My situation is a bit different, but this is still an issue I can relate to quite well.
I was born when my parents were still relatively young (father 22, mother 21) and my mom was in no way prepared to be a parent. They already had a very rocky relationship, and my addition didn't make anything any easier and when I was a year old they divorced. I lived with my mother for about 6 months afterwards, but it was decided, due to the fact that she had a serious drug and alcohol problem, as well as an abusive new boyfriend, that I would be better off living with my father. So, at 1 and a half I went to live with my father and his new wife.
For years I had very little contact with my mom. She'd call occassionaly, and came to visit I think two or three times, but basically she wasn't in my life at all. It wasn't until I was 13 that I spent any significant time with her at all, and by that point I had a lot of anger and resentment built up towards her. The fact that she had gone on to remarry and have 3 more children that she didn't
leave certainly didn't make things any easier for me. However, in spending time with her and getting to know her better, I realized that she really wasn't 'mother' material at all. She paid very little attention to any of my siblings, and was rarely home. When she was home, she spent most of her time yelling at them and telling them to leave her the h*** alone.
As I grew up, I slowly came to realize that she just couldn't possibly ever give me what I'd always wanted-the pure unconditional love that we all so desperately need. So, I learned, in effect, that I basically had to learn to mother myself. So I did, and I think I did a pretty good job of it.
But when I became pregnant at 19, all the issues flew back up to the surface. I wondered-how in the h*** can I be a mother when I don't know what a mother really is
? How can I possibly know what to say, what to do, how to go about this when I had no foundation for such a relationship. I also mourned the fact that I had no strong woman to help me through this incredibly life altering right of passage. Even though my mother was around-rather, was still alive-she certainly wasn't a present active participant in my pregnancy. (She did come when my dd was born, but then she didn't see her again until she was almost 2 years old. )
I spent a lot of time as a new mother struggling with my own mother issues. But then through reading and lots of soul searching, I realized that I really did have it in me to be a good mom-I just had to remember to mother from the heart-with all the love and compassion and attention that I never received from my mother. I've made some mistakes (a lot, probably) but I'm still confident and secure in the fact that I've done (and am continuing to do) my very best.
Now this time around, I have the support of my wonderful midwife and doula, as well as all the amazing mamas I've met through this and other forums. It's not exactly traditional, but yet I've still managed to weave together for myself a beautiful comforting blanket of love and support and that has made all of the difference in the world with this pregnancy.
So I guess my advice to you (though it's not much) would be to see that you have a good group of women (no matter how small) in your life to help you through the amazing transformative stage of life that is childbirth and pregnancy~because it certainly can leave a bit of an emotional hole in your heart if you are motherless. And although no one could ever replace your own mother, you can still find love and support from other places. And try to keep in mind the positives-For me, that's reminding myself that each and every day I am healing the wound of motherlessness by giving my daughter (and soon to be newborn son) all the unconditional love and acceptance I never received. Perhaps for you it would be helpful to remember that by doing your best to be pregnant in self love and then to parent in unconditional love each and every day, you are honoring the legacy of love your mother left you.
I don't know if any of this helped you-and sorry it turned into such a long ramble-but I wish you the very best of luck on your journey of ttc, pregnancy, and parenting. I'm sure you'll be a great mama!