cross breastfeeding

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

My bosom friend of childhood days, with whom I regained contact after several years, has openly suggested cross breast feeding our respective babies when we meet. Both of us have babies aged 5 months and 3 months. She is a very sentimental person. last time we met I agreed to her suggestion and we nursed each others' baby. I want to check whether this could be harmful in any way to our babies?
Such practices were not uncommon on our side a few decades back, but should I continue to do so and so as such I have no qualms. Please advise. Does anyone have an experience of this type?
Uzra

[Viola]

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[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

cross breastfeeding

Thanks ROXSAM. We seem to be on the same wavelength. You have helped me in getting over the dilemma. I wish to have more reactions all the same.
Uzra

[velcromom]

My friend's dd is 3 days younger than my ds and we have talked about nursing for the other mom if there ever arises a need. Before we had talked about it, she was in the hosp. for a couple of days. I told her I wished she'd called me, I would have nursed her dd for her. She said she had thought about it but didn't know how I would feel about it. I think it's probably fairly common around the world, it seems logical in certain situations. I would only be comfortable if it were a woman I know very well, though.

[TiredX2]

I would be *sure* she had no infectious diseases, otherwise, go for it!

velcromom---

your sig!

[shelbean91]

If you're both together with your babies, I don't really see the point. If one of you will be watching the other's and you're both comfortable, I see no problem with it.

[sarahwebb]

My friend Missy and I would have loved for our boys to be nursing buddies as would my cousin and I, but we all lived too far apart. When my first son was born, I got frozen breastmilk from a nursing friend in case of emergency. I had an emergency nine days later, and she and her husband came and got my son while dh took me to the emergency room. She fed ds frozen breastmilk all night long, and when she ran out, she offered her breast but he wouldn't take it. I had told her in advance that it was ok if she felt comfortable offering, and I was so moved that she offered.

When my son was two months old we visited cousin who wanted her adopted son (for whom she lactated) to get as much breastmilk as possible, so I offered my engorged breast. He latched on for a minute then realized I wasn't mommy and that was the end of that. I thought it was wonderful and was dissapointed that it didn't work out. I think you may have to spend a good bit of time with the babies in order for them to get comfortable nursing a breast that isn't mamas.

My son suckles inefficiently, and I have struggled with low supply issues because I didn't realize how critical it was for me to start pumping the moment we realized he wasn't sucking well. I hate pumping and would love to have a friend who's child could nurse to help me keep my supply up.

I think sharing nurslings can be a tremendously special thing among friends if everyone is comfortable with it (and healthy). I've been a little sad that none of my friends who are emotionally close enough to me for our children to be "milk siblings" are geographically close enough for it to be possible.

When I went to the emergency room, two of the nurses asked where my baby was. When I told them he was with someone who could nurse him, they were horrified. I wish I'd known then that the WHO considers someone else's milk preferable to formula. I sure did!

Blessings,
Sarah

Edited to add that I do not think it is appropriate for any woman to nurse another's child without explicit permission. I was shocked by the news a couple of years ago of a daycare worker who had nursed a client's baby. I would feel pretty creepy about that too.

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

cross breastfeeding

Thank you all, ladies, for offering comments and exchanging experiences. I may clarify that me amd my friend live in the same city and have been visiting each other quite frequently especially as we have recently re-established contact after several years. We have been very close since childhood, studied together and spent much of the time at each others' place. We have so much in common - in tastes, likings, background and values - almost like sisters. Both of us are normally healthy and with no serious problems. I have two children, she has one. I have already been tandeming as my ds has recently completed 21 months and is going strong with nursing. My dd is 5 months.

Since interesting suggestions have come up in response to my problem some might like to ponder over them and share views. Fortunately, the only time me and my friend did cross bf, there was no problem from the side of the babies in accepting our nipples. Our built is similar and perhaps the odors are also acceptable to them. The suggestion from my friend's side was originally on sentimental consideration - an expression of love and the bond of affection we have had. In emergencies the type of arrangements some members desired in their cases would, I am sure, be automatic. Otherwise also when we are at one another's place, the host sometimes gets busy with preparing meals and in attending to other household chores. Since ours are nuclear families, cross bf done naturally on such occasions with ease would become quite a convenience. But that is all in the days to come.

I might also draw attention to the fact that in our community until not long ago cross bf was not an uncommon practice, particularly in joint/extended families. Sometimes it even became inter-generational. I am not sure whether such style of living, though no more possible in most cases in modern times, need to be discarded altogether. I thing clean and healthy co-operation among mothers and women generally even in such matters should be welcome, subject, of course, to the various concerns expressed by some members.

Some ladies might like to react and offer their views.
Uzra

[mum2 4]

Cross nursing

The idea of cross nursing is usually discouraged for a number of reasons. The danger of infection is foremost. Not everyone is open about some conditions; some are taking medications that may be ok for their baby but not for yours. Things like thrush can also be passed on inadventently.
There can also be emotional issues when one Mom has a more bountiful supply than another. In one case a bf day care mom came to be preferred by the baby and that really hurt the bio mother.
When I was bf an adopted baby, two different people felt it was ok to just pick her up and begin to bf when I was out of the room. One felt I should be grateful that she got a "good meal" and the other wanted to contribute to her well being but found expressing too much of a chore. She thought a direct donation would be fine. I wanted to do them both in as this was so out of line. We had many donations of milk and I appreciated it all very much but unless there is an emergency
bf is a very personal exchange between Mom and her babe and should be treated as such.
Recently a generous lady induced lactation to help a friend who was expecting twins. When the babies came, the new Mom said no thanks to sharing the bf and now the potential "wet nurse" longs to nurse so much she is considering sneaking with various babies. Obviously not a good idea. Formerly sharing bf was a necessity and today some Grannies are inducing lactation when they find themselves raising their children's children but such situations need to be carefully thought out so no one involved is short changed as there can be life-long consiquences...

[neveryoumindthere]

i agree w/ the above poster re: infections, random ppl nursing ur baby etc but i do not have a problem with crossnursing in general; in fact in islam if a baby nurses from another woman at least 5 full feedings that child becomes like her own child and is a sibling to the wetnurses children and they are now not permitted to intermarry since they are like blood relatives

[corysmilk]

I wish some other mom would nurse for me. Cory has a bad latch he always has. it would be interesting to see if it is just my nipples or his tounge.

I would bf anothers baby, no problem. I have expressed for a baby I was sitting for. ( mom was doing both ff and bm, but was losing her milk)
My baby would love to get milkys from other women. He tryed to nurse from a friend of mine. She said it was the ultimate complimant. He loves ladys breasts and I don't think he relizes that I am the one with the milk. I wish I could bf another ladys baby. Especially if she couldn't or wouldn't.

[charmama]

The book Fresh Milk by Fiona Giles contains some ideas and personal stories on cross nursing. It might be interesting reading for some. (lots of other lactation topics in the book too.)

[dewlady]

i have cross nursed many times with mt sister and with friends... i think it is awesome... in fact with one friend, her dd was 4 days old, she was totally engorged and baby couldn't latch on. the engorgement was making it harder and harder. so i came to see them with my 5 month old. i nursed her dd who was able to latch on pretty quickly (my nipples protruded further, i was not engorged etc.. ) and while her dd nursed with me, my dd nursed her. my dd could easily latch on and east her engorement, making it possible for her dd to nurse after we left. my friend was almost ready to give up bf all together because her dd was just screaming with hunger! after this interaction, they made it.
i have nursed at least 6 other babies than my own 3 (that i can remember right now) i know all these friends and sister well enough to know their milk is safe, and visa versa. i highly recomend it. it just makes sense to me! mara

[moon_goddess]

i have thought about this a lot, so i am glad i found this post.

i would love to bf another mama's child and vice versa. i think that it would be great for the children to have different antibodies past to them. i dont see it as being gross or perverted (as i have read in other places). i think it is natural and should be welcomed. our culture is just really messed up! it took a wrong turn and the only ppl who travel the right road i have found on this board. it is quite refreshing.

if and healthy mama's are in the littleton area of CO and are organic/natural and healthy and care to swap let me know

[Ravin]

If the two of you and your babies are comfy w/ the idea, then go for it. No, I wouldn't want a random stranger to nurse my baby, but if one of my sisters (except the one that smokes) or a friend that close (the only one I've ever had that came that close is an adamant FF'er, ), or even a screened in-home day care provider (mine has school-aged children and would think the very idea wierd, I'm sure), wanted to or needed to in my absence (emergency or otherwise), I'd be cool with it.

[GoodWillHunter]

I've had a good friend nurse my infant when I was just plain frustrated... I have no qualms about it... as a matter of fact, I was quite relieved that someone else could take care of him for a change...

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

cross breastfeeding

I am thankful to Mum2 4 for raising issues that are really precautionary in nature. With increased awareness and possibilities of various types of infections, medical concerns acquire significance. However, in my case, fortunately things being so well known between me and my friend, such apprehensions were automatically taken care of. Incidentally, both me and my friend are Muslim; our religion not only permits it, it tacitly recommends it inasmuch as such practices strengthen the bond between two persons.

I find that most of the ladies, who have reacted to my thread, are for cross bf both in fulfilling an emotional need and on superior humanistic considerations, I am all with them. Some of them have considerable experience and may like to say more for others' benefit. All I can say is that it is a wonderful experience and once the medical aspects are accounted for one should go for such a thing. I have discussed the matter with my dh who readily approved of it as being just a triffle.
Would love to have more angles and experiences on this.
Uzra

[sadkitty]

I tried this long ago when i would have to watch the screaming babes of twp different friends. Neither would take a bottle with ANYTHING in it. Sadly, the babies were offended by either my not quite b-cups compared to their mama's big squishy d's so they chose to just sceam at me for hours on end I think it would be cool to try it right from the start. i'm someday going to find a friend who will be "milk mother" ( instead of godmother ) to the new babe in case something ever happened to me.

[shellymommy]

Question

Mom2_4 mentioned something about breastfeeding day care, what exactly is that? I've never heard of such a thing, and I was just curious about what exactly it was.

[mum2 4]

Sometimes a working bf Mom arranges private day care with another bf Mom. They may work out a plan that includes the day care Mom bf her charge.
While it may seem like an easy solution, there can be many negative ramifications. In at least one case, the day care worker felt the baby was getting more emotionally attached to her than to the bio Mom...