Did anyone have general anestesia?

[jayasun]

help! i'm looking to talk with someone who had an experience similar to mine: homebirth-turned-emergency cesarean birth.

they used general anestesia, and i just want to see what others experienced. i have a lot to work through emotionally now, and lots has to do with the fact that it was general not local.

because it was general, my husband wasn't allowed in for the birth, nor was my midwife. i was out for two hours- i didn't see my baby, obviously- never heard her tiny cry, didn't get nuzzle her, or bring her to my breast. i was so drugged that i barely remember the first few days...

it just would be helpful to talk with one of you about this.

thank you , thank you!

jaya
mother to Ariah Ray 1/29/02

[CanOBeans]

Jaya,

Wow, a triple whammy for you -- homebirth transport, c-section, and general anesthesia. {{{Jaya}}} No wonder you are having a hard time. Your feelings are totally valid and you will definitely help your healing by talking with others who have been through the same situation.

I strongly encourage you to join the ICAN mailing list. There are at least two women I can think of there who had a c/s after planning a homebirth, and several who had general anesthesia. One of my dear friends had general for her c/s and I know it has been very hard for her to heal emotionally from that.

You can join the ICAN list by sending an email to [e-mail] with the words "subscribe ICAN" (but without the quotes) in the BODY of the message. The system will generate an authentication email which you have to send back, and then you'll be subscribed. Let me know if you have any trouble figuring it out. It is a very high volume list but well worth it IMO.

I didn't notice where you are located -- if there's an ICAN chapter near you, you should really consider going to a meeting or at least talking with a leader in person. Having real life support is important too. YOu can find ICAN chapters at the website (see link in my sig).

I hope this is helpful -- keep us updated on how you are feeling.

[Melinda77]

{{HUGS}} Gawd isn't that drugged feeling awful?

While I did get to hear my baby cry (one little whimper) I then was put under a general because the spinal had a "window" at the front of my uterus and I was arching my back and not allowing them to stich me up. I too didn't see my boy until 3 hours after birth - and for me all I can say is that thought still causes some pain. I am working through and with it though, and I hope we are both able to find some peace.

[happyinmtmom]

I too had general and have continued to try to "process" it all. I didn't start with a home birth, but I did intend to have a low-intervention, as natural-as possible birth in the hospital. My doc is a holistic family practioner who studied with midwives, and we were hoping to be one of first water births in the new tubs.\

But my son never dropped down. My water was broken, and things were moving along, fairly slowly, but we were all ok. But he just wouldn't drop down, and they had me do some test pushes, and he started to go into distress. THey'd been monitoring him a lot more than I had been told they would, and later discovered that the doc was a bit worried after a couple hours of active labor.

Anyway, I stood up at one point to vomit, and his vitals really crashed and then I knew where we were headed. Things happened so fast at that point. Catheters, monitors, etc.

They had my husband prep for the surgery, and I expected to see him soon as they wheeled me off. But then they decided to use general once I was in surgery.

Later I found out that the surgeon felt that it really was so critical of a situation that she didn't want my husband in there, and every second counted.

My son was born covered in meconium, a sure sign of stress, but his APGARS were great [8,9]. Sometimes I think that they overreacted a bit. But I guess I"ll never know.

So yes, I struggle with the sadness of having missed those precious early hours. My only real consolation is that my husband was with our child the whole time and they had him teach the baby how to suck by giving him his finger. I think that it was a really powerful bonding time for my husband.

Its kind of sad that he has to assure me that I really was alert and cohert after getting out of recovery that first night. I called a few family members, and don't remember a thing. Truthfully, I don't remember my first sight of my child and that will always be heartbreaking. All I really remember is talking to my doctor while in recovery and desperately asking her how my child was and what his APGAR scores were. Its like some weird window in the fog. Everything else is wiped out by the narcotics.

I am thankful that my doctor [not the surgeon] and the nurses were very good about nursing, and worked with me a lot to make sure we had as good a start as we could have.

I don't know many people who had general anesthesia. Its not real common. A family friend, who is an anesthesiologist, was really surprised they used general on me. He said they only use it very rarely in his hospital.

I don't know what if anything that means. Its just one more piece I add to the mix as I try to figure it all out.

It still makes me choke up and cry a bit to think and write about it. Probably always will.

My thoughts are with you.

[momtoo]

It's hard. After a c-section (local anesthesia/pitocin) the first time, I was looking forward to VBAC -- or at least nothing worse than the first time. Subject to Pitocin again (don't get me started!!!), I was almost there. My dh saw the baby's head crown before they declared "emergency" and off we rushed to the surgical room. I remember the "it's a girl" part, then the mask went over my face. The lactation consultants and nurses were great -- many hours later... I think the happy hormones really did their part because for the first day or so I was just happy we're all alive.
What I couldn't stand were the docs and nurses all cheerfully chiming -"you'll do it next time" as if tired and bleeding and holding my new dd I wanted to think about giving birth again. The new one's 9 months now, and the disappointment does fade. Beware those "ecstacy of birth" articles though...
hugs.

[Robyn]

I had a c-section under general anasthesia and for me it was a positive experience. I knew a couple days before that I would have to have a c-section because he was breech. I read up and prepared my self so I knew what to expect. They allowed my husband in to watch and cut the cord, however they didn't allow vidio cameras, only photo cameras. Since my dad is a private investigator, my husband barrowed a micro vidio camera and hid it in this cap the nurse made him wear. So at least I can watch my son being born on vidio. After that, I didn't wake up for two hours and so before that, my husband remaind with the baby the whole time..... so he never left his site untill I woke up. And then after that the baby roomed in with us untill it was time for us to go home 3 days later.

[elismom]

Jayasun,

I was supposed to deliver at a free-standing birth center, and was transferred to the hospital and ended up with an emergency c-section, general anesthesia, dh couldn't be there, classical (vertical) incision, etc. My ds went right to the NICU and I couldn't even see him (other than on digital camera taken by dh) or hold him until about 18 hours later. It was horrible!!!

ds is 13 months now, and I can say it does get better, the pain fades, etc, but it doesn't totally go away (or hasn't for me). I feel like I will always be sad about how this went, sad that I couldn't feel him on my body right away, sad that I don't remember any of it, that my dh wasn't there, that breastfeeding didn't work out (after 2 months of intense attempts), etc. OTOH, I'm thankful every day that both of us are alive and healthy, as it was a close call for both of us!

[jayasun]

thankyou all for your replies!

it seems general anesthesia is quite rare... which somehow makes it harder for me, as i question the need for it. having a cesarean birth is hard enough, but the general i blame for my husband not being able to be there, me not seeing or hearing my little one, etc.

happyinmtmom-
i too am so thankful about nursing. i am so glad my midwife was there to teach dd what to do. i doubt the staff would have done it, and i was too drugged....

momtoo-
i totally kwym about the ecstasy of birth articles. i love mothering mag, but i often close it in tears after reading about what i wanted so much and "couldn't do"

i think i am slowly healing, and talking with you guys will only aid that process- thankyou!

love and light

jaya

[jayasun]

elismom-

your story sounds so familiar. i am sorry this had to happen for you, but am grateful you are all okay.

may i ask what happened that you ended with an emergency c/birth?

guess if i am going to ask, i should let you all know my story:

the short version:

all attempts to induce labor fail. labor starts then stops. i am mad at my body for "not working." baby never comes and i give up my ideals of a homebirth. we wait 3 1/2 weeks post due date.

i ask for humility as i enter the same hospital that i pulled out of months ago- choosing homebirth instead. monday am i am induced with cervidil. things kick right in, and contractions are strong and consistent. fight with hospital about fetal monitoring, mostly i am on the monitor- labor slows down by early eve, and baby shows decels, then totally crashes. change of position brings back heart rate. order for pitocin is put in, baby crashes still on and off, anesthesiologist and or crew are called in "just in case." midwife preps us for cesarean in case it happens.

pitocin doesn't come for another 12 hours. too many women bithing. all of whom make me cry to hear. i can't take the sounds of women birthing. i want it so much, but its agony thinking i'll never experience it. tuesday am i loose it infront of the nurses station, and they finally start the drip. things get going, they think i'm actually going to do it. baby looks strong. dh and i center, ask for lots of time alone to pray. i get the idea to be checked and my laymidwife does it....

im 4 centimeters.... but there's cord coming first. explains all the crashes the previous day. things move too fast. i'm flipped on hands and knees, head down. my bed turns into a gurney, tons of people, chaos. anasthesiologist reads me my rights which end in "you could even die" and i have to sign the form. hubby and midwife are barred from coming in. i can't grasp this all. i know baby is fine, and they have plenty of time to do a local. hospital policy the ob says. im being wheeled down the hall...

my beloved crew watches me get wheeled into the or. i'm scared to death. husband is crying so hard. i'm in the or. upside down still. chaos. freezing.. bright lights. strange voices, all green masks. catheterized, tubes hooked up, and i'm out... well first i yell a few things at them about god, and being gentle with the baby when they get her.

baby is born, shes perfect, beautiful. i wake up in recovery 2 hours later... alone. meet dh and dd. i'm in heaven. so grateful, happy. but i don't remember the first few days. strong opiates for 3 days. not given a choice, not thinking clearly enough to get off them myself.

and now i have such gratitude that dd knew where she had to be. home would not have been safe for her with prolapsed cord. but still, i am sad, angry, confused.

well, thats the story. long, but the full version is filling 2 journals!

i'm writing the hospital about a few things- hoping that will help with the anger. thinking of doing soul retrieval, since i think a big part of me left during the general. any of you feel this way? like you never fully came back?

[girrllie]

jayasun, I'm totally crying as I just read your story. So protective of you to tell them to be gentle with your little one - it totally makes me bawl - mama tiger will always come through! i so feel for you, not being able to see her born - so courageous to write your story . . .

[OneCatholicMommy]

mine too

My first baby was born vaginally but my second was emergency c/s under general due to cord prolapse. Luckily, baby was in daddy's arms about 30 min after birth.
I have to be totally honest. If I ever had to have another c/s, I'd probably choose another general. I just don't want to be awake when they cut me open!

[LiamnEmma]

catholicmommy, I had a c-section under general for my first, and had similar feelings about the possibility of general for the second in the event that it turned out that way. It did, but I had a spinal instead, even though I was totally afraid of the spinal making me think I couldn't breathe, and of being awake while they cut into me--plus, of course, I didn't want the dang c-section in the first place!-- it was much much better than I'd anticipated and I'm sooooo glad I had a spinal instead of general. Just my two cents.

Jaya, I didn't attempt a homebirth, I wanted to do that for the second one if the first turned out okay (obviously it didn't) and I was just too much of a fraidy-cat to try it for number one. But I had loads of emotional baggage from it, and still have some I tote around with me. I'm sorry. It is awful not knowing what's happened, waking up and finding yourself suddenly not pregnant, but no sounds sights or smells to go along with that, only the acrid, hospital smell and the loud nurses acting like nothing untoward has just occurred. I can say though, that is has dissipated for me over time, and the arrival of my second (albeit via another c-section) helped me deal with the arrival of my first by bringing home to me how much better it could be, even with another less than ideal birth. It really made me deal with the feelings of the first birth that I hadn't already processed. I hope you find some peace soon.

[elismom]

Jayasun, this is a little old now, but I totally forgot to check back on this thread, so I didn't see your question to me. Here is my birth story that I posted a while ago on another board, I'm just cutting and pasting here:

I planned to birth at a freestanding birth center, with midwives. I had a relatively easy pregnancy--lots (I mean lots!) of water retention, but they kept saying that it didn't mean anything since my blood pressure was fine. So, my due date comes and goes, only slightly effaced. (by the way, I am so regular that I knew my due date was pretty accurate). About a week after due date they start seeing me every day and trying to sweep my membranes (or whatever the term is, I can't remember, but it's to encourage dilation). Anyway, still no contractions or anything. I remember I went in on a monday, nothing, then tuesday, nothing. Then tuesday night, contractions start. They were not too bad, but immediately pretty close together (about 3-5 minutes apart) but not consistent. Anyway, I call midwives to give them heads up, but still thinking early labor. We agree not to do anything till morning (unless things change). I call doula to give her a heads up too. Then the next 12 hours are somewhat blurry, like I can't remember if I slept or not, if the contractions continued thru-out the night or if they came and went (this inability to remember is scary too).

Anyway, I had another appt that morning already scheduled before contractions started, so we decided that I would go in then, around 11 that am. When I got in, they put me on the monitor (I don't know why since they don't usually use monitor, they usually use dopptone so women aren't strapped down) but she says she just wants to get a 10 min strip to see how he's doing. Well, he is having some decels, and she says that it's not of real major concern, maybe cord compression, but that protocol is that we have to be transferred to hospital to be safe. But it's NOT an emergency. So, can we hang out for a half hour or so and then we'll go to hospital. Ok...meanwhile, they check my bp and urine again even though I'd been in just day before. Well, my bp is HIGH (don't remember what) and I'm spilling proteins, so now all of a sudden (since yesterday) I have pre-eclampsia! Well, still not an emergency, but time to go to hospital. We check in, and so on, get up to room (dh called doula to come to hospital right after they decided to transfer, but she lives half hour away so hasn't gotten there yet). Again, it becomes even more blurry, but they get me in bed, put me on monitor again, and apparently quickly see lots of decelerations, nurse (?, maybe doc?) screams for me to roll on my side NOW (that helps baby to get oxygen or something), then screams for my midwife (who is still attending birth, but at hospital), and then somehow a doc is there, says "can I break her water (who was she asking??), does, and finds fresh meconium, which means baby is in major distress. They then scream stat c-section, race me out of there (leaving my dh to freak out in room not knowing what the hell is happening, with no one there, not even doula, who was kept from coming in, we find out later, because no one knew who she was).

Anyway, they wheel me into op room, give me general anesthesia (because it's such an emergency, usually you're awake w/an epidural), and then proceed to get my baby out with a vertical incision (instead of horizontal). (actually the outer incision is vertical, the uterine incision is horizontal, so I could do a vbac if I ever have the guts to do this again!). Eli's apgar is 1, then 6 I think. He is rushed to NICU for meconium aspiration and high blood pressure. Put on vent for 24 hours, in NICU for 7 days. I did not come out of general till he was gone, and they wouldn't let me see him for 12 hours!! Apparently my first words, to DH, after I came out were "How's Eli?"

The whole NICU/nursing/etc story is for another time. And so much about this experience makes me sad, but the thing that hit me most recently, was that how sad I am that I didn't get to meet or cuddle my baby on my bare chest until 12+ hours after he was born. And I'll never have that moment back.

[merrybee]

Jayasun-- I can totally relate to your story, while my first started in the hospital-- it ended in a disaster where they almost lost me and ds. My ob decided to strip my membranes (without asking) which accidentally ruptured my membranes. Which led to pitocin in spite of a non-ripe cervix. So since my body was not ready I was not dilating well. Hence--up the pitocin. My contractions got stronger but did not open my cervix. They finally gave me so much pitocin that my uterus was so hyperstimulated that my placenta rupture. I was rushed to the OR, tied to the table cathetorized, all at the same time. The nurse wanted to scrub my stomach-- the ob said there was no time, was screaming at the anestesiologist to put me out already while he was already holding the scalpel on my abdomen. The last thing i remember is telling the ob not to cut before i was out. They almost lost me and ds on the table. They cut my ds's head open during the surgery. Due to postpartum complications for me and ds_ neither of us could be moved. I did not see him for 3 days.

Well all is well now. Ds is a strapping 6 ft, 190 lb 15 y.o. I have a dd and another on the way due in 2 weeks. But it took a lot of emotional work to recover. Right after the birth, my now ex-husband moved us from MD to NY. So I knew no one, was recovering emotionally and physically. I found the earlier version of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) which then was called CPM (Cesarean Prevention Movement). They offered both informational and support group meetings. I truly believe those support group meetings saved me. I was able to work through a lot of my emotional issues. Unfortunately my ex never really worked through his issues successfully. Already suffering from a mild depression, it launched him into a severe depression that he refused to get help for for several years. When he did he was medicated- which helped by never went for therapy.I truly believe it played a big role in the break up of our marriage.

Baby #2 was a successful vbac at home with a mid-wife and a doula. Thanks to the support and info I got from the very loving and supportive women from ICAN.

After the birth of dd, I remained active in ICAN. I became the president of the local chapter and then the Northeast Regional Director for the then 26 chapters in the NE US.

Now happily re-married and expecting #3 for me and #1 for dh. I am having a hospital birth with an OB due to some other health concerns necessitating an MD presence. And I am once again experiencing high anxiety to be going back into the hospital arena. I consider myself healed from the trauma of that 1st experience, but it will haunt me forever to some degree.

PLease consider taking CanOBeans and my advice-- look for an ICAN chapter they are a good resource for healing. And don't listen to the insensitive people who tell you to forget about it since now you have your baby. You need to acknowledge the trauma you experienced and heal-- with the support of people who understand.

Good luck.

[kindmomma]

drugged

with my first birth (section) my epidural never worked even after hours of trying. And a doctor that would not listen and was finally so fed up with me that he actually told me to calm down and I was fine. So there I was wheeled into the OR knowing I was not numb. Well after cutting me and hearing me howl I got the great ol spinal block! That kept me numb for 8 hours. I did not get to even touch my baby until 3 hours later. Then to top it all off I had spinal leakage and had to go back in for a spinal patch. I am still very bitter...........
I feel for all the mommas that have this sort of care, expecailly when it comes on the day you have been planning and hoping for. Everyone wants a perfect birth, is there such a thing. My secret is getting informed. My second birth was a VBAC, I did it, not the way I wanted but I did it. I am due to deliver any day now with a great group of midwives at Vanderbuilt hospital! I hope I get the chance to labor/birth my way! I have done so much research/reading/meditating/excercises ect! I am exhausted. I will be sure to let everyone know! <<<<keeping my fingers crossed>>>>>>

[OnTheFence]

I am so sad for you and the bad csection experience you had. I do think part of your healing will come from the fact that you definitely needed a csection and that your daughter is here alive and well. Knowing that a csection was necessary and that you did everything possible to prevent one is one of the ways I coped. I am unsure if they would have had time to do a local or not, I know with prolapsed cord they dont want to wait they just want to get baby out. With my husband's mother they waited too long and the baby died.
I was not given a GA but A spinal with verset (sp) and I totally do not remember anything after my csection. I dont remember nursing, seeing family, nothing for a good 12-24 hours. I do remember what happened and what those people did to me in that csection room though. Something I wish I could forget.

{{{HUGS TO YOU}}}