Does your dh/partner help you?

[ekblad9]

I'm just wondering if, especially during this nasty morning sickness, anyone's dh/partner helps them out or checks on them when they're face down in bed? I have a UTI right now, still horrible m/s, and have been getting headaches and dh is so not nice to me. He never comes and checks on me and when I ask him to do something for me he's so mean. It's not in his nature to be super mean or anything. I just don't get it. I take care of him and the kids 99% of the time. Am I asking too much?

[milk_maker]

DH tends to keep his distance when I'm lying on the couch or running to the bathroom, but this is because I have a tendency to lash out when I'm not happy. Now, taking said behaviour into consideration, yes he does get a little pissy when I ask him to do something, but for the most part he does help me out when I can't cook or need a glass of water. It all just depends on how helpless I've been lately...if I've been pretty needy for the past couple of days he gets huffy. Lazy bum

ETA - and no, you aren't asking too much...it's just as much his fault as it is yours that you're feeling so wonderful.

[ekblad9]

I just confronted dh about it and he admitted he's pissy that I don't feel well. The thing that really gets me is that he is a diabetic and for the last 10 years I've gotten up in the middle of the night to care for him b/c he's unconcious or having a seizure or needed something to eat or drink. I could go on but I have to lay down again.

[*Amy*]

Ekblad, that would get me steamed too. :

My DH is actually quite fantastic, but he has a relatively stress-free life right now, so he has a lot to give (we don't have other kids, he really likes his job, and I really do spoil him when I'm feeling normal). Also, it makes him feel really manly and good when I "need" him; I'm usually more self-sufficient than he likes. If I'm not feeling good he will ask me if he can do/get anything for me, he never minds giving me a massage or fetching me water. If I am not up to cooking he does a good job of fending for himself or offering to take us out. I laughed the other night because I made us this very mediocre-at-best dinner, and I said, "sorry it's nothing great" and he said, "No, this is great honey. I like this dinner." He's cute. I am really lucky.

[pugmadmama]

Originally Posted by ekblad7+

I'm just wondering if, especially during this nasty morning sickness, anyone's dh/partner helps them out or checks on them when they're face down in bed?...Am I asking too much?

No, you are not asking too much!!!

When I was pregnant and on bed rest, my husband would set me up with food and such in the morning, work a 10-12 hour day, come home and fix dinner and clean the house. He did that for months. And you know what, I didn't feel one bit guilty because I was carrying our baby. I was growing another human being inside me and medical problems dictated that I needed some help. Severe m/s, a UTI and headaches mean that you need some help too.

Do you have a religious leader that could make a house call? Perhaps do some crisis couples counseling to help you get the help/empathy you need and deserve from your spouse? If not that, can you ask your friends or family to come by in shifts to help you out with the kids? You deserve pampering right now, Mama! That is not asking too much!!!

[ekblad9]

I've had lots of help from friends and family. More than I could've imagined, TBH. One friend even grocery shopped for me. One came and cleaned my house while I was napping. I've had lots of help with the older kids. I guess pregnancy brings out the worst in dh. I can't imagine if I had to go on bedrest of something. We are in counseling. It does help but he's so blind when it comes to actually helping ME.

[pugmadmama]

I'm glad you've got some help...hopefully your DH will come around as well.

[wtchyhlr]

i'm actually in a different boat. Due to a lay off a couple of years ago, I have a house husband for a DH. so he does ALL the cleaning, cooking, etc. Granted, this is our first child. But he's been pampering me, especially when i feel pukey. I'm very blessed. Going to be an interesting role reversal when he goes back to work and I become the stay at home partner.

[Free Thinker]

My DH isn't that helpful, but he has been doing more than he normally does, but he expects me to act like he is the best man in the world. I admit, I do gripe at him alot, but it's b/c I feel so bad. My house is embarassing, and no one helps me at all! I still have to take care of DD 24/7, do all dishes,cleaning, laundry, ect. His idea of helping is cleaning off the table. To his credit, he does work 12-14 hours per day, and comes home to help out several times a day (works here on the farm). He has a walkie talkie, and if I really need him he will come home immediately.

[Pinoikoi]

My Dh is great- doesn't CLEAN much, but does laundry, vacuums, and cooks. Plus, he will rub my back or feet whenever I ask if he has time. He diapers the babies while I am at work, too and I know LOTS of dh that don't do that...

However, if I am throwing up, he will say, "Honey, are you okay?" My answer is always, "No, I am throwing up!!!" well...

A few times with my previous pgs, he would find me asleep on the linoleum in the bathroom, but usually he doesn't come and check up on me. Thankfully, I haven't been that sick with this one.

Oh yeah, and he always feels needed if I send him to the store in the middle of the night.