Babies at a wedding.. Yay or Nay? - Page 9

[ETW]

I haven't read everything, but I have a story about wedding babysitters. DH and I recently attended a wedding where kids were not invited and the couple had arranged "qualified babysitting" at a home just down the street from the reception site. So I'm sure they thought they were being very accomodating. I was pretty annoyed, but the groom was a dear friend and luckily my mom (the only person we leave DS with) was able to make the trip with us and stayed at the babysitting site with him. No way I would have left him with strangers. Anyway, just as we were finishing dinner she called us to let us know that DS had woken up and needed me so we went rushing down the street. When we got there DS was fine and nursed, but the house was full of crying babies/toddlers. There were two sitters for maybe 10 children and everywhere you went in the house there was a little one crying his heart out. I grabbed DS and got out of there fast because I was about to start yelling at babysitters and picking up babies! I held him and nursed him and cried and promised we would never ever do that to him. Later when I heard parents checking on their kids the babysitters told them everything was fine and the next day all the other parents were telling each other what a great time their kids had while they were at the wedding.

[merpk]

Didn't make the entire thread, so not sure if this was posted already ...

... but in Orthodox Jewish communities, babies are de riguer at weddings. Kids, too. After all, what's a marriage about? Creating a family unit. Kids are part of family units. How can they not be part of weddings?

And no, I don't mean "part" as in put them in the ceremony. Just meaning that of course they're welcome. You don't even have to put them on the invitation, it's just assumed that they're coming.

[FoxintheSnow]

Hi, Im the OP. I cannot believe this thread is still alive. I cant believe its been a year!
Ive been prompted by a few people to update so I will...

My sil ended up postponing the wedding a year because she couldnt make all the arrangements she wanted in time and the place was booked so it's going to be nov 5, 2005. My son will be about 20 months old then. We've had very little contact with SIL, and she moved out of state. We've been trying to have very little contact with my MIL but it's difficult. But nothing has changed between me and her, she is as horrible as ever.

So back to the wedding...
Theyve decided that he can go to the wedding with the understanding that any sort of disruption on his part will be followed by me rushing out with him. But he's pretty laid back anyway so I doubt he'll cause any trouble. Ive also been told that he *must* wear a tuxedo and not the cute little outfit I picked out for him. Ive lost the will to argue over such things.

[Lucky Charm]

Ok, I am all for adult only weddings.

But ok'g your child, then "requiring" him to wear a tux is stupid.

I mean, do they even make tuxedos that little?

[cinnamonamon]

Originally Posted by sweetbaby3

I mean, do they even make tuxedos that little?

Oh, ye$$, they $$$ure do!

[TripMom]

This is one of my pet peeves of late. When did weddings become such a kid-free zone? I had so much fun going with my parents to weddings when I was growing up? Anyway . . .

That being said - its the host/s party, so I believe the options are to go with no kids or to not go.

BTW -- I just had this experience 2 weekends ago -- wedding invite was clear - no kids -- I made "herculean efforts" to arrange for overnight childcare for all 4 of my kids b/c we had to travel (wedding was my cousin - DD to my favorite aunt - so had to go for aunt's sake) -- got to wedding and was SOOOOOOOOOOO mad to see 2 families totally blow off the clear "no kids" info on the invite. So I list that as another reason to adhere to host's requests -- others will, and very unfair circ when some do and some don't.

[ebethmom]

Thanks for the update, Jokerama! Sorry to hear that the drama has been prolonged.

I think I would smile and nod "OK" about the stupid tuxedo requirement, then bring him in whatever outfit you see fit! At that point, what would they do? Call for security? They might make your life miserable after the fact, but they already do that anyway.

I'm glad you don't have to worry about leaving your ds. My brother and SIL are the best uncle and aunt, and they made sure that our 20 month old ds was invited to everything wedding related. That really helped, but making the day work was still tricky. I performed three pieces during the prelude, then hustled down from the balcony to act as a bridesmaid, then I played a piece during the ceremony.

We hired a sitter to stay with ds at my Mom's house during the ceremony, then the sitter drove ds to the church in time for pictures. The sitter watched ds during the reception so we could visit with friends and family. Ds had a blast! He only came to find me when it was time to nurse. That was a challenge in a bridesmaid's dress! I brought a cardigan, and just unzipped to the waist. Luckily, the women's lounge at the reception was just palatial. Got lots of funny looks, but one second cousin thought it was great and kept me company.

Best of luck! Are there any family members or friends there that you look forward to seeing?

[PrennaMama]

So, this is an interesting one for ME, as my dh and I have just set the actual date of the actual wedding... next Oct. And we discussed this. We came up with, what I thought, was a good idea, and I'm interested in knowing what YOU think...

Prenna will be almost 2, then. All her cousins and buddies will be 18mos-6years. We're thinking of sending mini-invitations to her cousins and buddies, along with the invites to their parents... that say "Join me for a Wedding Party, while my mom and dad say their vows". In our family/community there are ample "child-wranglers". So, picture a few grown-ups herding the kiddos off to a nearby room, or tent, after we walk down the isle with a couple of them... to play, sing songs, draw a big Congrads card for the bride and groom, maybe an entertainer for 'em...whatever, while the ceremony goes on in piece. Then, for the recep, the kids are re-united with the group at large, for food, cake, music.

Most kids are appalled at having to sit thru things... we are thinking we'll be the"Cool" Aunt and Uncle... what do you think?

[TripMom]

Prenna -

I think that is totally cool! Great idea! However - I do think that those with kiddoos who are never or rarely with anyone other than a parent may not be willing to go without a parent. You'll have to think about your policy on kids who won't go alone -- is it OK for them to attend the ceremony with the parents? or are you going to ask a parent to please accompany their child to the kid activity in that instance and keep the ceremony kid free. To be clear - I'd include that info on the "kid invite". Totally cool idea though - I've never heard of it before.

[PrennaMama]

Thanks for the tip, I'd not thought of that. For us, kids will be welcome at the saying of the vows, if they prefer not to go off to the party.

Interesting that in this discussion, and in the other one, the CHILD'S preference is not mentioned much.

I have ADHD, I had a HARD time sitting still for 5 minutes, much less a whole wedding. Same with my man. Which is what inspired the idea... our own childhood preferences!

[abac]

I just went to a wedding last weekend and brought ds (18 mo.) Before the wedding day, my sis asked what we were doing with ds. I said we were bringing him. She asked if that was okay with my cousin (the one getting married.) I told her it didn't say anything on the invitation about not bringing him, and they know we have a baby, so we're bringing him. When we got to the wedding, we asked to be seated near the back in case we had to take ds out (which we did after about 30 seconds.)

If ds had not been welcome we would not have gone.