Still upset after 2 years
Hello dear ladies. I've been reading this thread, and I agree and can understand the various points of view. I'm a 42 year-old mom of 7 children (ages 21 through 4), and my husband and I have been in this dilemma just once, and there are hard feelings to this day. Our niece was getting married and all the first cousins were invited, (22 of them), and our first two kids (ages 17 and 19 - at that time) were invited - also first cousins. Our younger 5 children (also first cousins) were not invited. My husband, who is the brother of the bride's mom, told his sister that we would not be coming to the wedding (unbeknownst to me) - my SIL than made me the scapegoat and told the people in our business (we are partners in a home-based business) that "I" was the one that decided our family was not going. In truth, my dear husband, who loves his sister dearly (they are a close-knit family of 9 children), felt profoundly offended that our first two children were invited, but not the other 5. In all honesty, our 5 younger children are just a few years younger than all the other first cousins. In reality, the reason why they were not invited was because they didn't want to pay for them at the reception. The SIL said that we "would understand" someday when our own children got married.
We never will because my husband and I paid for our own wedding and reception 22 years ago, and all of the aunts, uncles, and first cousins were invited, including this sister's children, when they were little tikes. (My husband is the youngest of 9). To us, a wedding is about family, all the family.
My husband and I have been to many weddings and not bringing our children was never a problem; fortunately, my mom watched the little ones while she was still alive (God bless her soul). But to have EVERY SINGLE FIRST COUSIN INVITED, except our youngest five, and then be made out like we were the "bad" guys has left a horrible feeling in us, and my husband's feelings towards his dear sister have changed profoundly. And it was all about the money, about saving on 5 plates of food.
Another SIL (at a business function that we both attended) - told me how wonderful the reception was, and that we missed a "good time". All three of her children were invited, all the other brother's and sister's children were invited- just not our youngest five.
We did go to the wedding, but not the reception (just my husband and I).
Very sad to this day about this wedge that has come between our family, between first cousin and first cousin. Hopefully, time will heal things.