When was your oldest ready...?

[zanelee]

My dh and I are having a home birth with our second dc, and it just got me to thinking about whether or not our ds is ready to be at the birth.

For those of you whose children attended subsequent births, what made you decide that they were ready for that? We figure that we'll decide a month or so before the birth is to happen, whether or not he's really ready to see all of this. (He'll be close to 3 at the time of birth)
Any suggestions?

[laurata]

My dd was 3y5m at dd2's birth

She did just fine. The plan had been to send her to the neighbors house, but it just didn't happen. She woke around 8, I think, played and watched PBS and occasionally looked in on me. DD2 was born at 10:08, just after Teletubbies got over. (I could here the theme song in the background. What a funny memory.) She watched from the doorway and seemed OK about it all, though afterwards she said she was scared of the "big blood" (the placenta). I guess I hadn't prepped her well for that.

Our girls will be 6y1m and 2y9m for this birth. I am hopeful things will go quickly and smoothly, and they'll both be able to stay home, but we'll have several people on call to come and pick them up, as well as a few neighbors who would be willing to let us drop them off for a few hours, if needed.

[Eman'smom]

From the other side, ds was 29 months (almost 2.5) and we didn't have him there. He is very demanding and high needs, I am also very vocal during labor, we knew he'd be scared and dh wouldn't be able to focus on me (even with a support person for ds we knew it wouldn't work). In the end he went to a friends house and had the greatest time, he didn't want to leave.

[plantmommy]

I had my then 4.5 yr old and 28 mo. old at dd's birth... I had a friend over to hang out and keep an eye on them, but dd wanted to be present and watch the birth, and ds took a nap from about when I hit transition, and woke up and ran into our room right after I announced dd a girl and greeted her by name. : )

dd was a little startled when I stood up from the tub and a blood clot went SPLOOSH!, but everyone else present was so calm about it that it wasn't a big deal. I don't remember ds reacting to that at all, actually, although he was not in view at that second, but behind me with dh.

My kids do know that there will be some blood, and I've shown youngest dd homebirth photos (those listed as "graphic"; baby crowning, placenta, etc.) as well as the photos from her birth, which do show me with hands on her head, after crowning but before full emergence.

I think the overall atmosphere of the birth has a lot to do with how they deal with it, and it's probably a good idea to have someone there in another room, should the little ones be overwhelmed. That said, I won't have anyone here! Just dh, me, kids and mw. There's nobody I trust to maintain that calm atmosphere, and I think we're better off with nobody than the wrong somebody.