loyalty is first to DH and DD, and DH's loyalty is first to DD and I. If someone insults DH or says he's not part of *our* family, you'd better believe I'm going to stick up for DH, affirm that my relationship with him is the MOST important relationship in my life, and make sure they understand that bad-mouthing him is NOT acceptable.

couldn't have said it any better.
post #143 of 171
Oif k for all those wondering kickchick did read all the posts, I did and I also did make a sugestion, in fact three of them. True the SIL should not be ordering her brother around, thats so silly. If she has made the rules she should be willing to except that her brother and his wife may not both be able to attend and end it there.I was also just staring that I'm on the other side of the fence in the SIL position. However we have never demaded my future BIL and his wife attend. If they decide not to attend because we have set the rules I will have wished they could have but I would never demad and bring other family into it. I would also offer to get together with just them to celebrate afterwards maybe at their house so that they would not have to travel with their baby.
post #144 of 171
Unless a reception is in a place that is inappropriate for all children (bar, etc...) I can not understand having a no BABIES reception.

I fully understand no babies/toddlers/children at a ceremony. They are inevitabley a bit noisy (though often not noisier than other adults)

I understand no toddlers/children at the reception for financial reasons (though at ours and most in the area children under 2 were free, 3-10 at a discount) and just atmosphere reasons.

I can't understand, though, no babes in arms at a reception. A 9 month old can't talk, doesn't eat, won't be running around, etc... If we are invited to a no children even, I have always assumed it meant just that-- no *children* (ie, nursing BABIES, as an extension of the mother, would be welcome). Humans are born practically premature, so that's just what I figure. I know I'm not alone because DH's Christmas party (the one year we've been able to go) was peopled w/babes in arms, though it was "childless."

kickchick2000, what you DID say is the following:

We are in a simmilar situation my niece will be only 5 monthes old at the time of the wedding and family is flamming mad but my finace and I don't really care. We have suggested that our future niece spent time with her grandparents on the other side for a few hours that day. How hard is that?
I'm confused why you are on an AP/Natural Family Living site if you can't understand why leaving a 5 month old for a few hours could be a problem. Do you know exactly what MDC stands for/supports? Does this baby often spend time w/her grandparents? Does she readily take a bottle? Is she used to being left for hours? I can understand you making any decision you want, but am rather supprised you "don't care."
post #145 of 171

Still upset after 2 years

Hello dear ladies. I've been reading this thread, and I agree and can understand the various points of view. I'm a 42 year-old mom of 7 children (ages 21 through 4), and my husband and I have been in this dilemma just once, and there are hard feelings to this day. Our niece was getting married and all the first cousins were invited, (22 of them), and our first two kids (ages 17 and 19 - at that time) were invited - also first cousins. Our younger 5 children (also first cousins) were not invited. My husband, who is the brother of the bride's mom, told his sister that we would not be coming to the wedding (unbeknownst to me) - my SIL than made me the scapegoat and told the people in our business (we are partners in a home-based business) that "I" was the one that decided our family was not going. In truth, my dear husband, who loves his sister dearly (they are a close-knit family of 9 children), felt profoundly offended that our first two children were invited, but not the other 5. In all honesty, our 5 younger children are just a few years younger than all the other first cousins. In reality, the reason why they were not invited was because they didn't want to pay for them at the reception. The SIL said that we "would understand" someday when our own children got married.

We never will because my husband and I paid for our own wedding and reception 22 years ago, and all of the aunts, uncles, and first cousins were invited, including this sister's children, when they were little tikes. (My husband is the youngest of 9). To us, a wedding is about family, all the family.

My husband and I have been to many weddings and not bringing our children was never a problem; fortunately, my mom watched the little ones while she was still alive (God bless her soul). But to have EVERY SINGLE FIRST COUSIN INVITED, except our youngest five, and then be made out like we were the "bad" guys has left a horrible feeling in us, and my husband's feelings towards his dear sister have changed profoundly. And it was all about the money, about saving on 5 plates of food.

Another SIL (at a business function that we both attended) - told me how wonderful the reception was, and that we missed a "good time". All three of her children were invited, all the other brother's and sister's children were invited- just not our youngest five.

We did go to the wedding, but not the reception (just my husband and I).

Very sad to this day about this wedge that has come between our family, between first cousin and first cousin. Hopefully, time will heal things.
post #146 of 171
I wouldn't attend a wedding where my babe in arms wasn't allowed. We attended a wedding when she was 2.5 months old and she nursed through the ceremony. I would either not attend or attend with the baby, ignoring the poor manners of the couple. To me, a marriage is a family event.
post #147 of 171
Baby on wedding is ok with me. It is depending on the child's attitude.
In last 2 year I attended 3 wedding and ds is with me. I didn't have any problem. He is well behave at that moment.
First talk to your DH about it and then your SIL. You might find solutions withs this.
post #148 of 171
I wouldnt go either.

At my wedding we had 350 people and tons were kids.......it was not a big deal. And to see the little toddlers dancing was super cute!

I do agree that the bride/groom can decide what they want, but you also can decide that you dont want to attend.

My ds is going to be the ringbearer in my brothers wedding in February and we'll have an 8 week old then too who is definately coming. I've never been invited to a wedding that didnt allow kids though, all my friends are super down to earth.
post #149 of 171
Originally Posted by Kincaid

Off topic, but I have a friend who was invited to one of those sex toy parties that women get together and have. She was excited to go, she needed the social time, she was very excited about it.... but she actually called the hostess and asked her if she could "fix" the party so that it would be suitable for her to also bring along her EBF toddler and 5 year old children. She was *MAD* that the hostess said uh, no, it's not going to be suitable to bring them. She started to argue with host, saying how important her children were to her, she never leaves them, how un-child-friendly the world is, etc... But the host just wanted an event that was not meant for kids, as much as she enjoyed them otherwise and as much as she wanted to make the other mom happy.
Okay, that's just scary.
post #150 of 171
I attended a wedding last weekend and left the kids with my mom for an hour and a half. I liked going without the kids. I missed them for sure but it was rather nice not having to worry about DD tossing her food at someone PLUS I got to wear my "grown up" clothes. There was one toddler there and he created a ruckus by running into people. I'm not quite sure why his parents didn't exit the room and let the poor kid run or just take him home!

My DD is one of those extremely active kids who always seems to be sticky from something. I can totally understand why the bride would prefer not to have kids like that around. If I got my druthers in life, I'd have a nudity exemption and be allowed to wander public totally naked because I'm always slimed up from something from her. I wear about 4 different shirts every day!!

And for my DS, I took a cell phone (which is tacky in it's own right!) and my Mom called me when DS needed to nurse. I apologized to the table for having a cell phone there and explained why and everyone seemed very understanding and they even made my apologies for a quick departure to the bride and groom for me! That's why I spent an hour and 10 minutes only at the reception. :LOL

That was the first hour I've ever been away from DS. It was strange, oddly liberating, but I also missed him like crazy. Ah, motherhood!
post #151 of 171
Originally Posted by PadmaMorgana

ok...here are my 2 cents. as a bride (or bridezilla) she has every right to determine who is at her wedding. AND you have every right to decide to go or not.

I had kids at my wedding...dang cute. A baby or 2. MOST parents know their children and won't let them disrupt the ceremony and will take care of them during the reception. If you have reassured your SIL that the baby will not disrupt anything and she has decided that she still does not want him there then fine.....don't go.

I agree with you and your DH. I wouldn't go if my kids weren't invited. Well, ok, MAYBE I would leave DS at home with a sitter (unless they were at the wedding, he has only been with MIL & FIL :LOL), but DD??? No freaking way.

I don't know why it is causing problems with your family. SIL said no baby. Baby isn't invited, you and your DH are turning down the invitation as you see your child as more important than to just shove him off on some sitter. The last time I checked, it was an INVITATION not an OBLIGATION.

Tell your family to back off.....SIL made her choice, you made yours.

I haven't read through hardly anything- but I agree wholeheartedly with this post.

I wouldn't leave a little baby with a sitter for a wedding, if it caused strife, so be it.
post #152 of 171
Jst a slight side bar...since I agree with your decision not to go!

When my cousin got married this summer, the invitation said, "no children." we brought ds, since he was the ring bearer, and the 6-year-old flower girl attended the reception as well. It was very awkward; I know there were people there who had left their kids at home and were probably more than a little miffed that they couldn't attend. In addition, my dh overheard the photographers talking and one complained, "Where the heck are all the kids? What am I going to photograph?" :LOL I cracked up...the photographers were used to having lots of cute kid antics to get great, memorable shots, and they only had two kids to draw from! It was fun to see lots of cute photos of ds on their website a few weeks after the wedding, but he would've had a lot more fun if there had been others (and I wouldn't have been so stressed making sure he was an "angel" the entire time!)

Good luck to you!
post #153 of 171
Originally Posted by Kirsten
Her dh held the baby, I ran back and forth with her to the dressing room between photos and immediately before and after ceremony to help her nurse the baby - I'd unzip the dress while she held baby, I'd hold baby while she sat down with dress around her waist and bra off (not a lot of nursing strapless bras....) with a towel to keep the other breast from leaking on her dress! We died laughing the entire time. It was not easy (and still to this day we laugh when we look at the pix because she always says that each breast is bigger than her own head) but it was the friend's special day and my friend was the bigger person and let it be about HER, not the inconvenience/juggling it took for her to be there.
What a lovely story
post #154 of 171
Okay I've read the whole thread now and I have a few things to say

-I think the OP's ILs are toxic people with many issues. I do agree that it might be nice if dh could go to his sisters' wedding (buy maybe not stay for too long) because it's a family obligation. I'm not an expert though so I could be wrong. I'd say that he certainly needs to set boundaries with his family of origin. So maybe he could explain to them that he will attend the wedding because he doesn't want to miss it but that the rest of his family can't make it and there should be no guilt trips attached to that, end of story.

-I wouldn't personally want a wedding without kids but I can understand how some people might.

-If one wants an adults only weddding , one should be willing to accomodate nursing babies and be perfectly understanding that some parents can and will not be separated from their kids and NO GUILT TRIPS or nastiness if someone can't come.
post #155 of 171
I say no small kids at ceremony (you can't blame her for not wanting her wedding interrupted by a crying baby) but at the reception fine - I think you were being reasonable - but she's the bride. I think kids make weddings more fun! I also did not got to a wedding when DD was a baby because the bride wanted to babies and we were nursing and DD was VERY VERY attached to only me. Oh well. You are right that b4 kids you just don;t get it.
post #156 of 171
I haven't read all the posts yet, but wanted to comment quickly.
I would just tell dh to go without me and the baby. To keep the peace, and also someday he might regret not seeing his sister get married.

While I do believe that she has a right to decide who to invite, it strikes me as odd that she won't make an exception. It's not like paying for an extra dinner or having a baby running around. I thought in regards to etiquette, nurslings don't really count, kwim?

And I think it's great that your dh is standing up for you two. But I would just tell my dh to go so we wouldn't have to hear about for the next 10 years.

Good luck!
post #157 of 171
I DO NOT attend weddings in which my children are not included.

They are boring!

Nothing is better than watching children celebrate and boogie the night away. :
post #158 of 171
Did this wedding happen yet?

If not, my suggestion is to stop talking about it with the Selfish bride and just show up at the wedding with the baby. Maybe not the ceremony, but def the reception. Hang out at a book store with the baby while dh goes to the ceremony.

I think that would first make her happy, and then when she sees the cute baby at the reception, she'll get all pissed, but what could she do? Make a scene as all the aunties coo over the baby?

But I do have evil side.
post #159 of 171
We compromised at our wedding. A lot of our friends and family have kids, and we wanted an adult-only celebration. We were having a formal sit-down reception (that we were paying for) and had a budget for x people. If we had had a casual wedding reception, we probably would have invited everyone.

That being said, we also had some close family members (my brother, two sisters, DH's cousin) and some friends travelling from out of town for whom finding a sitter would be next to impossible. So we specifically invited those children, and arranged for kids' meals, a TV & VCR, and a few toys in a separate room upstairs. The kids were welcome at the reception, but it was nice when they got antsy or bored that they could go upstairs and play. I also invited my sister's MIL who offered to help watch the kids upstairs.

It worked out pretty well. SIL was nursing her son, and we had about 10 kids under the age of 5 at the party. We offered to invite one of my dearest friend's kids (she was a bridesmaid coming in from RI) - her response - no way! I want to enjoy the party and the kids will be more than happy with their auntie watching over them for the weekend.

I've since been to weddings and prefer not to bring our son. He is adorable and I love him but I have a much more enjoyable time as a grown-up chatting and spending time with family and friends. We even went so far as to bring MIL with us to an out-of-town wedding, she stayed in the hotel with her grandson, we went to the wedding, and I stopped back to nurse him periodically (the reception was at the hotel we stayed at).
post #160 of 171
I just realized two things. First, after reading the rest of the posts, I think your IL's are
Secondly, this thread is really old.

Well, I can attest to the fact that babies don't take attention away from the marrying couple. Dh's college buddy brought his wife and their infant to our wedding (five years ago). I recently found out that the wife was, and still is, very annoyed that all of her dh's friends didn't make a huge fuss over the baby Get over it already.

I can understand kids being left out if the couple has to pay for them. We paid for our own wedding and didn't include children, cause we could barely afford the adults. But I would have made exceptions if they were necessary, and I did make an adoring fuss over the infant that attended, but it was a momentary fuss. I was a little busy, ya know?
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