Babies at a wedding.. Yay or Nay? - Page 5

[Kundalini-Mama]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

[I]
If I sound angry, it's because I'm getting the feeling here that some think leaving baby with a sitter is "negotiable" under the right circumstances. Well, if it is for you that is fine, but for many of us it is an important part of our parenting beliefs and philosophy not to do so, and I feel like suggesting that this is "negotiable" is really dismissive and disrespectful to those of us who feel that way. Babies should always come first, especially before something as trivial as a wedding ceremony (which, in the grand scheme of things, it really is).

I agree w/you a million %. We do not leave our 2 1/2 yr old w/a sitter. The only time he is w/o either of us is our 1 hr a week when we go to marriage counseling. We bring a friend of my hubby's (whom my son ), and the two of them play outside, dumping water, playing w/trucks while we are inside w/our therapist. If we weren't in counseling, we would have no need to be apart from our son. This is how we are choosing to raise our son. My husband and I are in 100% agreement over this.

In terms of the wedding, your husband has made his desires clear. No one is going. She seems rather toxic anyway and I'm sure something would piss her off anyway. (My sister was mad at how my hair looked at her wedding.) You can not please a toxic person, and it is probably healthier if you don't even try. Let her create her own dramas, just stay out of them.

In terms of wedding cost, we took into account the sheer amt of young people in our family and decided it would be best to have a small wedding (170 people) in a park that had a huge playground for the kids to play w/. Again, this was my choice, and we had such a blast. Tons of kids running around, everyone having a riot. It is remembered by everyone.

Keep your chin up, this will not be the first drama your SIL creates, even if you 2 go w/o your child.

Best of luck,
Amy

[Piglet68]

Originally Posted by pugmadmama

Frankly, I'm pretty shocked that you, of all people, are so hellbent on misrepresenting what other's have said. Usually you are a lot more fair than that.

With all due respect, I don't think you read my post clearly. I acknowledged that others (Britishmum, for example) had suggested bringing a friend or relative to look after baby...and that if this was an option for you, then fine - go for it! However, the OP stated quite early on in this thread that leaving the child was not something either she or her DH were comfortable with, and yet people kept suggesting she "find a friend or relative". That, to me, is dismissive and disrespectful of her choices as a parent. Basically, what this says is either "you're being paranoid about not wanting to leave your baby", or "hey, put aside what is important to you, put aside what you believe is the best interests of your child..." for what? A wedding?

I eloped (agree with pageta on that one), so I guess I have a very hard time equating what is basically a *party* with the well-being of your baby and something worth compromising your very deeply-held parenting values for. And I also don't see what the big deal is if her brother doesn't go. It's not like nobody else will be there, it's not like she isn't going to have enough going on that day. If she's gonna make a big deal out of it, that's her problem, IMO.

...the husband attending alone or the op and her husband switching off childcare during the wedding.

The OP also said early on that her husband did not want to go, and based on everything she's told us I admire him for it. There's no way *I* could enjoy even brief back-and-forth attendance in that situation - I'd always be focussed on the baby and worried that she needed me. And if the DH feels the same way then why not give him the same credit we give a mother? It's pretty sexist to say that the father is not "allowed" to have the same separation anxiety as the mother simply b/c he cannot breastfeed. The DH is standing up for something he believes strongly in, and that should be respected.

There are ways for the OPs family to be represented at this wedding that will in no way compromise how they care for their child...

I don't think any of us are qualified to say what will or will not compromise how they care for their child, and the OP has already been clear that it would.

So, you jump from that to giving an exclusively-breastfed baby a bottle of formula or feeding a 3 month old cereal??? I wonder what you hope to accomplish by suggesting that the thoughtful ideas others have suggested here are anaologous to such inflamatory ideas?

My analogy, if it was clearly understood, holds. I would no more leave my young baby for a party (under any of the suggested circumstances) than I would give her formula. So to me, those suggestions (in the face of repated claims by the OP that she wouldn't be comfortable with them), ARE equivalent to suggesting giving formula or cereal (assuming that these are also values the parent holds as important) and were not meant to be inflammatory. My personal parenting values are something I believe are in the best interests of my baby. I expected them to be respected (though nobody has to agree with them). I would not compromise those values for a wedding.

I'm trying to understand how one day apart is worse than the lifetime of bad feelings they will be creating by the OP's husband missing his sister's (not a friend, co-worker, cousin or even SIL) wedding.

This assumes three things: 1) that "one day apart" is not a big deal for the OP's family (and who are we to make that decision for them?), 2) that such an event is really that important (it's a wedding, not some relative on kidney dialysis, or with a child in the hospital), and 3) that the relationship between the OP's family and the sister is something worth making the effort over (something none of us here can decide).


My feeling is this: just b/c someone shares some of your genes does not mean you "owe" them anything. True family are there for you when the chips are down...IMHO, a wedding day attendance is not the defining moment of a person's loyalty to their family. If someone in the OP's family were dying, in desperate need of aid, it might be different. And the "lesson" of being there for family will be completely lost on a young baby who is in a strange environment, away from his mama, and possibly very distraught.

[pageta]

Well, I'll add that my child is (at this stage) very well behaved and we get compliments on this. However, we have been "banned" from certain places - I have been told under no uncertain terms that I am not welcome if I bring my baby with me. So I understand how it feels when you're child won't cause a problem but others lump you in with those children who might. Quite honestly, it doesn't make sense in practical terms for me to go to those places without my baby, so I just don't go. I would love to go...I miss my friends, and I really enjoyed going to those events before ds arrived. However, going without ds would be a logistical nightmare, so I chose to stay at home.

My sister is getting married in 5 months, and she would like me (her only sister) to be her bridesmaid. Well, most bridesmaid dresses aren't nursing dresses. DS is still breastfed exclusively (though he may not be in 5 months) so if I have to nurse at some point between when I get dressed for pictures and when the reception is over, I will have to find a room where I can completely disrobe just so I can feed my baby. (DS refuses a bottle or sippy cup, so no, that's not an option). I told her she needs to pick dresses that are more nursing friendly or I will quietly bow out and not stand up for her. Yes, her wedding is important to me, but there is a point beyond which I will not trouble myself for her.

A wedding will never be perfect. Like someone said, even if you get the right flowers, etc. someone may show up with a hairstyle you don't like and you'll have to look at it in pictures for years to come. I understand your SIL's desire to have a "perfect" day. However, life isn't perfect and choices have to be made. I understand how toddlers with their incessant questions can be a distration. However, a 9-month-old is not in that category.

I'm famous for giving people choices and letting them take ownership of the outcome. If I were the OP, I would tell SIL that she has two choices: A - if she would like you to be there, then you'll be bringing your baby with you and attending as a family or B - if she doesn't want your baby there, then you won't be either. Be very firm - those are her two choices - there are NO OTHER OPTIONS. Then tell her whichever she prefers is fine with you - it's completely up to her. Smile and shut up. The next person who talks wins. If she comes back with a different alternative, repeat the two choices you just gave her and ask again which she would prefer - either one is fine with you. From the way it sounds, you are going to have to deal with her like this for the rest of your life...so start practicing now. In my opinion, there is not other way to deal with people like this. They want their way - if you give them two options to chose from, they're in charge because they get to choose, and you don't have to give them options you aren't comfortable with.

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by sebastiansmommy

I was thinking about the fact that so many people have said that she has "the right" to invite and not invite whoever she wants. But just because you have the right to do something doesnt make it right, kwim?

You SIL sounds horrible, and I certainly don't want to defend her. But I don't understand "right" used in this way. Her not wanting you to bring your baby seems wrong to you and right to her.

From their perspective, if you have your baby there, the one and only baby, your family is going to get a lot of attention from relatives and friends and others (oh - look how sweet, oh how charming). Sounds like she is insecure about her day not being wholly hers. We've all felt upstaged before and I imagine that is what she is worried about, subconsciously or not. I don't know that this worry is "wrong" or "right;" it is just an understandable human emotion. We can call it "selfishness" or we can call it normal. Either way, I don't think her not wanting babies/kids at her wedding is "wrong."

Back to my wedding. I didn't realize beforehand but see now that part of what made our very intimate elopment so special was that me and my DH were the complete and entire focus. It felt wonderful. The emotional intensity of our three guests was completely focused on us and our union. Would this intensity have been broken by a child/babies presence - I don't know but probably. It would have been a different kind of ceremony. Probably just as wonderful - unless, that is, I am someone who really wants that intense focus on me and my on special day. Sounds like your sil is such a somone, and I just can't say "wrong" to that; it seems a little out of the realm of "right" and "wrong" and into the realm of "personal preference."

[dnr3301]

ooohhhhh, this brings back some memories. We actually lost a friend over this issue (granted there was a lot else going on, but it was the last in a series of straws that sent us over the edge).

I had a newborn who would be 8 weeks old at the time of the wedding, dh was in the wedding, his best friend of years asked us not to bring the baby. I was livid, but a new mom and still unable to express sufficiently why it bothered me and said I just wouldn't go to the wedding. Somehow, this wasn't acceptable. (They made the same request of my SIL and BIL with their 2 week old, who was actually born early, so when they asked this, she should've been only days old). I kept saying, "you don't want babies at the wedding, fine. that means I can't go." I didn't try to talk them into letting me bring dd, I didn't call them names (to their face , does to dh count?). Finally, dh's friend's fiance got on the phone and proceeded to call me names and tell me how selfish I was being by refusing to go to the wedding. I kept thinking, "I'm trying to do what they want, why won't they let me?" Never said that though, should've. That was a crappy conversation, ended up hanging up on her.

This was the best man at our wedding and now we aren't friends at all. so sad.

In the end, he told us to come with the babies (my niece and dd), but we were the exception and he would hold it against us forever. So, we sat in the last pew, holding our sleeping babes in slings, super aware of every newborn mewing that our babies never made, while person after person (who apparently hadn't been told not to bring their kids or at least hadn't asked about it) carried their crying babies in those carseats and 2 year olds ran around, fuming about how horrible we'd been made to feel.

We left the reception after dinner when it was announced that there was no smoking on the dance floor, but the rest of the room was fine, and we realized nearly the entire room was about to start chain smoking. They called us a few days later and yelled at us about leaving early and called a few other of our friends to tell them they didn't like the gift they got them. Really quite classy.

I agree that they can make a list including anyone they want, but you don't have to go. After all, they decided the date, right? and there are going to be people who can't go based on that information, if you can't go, you can't go, you get to decide that part, not them. Like my parent teacher at my early childhood family education classes says about toddlers, "Parents get to decide WHAT is for dinner, kids get to decide IF they eat it." You can only control your behavior. You have my support to not go.

And whoever it was who said they thought it was odd for you to seek out the opinions of an internet board when there is obvious termoil in the family: that's what this community is for. Are you telling me you've never used MDC as a sounding board to see if you are the only one who felt that way about something? Good grief.

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

And whoever it was who said they thought it was odd for you to seek out the opinions of an internet board when there is obvious termoil in the family: that's what this community is for. Are you telling me you've never used MDC as a sounding board to see if you are the only one who felt that way about something? Good grief.

No, I kinda liked that point. OP said twice (three times if you count the original post) that she came here to ask our opinion on whether babies should be invited at weddings; she also didn't want advice since her and her DH had already decided that they were both declining the invitation (which is fair).

I think the PP was trying to say that the OP gathering opinions on the question of whether babies be invited at weddings was not really going to get her anywhere since her SIL had already decided that babies shouldn't be invited to her wedding (which is fair).

I thought it was a gentle way to tell the OP that no matter what we think about babies and weddings abstractly, her baby not being invited and thus DH not attending his sister's wedding is not an abstract problem. If every single one of us agreed that "hell yes babies should be invited to weddings" (and not all of us agreed with that statement), it wouldn't change one bit the real family stuff that the OP is dealing with. In other words, maybe getting a bunch of internet MB posters to agree that her sil is wrong/mean/selfish isn't the most productive route for tackling this impass between the OP's family and her dh's family.

[Meiri]

My SIL and MIL are extremely hung up on tradition!

Ah, so the bride is already pregnant and it's the hormones talking...

couldn't resist

[dnr3301]

Originally Posted by sebastiansmommy

.
I started this thread because I wanted to know what other people's opinions are on babies at weddings, which is why the title is "Babies at Weddings, yay or nay?" I just wanted to see if I'm alone in the way I feel.

She says she wanted to see if she was alone in feeling that babies should be at weddings and if she and her dh were being unreasonable in saying they weren't going if it meant leaving their dc, that's why I said she was using us as a sounding board. I was never under the impression that we could fix this particular problem.

[pugmadmama]

Originally Posted by sebastiansmommy

...But just because you have the right to do something doesnt make it right, kwim? ... I really dont think its about DS at all, I think it's a matter of her needing to cause drama and be in charge which is totally her M.O.

Having babies at a wedding is a matter of opinion. You're SIL is not right (or wrong) and neither are you. You have a difference of opinion.

But let's pretend you are "right", well, as the saying goes, you can be right or you can be happy. You're choosing "right". It seems to me that your SIL is not the only stubborn one in her family. Your SIL has declared "no babies." Your DH has declared "I'm not coming if my baby can't come." I think it's very sad when siblings cling to being "right" over being a family.

Originally Posted by Piglet68

...True family are there for you when the chips are down....

Well, there you go, we have a basic disagreement about what "true family" is. I don't think of "true family" as a 911 service to call upon only when the chips are down. I think of "true family" as people who love you, who make allowences for your eccentricities when possible and who make nearly as much an effort to celebrate with you as they do to mourn with you.

Originally Posted by Piglet68

...And the "lesson" of being there for family will be completely lost on a young baby who is in a strange environment, away from his mama, and possibly very distraught.

Except, of course, if the OP's husband attended alone, the baby would never be away from his Mama.

I wonder if all you who are applauding the OP's husband for skipping this wedding would give the same advice to your own children? Would you encourage your son to stay with his wife and nine month old child or would you hope he'd be willing to give up one day with his wife and child to attend your daughter/his sister's wedding?

[pugmadmama]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

She says she wanted to see if she was alone in feeling that babies should be at weddings and if she and her dh were being unreasonable in saying they weren't going if it meant leaving their dc,...

Again, I ask, what does that matter? Her SIL thinks it's unreasonable to bring babies to her wedding. That's all that matters here. That's what they need to focus on. So then the question becomes, what are they going to do in the face of that reality? Will they get a sitter? Will they swap care? Will one attend but not the other? Will they both skip it?

I think it's human nature to want to get a lot of "Yes, you're rights!" from outsiders when fighting with the people we love. But that's just a distraction. Who cares if strangers think you are right? This family needs to deal with their reality.

As I said, I have a special attachment to sibling issues. Or maybe even to family issues. My mother recently disowned me and it just seems an awful waste of time. Maybe this brother and sister really are better off apart. But from what the OP has written, it sounds like maybe they are just stuck in a pattern of diappointing/hurting each other. I guess this wedding will just be one more step along that same path. I was trying to introduce the idea that, even though I think babies should be allowed at weddings, maybe there is a bigger issue here. One that has to do with siblings and and old hurts and control issues and stepping off the usual path of hurt and trying to take the path of healing.

Even the OP said she doesn't think the baby being at the wedding is the real issue.

So, I wish the OP, her DH and his family the best of luck. I need to stop reading this thread, it's breaking my heart.

[bethwl]

I guess I didn't catch that the OP would not leave her baby with a sitter under any circumstances. I thought that under the right circumstances she would be ok with that. But since she's not, then there is clearly no way for her to attend this function. The only option is for her husband to attend alone. If I were his wife, I would counsel him to do so to prevent bad feelings in the family. Yes, the SIL sounds like a piece of work and not the most empathic individual on the planet, but not attending her wedding would be a kind of bridge-burning, wouldn't it? Even if he doesn't have a great relationship with her now, if he hopes to ever have a better one, I think it would be important to try and attend. As to OP's clarification that all she wanted to know was how people felt about babies at weddings: I am fine with babies at weddings (had them at mine), but I understand if people don't want them there, too. And I do respect people who do not leave their children with sitters, that's absolutely their choice. But I have to admit I don't relate to it. I can't fathom spending years never being able to go anywhere by myself for more than a couple hours.

--Beth

[DesireeH]

We probably wouldnt go if it were us. I have never heard of children/babies not being invited to a wedding. Seems odd since most people are getting married before FAMILY and FRIENDS and I didnt think there was an age limit to that. We had 350 people and probably 1/3rd of those people were minors. Maybe you can just go anyways to the reception but not the ceremony or is she opposed to that too? If it were me, I would send a gift but decline. She'll get over it once she has kids and realizes asking you to leave your little baby was a lame request.

[fiddledebi]

Originally Posted by pugmadmama

I wonder if all you who are applauding the OP's husband for skipping this wedding would give the same advice to your own children? Would you encourage your son to stay with his wife and nine month old child or would you hope he'd be willing to give up one day with his wife and child to attend your daughter/his sister's wedding?

Having been in this position myself, and having had many heart to heart talks with my parents about it, I can tell you that they had advised me NOT to go to my brother's wedding (their son) when my three week old daughter was not allowed to attend. They thought me overly sentimental when I claimed that not going would cause irreparable damage to my relationship with my brother, and they felt that I was setting up a dangerous pattern of acquiescing to requests that compromised my instincts.

THEY WERE RIGHT.

I went anyway (see my previous post). They were wonderfully supportive during the wedding weekend, and even came up to the hotel room with me many times to "help" check on my daughter. So, to answer PP's question: there are definitely some parents out there who would advise their children to skip the wedding if attending felt wrong to them.

[Piglet68]

In response to Pugmad's question, quoted above, I too would not counsel my son to go against something that is very important to him for the sake of a selfish sister. And I would counsel my daughter that, if she really wants a child-free wedding that is her right, but not to then dump guilt trips on those who choose not to attend without their kids. But I dearly hope that my daughter and son respect each other enough to not put themselves in the OP's position in the first place.

I also don't get why people are giving validation to the notion that not attending a wedding means "strife for life". Geezus, the bride can get over it. It's one day in a lifetime of interactions. I don't see why anybody should "expect" such immature behaviour (ie. a relationship destroyed b/c someone didn't attend the others' wedding) and then base their decisions on the assumption that it's going to be that way. IMO, that just gives validation to what would be a childish and selfish response on the part of the bride (something that is HER choice, not the OP's). Anybody who holds a "lifetime grudge" b/c someone couldn't attend their wedding has bigger problems, IMO, than who showed up on the "big day".

[pugmadmama]

Originally Posted by fiddledebi

Having been in this position myself, and having had many heart to heart talks with my parents about it, I can tell you that they had advised me NOT to go to my brother's wedding (their son) when my three week old daughter was not allowed to attend...

Do you see no difference between a three week old baby and a nine month old one? No difference between expecting a nursing mother to attend vs. her non-nursing partner? Because, honestly, I see a big difference in those details. That was my question...a nine month old baby, a nursing mother and the non-nursing father being the sibling in question.

Piglet, Didn't you say you eloped? Saying that people should just "get over" matters concerning their wedding seems to be strange advice from one woman who didn't care about having a family wedding to another woman who clearly does. But I do agree with this:

"But I dearly hope that my daughter and son respect each other enough to not put themselves in the OP's position in the first place."

I hope that both of my children are mature and kind enough to do this. But if one isn't, I hope the other one is. Watching two adult siblings both cling to being "right", unwilling to give an inch, is very sad.

[pageta]

Someone's going to be upset here: either the mother is going to be upset because she is away from her child, or the bride is going to be upset because her brother/SIL weren't there. You're going to have bitterness either way. Someone's going to have to get over something here. As for having a wedding vs eloping...the bride can be bitter because of all these fights about how things are done or she can just elope (so she isn't bitter) and the rest of the family can be bitter [in Piglet's defense]. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

[frand]

To go back to the original OP

It's really hurtful that the MIL and SIL are ganging up on you in such a weird way, esp. relating to the earlier wedding invite that did include your son. I am sure you are feeling they are rejecting your child -- it's not just your SIL, it's the MIL, your son's grandma. That's what I read into this. I don't know how long you've been married, but I'm hoping for your sake this isn't part of a larger pattern of behavior toward you. If it isn't, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and try a compromise. I understand why brides don't want crying babies during the service. But the 9 month old child of an immediate family member -- held in his mother and father's arms-- should hardly be an issue at the reception. ??

[Kincaid]

Just wanted to chime in that I don't feel that ALL weddings, unequivocally, are "appropriate" for the attendance of children.

Not all movies/forms of entertainment/events are appropriate for children. Not all facilities are child-safe. Not all times of day/night are suitable for small children to be out and about. Not all noise levels of music are safe for babies little ears. Not all places are non-smoking, or non-drinking, or non-rowdy.

A couple getting married has the right to chose the type of wedding they wish to have. If they chose loud music, a smoking-allowed venue, alcohol being served, a nighttime party, etc then it may in fact totally not be suitable for a child or baby. The marrying couple may have the sense to *know* their event is not suitable for small children.... there was a PP who finally got the marrying couple to "let" her bring baby and then she was MAD at them because there was smoking at the event and she walked out, sounded like in a huff. Well, duh! They told you the wedding was not intended for children.

In my family, we either have alcohol OR kids at a wedding. Not both. The marrying couple decides the "tone" of the event. The marrying couple in my family is usually younger and childless, in more of a social age category, and they want a "party/celebration." In my family, smoking/drinking/partying is not an enviornment that moms *want* to drag their kids to. No one bats and eye when a caregiving parent stays home.

I don't think the bride is selfish at all. Not in the least. I do think the D.H. stating that the wedding must be arranged to accomodate the people he loves most (his wife and child) is selfish. We don't want people foisting their versions of 'family values' on us.... and we can't do the same either. She does not want her wedding to be a child-inclusive event. Should she bow to yours and DH vision of family and what you "need" out of this event. I don't think so. I think it is selfish of your DH to put her in that position, honestly.

Off topic, but I have a friend who was invited to one of those sex toy parties that women get together and have. She was excited to go, she needed the social time, she was very excited about it.... but she actually called the hostess and asked her if she could "fix" the party so that it would be suitable for her to also bring along her EBF toddler and 5 year old children. She was *MAD* that the hostess said uh, no, it's not going to be suitable to bring them. She started to argue with host, saying how important her children were to her, she never leaves them, how un-child-friendly the world is, etc... But the host just wanted an event that was not meant for kids, as much as she enjoyed them otherwise and as much as she wanted to make the other mom happy.

[andi_3k]

Yor SIL sounds like a jerk.

That said, I would not have kids at my wedding either, if a parent couldn't/wouldn't come no harm no foul,
but I want a wedding where the photographer doesn't focus on taking pictures of the kids ( one friend's so called wedding album is almost all pictures of the kids, the proofs came back with 4 pictures total of her and her hubby) and where the most prevelant sound on the video is not baby crying, or fussing.
I threatened not to go to my brother's wedding because if SIL's antics.....with her the legnth of my hair, at that time past my knees, was the issue. My mother and brother backed her up, with the "it's her day stuff' but that only goes so far. when I told her that if she pushed it further I would show up with a reverse mohawk that had one side dyed electric Kool-aid blue and the other electric Kool-aid purple, she backed off ..at least on that.
What you do early in this relationship will set the tome for the rest of it,but beyond that you need to do what is best for you ...and for your kiddo. If she can't deal with the fact that your kid is nursing and you'll need to be with him, then she will never be able to deal with any of the demands your family places on your life.
If your husband is seriously opposed to going with out you ( not just that he doesn't want to give in to her) then he should not, but before you make that descision, please think about it.
I think she does need a reality check tho.

[ShannonCC]

Originally Posted by Kincaid

No one bats and eye when a caregiving parent stays home.

I don't think the bride is selfish at all. Not in the least.

I don't think you read all of the OP's posts. You said in your family no one bats an eye when a caregiving parent stays home. This woman's SIL has made it clear that she expects the child to be left at home and the mom staying home with her is not an option. I don't think it's selfish at all to want a child free wedding. I *do* think it's incredibly, monumentally selfish to tell a mother that she *has* to leave her child home. As has been said, a wedding is an invitation, not a summons!

If I were the OP, I would have my dh go alone, *but* from what has been said, it sounds as if SIL does not think that's an option either. I think if this were a reasonable woman then the dh might not have a problem going. It sounds to me he is drawing a line in the sand after putting up with his sister for years. I think this is more than "do kids belong at weddings" yk?

I also enjoy attending child-free events. Well, honestly, I don't care if other people's kids are there, I enjoy attending the occasional event without *my* kids. I am with them almost 24/7 (homeschooling and family bedding) so I enjoy getting dressed up and going to weddings and such without them. However, NO ONE tells me I *have* to leave my child. I don't care what that person thinks, what they did with their own kids, etc. If *I* say my kids aren't ready then that's the end of discussion. And for the record, my dd went through a rather severe separation anxiety from about 6 months to 1 year. I didn't leave her with anyone (no, not even her dad!) in that time. The child in question here will be 9 months which, for my dd, would have been in the thick of it. Even leaving the room would have been a screaming, hysterical fit. IMO, letting someone else dictate how you raise your child, even once, is a slippery slope you don't want to go on.