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How DID you get pregnant? - Page 3

post #41 of 67
Please do not mind my Q, I am just curious. Why not in situations described by Witt, 'thismama' and Faerieshadow, when going for fresh semen from 'known donors', one does not consider getting it directly from the donor through coitus and save many hussles and uncertainties? I am told in some cultures, single women cohabit (and it is socially allowed) for limited times and occasions to beget children from known persons. If one who is donating his semen does not want to take any responsibility besides being a donor but has full knowledge of the outcome, where would bw the problem? Could someone please throw light on the sociological and psychological issues involved?
Uzra
post #42 of 67
uzra, um....because we don't want to have sex with our donor and he doesn't want to have sex with us. That would complicate things MUCH more than they already are between us and him, each other, him and his partner. It would be VERY weird. We don't have an open relationship and don't want one. We want his sperm, not him. It's not at all complicated to do IVI at home. He just puts the sample in a cup and we draw it up in a syringe.

Not that I haven't ever (not seriously) considered that option to take some of the worry out of the process, ie: semen getting stuck in syringe, having to worry about keeping it warm and dark, etc. BUT, the advantages of doing it the old fashioned way wouldn't outweigh the problems for sure. Besides--ICK, boy cooties!
post #43 of 67
Thanks, Megan. I did think that there must be some strong reason to what some ladies choose to do, I mean by way of home insemination. Good luck to you and others in similar position. Sometimes I envy the free spirit and confidence behind your initiatives, I must confess.
Uzra
post #44 of 67
Uzra,
There are also legal concerns. If it is not totally clear in the eyes of the law that the donor was intended to be just a donor and not a parent to the child, he or members of his family could sue for custody of the child. Conceiving through intercourse may cause the court to doubt the donor's non-parent status.
post #45 of 67
Good point Max. In our state, there is a law stating that if a baby is conceived with sperm that didn't come via intercourse, that the donor is not the parent. But if you have intercourse he would automatically be the parent. No document could make it so that he wasn't. I was so grossed out at the thought of our big orgy that I forgot to think about the legal side for my answer.

Uzra, I don't know if is free spririt or not. Basically, we just want to have children, like many straight women but since we don't have a male mate, we have to find other means. It's not like I would choose this option if I had a choice. I'd much rather that I could impregnate my wife!
post #46 of 67
Megan and Max, the legal issue would, of course, be very important and the ruling in Megan's State is very reasonable and protecting in these days of DNA tests etc. My observation about 'free spirit' perhaps emanated from the mixed experience of my not too long a marriage. Of late, I have been wondering whether sharing life with a woman would have been better. Or, even remaining single, in so far as freedom in decision making is involved. Perhaps I am essentially a bi or some change is taking place in my sexuality. But that is another issue.
The cultural permission I had referred to in my first post here related to Hindus whose scriptures allow a widow or a lone woman to beget children for the sake of having a heir or progeny - quite close to the purpose you have when you want to have babies with full responsibility for bringing them upand for the sake of your own satisfaction. Incidentally, there is also an element of envy when I refer to your 'free spirit'.
Uzra
post #47 of 67
we tried for a year, got preg with first clomid cycle and miscarried. had more failed clomid cycles. got preg with twins on the first gonal-f/lupron cycle with hcg trigger shot. we used frozen california cryo sperm and did IUIs 2 days in a row.
currently 23w6d pregnant
post #48 of 67
We just got our positive test today after 8 tries at home with a known donor. On this last try we did a combo of at home IVI and an (as it turned out) possibly ill timed IUI. So, don't know if the spermy that made it was from the IUI or not. Other than that we didn't use any interventions besides progesterone suppositories for luteal phase support.
post #49 of 67
Since the thread got a little new life : from Megan Sacha (congrats!) I thought I'd share what we did. I'm about eight weeks pregnant now, at 37 years old.

My partner and I used two different known donors (one for the first three months and one for another three-four months.) Believe it or not, we found them both through a very long ad we placed on Craigslist. (E-mail me privately if you ever want more details, but it worked great for us, and we met lots of really nice people this way.) We tried a plastic cup but KD#1 didn't like the logistics of that scenario that much, so he switched to a non-spermicidal condom. KD#2 used a small ziploc baggie, which was perfect for him and for us. We insemmed at home using a common children's oral syringe, you can get them at any drug store. The time between his orgasm and insemination was somewhere in the thirty-forty minute range. It took us six or seven months, with a two-month break between donors, so maybe nine months total.

I'm a big believer in traditional Chinese medicine. We had been seeing one person for these treatments, but I changed acupuncturists 6 weeks before we achieved success and I personally believe that was a huge differentiator. I started walking/yoga at about the same time period. I really did give up coffee and diet Cokes and wine for the last month, rather than sort-of pretending I had given it up and still managing three or four cups of coffee a week. I had decided just to get healthy to get healthy, and that mental release may have helped.

During the set of insemms that worked, (one the day I got the positives on the OTK, one two days later) I ended up napping on the couch with my hips up for an hour or two after each adventure. We knew orgasm helped and we had been very deliberate about that as well, but this time we just had more of a "enjoy each other" attitude about it rather than the slightly grim, goal-oriented attitude we may have had subconsciously during the previous tries.

Anyway, that's my TMI. I wish I had known about this board before, when I was still trying, but at least maybe some other people can learn from our story!
post #50 of 67

How I got pregnant

was pretty conventional by lesbian standards, I guess.
I underwent fertility testing in August 2004. These were just prelim evaluations to make sure there was nothing wrong. I was 27 and in very good health.
Thankfully, everything checked out ok. The dr. didn't see a need for me to use any fertility drugs & gave me the go-ahead to start IUI insemination in October. After monitoring my ovulation, I had an IUI 11/9 using frozen donor sperm from the New England Cryogenic Center. Amazingly enough, I got pregnant on this first attempt & delivered a full-term baby girl, Alina, 7/29/05. She is now 1 & the love of my life. My partner, Jackie, and I plan to try for another child next year.
post #51 of 67

Long Story...

After a routine fertility screening at age 31 I started IUI using frozen sperm. Following 11 cycles of IUI and lots of tests, we chose to go see a specialist. We did a cycle of IVF - I only made 2 eggs even with all the drugs, and only one of them fertilized (frozen sperm). I actually got pregnant but had a very early miscarriage. Tried IVF round #2 - again only 2 eggs, but this time neither one fertilized. We were heartbroken, and the doctors said we were wasting time and money trying to use my own eggs.

DP is 12 years older than me, and I was already 35 by that time. We elected to use both an unknown egg donor AND an unknown sperm donor for our third IVF round. They put two fertilized eggs in, and we ended up pregnant with triplets!! Apparently, one of the eggs split into two embryos. Unfortunately we lost one of the babies at ~10 weeks. However, the other two grew into beautiful fraternal twin girls who next month will celebrate their 1st birthday!

I would love to have another baby, but not sure if my heart can go through all of that again.
post #52 of 67
Wow Kelly!
What a story. I am glad you've made it through to the other side, and with twins! Truly amazing!
TTC can be so hard on our hearts & minds (& finances)! As I said, so happy to know you were finally blessed with 2 beautiful girls!
post #53 of 67

planning to plan

Hi all -- new to the community. My partner and i are beginning our family planning conversations and wonder if you could recommend any good resources for getting started... some general questions that we are facing include
how long should i chart to establish my surges / fertile periods before beginning insemination?
frozen vs fresh
known vs unknown donors (and protecting against future legal issues)
known donors: using family vs. using friends
telling your children their dad was born a girl and they're uncle is their biological father (personal stories on how, when others handled these kinds of disclosure issues would be SOOO appreciated)
$$$$ -- funding the family planning journey -- my insurance is great with respect to fertility services performed in the clinic but we can't seem to get a straight answer with respect to what they cover for sperm donor / banks (and there appears to be a huge financial difference between using known donor sperm and banked sperm)
Thanks for any and all stories / resources / advice!!!
post #54 of 67
My partner has 3 children already and we are planning on having our very own. I am going to be the one and am very excited. We have been unsure of how we want to go about doing this. At home vs Dr. I want to do it at home, but she is afraid it wont work, and that it will at the Dr's. It is great to see so many stories that it did work at home. I cant wait for her to read all of your stories and tips!
post #55 of 67
For those of you just starting out, have you check out The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth yet? It's a great book that covers the topics you brought up.

As for my opinion, you should chart as long as you possibly can before starting (we did for 11 months) and you should use OPKs before starting too to get the hang of them.

Fresh/known vs frozen/unknown is a very personal issue that no one can recommend a solution for you. There are many issues to consider such as if you want the child to know who the donor is, the fact that fresh is usually free and you MAY get pg faster with it, is there somone in your life that you would trust to be a donor, legal issues in your state, your tolerance/trust for the health risks, interpersonal issues with you, your partner and said donor, etc.

Another good book that talks about donors/surrogates in general and when and how to tell your child about their origin is Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families.

It's great that you've got fertility insurance...most have none. If you use a known donor at home, there won't be much cost involved to cover. I bet they won't cover frozen sperm purchases, but if you have a medical savings account, that will cover frozen swimmers so at least you don't pay income tax on the money you use to buy them.

Good luck with all the decisions. If you look back through our blog archives you'll get the dirt on all of our decision making....especially starting last August.
post #56 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by CyndiN View Post
It's ironic that after all the years of being with women and talking about having babies, turkey basters, the whole nine yards, that when I finally do get pregnant, it's with my male partner and we still used AI.

He's unable to ejaculate during intercourse so he'd masterbate and then fill up a syringe and ummm fill me up. Pet/farm supply stores are a great source of cheap syringes (you really don't want to use a turkey baster!). Make sure they're untreated (most are). You want the kind used to give oral medicines and such. In case it's not obvious, no needles!

We found that 3cc was the best size. 1cc meant filling it twice. 2cc was okay but borderline. 5cc and up worked but why use anything bigger than you have to. Rinse after use and rotate them so the one you use is bone dry (water can kill sperm). Throw them out each month.

I highly recommend Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. We inseminated every other day starting from when I first had fertile cervical fluid until ovulation. Full timing instructions are in the book. We generally did this 3 times per month.

He felt for my cervix first (it's a good measure of fertility as well) and aimed the goo as close to the cervix as possible. I had my hips up on a pillow and my legs bent, and lay on my back for 20 mins or more (or until I got too bored). That part isn't considered strictly necessary (it's definately not necessary for intercourse insemination) but it doesn't hurt and it's commonly done.

It took a year to get pregnant (about 10 months of trying since we skipped a couple). The fertilitity doc I started to see said she's seen poor results with home insemination but that doesn't match the results my friends have had and I honestly don't think she could do a better job if it's just an ordinary vaginal insertion.

I think it took a long time because I'm 40 years old, have a bunch of medical problems, and my partner's sperm wasn't as good as it could be (though it was mostly okay). But who cares why? I'm pregnant!!!!

I don't mind answering pretty much any level of detailed question. The instructions I had to go on were somewhat vauge and it was hard to figure out some things.
How do you know what size the syrige is, we are going to use the one my jon got from the Dr. But he never use it. So its new n clean. but it only holds 5ML and 1 tsp is that big enough
post #57 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by jen3283 View Post
How do you know what size the syrige is, we are going to use the one my jon got from the Dr. But he never use it. So its new n clean. but it only holds 5ML and 1 tsp is that big enough
Oh yeah. we used a 4ML children's oral syringe from the drugstore, it worked fine with room to spare. I know it's not good news to the guys out there that nothing the size of a turkey baster is required....Our donor would ejaculate into a ziplock baggie, we'd take it home (twenty minute drive) and then draw the sperm up into the syringe and get to work. Totally not a big deal. If by some miracle your jon is really productive, just use the syringe more than once to get it all in there.

Make sure if you're doing it more than once during your cycle that the syringe is clean and completely dry, or of course you can just buy two or three, they're really cheap, and once the kid comes you'lll need them anyway to give cold medicine and the like.
post #58 of 67
We used 5cc syringes (ML is the same size as CC) and a new one each insem. We used speciman cups for him. Baggie....ick!!!!
post #59 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by megan sacha View Post
We used 5cc syringes (ML is the same size as CC) and a new one each insem. We used speciman cups for him. Baggie....ick!!!!
The problem was that when a guy gets an erection, his penis is often standing somewhat vertically, with the head towards the ceiling. Our guys had trouble aiming their penises so that their contents would go into, and stay in, the cup, particularly given the intensity of the moment at hand. Condoms didn't work because they had to be held on at the particular moment, and it was often not as easy for us to get the semen out.

So baggies were found to be a happy medium between a jar (easy for us) and a condom (easy for them.) It really wasn't any more gross than a jar, and the contents tended to settle towards one corner anyway. We kind-of decided that if we were going to be squeamish about semen, we should rethink the kid thing anyway. Boys are pretty much sperm machines from 12-20, and there's a 50% chance we'll have one of them. In theory we won't witness much of it, but my experience is that some boys are fairly sloppy about where they leave their kleenex.
post #60 of 67
OK so it took us 1 year of fresh home insems then after not getting preggo in a yers time we tried clomid and fresh insems. Then i got pregnant on the second cycle.
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